Fic: A Knowing Silence
Title: A Knowing Silence
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gwaine/Merlin (duh)
Warnings: spoliers up to 3x12
Disclaimer: Not mine :(
Summary: A quick look at Gwaine and Merlins relationship and things that are not said.
A/N: I needed a bigger Merlin/Gwaine fix than the last episode offered so I made my own :D
They never discussed it. It was just one of those things that happened. The night before he left Camelot, the night on their way to the perilous lands, last night waiting for Arthur to come around from his fever, and countless small moments in between.
Gwaine couldn’t find it in himself to complain. Who could complain when you had all that pale, smooth skin writhing under you? Who could complain when he tilted his head back like that and laughed a laugh that you could feel in your chest. Who could complain when he brushed his hand against your cheek before lacing himself back up and going back to his Prince? So Gwaine never complained and they never talked about it.
Gwaine found it rather disconcerting. He had plenty of bed mates over the years, never once lay awake at night wondering if it was going to happen again or wait with baited breath for him to make eye contact over the table - or feel his heart clench when he said he was going to stay behind in Camelot.
When Merlin had said that his heart stammered, and Merlin caught his eye. The look seemed to try to convey a hidden message, what Gwaine didn’t know. Was it: ask me to come with you? Or I’ll be fine, or I’m sorry, or I love you? Gwaine stalled for a moment trying to figure it out before Elyan grabbed him and dragged him away.
Gwaine found himself looking back at Camelot as they reached the safety of the forest. His breath quickening at the thought of what he had left there. Elyan marched on ahead but Gaius came and rested a hand on his forearm. “He will be alright.” He said with a knowing smile. Gwaine let out a long breath sending it out towards Camelot, along with his thoughts as he turned and went deeper into the trees, his heart never unclenching.
When Merlin finally emerged from the trees, Arthur propped up between him and Sir Leon, Gwen trailing behind them, Gwaine couldn’t help the relieved sigh that escaped his lips but he stopped himself from rushing over and scooping the boy into his arms.
Merlin made eye contact with him for a brief moment before turning to Gaius and leading Arthur to a bed roll. He spent the next few minutes going over the Princes condition with Gaius before Gaius patted him on the back and Merlin rose. Gwaine’s eyes had been on him the whole time, never daring to leave else he disappears again. Merlin turned and looked at him then, his face blank, unreadable, before heading out into the woods.
Gwaine didn’t spare a second thought before following. He found Merlin in a small clearing out of ear shot of the camp. He was pacing back and forth amongst the fallen leaves. He raised his head when Gwaine neared. His eyes tormented, too old for someone so young. They didn’t talk about it.
Gwaine swept forward pulling Merlin into his embrace, nose nuzzled into the ebony hair. He drank in the feel of this warm body, his smell whilst it was here. Merlin clung just as fiercely to Gwaine’s tunic, hands clenched in the fabric as he nipped his way up Gwaine’s neck and jaw to find his lips. When he did the kiss was sloppy, imperfect, needy, and desperate. But everything Gwaine needed.
Merlin broke the kiss first breathing heavily. He rested his forehead against Gwaine’s, eyes closed. Gwaine watched, his hands caressing those cheekbones and lips, seeming unable to keep his hands away.
When Merlin reopened his eyes some of the darkness had receded. His hands stroked through Gwaine’s hair as they just stood, sharing each other’s space, warmth and breath. And when he smiled a small fond smile, a smile that was just for Gwaine and no one else Gwaine saw that look again, it was now he realised that it did in fact say all those things. Ask me to come with you; because I want to but can’t. I’ll be fine; I’ll always come back to you. I’m sorry; it has to be this way. I love you.
And when Merlin grabbed his hand, pressing a kiss into the knuckles before pulling him back towards the camp, towards reality, Gwaine realised another thing: That maybe they didn’t need to talk about it.