Open love letter
geniealisa was doing a love letter initiative/contest and I thought it was a sweet concept. After all, we all need more love in our lives. Expressing love openly should be natural and normal and yet most of the time I whine here instead. I missed the deadline but I didn't really write for the contest. It's more for me, so here it is. Thanks, geniealisa for the idea.
Dear Dad,
You have officially been gone for almost five months but you really started leaving us years ago. In March of 1999, at my Investiture, we sat outside in the cold watching the fighting and over and over, you said “it’s cold here, is it always this cold here?” That was when I first learned that it was easier to give you shorter answers. My first answer was long and wordy, contained lots of information and was very explanatory. I am pretty sure that by hour two I was just saying yes. After all we were going to do it all again in a few short minutes so why bother. Now I wish you were here to ask me again. I would babble for hours if I had the chance. I am glad you were there and will always be a part of my memory of that day. When I graduated in May of 2006, Mom had to leave early, taking the family with her, because you were restless. I was resentful then but now I am just happy that you were there at all. Within weeks you broke your leg and became bed-bound. That was one of your last outings.
I still cry now and then, usually over things most people wouldn’t get. The oddest things will catch me when I am not expecting it; a snatch of song, a turn of phrase, a commercial. I even get verklempt sometimes when I realize that I am reading the riot act to the kids in your voice. The other night I told Junior Nephew “You don’t slam the door in my house” and I swear I had a flashback! The difference is that now I understand. I know why you did most of what you did. You were not mean, cruel or unbending. You were a good father who wanted his children to grow into useful adults. I hope that I am doing what you would want.
Know that we still love and miss you but we are moving on as you would want us to. Wherever you are, I hope that you are at peace.
Always,
Your daughter
Dear Dad,
You have officially been gone for almost five months but you really started leaving us years ago. In March of 1999, at my Investiture, we sat outside in the cold watching the fighting and over and over, you said “it’s cold here, is it always this cold here?” That was when I first learned that it was easier to give you shorter answers. My first answer was long and wordy, contained lots of information and was very explanatory. I am pretty sure that by hour two I was just saying yes. After all we were going to do it all again in a few short minutes so why bother. Now I wish you were here to ask me again. I would babble for hours if I had the chance. I am glad you were there and will always be a part of my memory of that day. When I graduated in May of 2006, Mom had to leave early, taking the family with her, because you were restless. I was resentful then but now I am just happy that you were there at all. Within weeks you broke your leg and became bed-bound. That was one of your last outings.
I still cry now and then, usually over things most people wouldn’t get. The oddest things will catch me when I am not expecting it; a snatch of song, a turn of phrase, a commercial. I even get verklempt sometimes when I realize that I am reading the riot act to the kids in your voice. The other night I told Junior Nephew “You don’t slam the door in my house” and I swear I had a flashback! The difference is that now I understand. I know why you did most of what you did. You were not mean, cruel or unbending. You were a good father who wanted his children to grow into useful adults. I hope that I am doing what you would want.
Know that we still love and miss you but we are moving on as you would want us to. Wherever you are, I hope that you are at peace.
Always,
Your daughter