The heart is the only broken instrument that works
Author: aeris444
Title: The heart is the only broken instrument that works
Rating: R
Pairing(s): one sided Merlin/Arthur, Leon/Merlin
Summary: Merlin has a hard time working for Arthur. Leon wants to help him and make him happy again.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 6910
A/N: It's my first post here. I hope I've done everything right. If not, just let me know! Thanks to the lovely derenai for the beta.
Leon was going back to his chambers when he saw Merlin. The young man sat on the floor in a small alcove. He was holding his head in his arms, trembling slightly. He was clearly upset by something.
"Merlin?" Leon asked, rushing to kneel next to him. "Merlin? Are you alright?"
The servant didn't answer but all his body shook and Leon realized he was crying. Rapidly checking if Merlin looked hurt and noticing with relief that he wasn't, Leon sat next to him.
"Merlin? What's going on?"
Still no answer but the sobs increased.
"Please, tell me, Merlin. I'll try to help you but I need to know what's going on," Leon pleaded. He had taken Merlin in his arms. The young man was so thin, frail even. Leon gently rubbed his back and cradled him.
Finally, Merlin seemed to calm down.
"Merlin?"
"It's so hard, Leon," the servant whispered.
"What is so hard?"
"Working for him."
Leon immediately knew Merlin was talking about Arthur.
"He… I can't anymore. I… He never sees what I'm doing for him. He never sees me how I really am. I… I do everything I can for him. I would give my life for him!" Merlin rambled.
Leon knew all that. Merlin had already proven he was ready to give his life for Arthur. More than once. But the Prince had reciprocated it. And even if sometimes he was quite harsh with his manservant, Leon thought that he and Merlin were friends.
"But… You like him? And he likes you?" The Knight tried to understand.
"He'll never like me as much as I like him," Merlin concluded, dejected.
Finally everything made sense. Merlin was in love with Arthur. It wasn't really a surprise for Leon. He had noticed the hidden glances, the way Merlin touched Arthur more than it was acceptable for a servant. But he has always thought the feelings were mutual.
"You love him?"
Merlin nodded and hid his face against Leon's chest. Small sobs made his body shiver again.
"I'm sorry Merlin. Really."
Once again, the Knight held him close and tried to give him all the comfort he needed even if he knew it wasn't enough. Leon felt powerless. He wished he could help Merlin. The young man deserved some happiness in his life. But you couldn’t command feelings.
"I wish I could do something."
"I… I know. It's just… Some days, it's really hard… And… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have broken down like that."
Merlin straightened up and tried to escape Leon's arms. The Knight didn't let go of him, though.
"Merlin, it's alright. I'm your friend, I hope you know it?"
The servant nodded, grateful.
"So, if you need to talk about it sometimes, you know you can come to me, right?"
Another nod. Leon gently stroked Merlin's hair before finally letting him go.
"What do you think about a small raid to the kitchens? I suppose you haven't had supper yet."
A small smile appeared on Merlin's face and Leon was glad to see it. He knew that Merlin's suffering would not disappear by magic but if he had been able to give him some comfort than he was content.
***
After that evening, Leon watched Merlin more closely. And he saw the tiredness, the edginess, the sadness behind the smiles and the clumsiness.
He also realised how alone Merlin really was. His closest friend was Arthur. But his feelings for the Prince were making their friendship awkward.
Gaius was like a father for Merlin… But fathers were not the people you could confide in the most easily.
His mother was far away and even if Arthur would not prevent him going to see her in Ealdor, Leon knew Merlin was missing her.
Lancelot had been very close to Merlin, too. But he was now dead.
Gwen had also seemed like a good friend… If she wasn't the one Arthur was in love with.
Of course, all the Knight cared for Merlin. But the servant didn't seem to confide in any of them.
Merlin was alone with his unrequited love. And Leon decided to be there for him if the servant would let him.
***
Two weeks after their first encounter in the hall, Leon found Merlin sitting on the stairs leading to Arthur's chambers. His eyes were fixed in front of him, blank. He was clearly lost in his thoughts.
"Merlin?" Leon called as he sat next to him.
"Leon?"
The servant looked surprised.
Now that he was closer, the Knight noticed the tears' strains on Merlin's face.
"Are you alright, Merlin?"
Merlin shook his head and took a deep breath. Leon guessed he was trying to hold back his tears.
"Do you want to go somewhere else?" he suggested.
Merlin nodded and stood up. He followed Leon to the Knight's chambers. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Merlin let go and burst into tears.
Once again, Leon held him in his arms. But this time he didn't ask about what was going on. He knew it as he knew he couldn't really do anything to help his friend aside from being there to cuddle him.
They stayed like that, close and silent for so long Leon's arms started to feel numb. But he had promised to himself he would be here for Merlin so he didn't move. Not before Merlin would ask him to.
When Merlin stopped crying he stayed nestled in Leon's arm.
"Leon?" the servant asked a long time later when it was starting to get dark outside.
"Yes?"
"Can… Can I come…? Another day… You know… To talk," Merlin asked timidly.
"Of course! I've already told you! I'm your friend and I'm here if you need to talk."
Merlin watched Leon intensely before thanking him, smiling.
"Thank you, Leon. I'm happy to have you as a friend."
Merlin put a brief kiss on Leon's jaw and stood up, bidding him good night.
Leon was left dumbstruck by this sudden display of affection and he kept stroking his jaw a long time after Merlin had left his room.
***
The next day, Merlin came after having finished his chores for Arthur. It was already late but Leon had waited for him, sensing the he would come that day. He had also asked for a second meal, knowing that Merlin wouldn't have eaten.
In fact, the servant nearly fainted of happiness when he saw the tray full of food.
"Thank you Leon!" he said, cheerfully before sitting at the table and attacking his meal.
"It's nothing!"
Leon had noticed how Merlin seemed even thinner than before and how small he felt when he had held him in his arms.
Merlin smiled and ate everything. Then, Leon and he sat in front of the fire in companionable silence.
After that day, it quickly became a habit. Every evening, after putting Arthur to bed, Merlin would come to Leon's chambers. They would eat together and then sit and talk. Most of the time about their day or the last gossips of the Court. Sometimes, they also shared more personal stories.
Merlin told Leon about his childhood in Ealdor, about his friend Will and about his mother. Leon talked about his own childhood, about his admiration for his father who had been a Knight of Camelot too and about the way he died fighting against sorcerers during the Great Purge.
The night Leon told Merlin about his father's death, Merlin cried again. And Leon held him not knowing what had caused this sudden meltdown when Merlin seemed happier during the past days. But he remembered that Merlin never talked about his father. Perhaps was he dead too and Leon's story had revived bad memories? Leon never asked Merlin and when the young man continued to spend his evening in the Knight's company, they forgot about that night.
***
"Leon?"
The Knight turned to face Arthur.
"Sire?"
"I wanted to tell you I'll be out of Camelot this afternoon…"
Leon nodded, noticing the way Arthur's face was turning slightly pink.
"It's a… hum… Personal business. So my father doesn't really need to hear about it."
He nodded again, guessing what kind of personal matter could make Arthur lie to his father.
"So if there is any emergency, I ask you to come find me… We will be in the clearing near the stream, east of the city."
"Of course, Sire. You can count on my discretion."
"Thank you, Leon. I knew I could count on you."
Arthur slapped Leon's back before going back to his chambers.
Leon smiled sadly. Merlin would be hurt again and he couldn’t do anything to prevent it.
***
Later that day, as he was overseeing the training of the young squires, Leon saw Arthur, Gwen and Merlin leaving Camelot by horse, carrying what could only be necessities for a picnic.
But what caught the Knight's attention was the dim expression on Merlin's face.
And suddenly, Leon saw everything more clearly. The reason it had become so hard for Merlin to work for Arthur, the way Arthur seemed harsher with Merlin, the permanent sadness in the servant's eye, the distance between Gwen and him. Everything was making sense, now.
Not only Merlin had to see the man he loved every day without being able to do anything but he was also Arthur’s confident. He was the one Arthur told about Gwen, the one who helped the Prince woo the serving girl, the one to witness the love between them grow and bloom.
Leon felt a sudden urge to protect Merlin, to take him away from all this pain and cradle him till he was smiling again.
***
That night, Merlin came earlier and it didn't take long for Leon to guess that Arthur was spending the evening with Gwen.
Merlin remained silent as they waited for a servant to bring them their supper. Then he didn't eat that much. Leon knew his feeling was right.
When they sat in front of the fire, like every other night, he couldn’t help but ask.
"It’s hurting you to see them, doesn’t it?"
Of course, Merlin didn’t answer immediately. But the way his shoulders tensed and how he looked at the floor told Leon he was right.
Gently, the Knight put his arm around Merlin’s shoulder and drew him closer.
Leon looked at the fire. He didn’t want to push Merlin.
Merlin finally talked, much later when the fire was already nothing more than glowing embers.
“It’s so hard… I’ve tried, you know… I told myself nothing would never happen between us… That he was a Prince and me a simple servant… That I shouldn’t love him… But it didn’t work.”
Merlin shrugged, defeated.
“So… I decided to… Continue. And… In a way, I want him to be happy and I know that Gwen is the right one for him.”
Leon stroked Merlin’s neck, feeling the little strands of dark hair tickling his hand.
“But… It’s hard because I can’t leave him… He… He needs me… And I need him, too. It hurts being close to him every day but I know it would hurt even more if I left him. And… I need to protect him.”
“You know he has Knights to protect him?”
Leon didn’t mocked Merlin because he knew that, even if he wasn’t a Knight, Merlin had already saved Arthur’s life more than any other Knight of Camelot. He was also braver than many of them.
“It’s not the same,” Merlin told Leon. “I can’t… It’s… You’ll think I’m a fool but… I’m destined to be at Arthur’s side… Till the end.”
“You’re not a fool Merlin… And… I can’t explain it but I’ve always had that feeling you belonged here, you know. With us… With Arthur.”
Merlin looked at Leon, then and if his eyes were still full of sadness, a smile appeared on his lips.
“Thank you, Leon.”
Merlin let his head fall on the Knight’s shoulder and nestled closer, shivering slightly.
They stayed like that till the fire was completely extinguished and then Merlin kissed Leon’s jaw and bid him goodnight.
Later, as Leon was trying to find sleep, he promised to himself he would do something to make Merlin happy. Even for just a day. He needed to find a way to take Merlin’s mind off Arthur and Gwen.
***
Two days later, Leon had finally found a way to cheer Merlin up. It would need some preparations, though. So the Knight went to see the Prince after the training.
“Sire?”
“Leon… What brings you here?”
“I would like to make a request, my Lord,” Leon asked almost reverently.
If it needed some flattering for Arthur to accept, Leon was ready to do it.
“I’m listening.”
“I would like you to allow Merlin and me to have three days off, Sire.”
“Three days off?”
Arthur seemed surprised by Leon’s request.
“And can I ask what for?” the Prince continued.
“As you may know, my Lord, Merlin hadn’t had a chance to see his mother since you went to Ealdor to protect the village. And I know that he misses her dearly…”
“Shouldn’t he ask for that himself, then?” Arthur asked.
His tone was cold but Leon knew that if he had already made his mind, the Prince would have already said so.
“You know him… He would think that he’s giving up on his duties… On you.”
“You’re right…”
Arthur looked thoughtful. Leon hoped the Prince had seen how Merlin had seemed tired and sad during the past weeks and would seize the opportunity to offer his manservant some well-deserved rest.
“And I suppose you want to accompany him?”
“We can’t let him travel alone, Sire.”
“You’re right again, Leon.”
For a second, Leon hoped that Arthur would not offer to accompany Merlin himself. It would probably still make Merlin happy but Leon had to admit that this little trip was also a way for him to spend more time alone with Merlin.
“Alright then… But not before next week… We’re welcoming two new squires tomorrow and I need you to take care of them!”
“Thank you, my Lord.” Leon bowed slightly, unable to hide the bright smile that had appeared on his face.
“And I suppose it has to remain a surprise?”
“Yes…”
“I’ll be as silent as a tomb!”
“Thank you, Sire.”
Leon curtsied and left. He couldn’t wait to tell Merlin. But then, he thought better. If he told Merlin now, the servant would be so giddy he would be even clumsier and more lightheaded than usual. He decided to wait till the eve of their departure. And he had to write a letter to Hunith to tell her about their visit. Everything had to be perfect.
***
Five days later, after having shared a simple meal, Merlin and Leon decided to go for a walk on the citadel’s battlements.
The air was still warm after a long sunny day but a light wind was rising.
“Merlin?” Leon called as they leaned against the low wall to watch the city below them.
“Yes?”
“I have a surprise for you.”
“I love surprises! Have you asked for honey cakes for the dessert?” Merlin asked, hopeful.
Leon laughed.
“No… But if you want I can ask to have some packed for our trip.”
“I didn’t know Arthur had planned a trip.”
“He hasn’t.”
Merlin looked lost. He was like a child, curious and impatient. Leon decided not to tease him more.
“Yeah… We’re leaving tomorrow morning… To Ealdor.”
“To Ealdor?” Merlin repeated, awestruck.
“I thought you would like to visit your mother… As you haven’t seen her in a long time.”
Leon was suddenly afraid when Merlin didn’t react. Wasn’t he happy? But as he was pondering what he could have done bad, Leon felt Merlin body against him and arms around his neck.
“Oh Leon! Thank you! Thank you so much!”
Leon hold Merlin close and finally relaxed.
“If you’re happy then it’s perfect!”
Then, Merlin drew back.
“But… What about Arthur? He will not let me go…” Merlin looked so disappointed.
“I’ve already taken care of that… We have three days off.”
“You’re serious?”
Leon nodded and once again, Merlin threw himself at him.
***
When they arrived near Ealdor after nearly a whole day ride, Merlin started to look more and more bubbly. He was talking and talking about everything… Ealdor, his mum, how he hoped she would have prepared his favourite stew. Leon listened, enjoying to see him so happy.
And when they finally entered the village, Merlin dismounted hurriedly to run towards a woman and hug her. Leon guessed she was Hunith. She was younger than he had thought. She must have had Merlin when she was still a teenager.
Leon watched as they both enjoyed their reunion then he dismounted too and led their horses to the stables.
When he came out, Merlin was waiting for him with his mother.
“Leon! Mum, this is Leon.”
“My lady.” Leon curtsied.
“Oh no! I’m not a lady! Call me Hunith!” she objected, slightly blushing. “But come! You must be hungry after such a long ride!”
Leon smiled when he saw Merlin nodding enthusiastically.
“I’ve prepared a rabbit stew. It’s Merlin’s favourite. I hope you’ll like it, too!”
Merlin smile grew even bigger.
“I’m sure it’s going to be delicious. Merlin told me you were a great cook!”
“He’s probably not very impartial.”
“I am!” Merlin objected. “Your cooking is delicious!”
They all smiled as they entered Hunith’s house.
***
The next morning, Hunith sent Leon and Merlin to assist some of the villagers. They helped Frank repair his shed then went to Lana and repaired her roof and finally, they stored the last harvest.
It was tiring but also strangely comforting. Helping people as one of the reason Leon had decided to become a Knight after all. And Merlin seemed happy, too. He was back home and clearly wanted to do as much as he could.
Quite often, Leon surprised himself by glancing at Merlin and watching him work. He looked at the way the servant was moving. He noticed how behind his frail stature Merlin was quite muscular and strong. And his eyes lingered on Merlin’s body. But he dismissed all the thoughts that came when the young man bent over to grab a fork on the floor. Merlin was his friend. Merlin was in love with Arthur. And whatever Leon was feeling it wouldn’t be welcome. So he focused on his work again.
When they stopped to grab a bite for lunch, sitting in a meadow outside the village, they could finally talk.
“So? For how long have you planned this?” Merlin asked between his second and third plate of dried venison.
“A little more than two weeks…”
“My mum told me how happy she was when she received your letter… Thank you, Leon.”
“I just wanted to see you happy… You deserve it,” Leon confessed.
“Thank you. It really means a lot for me!”
Merlin leaned and put a kiss on Leon’s jaw. And Leon was happy, too.
***
When the time to leave came, sadness filled Merlin’s eyes. He hugged his mother for a long moment and promised to come back.
“Will you come back, too, Sir Leon?” Hunith asked, her son still in her arms.
“I will… I’ve promised to help reconstruct the barn. So we’ll try to come back before the winter settles in.”
“You’ll always welcome in my house.”
“Thank you, Hunith.”
Then Leon went to the horses, letting Merlin and his mum share their goodbyes.
He was tying the saddle bags when Merlin joined him.
“Ready?”
The servant nodded and mounted his horse.
He stayed silent for the first part of the ride and Leon could understand that. Merlin was probably still sad about leaving his mother.
But as they entered the forest, Merlin started talking again. And when they approached Camelot, he was happier than he had been in months.
Leon’s mission was accomplished.
***
Reports had been coming from the northern border about bandits trying to rob the travellers. Arthur had decided to go and see by himself. His father had asked him to take a few men with him. Of course Leon as the first Knight had been chosen and Merlin was always accompanying his master during such patrol.
They settled for their first night in the forest and Leon helped Merlin gather wood for the fire. It was not unusual as one of the knight always offered to help the manservant.
As they picked up the wood, they talked about their journey and the places they were going to. Leon described it animatedly to Merlin, enjoying the way he smiled or made small astonished noises. It was always pleasurable to spend time with Merlin and Leon couldn't deny anymore he was enjoying it far too much to be a simple friendship.
Nonetheless, he knew that Merlin was in love with Arthur, even if it was unrequited. So he decided not to rush anything. He’ll see how things would go between Merlin and him.
As they sat around the fire to eat, Leon watched Merlin. He was sitting on the other side, next to Arthur. He put some of the broth in Arthur’s bowl and gave it to him with a small smile. Arthur smiled back and thanked him. And Leon understood that it were these things, the smiles, the soft words, that made it so hard for Merlin. Even if the Prince was sometimes rude and unkind, in the end, he cared for Merlin.
Later, when they all settled for the night, Leon searched for Merlin. He wanted to spend some time with him before going to bed.
“Merlin?”
“Oh Leon… Hum… I need to help Arthur with his armour. So…”
“Oh… Of course.” Leon answered, trying to hide his disappointment.
“But…If you want, I can help you with yours afterwards?” Merlin proposed genuinely.
“Your help would be welcomed. Thank you.”
“Wait for me!” Merlin said before rushing to Arthur.
Leon didn’t want to observe Arthur and Merlin interact anymore so he decided to set his and Merlin’s bedrolls. He knew that, usually, Merlin slept next to Arthur but he hoped that he could make an exception that night. He put Merlin’s bedroll closer to the fire, knowing the servant was quite sensitive to the cold.
Then, he went to the others Knights to organize the watch’s shifts for the night. Then he came back to the fire and sat on a log, waiting for Merlin’s return.
“Leon?”
Merlin voice roused Leon from his thoughts.
“Oh Merlin! I hope you don’t mind…” he added with a glance toward the servant’s bedroll.
Merlin smiled and shook his head.
“No, it’s perfect like that… So let me help you out of your armour.”
Leon stood up and Merlin started to undo the leather straps.
They stayed silent all along and Leon had to resist shivering each time Merlin touched him under the metal of the armour.
Finally, the protection laid on the floor. Still not talking, Leon and Merlin got ready for the night. They were not looking at each other, suddenly shy.
Then Leon sat on his bedroll and waited for Merlin to do the same. They smiled and bid each other goodnight before sliding under the covers. They were face to face, eyes still open. Silence had taken over the camp.
It was more intimate than all the others moments they had shared. For the first time, Leon was hopeful. He felt like there was a small chance to help Merlin forget Arthur and perhaps find his way to the servant’s heart.
Suddenly, Leon felt something soft and warm on his hand. He turned his head to find Merlin’s hand gently stroking his.
The Knight smiled. There was definitely some hope.
Leon was about to close his eyes when he felt a gaze on him. It took him only two seconds to identify the watcher.
The Prince was sitting on the other side of the fire, looking at Merlin and him. But where Leon had feared to see anger or reprimand, he only discovered approval. The prince nodded and stood up, leaving Leon and Merlin to their new intimacy.
***
On the morning, Arthur came to check on Leon at the end of his shift. Leon had done the last one. And when he had been awaken by Gwaine, he had still been holding Merlin’s hand. He had needed all his will to let it go but he had a job to do.
“So? How was the night?” Arthur asked, still in his night clothes, meaning that Merlin was probably still asleep.
“Calm, Sire. I think we haven’t been spotted yet.”
“Good… I hope we can take the bandits by surprise.”
Leon nodded. But when he expected Arthur to go back to the camp, the Prince stayed by his side.
“Can I do something for you, Sire?”
“I’ve seen you and Merlin… Yesterday… You’re very close, aren’t you?”
Leon had no reason to lie to his Prince.
“Yes… He’s a very dear friend of mine.”
“Leon… You should know that I care a lot for Merlin…”
Arthur stopped, probably realising he had confessed something very important to Leon.
“I… I would be very happy if there shall be someone to take care of him… Like he deserves it.”
Leon heard the “like I can’t do it myself” that Arthur didn’t say. And he understood. Arthur had responsibilities, duties. He wasn’t free to follow his heart. The Knight nodded.
“I’ll do everything I can to protect him.”
“And to make him happy?” the Prince added.
“Yes, Sire.”
“Arthur?”
Merlin’s call interrupted them. Arthur went back to the camp without a look back. Leon stayed there a little longer, trying to process everything.
***
After that expedition, Merlin and Leon grew even closer. They spent all their free time together. And even more than that, making the best of all the time their paths crossed to share a smile or a tender gesture.
It never went further than that. Merlin seemed happy like that and Leon was afraid to break this relationship by wanting more.
But as the time went by, Leon was more and more frustrated by this strange relationship, between friendship and something deeper.
So, one night, as Merlin was spending the evening in Leon’s chambers, the Knight decided to confront him.
Merlin was sitting his a chair that had become his during the previous weeks, in front of the fire, reading. He often spent time like that when Leon was working on the training schedule or the reports he had to submit to Arthur.
“Merlin?”
Merlin stopped reading and looked at Leon who had come closer.
“Yes?”
“Can we talk a bit?”
“Of course!”
Merlin just sat on the floor then and Leon joined him.
The Knight took a deep breath. Their friendship was at stake here. But he needed to know where they were going.
“Merlin… You know I care for you a lot, don’t you?”
Merlin nodded.
“I… I need to know… Are my feelings unrequited? If so, just tell me… I won’t be mad but… I need to know.”
Merlin was looking at the fire, averting Leon’s gaze.
“It’s… It’s more complicated than that…”
“It’s Arthur? You still love him? I’m your friend, Merlin. Tell me the truth.”
Leon remained calm but he needed to have an answer, he couldn’t go on like that anymore. If Merlin didn’t share his feelings, it would hurt but a clean cut was better than a slow tear.
“I… I can’t’ Leon… I’m sorry but I can’t!”
Leon didn’t understand. What was preventing Merlin to tell him? He put his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture.
“Are you afraid of Arthur? Of someone else?”
Merlin didn’t answered. He was still looking at the fire. He felt tense and on the defensive. Leon hadn’t seen him like that for a long time.
“Please… Tell me.”
“Leon… I… I can’t! You don’t understand! I can’t tell anybody… It’s…”
“No, I don’t understand. So please, explain it…”
Merlin sighed and finally faced Leon.
“If… If I tell you, you’ll hate me… And…”
“No, I’ll never hate you!” Leon interrupted. “I’ve told you! I care for you, Merlin… And probably even more than you imagine.”
Merlin seemed shaken by Leon’s words. He gently took Leon’s hand in his.
“Are you sure you want to know?” he asked, his voice not more than a whisper.
“Yes… Whatever you’ll tell me, I’m ready to hear it.”
Merlin nodded and stood up abruptly. He offered his hand to Leon who took his without a thought. Wherever Merlin wanted to go, he’ll follow.
But the servant only went to the Knight’s bed, sitting in the middle of it. Leon followed him and kneeled in front of him.
“Leon… Before I tell you I need you to promise me something.”
Leon nodded, noticing Merlin’s serious tone. He was a Knight and a Knight’s promise was not something to take lightly.
“Promise me you’ll not tell anyone about it… Never… Whatever may happen, you’ll keep it secret.”
“You have my word, Merlin.”
Leon gently took Merlin’s hand and put a kiss on his knuckles, sealing his vow.
“Does that means that nobody knows about it?” he asked, curious.
“My mum and Gaius know… And… Lancelot knew, too.”
Leon was trying to guess was Merlin’s secret was but nothing made sense… His mum, Gaius and Lancelot? But not Arthur?
“Leon?”
“Tell me.”
Leon was still holding Merlin’s hand but he freed it. He cupped both of his hands in front of him and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath.
And, when Leon thought he would finally talk, he just opened his eyes and murmured some strange words. Words that sent shivers in Leon’s whole body.Then, his hands opened too and, cradled in his palms was a fire. A real fire, burning bright.
“What?” was all Leon was able to say.
He tried to find an explanation at what he was seeing but none came. Nothing else than the truth… Merlin was a sorcerer.
“Leon?”
The Knight looked at Merlin, still holding that fire in his palms. His eyes were burning, too. He was so beautiful like this.
It was all it took for Leon to accept it. Merlin was still Merlin. And if had been a gentle and caring person just before, he still was now.
“Merlin… Can… Can you stop, please?”
Merlin’s face fell, hurt visible in his blue again eyes. The fire had disappeared.
“No… Merlin! I… I just wanted to…”
Leon hesitated. But Merlin had took a great risk by telling him about his secret. Now it was his time to be brave.
“Merlin… I know there is a lot of things we need to talk about but… There is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now… Can I kiss you?”
Merlin smiled and it was enough for Leon to lean in and put his lips on Merlin’s. At first, it was just a gentle press, they were discovering each other, inching closer and closer. Then, Leon let his arms circle Merlin waist and he licked his lips, parting them and finally deepened the kiss.
But they didn’t let their desires take the upper hand. It wasn’t the moment for that. They had a lot of things to discuss first. So they reluctantly let go of each other’s mouths but stayed close.
“Tell me Merlin… Tell me everything,” Leon asked.
And Merlin told him. From his birth to that day. His childhood, the discovery of his powers. His fears. The way he had missed his father. His arrival in Camelot. Everything he had done for Arthur. Will’s death. His too short reunion with Balinor. His love for Freya. His love for Arthur. The real extend of his powers.
And Leon listened, asked, discovered. He had always knew Merlin was unique and he was realising how much.
Yet, he never felt scared. He was still convinced that, sorcerer or not, Merlin was good. If magic could corrupt people who sought power or wealth, in the hand of Merlin, it was just a tool, a weapon he had used only to protect Arthur and Camelot.
And when Leon told that to Merlin, he saw tears appears in his eyes. He hugged him and Merlin let go of all these fears and frustrations he had kept for years. Now somebody was loving him wholly. Leon kept him in his arms and kissed him, tasting the salt of his tears.
After that, they talked more. Merlin retelling Leon about episodes he had lived but had never knew the truth about.
When the sun rose behind the hills that encircled Camelot, Merlin finally fell asleep, cradled in Leon’s arms.
***
After Merlin’s confession, life returned to normal. Leon and Merlin still spent a lot of time together. But there was a new understanding between them. And there were also the kisses, the heated gazes and fleeting touches.
But Leon started to want more than that. He knew that Merlin was still reluctant to go for it. The Knight was ready to wait. Even if he was getting more frustrated with each passing day.
It went on like that for weeks, though. Merlin confessed that he needed a little more time to finally overcome his feelings for Arthur. But he promised to Leon that he would not have to wait in vain.
And then, one day, when Leon returned to his chambers after training, he found Merlin already there, waiting for him.
“Merlin? Shouldn’t you be working for Arthur or helping Gaius?”
“I’ve asked for some free time… I wanted to spend the afternoon with you,” Merlin explained with a shy smile.
“Oh… Then…”
Leon couldn’t really hide his happiness. He had wanted to spend a quiet moment with Merlin for a long time but Arthur was working them hard. This free afternoon was welcome. He crossed the room to take Merlin in his arms and kissed him.
“And what have you planned for this afternoon, then?” Leon asked before showering Merlin’s neck with small kisses.
“I thought you would like a bath to relax after the training.”
“Mmm… That’s an excellent idea.”
“And… Perhaps I could take it with you,” Merlin added.
Leon looked at him. He seemed serious. Was he really implying that they could do more than just wash each other?
“Merlin… You want to…” Leon hesitated but Merlin nodded before he could continue.
“Leon… I… This morning, I’ve received a letter from my mother. I wrote her last week to tell her that you knew about my magic and accepted it. And she told me how happy she was that I’ve found someone I cared for and trusted enough to tell them. She was relieved that I was not alone anymore, that there was somebody who really knew me, wholly.”
Leon listened to Merlin. He knew that he wouldn’t have suddenly changed his mind without a great motive.
“And… I realised she was right. I care for you, I trust you… I love you, Leon.”
Emotion was obvious in Merlin’s voice and Leon was left dumbstruck by this confession he had hoped to hear for so long.
“Merlin… I…”
The Knight took Merlin’s face between his hands.
“I love you, too.”
And then Leon kissed Merlin. The kiss was messy and frantic as they were finally letting their desires do the talking. They only parted once they were breathless.
“So… Haven’t you talked about a bath?”
Merlin nodded and let go of Leon. But when the Knight expected him to go and ask some servant to bring them a tub and warm water, Merlin went to the bedroom.
“Merlin?”
Leon followed him. Merlin stood in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed. Leon finally understood.
When Merlin opened his eyes, they were gold. A few mysterious words later, a huge tub was occupying the centre of the room, filled with steaming water.
Leon couldn’t draw his eyes from Merlin and the servant noticed it.
“You like when I do some magic, don’t you?” he asked, cheekily.
“I must admit that these golden eyes are quite sexy on you…”
“Do you want to see them again, then?”
“What are you planning?” Leon asked amused. He was happy to discover this new side of Merlin.
“You’ll see…”
Merlin came closer to Leon, put a little kiss on his lips before murmuring another spell, his eyes fixed on Leon’s.
A soft breeze passed between them making their clothes disappear.
“That’s a very useful trick, indeed,” Leon noted.
Merlin smiled, flirting and Leon knew he was lost. He would never be able to resist that smile.
He followed Merlin to the bathtub. There, he went in and leaned against the edge. Merlin joined him and decided to settle between Leon’s legs, leaning against him. Leon welcomed him in his arms.
“Comfortable?”
“Very,” Merlin answered.
Leon gently dropped a kiss in his hair and relaxed.
“If I’m going to have a bath like that after every training, it will be very motivating,” he joked.
“I would love to take care of you, then,” Merlin answered more serious.
“I think I could grow accustomed to this.”
Leon punctuated his answer by a small kiss on Merlin’s lips. But as he wanted to draw back, Merlin retained him, turning to face him, straddling his hips.
The kiss deepened. Leon could feel Merlin’s tongue invading his mouth, taking the upper hand and he let go easily. After all it was perhaps better if Merlin was to set his own rhythm.
Merlin who continued to kiss him passionately when his hands started to roam on his torso and shoulders. Leon put his hands on Merlin’s narrow hips, keeping him close. So close Leon could soon feel Merlin’s erection against his. A small moan escaped him. He drew back to catch his breath.
But Merlin had none of it. He attacked Leon’s neck and shoulders with kisses and small bites. Leon had always guessed he would be a passionate lover and he was not disappointed.
Even less so when the young man started to rock his hips slightly. Leon encouraged the movement, guiding him.
Their breaths were getting shallow. Desire was too deep to resist.
“Merlin… If… If you continue like that, I won’t last very long…” Leon confessed as Merlin was now stroking his torso, teasing his nipples with each move.
“I know… But we have all the afternoon… And all night…” Merlin panted.
“Yeah… All night…”
Then, Leon drew Merlin even closer, pressing their bodies against each other. Merlin gripped his shoulders and resumed his movements.
Leon moaned. It was so intense. He slid a hand between their bodies and gripped their cocks, drawing a gasp from Merlin.
“I want you so much,” the servant confessed before kissing Leon again.
Their rhythm increased. Their moans grew louder. Their sensations were increased by the warm water surrounding them. It was perfect.
“I’m yours… All yours,” Leon answered between two groans.
“Yeah… Mine…” Merlin repeated.
Leon felt his whole body shuddering and he knew Merlin was close. He stroked their cocks a little harder and felt his own desire pool in his belly.
“I’m…” Merlin started.
“Me, too.” Leon interrupted.
And a few strokes later, they were both coming, the other’s name on the lips.
Merlin’s head settled on Leon’s shoulder. He was still trembling. Leon knew it was special for Merlin. The young man had confessed, during one of their long conversation, that he had had some affairs with peasants back in Ealdor but it had never been more than a tumble in the hay. It had never mean anything. Now, it was different. They had shared a moment of passion and love, too. So, even if he felt tired and lethargic, he gathered enough energy to gently caress Merlin’s back in a calming gesture.
“Are you alright?” he whispered to his lover.
Merlin nodded. Leon could feel his shorts breaths on his skin. The young man relaxed in his arms till he finally found the strength to lift his head and look at him.
“It was… Wow…”
Leon laughed.
“Yeah, it was.”
“Thank you Leon,” Merlin murmured.
“What for?”
“Everything… Accepting me… Loving me.”
“It’s not really a burden, you know,” the Knight joked.
“We’ll see what you say in a few months.”
A few months… The simple mention of a future they could share made Leon feel giddy. A few weeks ago he had never hoped to live a moment like that and now he was there, with this wonderful man in his arms, talking about their future.
He knew life would not get easier. Not when you were a Knight of Camelot and a hidden Sorcerer. Not where your duty was to protect a Prince destined to become the greatest King of all times. Not when you were fighting against devil enemies.
But with Merlin by his side, life would be far more enjoyable.
“What are you thinking about?” Merlin asked, his index smoothing the creases on Leon’s forehead.
“You…”
“But I’m here you know.”
A small pout appeared on Merlin’s lips and Leon wanted nothing more than to kiss it.
“You’re right.”
Leon kissed Merlin. And Merlin kissed back.
Everything else could wait.
Title: The heart is the only broken instrument that works
Rating: R
Pairing(s): one sided Merlin/Arthur, Leon/Merlin
Summary: Merlin has a hard time working for Arthur. Leon wants to help him and make him happy again.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 6910
A/N: It's my first post here. I hope I've done everything right. If not, just let me know! Thanks to the lovely derenai for the beta.
Leon was going back to his chambers when he saw Merlin. The young man sat on the floor in a small alcove. He was holding his head in his arms, trembling slightly. He was clearly upset by something.
"Merlin?" Leon asked, rushing to kneel next to him. "Merlin? Are you alright?"
The servant didn't answer but all his body shook and Leon realized he was crying. Rapidly checking if Merlin looked hurt and noticing with relief that he wasn't, Leon sat next to him.
"Merlin? What's going on?"
Still no answer but the sobs increased.
"Please, tell me, Merlin. I'll try to help you but I need to know what's going on," Leon pleaded. He had taken Merlin in his arms. The young man was so thin, frail even. Leon gently rubbed his back and cradled him.
Finally, Merlin seemed to calm down.
"Merlin?"
"It's so hard, Leon," the servant whispered.
"What is so hard?"
"Working for him."
Leon immediately knew Merlin was talking about Arthur.
"He… I can't anymore. I… He never sees what I'm doing for him. He never sees me how I really am. I… I do everything I can for him. I would give my life for him!" Merlin rambled.
Leon knew all that. Merlin had already proven he was ready to give his life for Arthur. More than once. But the Prince had reciprocated it. And even if sometimes he was quite harsh with his manservant, Leon thought that he and Merlin were friends.
"But… You like him? And he likes you?" The Knight tried to understand.
"He'll never like me as much as I like him," Merlin concluded, dejected.
Finally everything made sense. Merlin was in love with Arthur. It wasn't really a surprise for Leon. He had noticed the hidden glances, the way Merlin touched Arthur more than it was acceptable for a servant. But he has always thought the feelings were mutual.
"You love him?"
Merlin nodded and hid his face against Leon's chest. Small sobs made his body shiver again.
"I'm sorry Merlin. Really."
Once again, the Knight held him close and tried to give him all the comfort he needed even if he knew it wasn't enough. Leon felt powerless. He wished he could help Merlin. The young man deserved some happiness in his life. But you couldn’t command feelings.
"I wish I could do something."
"I… I know. It's just… Some days, it's really hard… And… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have broken down like that."
Merlin straightened up and tried to escape Leon's arms. The Knight didn't let go of him, though.
"Merlin, it's alright. I'm your friend, I hope you know it?"
The servant nodded, grateful.
"So, if you need to talk about it sometimes, you know you can come to me, right?"
Another nod. Leon gently stroked Merlin's hair before finally letting him go.
"What do you think about a small raid to the kitchens? I suppose you haven't had supper yet."
A small smile appeared on Merlin's face and Leon was glad to see it. He knew that Merlin's suffering would not disappear by magic but if he had been able to give him some comfort than he was content.
***
After that evening, Leon watched Merlin more closely. And he saw the tiredness, the edginess, the sadness behind the smiles and the clumsiness.
He also realised how alone Merlin really was. His closest friend was Arthur. But his feelings for the Prince were making their friendship awkward.
Gaius was like a father for Merlin… But fathers were not the people you could confide in the most easily.
His mother was far away and even if Arthur would not prevent him going to see her in Ealdor, Leon knew Merlin was missing her.
Lancelot had been very close to Merlin, too. But he was now dead.
Gwen had also seemed like a good friend… If she wasn't the one Arthur was in love with.
Of course, all the Knight cared for Merlin. But the servant didn't seem to confide in any of them.
Merlin was alone with his unrequited love. And Leon decided to be there for him if the servant would let him.
***
Two weeks after their first encounter in the hall, Leon found Merlin sitting on the stairs leading to Arthur's chambers. His eyes were fixed in front of him, blank. He was clearly lost in his thoughts.
"Merlin?" Leon called as he sat next to him.
"Leon?"
The servant looked surprised.
Now that he was closer, the Knight noticed the tears' strains on Merlin's face.
"Are you alright, Merlin?"
Merlin shook his head and took a deep breath. Leon guessed he was trying to hold back his tears.
"Do you want to go somewhere else?" he suggested.
Merlin nodded and stood up. He followed Leon to the Knight's chambers. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Merlin let go and burst into tears.
Once again, Leon held him in his arms. But this time he didn't ask about what was going on. He knew it as he knew he couldn't really do anything to help his friend aside from being there to cuddle him.
They stayed like that, close and silent for so long Leon's arms started to feel numb. But he had promised to himself he would be here for Merlin so he didn't move. Not before Merlin would ask him to.
When Merlin stopped crying he stayed nestled in Leon's arm.
"Leon?" the servant asked a long time later when it was starting to get dark outside.
"Yes?"
"Can… Can I come…? Another day… You know… To talk," Merlin asked timidly.
"Of course! I've already told you! I'm your friend and I'm here if you need to talk."
Merlin watched Leon intensely before thanking him, smiling.
"Thank you, Leon. I'm happy to have you as a friend."
Merlin put a brief kiss on Leon's jaw and stood up, bidding him good night.
Leon was left dumbstruck by this sudden display of affection and he kept stroking his jaw a long time after Merlin had left his room.
***
The next day, Merlin came after having finished his chores for Arthur. It was already late but Leon had waited for him, sensing the he would come that day. He had also asked for a second meal, knowing that Merlin wouldn't have eaten.
In fact, the servant nearly fainted of happiness when he saw the tray full of food.
"Thank you Leon!" he said, cheerfully before sitting at the table and attacking his meal.
"It's nothing!"
Leon had noticed how Merlin seemed even thinner than before and how small he felt when he had held him in his arms.
Merlin smiled and ate everything. Then, Leon and he sat in front of the fire in companionable silence.
After that day, it quickly became a habit. Every evening, after putting Arthur to bed, Merlin would come to Leon's chambers. They would eat together and then sit and talk. Most of the time about their day or the last gossips of the Court. Sometimes, they also shared more personal stories.
Merlin told Leon about his childhood in Ealdor, about his friend Will and about his mother. Leon talked about his own childhood, about his admiration for his father who had been a Knight of Camelot too and about the way he died fighting against sorcerers during the Great Purge.
The night Leon told Merlin about his father's death, Merlin cried again. And Leon held him not knowing what had caused this sudden meltdown when Merlin seemed happier during the past days. But he remembered that Merlin never talked about his father. Perhaps was he dead too and Leon's story had revived bad memories? Leon never asked Merlin and when the young man continued to spend his evening in the Knight's company, they forgot about that night.
***
"Leon?"
The Knight turned to face Arthur.
"Sire?"
"I wanted to tell you I'll be out of Camelot this afternoon…"
Leon nodded, noticing the way Arthur's face was turning slightly pink.
"It's a… hum… Personal business. So my father doesn't really need to hear about it."
He nodded again, guessing what kind of personal matter could make Arthur lie to his father.
"So if there is any emergency, I ask you to come find me… We will be in the clearing near the stream, east of the city."
"Of course, Sire. You can count on my discretion."
"Thank you, Leon. I knew I could count on you."
Arthur slapped Leon's back before going back to his chambers.
Leon smiled sadly. Merlin would be hurt again and he couldn’t do anything to prevent it.
***
Later that day, as he was overseeing the training of the young squires, Leon saw Arthur, Gwen and Merlin leaving Camelot by horse, carrying what could only be necessities for a picnic.
But what caught the Knight's attention was the dim expression on Merlin's face.
And suddenly, Leon saw everything more clearly. The reason it had become so hard for Merlin to work for Arthur, the way Arthur seemed harsher with Merlin, the permanent sadness in the servant's eye, the distance between Gwen and him. Everything was making sense, now.
Not only Merlin had to see the man he loved every day without being able to do anything but he was also Arthur’s confident. He was the one Arthur told about Gwen, the one who helped the Prince woo the serving girl, the one to witness the love between them grow and bloom.
Leon felt a sudden urge to protect Merlin, to take him away from all this pain and cradle him till he was smiling again.
***
That night, Merlin came earlier and it didn't take long for Leon to guess that Arthur was spending the evening with Gwen.
Merlin remained silent as they waited for a servant to bring them their supper. Then he didn't eat that much. Leon knew his feeling was right.
When they sat in front of the fire, like every other night, he couldn’t help but ask.
"It’s hurting you to see them, doesn’t it?"
Of course, Merlin didn’t answer immediately. But the way his shoulders tensed and how he looked at the floor told Leon he was right.
Gently, the Knight put his arm around Merlin’s shoulder and drew him closer.
Leon looked at the fire. He didn’t want to push Merlin.
Merlin finally talked, much later when the fire was already nothing more than glowing embers.
“It’s so hard… I’ve tried, you know… I told myself nothing would never happen between us… That he was a Prince and me a simple servant… That I shouldn’t love him… But it didn’t work.”
Merlin shrugged, defeated.
“So… I decided to… Continue. And… In a way, I want him to be happy and I know that Gwen is the right one for him.”
Leon stroked Merlin’s neck, feeling the little strands of dark hair tickling his hand.
“But… It’s hard because I can’t leave him… He… He needs me… And I need him, too. It hurts being close to him every day but I know it would hurt even more if I left him. And… I need to protect him.”
“You know he has Knights to protect him?”
Leon didn’t mocked Merlin because he knew that, even if he wasn’t a Knight, Merlin had already saved Arthur’s life more than any other Knight of Camelot. He was also braver than many of them.
“It’s not the same,” Merlin told Leon. “I can’t… It’s… You’ll think I’m a fool but… I’m destined to be at Arthur’s side… Till the end.”
“You’re not a fool Merlin… And… I can’t explain it but I’ve always had that feeling you belonged here, you know. With us… With Arthur.”
Merlin looked at Leon, then and if his eyes were still full of sadness, a smile appeared on his lips.
“Thank you, Leon.”
Merlin let his head fall on the Knight’s shoulder and nestled closer, shivering slightly.
They stayed like that till the fire was completely extinguished and then Merlin kissed Leon’s jaw and bid him goodnight.
Later, as Leon was trying to find sleep, he promised to himself he would do something to make Merlin happy. Even for just a day. He needed to find a way to take Merlin’s mind off Arthur and Gwen.
***
Two days later, Leon had finally found a way to cheer Merlin up. It would need some preparations, though. So the Knight went to see the Prince after the training.
“Sire?”
“Leon… What brings you here?”
“I would like to make a request, my Lord,” Leon asked almost reverently.
If it needed some flattering for Arthur to accept, Leon was ready to do it.
“I’m listening.”
“I would like you to allow Merlin and me to have three days off, Sire.”
“Three days off?”
Arthur seemed surprised by Leon’s request.
“And can I ask what for?” the Prince continued.
“As you may know, my Lord, Merlin hadn’t had a chance to see his mother since you went to Ealdor to protect the village. And I know that he misses her dearly…”
“Shouldn’t he ask for that himself, then?” Arthur asked.
His tone was cold but Leon knew that if he had already made his mind, the Prince would have already said so.
“You know him… He would think that he’s giving up on his duties… On you.”
“You’re right…”
Arthur looked thoughtful. Leon hoped the Prince had seen how Merlin had seemed tired and sad during the past weeks and would seize the opportunity to offer his manservant some well-deserved rest.
“And I suppose you want to accompany him?”
“We can’t let him travel alone, Sire.”
“You’re right again, Leon.”
For a second, Leon hoped that Arthur would not offer to accompany Merlin himself. It would probably still make Merlin happy but Leon had to admit that this little trip was also a way for him to spend more time alone with Merlin.
“Alright then… But not before next week… We’re welcoming two new squires tomorrow and I need you to take care of them!”
“Thank you, my Lord.” Leon bowed slightly, unable to hide the bright smile that had appeared on his face.
“And I suppose it has to remain a surprise?”
“Yes…”
“I’ll be as silent as a tomb!”
“Thank you, Sire.”
Leon curtsied and left. He couldn’t wait to tell Merlin. But then, he thought better. If he told Merlin now, the servant would be so giddy he would be even clumsier and more lightheaded than usual. He decided to wait till the eve of their departure. And he had to write a letter to Hunith to tell her about their visit. Everything had to be perfect.
***
Five days later, after having shared a simple meal, Merlin and Leon decided to go for a walk on the citadel’s battlements.
The air was still warm after a long sunny day but a light wind was rising.
“Merlin?” Leon called as they leaned against the low wall to watch the city below them.
“Yes?”
“I have a surprise for you.”
“I love surprises! Have you asked for honey cakes for the dessert?” Merlin asked, hopeful.
Leon laughed.
“No… But if you want I can ask to have some packed for our trip.”
“I didn’t know Arthur had planned a trip.”
“He hasn’t.”
Merlin looked lost. He was like a child, curious and impatient. Leon decided not to tease him more.
“Yeah… We’re leaving tomorrow morning… To Ealdor.”
“To Ealdor?” Merlin repeated, awestruck.
“I thought you would like to visit your mother… As you haven’t seen her in a long time.”
Leon was suddenly afraid when Merlin didn’t react. Wasn’t he happy? But as he was pondering what he could have done bad, Leon felt Merlin body against him and arms around his neck.
“Oh Leon! Thank you! Thank you so much!”
Leon hold Merlin close and finally relaxed.
“If you’re happy then it’s perfect!”
Then, Merlin drew back.
“But… What about Arthur? He will not let me go…” Merlin looked so disappointed.
“I’ve already taken care of that… We have three days off.”
“You’re serious?”
Leon nodded and once again, Merlin threw himself at him.
***
When they arrived near Ealdor after nearly a whole day ride, Merlin started to look more and more bubbly. He was talking and talking about everything… Ealdor, his mum, how he hoped she would have prepared his favourite stew. Leon listened, enjoying to see him so happy.
And when they finally entered the village, Merlin dismounted hurriedly to run towards a woman and hug her. Leon guessed she was Hunith. She was younger than he had thought. She must have had Merlin when she was still a teenager.
Leon watched as they both enjoyed their reunion then he dismounted too and led their horses to the stables.
When he came out, Merlin was waiting for him with his mother.
“Leon! Mum, this is Leon.”
“My lady.” Leon curtsied.
“Oh no! I’m not a lady! Call me Hunith!” she objected, slightly blushing. “But come! You must be hungry after such a long ride!”
Leon smiled when he saw Merlin nodding enthusiastically.
“I’ve prepared a rabbit stew. It’s Merlin’s favourite. I hope you’ll like it, too!”
Merlin smile grew even bigger.
“I’m sure it’s going to be delicious. Merlin told me you were a great cook!”
“He’s probably not very impartial.”
“I am!” Merlin objected. “Your cooking is delicious!”
They all smiled as they entered Hunith’s house.
***
The next morning, Hunith sent Leon and Merlin to assist some of the villagers. They helped Frank repair his shed then went to Lana and repaired her roof and finally, they stored the last harvest.
It was tiring but also strangely comforting. Helping people as one of the reason Leon had decided to become a Knight after all. And Merlin seemed happy, too. He was back home and clearly wanted to do as much as he could.
Quite often, Leon surprised himself by glancing at Merlin and watching him work. He looked at the way the servant was moving. He noticed how behind his frail stature Merlin was quite muscular and strong. And his eyes lingered on Merlin’s body. But he dismissed all the thoughts that came when the young man bent over to grab a fork on the floor. Merlin was his friend. Merlin was in love with Arthur. And whatever Leon was feeling it wouldn’t be welcome. So he focused on his work again.
When they stopped to grab a bite for lunch, sitting in a meadow outside the village, they could finally talk.
“So? For how long have you planned this?” Merlin asked between his second and third plate of dried venison.
“A little more than two weeks…”
“My mum told me how happy she was when she received your letter… Thank you, Leon.”
“I just wanted to see you happy… You deserve it,” Leon confessed.
“Thank you. It really means a lot for me!”
Merlin leaned and put a kiss on Leon’s jaw. And Leon was happy, too.
***
When the time to leave came, sadness filled Merlin’s eyes. He hugged his mother for a long moment and promised to come back.
“Will you come back, too, Sir Leon?” Hunith asked, her son still in her arms.
“I will… I’ve promised to help reconstruct the barn. So we’ll try to come back before the winter settles in.”
“You’ll always welcome in my house.”
“Thank you, Hunith.”
Then Leon went to the horses, letting Merlin and his mum share their goodbyes.
He was tying the saddle bags when Merlin joined him.
“Ready?”
The servant nodded and mounted his horse.
He stayed silent for the first part of the ride and Leon could understand that. Merlin was probably still sad about leaving his mother.
But as they entered the forest, Merlin started talking again. And when they approached Camelot, he was happier than he had been in months.
Leon’s mission was accomplished.
***
Reports had been coming from the northern border about bandits trying to rob the travellers. Arthur had decided to go and see by himself. His father had asked him to take a few men with him. Of course Leon as the first Knight had been chosen and Merlin was always accompanying his master during such patrol.
They settled for their first night in the forest and Leon helped Merlin gather wood for the fire. It was not unusual as one of the knight always offered to help the manservant.
As they picked up the wood, they talked about their journey and the places they were going to. Leon described it animatedly to Merlin, enjoying the way he smiled or made small astonished noises. It was always pleasurable to spend time with Merlin and Leon couldn't deny anymore he was enjoying it far too much to be a simple friendship.
Nonetheless, he knew that Merlin was in love with Arthur, even if it was unrequited. So he decided not to rush anything. He’ll see how things would go between Merlin and him.
As they sat around the fire to eat, Leon watched Merlin. He was sitting on the other side, next to Arthur. He put some of the broth in Arthur’s bowl and gave it to him with a small smile. Arthur smiled back and thanked him. And Leon understood that it were these things, the smiles, the soft words, that made it so hard for Merlin. Even if the Prince was sometimes rude and unkind, in the end, he cared for Merlin.
Later, when they all settled for the night, Leon searched for Merlin. He wanted to spend some time with him before going to bed.
“Merlin?”
“Oh Leon… Hum… I need to help Arthur with his armour. So…”
“Oh… Of course.” Leon answered, trying to hide his disappointment.
“But…If you want, I can help you with yours afterwards?” Merlin proposed genuinely.
“Your help would be welcomed. Thank you.”
“Wait for me!” Merlin said before rushing to Arthur.
Leon didn’t want to observe Arthur and Merlin interact anymore so he decided to set his and Merlin’s bedrolls. He knew that, usually, Merlin slept next to Arthur but he hoped that he could make an exception that night. He put Merlin’s bedroll closer to the fire, knowing the servant was quite sensitive to the cold.
Then, he went to the others Knights to organize the watch’s shifts for the night. Then he came back to the fire and sat on a log, waiting for Merlin’s return.
“Leon?”
Merlin voice roused Leon from his thoughts.
“Oh Merlin! I hope you don’t mind…” he added with a glance toward the servant’s bedroll.
Merlin smiled and shook his head.
“No, it’s perfect like that… So let me help you out of your armour.”
Leon stood up and Merlin started to undo the leather straps.
They stayed silent all along and Leon had to resist shivering each time Merlin touched him under the metal of the armour.
Finally, the protection laid on the floor. Still not talking, Leon and Merlin got ready for the night. They were not looking at each other, suddenly shy.
Then Leon sat on his bedroll and waited for Merlin to do the same. They smiled and bid each other goodnight before sliding under the covers. They were face to face, eyes still open. Silence had taken over the camp.
It was more intimate than all the others moments they had shared. For the first time, Leon was hopeful. He felt like there was a small chance to help Merlin forget Arthur and perhaps find his way to the servant’s heart.
Suddenly, Leon felt something soft and warm on his hand. He turned his head to find Merlin’s hand gently stroking his.
The Knight smiled. There was definitely some hope.
Leon was about to close his eyes when he felt a gaze on him. It took him only two seconds to identify the watcher.
The Prince was sitting on the other side of the fire, looking at Merlin and him. But where Leon had feared to see anger or reprimand, he only discovered approval. The prince nodded and stood up, leaving Leon and Merlin to their new intimacy.
***
On the morning, Arthur came to check on Leon at the end of his shift. Leon had done the last one. And when he had been awaken by Gwaine, he had still been holding Merlin’s hand. He had needed all his will to let it go but he had a job to do.
“So? How was the night?” Arthur asked, still in his night clothes, meaning that Merlin was probably still asleep.
“Calm, Sire. I think we haven’t been spotted yet.”
“Good… I hope we can take the bandits by surprise.”
Leon nodded. But when he expected Arthur to go back to the camp, the Prince stayed by his side.
“Can I do something for you, Sire?”
“I’ve seen you and Merlin… Yesterday… You’re very close, aren’t you?”
Leon had no reason to lie to his Prince.
“Yes… He’s a very dear friend of mine.”
“Leon… You should know that I care a lot for Merlin…”
Arthur stopped, probably realising he had confessed something very important to Leon.
“I… I would be very happy if there shall be someone to take care of him… Like he deserves it.”
Leon heard the “like I can’t do it myself” that Arthur didn’t say. And he understood. Arthur had responsibilities, duties. He wasn’t free to follow his heart. The Knight nodded.
“I’ll do everything I can to protect him.”
“And to make him happy?” the Prince added.
“Yes, Sire.”
“Arthur?”
Merlin’s call interrupted them. Arthur went back to the camp without a look back. Leon stayed there a little longer, trying to process everything.
***
After that expedition, Merlin and Leon grew even closer. They spent all their free time together. And even more than that, making the best of all the time their paths crossed to share a smile or a tender gesture.
It never went further than that. Merlin seemed happy like that and Leon was afraid to break this relationship by wanting more.
But as the time went by, Leon was more and more frustrated by this strange relationship, between friendship and something deeper.
So, one night, as Merlin was spending the evening in Leon’s chambers, the Knight decided to confront him.
Merlin was sitting his a chair that had become his during the previous weeks, in front of the fire, reading. He often spent time like that when Leon was working on the training schedule or the reports he had to submit to Arthur.
“Merlin?”
Merlin stopped reading and looked at Leon who had come closer.
“Yes?”
“Can we talk a bit?”
“Of course!”
Merlin just sat on the floor then and Leon joined him.
The Knight took a deep breath. Their friendship was at stake here. But he needed to know where they were going.
“Merlin… You know I care for you a lot, don’t you?”
Merlin nodded.
“I… I need to know… Are my feelings unrequited? If so, just tell me… I won’t be mad but… I need to know.”
Merlin was looking at the fire, averting Leon’s gaze.
“It’s… It’s more complicated than that…”
“It’s Arthur? You still love him? I’m your friend, Merlin. Tell me the truth.”
Leon remained calm but he needed to have an answer, he couldn’t go on like that anymore. If Merlin didn’t share his feelings, it would hurt but a clean cut was better than a slow tear.
“I… I can’t’ Leon… I’m sorry but I can’t!”
Leon didn’t understand. What was preventing Merlin to tell him? He put his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture.
“Are you afraid of Arthur? Of someone else?”
Merlin didn’t answered. He was still looking at the fire. He felt tense and on the defensive. Leon hadn’t seen him like that for a long time.
“Please… Tell me.”
“Leon… I… I can’t! You don’t understand! I can’t tell anybody… It’s…”
“No, I don’t understand. So please, explain it…”
Merlin sighed and finally faced Leon.
“If… If I tell you, you’ll hate me… And…”
“No, I’ll never hate you!” Leon interrupted. “I’ve told you! I care for you, Merlin… And probably even more than you imagine.”
Merlin seemed shaken by Leon’s words. He gently took Leon’s hand in his.
“Are you sure you want to know?” he asked, his voice not more than a whisper.
“Yes… Whatever you’ll tell me, I’m ready to hear it.”
Merlin nodded and stood up abruptly. He offered his hand to Leon who took his without a thought. Wherever Merlin wanted to go, he’ll follow.
But the servant only went to the Knight’s bed, sitting in the middle of it. Leon followed him and kneeled in front of him.
“Leon… Before I tell you I need you to promise me something.”
Leon nodded, noticing Merlin’s serious tone. He was a Knight and a Knight’s promise was not something to take lightly.
“Promise me you’ll not tell anyone about it… Never… Whatever may happen, you’ll keep it secret.”
“You have my word, Merlin.”
Leon gently took Merlin’s hand and put a kiss on his knuckles, sealing his vow.
“Does that means that nobody knows about it?” he asked, curious.
“My mum and Gaius know… And… Lancelot knew, too.”
Leon was trying to guess was Merlin’s secret was but nothing made sense… His mum, Gaius and Lancelot? But not Arthur?
“Leon?”
“Tell me.”
Leon was still holding Merlin’s hand but he freed it. He cupped both of his hands in front of him and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath.
And, when Leon thought he would finally talk, he just opened his eyes and murmured some strange words. Words that sent shivers in Leon’s whole body.Then, his hands opened too and, cradled in his palms was a fire. A real fire, burning bright.
“What?” was all Leon was able to say.
He tried to find an explanation at what he was seeing but none came. Nothing else than the truth… Merlin was a sorcerer.
“Leon?”
The Knight looked at Merlin, still holding that fire in his palms. His eyes were burning, too. He was so beautiful like this.
It was all it took for Leon to accept it. Merlin was still Merlin. And if had been a gentle and caring person just before, he still was now.
“Merlin… Can… Can you stop, please?”
Merlin’s face fell, hurt visible in his blue again eyes. The fire had disappeared.
“No… Merlin! I… I just wanted to…”
Leon hesitated. But Merlin had took a great risk by telling him about his secret. Now it was his time to be brave.
“Merlin… I know there is a lot of things we need to talk about but… There is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now… Can I kiss you?”
Merlin smiled and it was enough for Leon to lean in and put his lips on Merlin’s. At first, it was just a gentle press, they were discovering each other, inching closer and closer. Then, Leon let his arms circle Merlin waist and he licked his lips, parting them and finally deepened the kiss.
But they didn’t let their desires take the upper hand. It wasn’t the moment for that. They had a lot of things to discuss first. So they reluctantly let go of each other’s mouths but stayed close.
“Tell me Merlin… Tell me everything,” Leon asked.
And Merlin told him. From his birth to that day. His childhood, the discovery of his powers. His fears. The way he had missed his father. His arrival in Camelot. Everything he had done for Arthur. Will’s death. His too short reunion with Balinor. His love for Freya. His love for Arthur. The real extend of his powers.
And Leon listened, asked, discovered. He had always knew Merlin was unique and he was realising how much.
Yet, he never felt scared. He was still convinced that, sorcerer or not, Merlin was good. If magic could corrupt people who sought power or wealth, in the hand of Merlin, it was just a tool, a weapon he had used only to protect Arthur and Camelot.
And when Leon told that to Merlin, he saw tears appears in his eyes. He hugged him and Merlin let go of all these fears and frustrations he had kept for years. Now somebody was loving him wholly. Leon kept him in his arms and kissed him, tasting the salt of his tears.
After that, they talked more. Merlin retelling Leon about episodes he had lived but had never knew the truth about.
When the sun rose behind the hills that encircled Camelot, Merlin finally fell asleep, cradled in Leon’s arms.
***
After Merlin’s confession, life returned to normal. Leon and Merlin still spent a lot of time together. But there was a new understanding between them. And there were also the kisses, the heated gazes and fleeting touches.
But Leon started to want more than that. He knew that Merlin was still reluctant to go for it. The Knight was ready to wait. Even if he was getting more frustrated with each passing day.
It went on like that for weeks, though. Merlin confessed that he needed a little more time to finally overcome his feelings for Arthur. But he promised to Leon that he would not have to wait in vain.
And then, one day, when Leon returned to his chambers after training, he found Merlin already there, waiting for him.
“Merlin? Shouldn’t you be working for Arthur or helping Gaius?”
“I’ve asked for some free time… I wanted to spend the afternoon with you,” Merlin explained with a shy smile.
“Oh… Then…”
Leon couldn’t really hide his happiness. He had wanted to spend a quiet moment with Merlin for a long time but Arthur was working them hard. This free afternoon was welcome. He crossed the room to take Merlin in his arms and kissed him.
“And what have you planned for this afternoon, then?” Leon asked before showering Merlin’s neck with small kisses.
“I thought you would like a bath to relax after the training.”
“Mmm… That’s an excellent idea.”
“And… Perhaps I could take it with you,” Merlin added.
Leon looked at him. He seemed serious. Was he really implying that they could do more than just wash each other?
“Merlin… You want to…” Leon hesitated but Merlin nodded before he could continue.
“Leon… I… This morning, I’ve received a letter from my mother. I wrote her last week to tell her that you knew about my magic and accepted it. And she told me how happy she was that I’ve found someone I cared for and trusted enough to tell them. She was relieved that I was not alone anymore, that there was somebody who really knew me, wholly.”
Leon listened to Merlin. He knew that he wouldn’t have suddenly changed his mind without a great motive.
“And… I realised she was right. I care for you, I trust you… I love you, Leon.”
Emotion was obvious in Merlin’s voice and Leon was left dumbstruck by this confession he had hoped to hear for so long.
“Merlin… I…”
The Knight took Merlin’s face between his hands.
“I love you, too.”
And then Leon kissed Merlin. The kiss was messy and frantic as they were finally letting their desires do the talking. They only parted once they were breathless.
“So… Haven’t you talked about a bath?”
Merlin nodded and let go of Leon. But when the Knight expected him to go and ask some servant to bring them a tub and warm water, Merlin went to the bedroom.
“Merlin?”
Leon followed him. Merlin stood in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed. Leon finally understood.
When Merlin opened his eyes, they were gold. A few mysterious words later, a huge tub was occupying the centre of the room, filled with steaming water.
Leon couldn’t draw his eyes from Merlin and the servant noticed it.
“You like when I do some magic, don’t you?” he asked, cheekily.
“I must admit that these golden eyes are quite sexy on you…”
“Do you want to see them again, then?”
“What are you planning?” Leon asked amused. He was happy to discover this new side of Merlin.
“You’ll see…”
Merlin came closer to Leon, put a little kiss on his lips before murmuring another spell, his eyes fixed on Leon’s.
A soft breeze passed between them making their clothes disappear.
“That’s a very useful trick, indeed,” Leon noted.
Merlin smiled, flirting and Leon knew he was lost. He would never be able to resist that smile.
He followed Merlin to the bathtub. There, he went in and leaned against the edge. Merlin joined him and decided to settle between Leon’s legs, leaning against him. Leon welcomed him in his arms.
“Comfortable?”
“Very,” Merlin answered.
Leon gently dropped a kiss in his hair and relaxed.
“If I’m going to have a bath like that after every training, it will be very motivating,” he joked.
“I would love to take care of you, then,” Merlin answered more serious.
“I think I could grow accustomed to this.”
Leon punctuated his answer by a small kiss on Merlin’s lips. But as he wanted to draw back, Merlin retained him, turning to face him, straddling his hips.
The kiss deepened. Leon could feel Merlin’s tongue invading his mouth, taking the upper hand and he let go easily. After all it was perhaps better if Merlin was to set his own rhythm.
Merlin who continued to kiss him passionately when his hands started to roam on his torso and shoulders. Leon put his hands on Merlin’s narrow hips, keeping him close. So close Leon could soon feel Merlin’s erection against his. A small moan escaped him. He drew back to catch his breath.
But Merlin had none of it. He attacked Leon’s neck and shoulders with kisses and small bites. Leon had always guessed he would be a passionate lover and he was not disappointed.
Even less so when the young man started to rock his hips slightly. Leon encouraged the movement, guiding him.
Their breaths were getting shallow. Desire was too deep to resist.
“Merlin… If… If you continue like that, I won’t last very long…” Leon confessed as Merlin was now stroking his torso, teasing his nipples with each move.
“I know… But we have all the afternoon… And all night…” Merlin panted.
“Yeah… All night…”
Then, Leon drew Merlin even closer, pressing their bodies against each other. Merlin gripped his shoulders and resumed his movements.
Leon moaned. It was so intense. He slid a hand between their bodies and gripped their cocks, drawing a gasp from Merlin.
“I want you so much,” the servant confessed before kissing Leon again.
Their rhythm increased. Their moans grew louder. Their sensations were increased by the warm water surrounding them. It was perfect.
“I’m yours… All yours,” Leon answered between two groans.
“Yeah… Mine…” Merlin repeated.
Leon felt his whole body shuddering and he knew Merlin was close. He stroked their cocks a little harder and felt his own desire pool in his belly.
“I’m…” Merlin started.
“Me, too.” Leon interrupted.
And a few strokes later, they were both coming, the other’s name on the lips.
Merlin’s head settled on Leon’s shoulder. He was still trembling. Leon knew it was special for Merlin. The young man had confessed, during one of their long conversation, that he had had some affairs with peasants back in Ealdor but it had never been more than a tumble in the hay. It had never mean anything. Now, it was different. They had shared a moment of passion and love, too. So, even if he felt tired and lethargic, he gathered enough energy to gently caress Merlin’s back in a calming gesture.
“Are you alright?” he whispered to his lover.
Merlin nodded. Leon could feel his shorts breaths on his skin. The young man relaxed in his arms till he finally found the strength to lift his head and look at him.
“It was… Wow…”
Leon laughed.
“Yeah, it was.”
“Thank you Leon,” Merlin murmured.
“What for?”
“Everything… Accepting me… Loving me.”
“It’s not really a burden, you know,” the Knight joked.
“We’ll see what you say in a few months.”
A few months… The simple mention of a future they could share made Leon feel giddy. A few weeks ago he had never hoped to live a moment like that and now he was there, with this wonderful man in his arms, talking about their future.
He knew life would not get easier. Not when you were a Knight of Camelot and a hidden Sorcerer. Not where your duty was to protect a Prince destined to become the greatest King of all times. Not when you were fighting against devil enemies.
But with Merlin by his side, life would be far more enjoyable.
“What are you thinking about?” Merlin asked, his index smoothing the creases on Leon’s forehead.
“You…”
“But I’m here you know.”
A small pout appeared on Merlin’s lips and Leon wanted nothing more than to kiss it.
“You’re right.”
Leon kissed Merlin. And Merlin kissed back.
Everything else could wait.