Fic: Bare: The Merlin And Arthur Story (1/3)
‘I’d like to welcome you all back to St Cecilia’s. Today is the feast of the epiphany and...’ blah blah blah. Merlin stopped paying attention, this being something he had heard so many times before. Instead his thoughts turned, as they so often did, to Arthur.
‘Merlin!’ The priest said suddenly and Merlin leapt to attention. ‘You’re not fooling anyone. Being an altar boy by day does not excuse what you do at night.’ The priest turned to Merlin, the disgust clear in his face.
‘I don’t know what you mean’ Merlin said nervously feeling himself flush. The other students turned to face him, the same disgust also reflected in their faces.
‘With my brother no less’ Morgana hissed, hatred clouding her usually sweet features.
‘How can love be wrong?’ Merlin asked desperately, backing away as the other students surrounded him, pressing him back toward the altar.
‘God is watching’ they all intoned fiercely. ‘You cannot hide any longer.’
‘I hid it so well’ Merlin wailed. ‘How did you know?’
‘God is watching’ they repeated and the threat was clear in words that were usually used to soothe. Merlin screwed his eyes shut and when he opened them his mother stood at the edge of the crowd, her face disappointed.
‘Mum!’ Merlin yelled in surprise trying to release himself from the press of bodies. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘You know it’s no coincidence that your father left on the day you asked for an easy bake oven’ Hunith said sadly.
‘Mum I...’
‘We scrimped and saved to send you to a catholic school, don’t mess it up!’
‘Mum now isn’t really a great time...’
‘But the day you met your roommate and your eyes met his, it was already too late...’
‘Mum I...’ Merlin cried but his Hunith was backing away shaking her head sadly, tears in her eyes. Merlin fought the students, holding him. ‘Let me go!’
‘Merlin!’ they said, spitting out his name like it was a curse. ‘Merlin! Merlin!’
‘Merlin! Wake up’ Lance elbowed Merlin into wakefulness just as mass finished and the students were dismissed.
‘I’m awake’ Merlin muttered, lurching to his feet and rubbing his eyes. It had just been a dream he realised with relief. His secret was safe. Lance shook his head.
‘You’re gonna get caught one of these days’ he scolded. Merlin shot him a grin.
‘Not with God on my side’ he said solemnly and quickly grabbed his bag and scampered off before Lance could scold him some more.
*
‘Where were you this morning?’ Merlin asked Arthur when he finally caught up with him in the locker room later that day. ‘You’re going to go to hell you know’
‘Says the boy who slept through mass’ Arthur grinned back.
‘How did you know?’ Merlin asked ruefully.
‘You always do’ Arthur pointed out, slamming his locker. ‘So are we all doomed?’
‘Only as much as usual. And I stayed awake as long as I could. Almost twenty minutes, it must be some kind of record.’
‘What about you and me ‘sleep’ together later?’ Arthur asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
‘Is that a promise?’ Merlin asked, ducking his head shyly.
‘Could be’ Arthur said moving closer and taking Merlin’s hands, tipping his chin up so that he would meet his eye. Merlin smiled at him sweetly and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Arthur’s lips only to whirl way again instantly as the sounds of the other students began to fill the locker room.
‘Great play today mate’ Owain said, clapping Arthur on the shoulder.
‘Yeah we’ll have those Lizards on the run in Friday’s game’ Leon agreed happily. The rest of Arthur’s footie mate’s surrounded him, offering their congratulations and opinions on Friday’s match. Merlin was pushed roughly to the side.
‘It’s always the same’ Merlin muttered as several girls followed in the guys wake.
‘Hey Arthur’ they simpered fluttering their eyelashes at him.
‘Got a date for prom yet?’ Nimueh asked. Merlin gritted his teeth but he couldn’t find it in his heart to blame her. After all Arthur was not only gorgeous, he was team captain and tipped for being top of the class. Not to mention coming from an incredibly wealthy family. He was like the perfect man. Arthur finally managed to extricate himself from the adoring crowd who left the pair of them in peace. He saw the look on Merlin’s face and immediately interpreted it correctly.
‘You know that’s all just a game’ he said quietly. Merlin sighed.
‘I know. It’s just...the girls are all over you all the time. And you don’t want to be out. How can I trust you?’
‘Merlin when I’m near you I’m blind to everyone else’ Arthur said earnestly, cupping Merlin’s face briefly in his hands. Merlin smiled and then pressed a quick kiss to Arthur’s lips, a sign that Arthur was forgiven for now. ‘We’re perfect together’ Arthur said with utter certainty.
‘Great then we’ll tell my mother’ Merlin said, only half joking. Arthur just laughed.
‘Been drinking again have you?’ he asked, ruffling Merlin’s hair. Merlin sighed and decided to change the subject.
‘I’ve been thinking... ’ he said as he went to his locker. ‘Hear me out before you say no.’ Arthur watched curiously as Merlin grabbed the copy of’ Romeo and Juliet: The Musical’ out of his locker and waved it at Arthur. ‘What do you think? Auditions are after school.’
Arthur’s expression changed from curiosity to a frown as he focussed on the script in Merlin’s hand. ‘Merlin no. You asked me last year as well and my answer is still the same. Anyway I may be busy tonight with erm... swimming or something.’
‘Swimming?’ Merlin repeated disbelievingly, raising an eyebrow. ‘You aren’t interested in any sport that doesn’t involve balls.’
‘Well maybe I can demonstrate my ‘ball skills’ to you tonight’ Arthur practically purred, backing Merlin into the wall and kissing him hungrily, his hands fisted in Merlin’s hair. Merlin responded for a moment or two before gently pushing Arthur away.
‘Are you just trying to shut me up?’ he asked.
‘Yeah’ Arthur admitted.
‘Prat’ Merlin said mildly but couldn’t find it in himself to be too upset about it. He decided to drop the subject. Arthur hated being told what to do. Instead he took Arthur’s hand and linked their fingers together. ‘So what were you saying about ball control?’
Arthur laughed and nuzzled Merlin’s neck pressing soft kisses to the sensitive skin. ‘When you take my hand you leave me breathless’ Arthur whispered into Merlin’s ear and Merlin shivered. He opened his mouth to reply but at that moment the bell rang. Arthur sighed. ‘Gotta go’ he said dropping a kiss to Merlin’s cheek. ‘Miss me!’ he yelled over his shoulder and then was gone.
‘We’ll be forever you and I’ Merlin said to the empty locker room.
*
Merlin was angsting which was not unusual. He decided to do what he was always taught to do in these situations and dropped to his knees.
‘Dear God.’ He paused, unsure how to proceed. ‘I need some guidance. How can I live a life where nothing is as it seems and I am hiding the true part of me? The only part that really matters. And Arthur who plays the role of straight boy, jock, loving son so well that I begin to wonder whether it really is a role after all. Maybe what he truly wants is that picket fence life with 2.5 kids and a beautiful wife. But then where do I fit in. Am I mere phase, a temptation designed to condemn him to damnation? But how can that be when the only time I feel complete is with him by my side. Please God tell me what to do. I don’t know what to do!
*
Auditions were in disarray. Merlin looked around in horror at some of the people auctioning. It was like some horrible Shakespearean X Factor. Lance seemed to be an obvious choice for Romeo simply because he was the only one that could carry and tune and didn’t look like he was being electrocuted when he was doing the waltz. Merlin himself was auditioning for Mercutio and he couldn’t see any major completion for his role. And the girls... dear God! Some could dance but could not sing at all, others had three left feet but had fairly decent voices. Some could do neither. Morgana was extremely talented but Merlin would bet his left arm that she wouldn’t be getting the part of Juliet. It was unfair but it was a sad fact that the fat girl never won. Sister Chantelle, the nun in charge seemed to be having similar issues because it was with a grimace that she clapped her hands to gain everyone’s attention.
‘Right everyone what is this? I will truly need some help from God to make this production a success. We have a well-rehearsed Romeo but what about the rest of you? You’ she pointed at Nimueh ‘were okay until you opened your mouth and you’ she pointed at Freya ‘will have to always be close to the back. This production is cursed without a doubt now is there anyone else who wants to join this torture and try out?’
There was a pause until with a flourish, Arthur stepped from the wings, script in hand. ‘With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls. For stony limits cannot hold love out’ he delivered the lines beautifully and Merlin couldn’t suppress his smile. Arthur couldn’t resist a dramatic entrance. Or exit.
‘Hallelujah’ Sister Chantelle said with feeling. The others watched as Lance and Arthur delivered the rest of Romeo’s lines, clearly competing and Merlin could not help but feel sorry for Lance. Lance may have his heart set on the role but Arthur had the clear edge over him. Arthur always had the edge in any situation.
‘Right that’s enough’ Sister Chantelle said after a while. ‘I’m going to go and make some decisions I’ll be back in a...’
‘Oh but Sister I...’ Nimueh started only to be cut off with a glare.
‘Girl I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just interrupt me’ Sister Chantelle said and then disappeared into a side room with her notes. Merlin approached Arthur.
‘What made you change your mind?’ he asked casually.
‘Oh you know. Thought I might give it a try’ Arthur said nonchalantly.
‘Well I’m glad you...’ Merlin started to say but was interrupted by Arthur’s usual fan group.
‘Arthur you were amazing’ Gwen sighed.
‘You absolutely nailed it’ Freya chimed in.
‘A great performance’ Lance added stiffly. Then Leon came hurrying over.
‘Remember Friday guys! We need to set a time.’
‘Oh yeah the rave’ Arthur said.
‘Are you going Lance?’ Morgana asked him almost shyly, if Morgana ever did anything shyly.
‘Don’t know. I might.’ Lance shrugged before turning to Gwen. ‘Are you going Gwen?’
‘Of course’ she squealed and Morgana frowned.
‘Ah do you remember a few years ago when all we needed was booze to have a great time?’ Owain said reminiscently.
‘Back when everything was clear’ Morgana said.
‘Except your skin’ Gwen said nastily.
‘Hey now girls no fighting until we get to the rave’ Leon said soothingly.
‘I’ll go if we put the whore in the boot’ Morgana said, her pointed stare leaving no doubt as to who the ‘whore’ was.
‘At least I would fit in the boot’ Gwen said with a smirk. Luckily at that moment Sister Chantelle returned.
‘Now unfortunately it’s school policy to let anyone who didn’t get a main part be in the chorus. So congratulations you’re all guaranteed a spot in the play’ Sister Chantelle said, looking less than thrilled about this news. ‘Now for the principles and I don’t want any fuss. Understand? Right, the Nurse: Morgana’
‘Big surprise’ Morgana muttered.
‘Hey I said no fuss or you’re the one that’s gonna be needing a nurse.’ Sister Chantelle said.
‘Yes Sister’ Morgana muttered.
‘Romeo: Arthur, Juliet: Gwen, Mercutio: Merlin, Tybalt: Lancelot, Benvolio: Leon, Lady Capulet: Freya and Lady Montague... hmmm Nimueh your mother is one of the school patrons right?’
‘Yeah?’ Nimueh said uncomprehendingly
‘Then Lady Montague: Nimueh’ Sister Chantelle finished with a flourish.
‘Oh my God I got a part’ Nimueh squealed excitedly. Gwen looked at her slightly pityingly.
‘Hey well done man’ Lance said to Arthur and clapped him on the shoulder. They were still friends after all, despite their rivalry.
‘Thanks mate’ Arthur grinned.
*
‘Hey mum’ Merlin said down the phone. ‘Me and Arthur both got cast in play. He’s Romeo and I’m Mercutio.’
‘Best friends playing best friends. It was meant to be.’
‘Er yeah’ Merlin said uncomfortably ‘Best friends. Anyway thought you would want to know.’
‘Well I would be proud of you anyway but I’m even prouder of you now’ Hunith joked. ‘Send me the dates and I’ll be there!’
‘Great. Oh why don’t you say hello to Arthur?’ Merlin said suddenly, glancing at Arthur.
‘Um okay’ Hunith said in surprise but Arthur was shaking his head. Merlin sighed.
‘Er actually Mum, sorry but we gotta go. Love you!’
‘Love you too.’ They hung up. Merlin frowned at Arthur fully intending to say something about Arthurs staunch refusal to interact with his family, when Gwen and Morgana came traipsing into their room, arguing as usual.
‘Come on Merlin’ Gwen said, her tone brooking no argument. ‘Are you coming Romeo?’ She added, titling her head coyly and simpering sickeningly at Arthur.
‘Yeah in a sec I just need to talk to my sister first’ Arthur said, grinning charmingly and left Merlin to be dragged off by Gwen. Morgana came and sat next to him on the bed.
‘Well congratulations Romeo’ she said.
‘And congratulations to you Nurse’ Arthur replied, smiling. But Morgana frowned.
‘Shut up. You know I wanted to be Juliet! But no in this world, there cannot be a fat Juliet!’ She spat the words with such ferocity that Arthur recoiled. Even he, accustomed as he was to his sister’s temper, had rarely seen her like this.
‘You have more confidence in yourself than that. You know that you were the most talented one there’ he said quietly.
‘Don’t patronise me Arthur. I may be talented but I’ll never have the world handed to me on a plate like the pretty girls! Is it too much to ask just to have someone notice me for a change?’ She sighed and the anger left her as quickly as it had struck. She smiled slightly. ‘I could eat Gwen for breakfast. Literally.’
Arthur chuckled and pulled Morgana into a one-armed hug. ‘You’ve always got me’ he said and laughed again at the expression on Morgana’s face.
‘Wow I feel so much better now. Thank you.’ She said, sarcasm dripping from her words. ‘Anyhow I did actually come here for a reason. Dad’s birthday package has come. Only two weeks late. Not bad for him.’
‘Now Morgana’ Arthur said putting on an imitation of their father’s voice. ‘I have a business to run, the people rely on me, and sometimes birthday’s just sneak up on me.’ Morgana laughed.
‘Well at least it’s better than that time we got a joint Christmas-Birthday-Easter package’ she said. ‘Worst birthday ever.’
‘Oh I don’t know what about our eighth?’ Arthur said at the exact same time as Morgana said ‘our fourteenth.’
‘Oh yeah’ they said together both cringing as they looked back on some less that successful birthdays.
‘Anyway’ Morgana said. ‘Let’s see how much daddy loves you this year’ she said, glancing at the cheque. ‘Wow quite a lot it seems’ she said as she handed it to Arthur. ‘Oh and what’s this? A note. How unusual.’
‘Dear Arthur.’ She paused and flipped the note over. ‘Nope just you. Dear Arthur, find enclosed a package. I’ve already spoken to Father Geoffrey about it and he said you’re in but call me anyway when you open it... Oxford! I always knew you would follow in my footsteps. Love, Dad.’ Morgana looked up at Arthur, eyebrows raised. ‘Not only did he put ‘love Dad’, he wants you to call him. He actually wants to talk to you.’ She said like this was a drastically foreign concept.
‘What did Dad get you?’Arthur said quickly, hoping to distract her.
‘You mean what did his secretary get me? These earrings’ she said holding them up. They were beautiful, diamond incrusted and clearly very expensive. There was only one problem.
‘You don’t have your ears pierced’ Arthur said wretchedly. Morgana just looked at him. ‘Come here’ Arthur sighed and pulled her into a hug.
*
‘So Gwen’s birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to get her.’ Lance said, trying to sound casual.
‘What about an STD she hasn’t had yet?’ Morgana said spitefully. ‘Oops you probably won’t be able to find one.’ The others all ignored her, well accustomed to Morgana and Gwen’s squabbles.
‘You could throw her a surprise party!’ Nimueh said.
‘Yes we’ll make sure it goes off with a bang’ Morgana said smiling sweetly, always a danger sign.
‘You’ll help?’ Lance asked Morgana doubtfully.
‘Of course Lancelot. Don’t you trust me?’
‘Doesn’t he trust you about what?’ Gwen said, entering the room at that moment.
‘That you’ve done porn’ Morgana said quickly. Gwen rolled her eyes.
‘We’re talking about that rave tonight’ Lancelot said, expertly diverting Gwen’s attention.
‘I’ve got the stuff’ Leon said, holding up some small plastic bags. ‘Today’s rave is brought to you by the letters X, K and G’
‘You’ve got GHB!’ Owain exclaimed only to be muffled quickly by Leon.
‘Yes but don’t yell about it. One little sin can’t hurt right?’
‘Where is this rave anyway?’ Lance said, sounding doubtful.
‘Not too far. Just make sure you have a full tank’ Leon said vaguely.
‘You know I’m not sure about this’ Lancelot said.
‘Why not?’ Merlin asked.
‘Well...er look at this map, I’m not sure it’s right’
‘That’s because you have it upside down’ Merlin laughed, twisting it.
‘Erm well I guess then er maybe I could...’
‘Oh come on Lance. For me?’ Gwen said, leaning into his space and looking appealingly at him.
‘Well okay I suppose so. I’m in’ Lancelot said immediately. Morgana turned away in disgust. Everyone cheered him and began to walk away in small groups, to get ready.
‘Oh by the way Lance!’ Leon said over his shoulder. ‘Get changed yeah?’
‘What’s wrong with this?’ Lancelot asked in surprise.
‘You look too posh. Dress down, it’s a rave not a regatta’ Leon laughed and was gone.
*
‘Can I borrow this?’ Merlin asked Arthur later, pulling one of Arthur’s T-Shirts out the wardrobe. He had heard Leon’s words to Lance and taken the advice to heart and as he himself hadn’t much except the uniform and a few shirts for weekends, he realised he would have to borrow something of Arthur’s.
‘Sure you can but you won’t be wearing it for long’ Arthur said.
‘Oh really?’ Merlin said, looping his arms around Arthur’s waist.
‘Really.’ Arthur nodded and hungrily captured Merlin’s lips with his.
*
‘Oh thank God’ Morgana said as Gwen entered their shared room. ‘I hadn’t seen your belly button for at least an hour.’
‘Well I don’t have the benefit of having it way out in front of me like you do.’ Gwen said, rifling through her wardrobe. ‘You know I’ve noticed some of my clothes are missing’ she said looking at Morgana suspiciously.
‘Yeah I think we’ve all noticed that’ Morgana sniped back.
‘Hey girls’ Lancelot said as he entered the room and his eyes raked Gwen appreciatively. ‘Shall we be going?’ His eyes never left Gwen. Morgana scowled.
‘I’m not going’ she said. Lance finally turned to look at her.
‘Aw come on Morgana...’ he wheedled.
‘I said no! Now go!’ Morgana’s characteristic temper flared up again.
‘Alright’ Lance said, taking an almost involuntary step back. ‘Bye’
Morgana sighed as she watched them leave. She tried to fool herself into thinking that she simply wanted a quiet night in without her roommate bothering her but deep down she knew she was simply sick of being unnoticed, sick of watching Lancelot fawn over an oblivious Gwen and sick of always being second best.
*
Merlin and Arthur danced unselfconsciously, joy clear in their movements, love obvious in their faces and for now completely oblivious to anyone else.
‘Are you feeling it?’ Arthur asked, referring to the Ecstasy that Leon had passed out earlier.
‘I didn’t take any. I don’t need it. You’re all I need’ Merlin made to pull Arthur into a kiss but Arthur easily evaded him before tugging him towards the door.
‘Come on I need some air’ he shouted. Once outside he pulled Merlin close and kissed him, hard and needy. But Merlin squirmed from his grasp and walked a short distance away.
‘You can’t kiss me inside?’ Merlin asked, his voice calm but his eyes flashing in anger. Arthur was surprised, it was very rare indeed for Merlin to get angry and he was usually very affable. Even Arthur would admit that it was him that often let his temper get the better of him.
‘I said I needed some air’ he said lamely.
‘I heard you.’ Merlin’s voice was cold and Arthur shivered slightly.
‘Look Merlin. There’s a reason we keep this a secret. You live in fantasy where everything is wonderful but the world is unkind and doesn’t accept people like us. Our very religion spurns us. Why can’t you live for the nights where we can be who we truly are without fear?’
‘I’m sick of denying the other half of me’ Merlin said. He and Arthur had this argument often but it was rare for him to get so worked up about it. ‘You tell me sweet, wonderful things in the night and all I want is to hear them during the day, where the world can hear. A thousand people saw us dancing in there and no one batted an eyelid. Why can’t you give people a chance?’
‘A chance to show just how much they can hurt us?’ Arthur demanded, his own anger spilling out now.
‘We can’t go on like this forever’ Merlin said quietly.
‘Forever is a long time. Why can’t you just live for today?’
‘You’re such a coward!’ Merlin yelled.
‘So are you. You can’t play high and mighty with me when you are just as in the closet as I am!’ The two men were inches apart now and yelling at each other. ‘We both agreed to keep this a secret. The best-kept secret I’ve ever had!’ Merlin ducked his head; he couldn’t deny the truth of Arthur’s words. When he looked up again there were tears in his eyes.
‘I love you Arthur’ Merlin said, and Arthur looked at him in surprise, his own anger ebbing now in the face of Merlin’s distress. ‘Let’s not fight anymore’ Merlin whispered, the apology clear in his face and the way he rested his head against Arthur’s shoulder, a gesture of defeat. Arthur pressed a kiss to the top of his head and held him close.
A few feet away Lancelot stared at the two men caught in an embrace and then quietly snuck away.
*
‘God is so nosy’ Nimueh complained. ‘Always wanting to hear our sins. Sometimes it’s just best he doesn’t know’
‘Ah but God is always watching’ Owain pointed out and Merlin shivered at the memory of his nightmare. He bit his lip, wondering whether he should blurt out his own confession. I’m gay. Even thinking it made him tremble in fear and he quickly decided against mentioning it to Father Geoffrey.
‘Father can the church be wrong?’ Merlin asked helplessly.
‘Can a sin ever be right?’ Lancelot asked, his own secret weighing heavily upon his chest. Merlin and Arthur! Who would have believed it? But it wasn’t his secret to tell. He and Arthur had a fierce rivalry but they were like brothers and Lance was loyal to him. He could not betray him.
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