Arrggghhhh!
ARGGgHHH! Guilt. Guilt sucks. I mean, seriously.
Sometimes I almost wish I could become a sociopath and then I'd never had to feel guilty again...Yeah. (oh, and just in case you couldn't tell, the "insert sarcasm HERE" light was on for that last statement. ;)
The long and short of this matter is that Loppy and I have reached a sticking point in her driving schooling and I'm getting ready to just chuck it all, sell her harnesses on ebay and throw her back out into a field and forget all this carriage driving crap once and for all. Yeah. Screw it. If only she wasn't so happy doing it then I probably would just give up...but she's *so* happy when she gets to drive, and I like making her happy...And she looks at me with those huge dark eyes and that "please" face and those silly ears and that little black forelock...and I think about all those times when she's hurt herself and how close she's come to dying on at least three occasions...and, and she *needs* me...and she loves me...and Heaven knows I need *someone* to love me like that... ;) I'm *so* owned. ;) So we're going to continue onwards...though possibly with many breaks for me to get out of the cart and run around the arena kicking stuff and screaming until I can regain control and resume our interminable driving lesson.
And then I feel guilty...because this will pass, she'll eventually get it or I'll be able to do it better and then she'll understand...and we'll look back on this and think about how stupid and needless all the angst was...I've been there, done that, several times over with Lizzie Mare back before Loppy was born, I know how this all works. But that was ten years ago, and I'd like to think I was more patient then. ;) I will say that Loppy has never frustrated me to the point of tears the way Lizzie mare was able to do so often, especially there in the beginning of her Dressage training. Yes, Loppy and Lizzie are two very different horses...but the frustration is still the same. And I'm going to have a long conversation with our driving trainer in the morning.
I have never hated those big rubber traffic cones more than I do today. We ran over one about thirty-eight times. There were several utterances about that cone and Loppy's mental acuity and what I'd like to do with that cone and whoever came up with "indirect rein aids" and french link snaffle bits that I'm not going to admit to, and I'm certainly not going to record here for future reference. ;)
Yeah, it's been one of those days. ;)
(For all those who have no idea what I'm talking about, Loppy (or Flopsy, Lopsy, etc.) is my nine-year-old TB/Connemara mare whom I raised from the time she was three-months old and completely rules my existance. She has been carriage driving for the last two years, but we only started really seriously working on her training and moving forward about three months ago. Prior to that she was able to walk, trot, stop, turn, back up, etc. etc. and go along fairly quietly, and even did very well at the few shows we've attended; but recently we decided to really start training and moving into the more advanced technicalities of carriage driving. Everything has been going beautifully until about a week ago...and then we ran into difficulties.)
So, today I drove her and ended up fussing at her and being overly demanding when she just really doesn't understand, she's not being bad on purpose...So now I feel guilty that I pulled on her when she kept trying to run us into the arena fence and tried to run away with us...And she's not a child, I can't explain that "I'm sorry, Mother's just having a shitty day today and you got the brunt of it...and I shouldn't do that to you and I'm sorry..." because she's fairly brilliant, but she's still a horse. ;)
So there it is, the Guilt Saga as brought to you by myself. ;) Yeah...definitely never having any children...I can't even raise a horse...much less another human being... ;)
Hopefully tomorrow will go better. Because if it doesn't, well...Loppy may end up going to the trainer's farm for a month because I'm too incompetent to teach her apparently.
And I'm sorry to rant...it just clutters up other people's flist's...But hey, at least I put it behind a cut. Surely that helps a little bit? ;)
Anyway...hopefully everyone else had a better day today than I did. :)
Sometimes I almost wish I could become a sociopath and then I'd never had to feel guilty again...Yeah. (oh, and just in case you couldn't tell, the "insert sarcasm HERE" light was on for that last statement. ;)
The long and short of this matter is that Loppy and I have reached a sticking point in her driving schooling and I'm getting ready to just chuck it all, sell her harnesses on ebay and throw her back out into a field and forget all this carriage driving crap once and for all. Yeah. Screw it. If only she wasn't so happy doing it then I probably would just give up...but she's *so* happy when she gets to drive, and I like making her happy...And she looks at me with those huge dark eyes and that "please" face and those silly ears and that little black forelock...and I think about all those times when she's hurt herself and how close she's come to dying on at least three occasions...and, and she *needs* me...and she loves me...and Heaven knows I need *someone* to love me like that... ;) I'm *so* owned. ;) So we're going to continue onwards...though possibly with many breaks for me to get out of the cart and run around the arena kicking stuff and screaming until I can regain control and resume our interminable driving lesson.
And then I feel guilty...because this will pass, she'll eventually get it or I'll be able to do it better and then she'll understand...and we'll look back on this and think about how stupid and needless all the angst was...I've been there, done that, several times over with Lizzie Mare back before Loppy was born, I know how this all works. But that was ten years ago, and I'd like to think I was more patient then. ;) I will say that Loppy has never frustrated me to the point of tears the way Lizzie mare was able to do so often, especially there in the beginning of her Dressage training. Yes, Loppy and Lizzie are two very different horses...but the frustration is still the same. And I'm going to have a long conversation with our driving trainer in the morning.
I have never hated those big rubber traffic cones more than I do today. We ran over one about thirty-eight times. There were several utterances about that cone and Loppy's mental acuity and what I'd like to do with that cone and whoever came up with "indirect rein aids" and french link snaffle bits that I'm not going to admit to, and I'm certainly not going to record here for future reference. ;)
Yeah, it's been one of those days. ;)
(For all those who have no idea what I'm talking about, Loppy (or Flopsy, Lopsy, etc.) is my nine-year-old TB/Connemara mare whom I raised from the time she was three-months old and completely rules my existance. She has been carriage driving for the last two years, but we only started really seriously working on her training and moving forward about three months ago. Prior to that she was able to walk, trot, stop, turn, back up, etc. etc. and go along fairly quietly, and even did very well at the few shows we've attended; but recently we decided to really start training and moving into the more advanced technicalities of carriage driving. Everything has been going beautifully until about a week ago...and then we ran into difficulties.)
So, today I drove her and ended up fussing at her and being overly demanding when she just really doesn't understand, she's not being bad on purpose...So now I feel guilty that I pulled on her when she kept trying to run us into the arena fence and tried to run away with us...And she's not a child, I can't explain that "I'm sorry, Mother's just having a shitty day today and you got the brunt of it...and I shouldn't do that to you and I'm sorry..." because she's fairly brilliant, but she's still a horse. ;)
So there it is, the Guilt Saga as brought to you by myself. ;) Yeah...definitely never having any children...I can't even raise a horse...much less another human being... ;)
Hopefully tomorrow will go better. Because if it doesn't, well...Loppy may end up going to the trainer's farm for a month because I'm too incompetent to teach her apparently.
And I'm sorry to rant...it just clutters up other people's flist's...But hey, at least I put it behind a cut. Surely that helps a little bit? ;)
Anyway...hopefully everyone else had a better day today than I did. :)