CRACK AHEAD!!!
Title Merlin and the Lovestick of Destiny.
Rating NC-17 FOR INCREDIBLE INNUENDO
Warnings So much crack, whitney houston would be proud. AUTHORS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT.
Authors Pasty_Pants Unavee Renwednesday tacitus_3 the_kirstin faynia missdewey
Summary Basically, people should think before they ask a room full of sugar high fangirls to write a H/C. Minimerlin room 209 hilarity ensued.
A/N The seven of us decided to write a round robin and we got a bit... carried away. INSANE AMOUNTS OF CRACK! NICKNAMES THAT DIDNT EXIST! WE CANT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE. SRSLY.
The news came on a Tuesday morning. A rider, out of breath, gave Merlin the news: Momma was dead. (x_x)
"O' noes!" cried Merlin, clutching the letter against his chest. He gurgled, stumbling back against the wall, and the door slammed open, Arthur bursting in.
"What's the matter, pumpkin?" inquired Arthur.
"My mommy!" Merlin cried, "My poor mommy is six feet under!"
"Come here, Merlin. Come let me hug you"
"But Mommy, she's dead!"
Arthur grabbed Merlin by the back of his shirt and hauled him toward the bed. "Don't worry, snickerdoodle, I'll make the pain go away," he said, tugging at the laces of Merlin's breeches. He wrenched the breeches down and tossed them over his shoulder.
"Is this the right time to be doing this?" Merlin asked, his anatomy not questioning the situation.
"All the other princes are doing it!" Arthur replied.
Merlin furrowed his brow. "Is that supposed to make sense?"
Arthur blinked, growled, and shoved Merlin onto the bed.
Just then, Uther barged into the room.
With just one glance at the boy's compromising position, Uther's cheeks turned bright red from embarrassment, and he cried, "My boys! What are you up to?" After hearing no response from Merlin and Arthur-who were too shell shocked to respond-he turned and walked out of the room.
"That-was very weird," Merlin mumbled into Arthur's shoulder, face flaming hot.
"Don't change the subject, Mer-lin," Arthur growled, pulling Merlin's shirt over his head.
"But-my mommy! I should-"
"What? Mourn her?" Arthur let out a deep sigh of frustration. "Sex is the best way to mourn, Murrrrlin."
"Says who?" But he didn't protest when Arthur crushed their mouths together.
Back at Gaius's quarters, Uther paid the old physician a visit.
"Gaius!" Uther called. "I have a problem...and it is VERY personal"
"Well?" Gaius asked, bringing up a twisted vial to eye level. "What is it?"
Meanwhile, back in Arthur's bedchamber, Arthur had finally managed to rid himself of the rest of his clothing. "So Mer-lin," he murmured, pressing the other back into the sheets. Arthur whipped out his turgid member, and Merlin gasped in shock. "M'lord! You're so large! How will it fit?"
Arthur smirked, touching his fingers to Merlin's heady hole. "We'll make it fit."
Suddenly, Arthur and Merlin heard strange sounds coming from the corridor.
"What's that?" Merlin panted as he got out of the bed. "Just ignore it Merlin, come back to bed," Arthur groaned. "We have some unfinished business to attend to."
"Right. Rig-OW! Arthur, stop!" Merlin cried, pulling away from Arthur and his love stick of destiny.
Meanwhile in a field, Gwen was picking flowers to cheer her mistress after a bad night of sleep. As she made her way back to the castle, she paused, shocked by what she could see through the window.
"What the bloody-"
Merlin glared over Arthur's shoulder at the peeping servant, and Gwen quickly walked along to tell her mistress about what she had just seen. Maybe she would sleep better tonight.
"My lady," Gwen gasped, shutting the chamber door behind her. "I just saw--well, Merlin and Arthur--they just. I just saw. Them."
"Were they as good as us?"
"No, my lady, they will never be as good as us"
Back in the bedchamber, Arthur and Merlin finally had real alone time together. Merlin finally got in the mood and pulled Arthur in for a passionate kiss as he shoved him against the bed. The Earth shifted with each gentle motion, the bed rocking like a cradle and then everything shattered in a moment of perfectly awesome bliss.
Back in Gaius' quarters, Uther exclaimed, "My dear Gaius, I must confess: I have always desired you!"
Gaius dropped the vial he was holding. It shattered at his feet.
"Sire!" he exclaimed, falling into his king's arms.
In Arthur's chambers, the afterglow was abruptly interrupted by another messenger bursting through the door.
"JK yo momma ain't dead!" The messenger left as quick as he came.
"See don't you feel better now?" Arthur asked Merlin.
"My bum hurts."
Rating NC-17 FOR INCREDIBLE INNUENDO
Warnings So much crack, whitney houston would be proud. AUTHORS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT.
Authors Pasty_Pants Unavee Renwednesday tacitus_3 the_kirstin faynia missdewey
Summary Basically, people should think before they ask a room full of sugar high fangirls to write a H/C. Minimerlin room 209 hilarity ensued.
A/N The seven of us decided to write a round robin and we got a bit... carried away. INSANE AMOUNTS OF CRACK! NICKNAMES THAT DIDNT EXIST! WE CANT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE. SRSLY.
The news came on a Tuesday morning. A rider, out of breath, gave Merlin the news: Momma was dead. (x_x)
"O' noes!" cried Merlin, clutching the letter against his chest. He gurgled, stumbling back against the wall, and the door slammed open, Arthur bursting in.
"What's the matter, pumpkin?" inquired Arthur.
"My mommy!" Merlin cried, "My poor mommy is six feet under!"
"Come here, Merlin. Come let me hug you"
"But Mommy, she's dead!"
Arthur grabbed Merlin by the back of his shirt and hauled him toward the bed. "Don't worry, snickerdoodle, I'll make the pain go away," he said, tugging at the laces of Merlin's breeches. He wrenched the breeches down and tossed them over his shoulder.
"Is this the right time to be doing this?" Merlin asked, his anatomy not questioning the situation.
"All the other princes are doing it!" Arthur replied.
Merlin furrowed his brow. "Is that supposed to make sense?"
Arthur blinked, growled, and shoved Merlin onto the bed.
Just then, Uther barged into the room.
With just one glance at the boy's compromising position, Uther's cheeks turned bright red from embarrassment, and he cried, "My boys! What are you up to?" After hearing no response from Merlin and Arthur-who were too shell shocked to respond-he turned and walked out of the room.
"That-was very weird," Merlin mumbled into Arthur's shoulder, face flaming hot.
"Don't change the subject, Mer-lin," Arthur growled, pulling Merlin's shirt over his head.
"But-my mommy! I should-"
"What? Mourn her?" Arthur let out a deep sigh of frustration. "Sex is the best way to mourn, Murrrrlin."
"Says who?" But he didn't protest when Arthur crushed their mouths together.
Back at Gaius's quarters, Uther paid the old physician a visit.
"Gaius!" Uther called. "I have a problem...and it is VERY personal"
"Well?" Gaius asked, bringing up a twisted vial to eye level. "What is it?"
Meanwhile, back in Arthur's bedchamber, Arthur had finally managed to rid himself of the rest of his clothing. "So Mer-lin," he murmured, pressing the other back into the sheets. Arthur whipped out his turgid member, and Merlin gasped in shock. "M'lord! You're so large! How will it fit?"
Arthur smirked, touching his fingers to Merlin's heady hole. "We'll make it fit."
Suddenly, Arthur and Merlin heard strange sounds coming from the corridor.
"What's that?" Merlin panted as he got out of the bed. "Just ignore it Merlin, come back to bed," Arthur groaned. "We have some unfinished business to attend to."
"Right. Rig-OW! Arthur, stop!" Merlin cried, pulling away from Arthur and his love stick of destiny.
Meanwhile in a field, Gwen was picking flowers to cheer her mistress after a bad night of sleep. As she made her way back to the castle, she paused, shocked by what she could see through the window.
"What the bloody-"
Merlin glared over Arthur's shoulder at the peeping servant, and Gwen quickly walked along to tell her mistress about what she had just seen. Maybe she would sleep better tonight.
"My lady," Gwen gasped, shutting the chamber door behind her. "I just saw--well, Merlin and Arthur--they just. I just saw. Them."
"Were they as good as us?"
"No, my lady, they will never be as good as us"
Back in the bedchamber, Arthur and Merlin finally had real alone time together. Merlin finally got in the mood and pulled Arthur in for a passionate kiss as he shoved him against the bed. The Earth shifted with each gentle motion, the bed rocking like a cradle and then everything shattered in a moment of perfectly awesome bliss.
Back in Gaius' quarters, Uther exclaimed, "My dear Gaius, I must confess: I have always desired you!"
Gaius dropped the vial he was holding. It shattered at his feet.
"Sire!" he exclaimed, falling into his king's arms.
In Arthur's chambers, the afterglow was abruptly interrupted by another messenger bursting through the door.
"JK yo momma ain't dead!" The messenger left as quick as he came.
"See don't you feel better now?" Arthur asked Merlin.
"My bum hurts."