in which apparently everyone knows i need a job except me.
that's the Talk i've been getting for awhile now. practically every day, it's "even if it's a small job, you've got to start somewhere." and "your [opposite parent] and i aren't going to be around forever, and we're concerned about how you're going to be able to support yourself." and "you know, if something happened to your [opposite parent] and i right this second, you'd be out on the streets." I guess because they're not seeing any results, my parents think it must mean i'm not trying. but i AM trying. I'm applying to jobs in the area, because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, and anywhere really worth going to is 25 miles away through 10 miles of mountains. and since i have no job, i have no car. i have my license, but i'm not insured. so my parents would have to drive me. and after 3 years of driving me back and forth around 50-some miles to community college every day, lord knows they don't want to start that up again. so i'm looking locally. i AM trying to "start somewhere", but not even BURGER KING wanted me. no place i've ever put in an application to has ever called me in for an interview.
"well, if you're not going to go to work, then maybe you should go back to school" they say. first of all, with what money? the typical American growing person (don't wanna say teenager because "what do you wanna be when you grow up?" is often asked LONG before your adolescent years), long before they can drink, long before they can drive, long before they can go to the bathroom without an adult's permission, is strongly coerced into picking out some life-long career that they believe will support them for the entirety of their adult life(some 8-10 years in the future). it rarely happens that what a person wants to do and what they'd have to do to make money, match. at the exact same time, these same growing people are tagged as being well known for being indecisive, and when they do make choices, they're generally bad ones. so what do they do? make you spend your money then, while you're not sure/don't know what you want to do. so by the time you really know what you actually want to do, you're 26 with no money to do what you've just now figured out.
so now i'm getting anxiety about the whole thing. because the things they bring up in their Talk; i've already thought about it and gotten worried about it. but now they're bringing it up again, which makes me start worrying about it again.
"well, if you're not going to go to work, then maybe you should go back to school" they say. first of all, with what money? the typical American growing person (don't wanna say teenager because "what do you wanna be when you grow up?" is often asked LONG before your adolescent years), long before they can drink, long before they can drive, long before they can go to the bathroom without an adult's permission, is strongly coerced into picking out some life-long career that they believe will support them for the entirety of their adult life(some 8-10 years in the future). it rarely happens that what a person wants to do and what they'd have to do to make money, match. at the exact same time, these same growing people are tagged as being well known for being indecisive, and when they do make choices, they're generally bad ones. so what do they do? make you spend your money then, while you're not sure/don't know what you want to do. so by the time you really know what you actually want to do, you're 26 with no money to do what you've just now figured out.
so now i'm getting anxiety about the whole thing. because the things they bring up in their Talk; i've already thought about it and gotten worried about it. but now they're bringing it up again, which makes me start worrying about it again.