(no subject)
i've discovered fairly recently that i have a completely absurd need for emotional distress on a daily basis. in the past few years i've had nothing but trouble and drama consuming my life. so much in fact that emotional instability became a norm in my day to day routine. now that things are slowly fading back to normal i feel a sort of emptiness. a lack of normality ... which is kind of ironic isn't it? it feels like something is missing from my life when i'm not depressed. and i've come to realize that to make up for this "gap" i create my own pain .. my own distress and depression. i look at pictures, read old emails and letters, spend hours daydreaming about what could have been, having vivid flashbacks of the past couple of years. it's disgusting isn't it? i loathe myself for it. why do i feel the need to do this to myself.
is it really that i feel the need to fill an emotional void? or am i deceiving myself and my subconcious has taken it upon itself to try and show me that i'm lying to myself about what i really want.
is it really that i feel the need to fill an emotional void? or am i deceiving myself and my subconcious has taken it upon itself to try and show me that i'm lying to myself about what i really want.