Heartbreak
Be warned if you are feeling at all sad or down you shouldn't read this today.
It's been a very rough few days, on Wednesday we lost our sweet tiny baby girls at 23 1/2 weeks of pregnancy, just a few days short of being considered still born here. We spent Wednesday evening just numb and in shock and most of Thursday in tears, they started when we gave up on trying to sleep before six in the morning and went for a long walk on the beach and kept going most of the day. Friday we spent in the hospital and Saturday was a day recovering from that. By noon today I'd been back to bed in tears three times. It's going to be rough going for a while I think but with the support of my amazing husband and our family and friends we will get through this.
I've had the first lines of an old song by Charlie Chaplin going through my head since Thursday morning and they seem to be my motto the last few days, 'Smile though your heart is aching, Smile even though it's breaking.'
Part of what is making it so hard for me is I just want a hug from my mommy today and she's on the otherside of the world and not able to be here with us. I don't want to talk to her I just want a hug from her which probably doesn't make any sense but that's where I am. I had a hard time admitting this to my husband this morning because I don't want him to feel like he isn't enough for me right now because he is and he's what's holding me together right now.
I haven't posted anything on facebook about this because I don't think I can handle other people yet.
It's been a very rough few days, on Wednesday we lost our sweet tiny baby girls at 23 1/2 weeks of pregnancy, just a few days short of being considered still born here. We spent Wednesday evening just numb and in shock and most of Thursday in tears, they started when we gave up on trying to sleep before six in the morning and went for a long walk on the beach and kept going most of the day. Friday we spent in the hospital and Saturday was a day recovering from that. By noon today I'd been back to bed in tears three times. It's going to be rough going for a while I think but with the support of my amazing husband and our family and friends we will get through this.
I've had the first lines of an old song by Charlie Chaplin going through my head since Thursday morning and they seem to be my motto the last few days, 'Smile though your heart is aching, Smile even though it's breaking.'
Part of what is making it so hard for me is I just want a hug from my mommy today and she's on the otherside of the world and not able to be here with us. I don't want to talk to her I just want a hug from her which probably doesn't make any sense but that's where I am. I had a hard time admitting this to my husband this morning because I don't want him to feel like he isn't enough for me right now because he is and he's what's holding me together right now.
I haven't posted anything on facebook about this because I don't think I can handle other people yet.
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