Never thought I'd write something like this again.
I'm running out of reasons not to kill myself.
Really.
I honestly don't know for whose sake I keep trying.
I'm a failure, a disgrace, and a burden. A burden to literally everyone: A burden to my family, to my friends, to the state, to the attendants, I was a burden to my goddamn boyfriend and he left. And I deserve that, because I am a burden. *Yahtzee* Because that's what always happens.
Nobody wants people who don't study and don't work. Nobody really wants disabled people to sully humanity's vision of perfection and normalcy. And most importantly, no one wants flatchested, ugly women, because women are supposed to be sexy. Oh, personality is nice too, a sense of humour, whatever. But what's important if you're a woman is that you have tits. Beautiful, supple TITS. That's all that matters, everything is optional. It's just parf of who you are. You're a woman. You need to have tits.
If I'd lived sixty years before, they'd have gassed me right after I was born. Instead I'm sitting here now being an ugly, disabled, flatchested, useless burden to everybody.
I am tired of explaining this to people.
I am tired of being fed "self-esteem" bullshit to people and then stepping out into Gelsenkirchen and seeing something that proves the bullshit wrong within five seconds. I am tired of hypocrisy fed to me by women with massive tits.
"Just be yourself! Unless you're ugly. Then please DON'T be yourself."
I am tired of being told I should just ignore everything that does not fit into my worldview.
I am tired of justifying myself.
I am so fucking tired of pretending I'm happy for everyone else's sake.
I am tired of losing people.
I am tired.
Really.
I honestly don't know for whose sake I keep trying.
I'm a failure, a disgrace, and a burden. A burden to literally everyone: A burden to my family, to my friends, to the state, to the attendants, I was a burden to my goddamn boyfriend and he left. And I deserve that, because I am a burden. *Yahtzee* Because that's what always happens.
Nobody wants people who don't study and don't work. Nobody really wants disabled people to sully humanity's vision of perfection and normalcy. And most importantly, no one wants flatchested, ugly women, because women are supposed to be sexy. Oh, personality is nice too, a sense of humour, whatever. But what's important if you're a woman is that you have tits. Beautiful, supple TITS. That's all that matters, everything is optional. It's just parf of who you are. You're a woman. You need to have tits.
If I'd lived sixty years before, they'd have gassed me right after I was born. Instead I'm sitting here now being an ugly, disabled, flatchested, useless burden to everybody.
I am tired of explaining this to people.
I am tired of being fed "self-esteem" bullshit to people and then stepping out into Gelsenkirchen and seeing something that proves the bullshit wrong within five seconds. I am tired of hypocrisy fed to me by women with massive tits.
"Just be yourself! Unless you're ugly. Then please DON'T be yourself."
I am tired of being told I should just ignore everything that does not fit into my worldview.
I am tired of justifying myself.
I am so fucking tired of pretending I'm happy for everyone else's sake.
I am tired of losing people.
I am tired.