On obsessions and sexuality
Once again I'm realizing that if I have any sexuality to begin with, it's a very, very weird kind.
Had a very strange instance of that earlier today. I was depressed and crying, and a good friend of mine, knowing about my current obsession, tried to cheer me up by sending me barechested pictures of Chris Evans/Steven Rogers/Captain America. As you might tell - if you know me very well - that didn't really work out. I still don't get why, whenever a female is obsessed with a male character, it's almost always immediately reduced to purely sexual attraction. It makes me think there must be something wrong with me, because nearly all of my obsessions with male characters have been remarkably un-sexual. It may be that I'm squeamish about intimacy and try to suppress it, but it's more like a sexual angle almost never occurs to me.
The thing is, and I cannot stress this enough, I don't find Chris Evans particularly attractive. He is handsome, yes, and he fits the role perfectly, but his appearance doesn't make me go "whoa" every single time like, say, Elijah Wood does. Hell, if we go purely by physical factors, Agent Clint Barton/Hawkeye is more my type than him. But what I fell in love with first was Steven Rogers' character, his unerring desire to do good, his strict principles, the cautious way he scrutinizes his surroundings, his surprising lack of ego. It was only as I kept a watch on all those things that I also realized he had a very kind face - with that strict, wary layer underneath - a voice like liquid lead, and a sort of casual grace when moving. But those things were always secondary to me - as secondary as the serum is to him. He's a soldier first and foremost. Again, remember that scene where that blonde secretary is making a move on him and you can totally see in his face that this is so not his territory? I found that so utterly adorable. Maybe because I still feel the same way.
You wanna know when Steven Rogers is sexiest? In that goddamned military uniform. Hands down, bar none. If there aren't more scenes of him in that thing in The Winter Soldier, I'll demand my money back. You just can't argue with men in sexy suits.
So no, you cannot instantly turn me on by making a guy take his shirt off; more often than not it'll just make me uncomfortable. Nudity is something I primarily connect with vulnerability. That's why the scene in the laboratory - where he's told to strip half-naked in front of his crush and then strapped into that thing and punctured by around fifty needles - was so fascinating to me. To bring up another example: There's the scene late in The Avengers when Bruce Banner wakes up - once more turned back into a human - clearly naked. I think Mark Ruffalo has the kindest brown eyes I've ever seen, and it's amazing to me that such a kind soul as Bruce Banner, someone who so desperately wants to be good, could be struggling with demons such as his. Was I turned on by that scene? No. I felt sorry for him because of what happened and because of how vulnerable he was at that point. The only thing I noticed was that he was clearly very muscular - but you never see that with the unassuming clothes he usually wears. I was fascinated, not turned on. But apparently whenever there's a shred of naked skin anywhere, I'm supposed to be drooling. So...eh.
Hell, even my obsession with Elijah Wood has rarely ever had a sexual component. I don't want to have sex with the guy - sex is still problematic for me to even talk about, let alone write - I just find him gorgeous, that's a difference. I can count off the scenes I've seen with him shirtless/naked on ten fingers, and I don't really remember ever being particularly turned on. There's of course the famous scene in Return of the King - and I will say that Elijah Wood has a phenomenally gorgeous neck if I ever saw one - but again it was the aspect of his sudden vulnerability that got me. Then there's the spaghetti scene in The Oxford Murders and....nevermind. It's the spaghetti scene in Oxford Murders? Talk to me about sexiness again when I'm done laughing tears. That scene is lovely. (Steven Rogers needs a scene like that to ease up! I'm serious! I want him to be with someone.) The only other instances I can think of come from very brief scenes in "Day Zero", like when he tries to have sex with a hooker and hates it. Yet again: Vulnerability. Elijah's sexiest role is still Mikey, and Mikey never so much as takes his shirt off. His attire? A leather jacket. Leather. Jacket.
So, to sum up:
Military uniform > nudity
Leather jacket > nudity
Kindness, endurance and the will to do good > nudity
Had a very strange instance of that earlier today. I was depressed and crying, and a good friend of mine, knowing about my current obsession, tried to cheer me up by sending me barechested pictures of Chris Evans/Steven Rogers/Captain America. As you might tell - if you know me very well - that didn't really work out. I still don't get why, whenever a female is obsessed with a male character, it's almost always immediately reduced to purely sexual attraction. It makes me think there must be something wrong with me, because nearly all of my obsessions with male characters have been remarkably un-sexual. It may be that I'm squeamish about intimacy and try to suppress it, but it's more like a sexual angle almost never occurs to me.
The thing is, and I cannot stress this enough, I don't find Chris Evans particularly attractive. He is handsome, yes, and he fits the role perfectly, but his appearance doesn't make me go "whoa" every single time like, say, Elijah Wood does. Hell, if we go purely by physical factors, Agent Clint Barton/Hawkeye is more my type than him. But what I fell in love with first was Steven Rogers' character, his unerring desire to do good, his strict principles, the cautious way he scrutinizes his surroundings, his surprising lack of ego. It was only as I kept a watch on all those things that I also realized he had a very kind face - with that strict, wary layer underneath - a voice like liquid lead, and a sort of casual grace when moving. But those things were always secondary to me - as secondary as the serum is to him. He's a soldier first and foremost. Again, remember that scene where that blonde secretary is making a move on him and you can totally see in his face that this is so not his territory? I found that so utterly adorable. Maybe because I still feel the same way.
You wanna know when Steven Rogers is sexiest? In that goddamned military uniform. Hands down, bar none. If there aren't more scenes of him in that thing in The Winter Soldier, I'll demand my money back. You just can't argue with men in sexy suits.
So no, you cannot instantly turn me on by making a guy take his shirt off; more often than not it'll just make me uncomfortable. Nudity is something I primarily connect with vulnerability. That's why the scene in the laboratory - where he's told to strip half-naked in front of his crush and then strapped into that thing and punctured by around fifty needles - was so fascinating to me. To bring up another example: There's the scene late in The Avengers when Bruce Banner wakes up - once more turned back into a human - clearly naked. I think Mark Ruffalo has the kindest brown eyes I've ever seen, and it's amazing to me that such a kind soul as Bruce Banner, someone who so desperately wants to be good, could be struggling with demons such as his. Was I turned on by that scene? No. I felt sorry for him because of what happened and because of how vulnerable he was at that point. The only thing I noticed was that he was clearly very muscular - but you never see that with the unassuming clothes he usually wears. I was fascinated, not turned on. But apparently whenever there's a shred of naked skin anywhere, I'm supposed to be drooling. So...eh.
Hell, even my obsession with Elijah Wood has rarely ever had a sexual component. I don't want to have sex with the guy - sex is still problematic for me to even talk about, let alone write - I just find him gorgeous, that's a difference. I can count off the scenes I've seen with him shirtless/naked on ten fingers, and I don't really remember ever being particularly turned on. There's of course the famous scene in Return of the King - and I will say that Elijah Wood has a phenomenally gorgeous neck if I ever saw one - but again it was the aspect of his sudden vulnerability that got me. Then there's the spaghetti scene in The Oxford Murders and....nevermind. It's the spaghetti scene in Oxford Murders? Talk to me about sexiness again when I'm done laughing tears. That scene is lovely. (Steven Rogers needs a scene like that to ease up! I'm serious! I want him to be with someone.) The only other instances I can think of come from very brief scenes in "Day Zero", like when he tries to have sex with a hooker and hates it. Yet again: Vulnerability. Elijah's sexiest role is still Mikey, and Mikey never so much as takes his shirt off. His attire? A leather jacket. Leather. Jacket.
So, to sum up:
Military uniform > nudity
Leather jacket > nudity
Kindness, endurance and the will to do good > nudity