[FIC] As His World Trembles - Part II (Arthur/Merlin; PG-13)

[merlinmusesmod]

~ * ~

Merlin leaned against the wall as a spell of dizziness overwhelmed him. He should eat something. He touched his brow, slipping down the wall as he breathed slowly in and out.

“Hello, are you all right?”A dark-skinned female servant asked him. She looked concerned.

Merlin gave her a small smile. He stood up to prove that he was okay. “I’m good. Thank you. I’ll just be on my way.”

“Oh,” she said. Merlin could tell she wasn’t buying his lie, but he hoped she would let the subject drop. “Well, I’m Guinevere, but everyone calls me Gwen. I’m the Lady Morgana’s maidservant. You’re one of the servants from Lothian, aren’t you?”

Merlin nodded. “I’m Merlin. I’m one of the slaves serving King Lot’s household.”

“Oh dear. We don’t have slaves in Camelot. I’m sorry that you’re in that position.”

“It’s all I’ve known. While we don’t get paid, and we stay in service for life unless we are sold; it’s not so bad if you have a good master.”

“Yes, I can’t argue with that. The Lady Morgana and I are close, and working for her doesn’t feel like a chore most of the time.”

“It’s the same with Prince Gwion and me.”

“He’s the Crown Prince of Lothian?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve heard good things about him.”

“I couldn’t ask for a better prince,” said Merlin.

Gwen smiled back at him.

Then King Lot approached, and Gwen excused herself.

The King of Lothian looked at Merlin with disapproval. “You haven’t eaten, have you? I won’t be bringing back a dead slave. There has been enough death lately, don’t you agree, Merlin?”

Merlin bowed his head. “Yes, Your Majesty. I’m sorry.”

“Very well. I don’t want to send a letter to my son saying you’re starving yourself.”

“Of course, Sire. I don’t want to disappoint Prince Gwion,” Merlin said in earnest. King Lot made him nervous, and he was certain that if the King wasn’t too keen on him before, then he definitely was now. He had a feeling that King Lot was unhappy with him for Prince Corin’s death. After all, Merlin’s words had led to the beating so severe that Prince Corin felt the need to sacrifice his own life to save Merlin’s. Of course the King would not like the fact that he had lost his eldest son for the sake of a slave’s life.

Though Prince Gwion would try to convince Merlin otherwise, he would not waver from his belief of King Lot’s strong displeasure with him. Merlin wouldn’t be surprised if the King would find a way for Merlin to remain at Camelot and not return to Lothian. In case Merlin’s actions would result in the death of Gwion - leaving King Lot with no children.

Merlin was grateful when the King dismissed him.

~ * ~

The next day Merlin ate breakfast with Gwen. She had told him that King Lot had spoken to her, informing her that Merlin needed someone to watch him to make sure he ate.

Merlin just shrugged it off when she asked him why he had this problem.

“You can talk to me if you need to, Merlin. If there’s anything wrong…”

“Nothing’s wrong. I don’t want to talk about it,” Merlin said stubbornly. He moved his spoon around inside his bowl of porridge, and finding its appearance unappetizing, he settled for eating the bread instead.

Gwen frowned. “Did you eat anything yesterday?”

“Some stew and bread,” Merlin told her with a crooked smile. “See? I eat… really, I don’t want you to think you have to watch me. King Lot meant well, I’m sure. Honestly I think he wants to leave me here. I’m not very good at being a slave…doing chores and the cleaning and serving.”

“But won’t Prince Gwion object to you not returning to Lothian?”

“I’ll miss him, but if it’s the King’s wish, there’s not much he can do. I imagine King Lot will persuade him very nicely about why I should be here instead of there.”

“I’d imagine it would be hard to leave Lothian since it’s your home.”

“I was born in Camelot, actually. But I was just a baby when I was taken. I guess my mother decided I’d be better off in Lothian. I suppose she’s long dead now.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” said Gwen. “Well if what you say turns out to be true about staying here, then you can count me as a friend.”

“Thanks. I’m glad to hear that.”

Gwen smiled, and then she looked like she wanted to speak further, but was uncertain.

“What is it?”

“The Lady Morgana has told me that Prince Arthur has spoken of you to her. He seems to like you. When did you meet the Prince?”

Merlin was surprised. They only had one brief meeting. So yes, they shared the secret of the flame and the fact that Merlin possessed some magic. Merlin hadn’t even confided in Prince Gwion about the flame. Mostly because Merlin himself had wanted to pretend the flame was a dream, and then when Prince Corin died, he hadn’t wanted to burden Prince Gwion with the reality of his sudden magical ability.

But no matter the secret sharing, Merlin couldn’t comprehend why this prince was interested enough in him to discuss him with others. He was only a slave, and a broken one at that, as he feared he would always live with that deep aching pain left behind with the death of Euan and Prince Corin’s sacrifice. Sometimes he felt that the only true peace he would gain would be through the peace of his own death.

Merlin refused to give in to that urge if only for Prince Gwion’s sake. He hated imagining how upset and sad Prince Gwion would be if Merlin had died. He had lost his only brother, and Merlin just couldn’t have Prince Gwion suffer yet another death. And Euan’s words about living the best life he could live kept him going. He had to press on somehow. He just had to.

“I met the Prince yesterday. We had a short talk in a corridor. It was rather unremarkable,” Merlin informed her. “What did the Prince say about me to the Lady Morgana?” Merlin asked.

“Just that he liked talking to you. You intrigued him.”

Merlin was certain if Prince Arthur had spoken of the flame, then Gwen would have brought it up. It seemed the prince had been true to his word and kept Merlin’s secret.

The thought of that made Merlin feel warm and a bit excited too. Maybe it wouldn’t be just Gwen that he’d have as a friend in Camelot. But what the Prince’s interest in him would lead to, he wasn’t sure, but he imagined it would be something good. At least he hoped so.

~ * ~

Later that day, Merlin was passing by one of the guest chambers and he saw a knight summoning three snakes from his shield. He knew there was going to be a tournament here in Camelot. He was sure that having those snakes was against the rules. What if they were venomous?

And if Prince Arthur was going to participate, then Merlin couldn’t bear to think of what would happen if the prince was pitted against the snakes. Despite the brief time he had known Prince Arthur, Merlin had grown to care for the man to his surprise.

The fact the prince promised to keep his magic secret made Merlin see him in a different light. Before, he surely would have believed Prince Arthur would be the sort who would tell everyone of Merlin’s magic due to the uneasiness of low-borns possessing magic. What the prince did showed his courage, but still, Merlin didn’t want the prince to be confronted with venomous snakes. That was one time that Merlin didn’t want to see prince’s bravery on display because he feared it wouldn’t be enough. Especially if this knight was determined to take Prince Arthur down with the poisonous snakes.

He made to leave quickly so that the knight wouldn’t spot him. Yet he was too late as the knight turned his head and saw him.

Before Merlin could do anything, the knight had pulled him into the room by the collar and pushed him up against the wall.

“Think you can spy on me, did you?” the knight said.

Merlin shook his head. “I promise I won’t say a word. Please let me go.”

“No, I don’t trust little shits like you. You’re only a servant. You’ll snitch to the highest bidder, won’t you?”

“I promise I won’t! I promise,” Merlin cried out, sounding and feeling desperate.

His hand was growing warm. The flame. The flame was coming. But he could never quite get the hang of making it appear at the moment he wished it to.

“Liar. Perhaps you want to see what my snakes can do?”

“No! Please. I promise! Please!” Merlin tried to persuade him.

The knight pressed the blade of his dagger at his throat leaving Merlin afraid to make a sudden movement as certain death awaited him. He silently urged the flame to appear.

The knight ignored his desperate pleading and waved at his snakes to attack Merlin. One of the snakes slithered toward Merlin and the knight bent down to grab the snake. Fear kept Merlin in place, but he eyed the door considering an escape. Should he go for it and hope the snakes didn’t attack him before he was beyond their reach?

The snake hissed at him and bit him in the hand. An ugly bite wound started to form there.

Merlin then felt his whole right arm getting far too warm.

He tried to make it to the door, but his legs felt heavy. The venom was affecting him. He was going to die.

“Having trouble?” the knight asked with a smirk.

Merlin felt his eyes well up with tears. He didn’t want to die like this in front of a man who’d rather grant him a painful death than any mercy or compassion.

“You are no true knight,” Merlin said to him defiantly.

The knight snarled at him. “How dare you, boy!”

He curled his fist and looked ready to punch Merlin in the face. Merlin flinched in anticipation of the hard hit.

Then Merlin let out a sigh of relief when the flame appeared in his hand, blazing high and threatening as the knight looked startled and backed away.

And it wasn’t just that. Merlin himself grew startled when a dragon also appeared. The great lizard occupied almost half of the knight’s chambers.

Merlin was doubtful if he had made the dragon appear. But it would have been a logical progression from the flame. A rather big jump in magical talent, but still welcome now as Merlin was feeling feverish. He had slipped down the wall, no longer able to stand he felt so weak. He used his other hand to vanquish the flame on his right hand. The flame had done its job already.

“What in the world? Where did that come from?” the knight exclaimed.

The green dragon had golden eyes and a fierce look in them. The great lizard flapped his wings and breathed out fire at the knight.

Merlin didn’t stop the dragon - wasn’t even sure if he could anyway - as he burned the knight alive. Merlin had just enough energy to cover his ears to not hear the screams of agony and pain from the knight as he was burned to death.

The dragon stomped out the blaze with his big paws.

“Thank you,” said Merlin sincerely. He smiled quietly at the dragon. The creature went to him and dropped his head so that Merlin could pet him.

He closed his eyes, feeling the snake venom circulate inside him slowly killing him. If he was to die, at least he’d have this dragon with him.

He’d always wanted to see a dragon.

He was prevented from falling asleep though when Arthur’s voice permeated through his foggy mind.

“Merlin!” he said urgently. “What happened? Merlin, tell me.”

“Snake venom. ‘m dying…” Merlin managed to inform him.

“No, you’re not.”

“Stubborn,” Merlin murmured. “There’s a dragon…I think…”

“If there was, then the dragon’s gone now. There’s only a pile of ashes. Do you know what happened to Knight Valiant?”

“The dragon killed him… that knight had live snakes in his shield. He was cheating…and now he’s dead.”

Merlin laughed weakly. “I didn’t like him.”

He heard Arthur sigh. “Come on. I need to get you to Gaius. Get that venom out of you.”

Arthur coaxed Merlin into a standing position, and Merlin leaned on him. He didn’t feel steady enough on his feet to stand on his own, much less walk.

“Hmmm, dying isn’t so bad…” Merlin murmured, half-awake. At least with death, the suffocating guilt would leave him alone. He’d have peace and he could be with Euan again.

“Shut up, Merlin. Don’t you dare say that,” Arthur said.

Merlin wondered why Arthur sounded so fierce and annoyed with what he had said. The thought comforted him, making him feel warm and pleasant. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so quick to assume that Arthur was the arrogant prince others claimed him to be.

“Sorry,” said Merlin.

“Don’t apologize. Just focus on staying awake. Unless you’d rather I get the physician to come here?”

“I could walk. I’m fine,” Merlin assured him quickly. “Just need a little help is all,” he amended soon after upon Arthur’s incredulous look.

So the two of them, slowly but surely, made their way to the Court Physician’s chambers. Merlin did his best not to fall asleep as Arthur supported him, his arm around Merlin’s back.

~ * ~

Merlin was in and out of sleep for the night and the following day. The Court Physician Gaius extracted the snake venom and was working on an antidote. Merlin hoped that would mean he’d be well again and he could pretend the incident had never happened.

He was glad to see Gwen visit him and leave him flowers. The prince visited him as well when he could. And Merlin overheard a talk between him and the Lady Morgana. He had a strong feeling that the pair believed him to be asleep, so he took advantage and kept up the charade. He did so especially because he grew curious when he was the topic of their conversation. The truth would come out clearer that way after all.

“You seem fond of this slave, Arthur. Why is that?”

Arthur shrugged. “I just am.”

“My maid Gwen told me that his master is Prince Gwion of Lothian. And that he treats Merlin well. I don’t think Merlin would be interested in staying in Camelot because of your sudden fondness of him.”

“I didn’t say anything about wanting him to stay here.”

“It will be hard for you, I’d imagine. As soon as he sees how much of a prat you are, he’ll want to return to Lothian as soon as he can.”

“Shut up, Morgana,” Arthur shot back at her.

“Or Prince Gwion will forbid you from buying his slave. It will be quite a challenge. I do wonder if you’ll have to grovel to the prince to get what you want. Would be a refreshing change.”

“I now remember why I never like talking with you,” Arthur said, irritated.

Morgana smiled, undeterred, and looking quite amused.

Merlin was enjoying the conversation too, and he contemplated how it’d look like if Prince Arthur would have to beg Prince Gwion to get Merlin. Then again, maybe Prince Arthur was not interested in doing that and the Lady Morgana had read him wrong. Merlin himself wasn’t sure what he’d prefer. While the prince of Camelot had proven to be a good man so far, he didn’t know if he’d be able to call Camelot home and end his service to Prince Gwion.

Was he ready for such a big change?

“Tell me, Arthur. Seriously. There must be a reason. Why Merlin?”

“I don’t know!” Arthur almost shouted at her, raising his hands in exasperation. “Maybe…there’s just something about Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I feel like he should stay here. I don’t want him to leave.”

“Good luck with the groveling then,” Morgana replied with a wicked smile.

Arthur frowned at her, but didn’t deign her with an answer.

Merlin smiled before he drifted off to sleep.

~ * ~

Early the next day, Merlin received the antidote to the snake venom.

“It shall be a few weeks before you get back to normal, but you are out of immediate danger of dying,” Gaius explained to him.

Merlin found that statement somewhat funny as he hadn’t felt like his normal self since Euan died, and then with the magical flame and Prince Corin’s sacrifice. He doubted he’d ever feel normal again.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll have trouble walking for a time. The venom affected your right leg strongly, and it may be hard to keep your balance and walk. A cane should suffice though. You’re young, so you’ll heal well. You just need to be careful for the next month.”

“So I have a lame leg,” Merlin said curtly. That meant he would be unable to fulfill some of his duties like carrying things up the stairs. Not possible if he had to hold on to a cane. Then again, it wasn’t like he enjoyed doing those things, so he was admittedly grateful to get out of doing them for a short time at least.

“Yes,” Gaius nodded. “I can inform King Lot about your situation. I’m certain he will understand.”

“I’m sure he will,” Merlin muttered. And it’d be a nice excuse for King Lot to leave Merlin behind in Camelot - what use was a lame slave to him anyway?

Yet Merlin realized that maybe he wouldn’t mind all too much because of Prince Arthur. Like the prince said of Merlin - that there was something about him - Merlin felt similarly about Arthur. He just had to remain in Camelot to solve this mystery.

He sat up in the cot and tried to stand, but he felt the weakness in his right leg as it wobbled and left him feeling unsteady. He fell back on to the bed as Gaius frowned at him and advised him again to be careful.

“Do you have a cane I could use?” Merlin asked.

“That I do. Prince Arthur left one for you when I told him that you may need a cane. He was quite concerned about you.”

Merlin smiled to himself as Gaius handed him a polished dark wooden cane with engravings all around it.

“That was nice of him,” Merlin said.

He tested out the cane with Gaius watching on to insure he didn’t fall. But the cane turned out to be just what he needed. With it he could stand on his own two feet. Though he had to walk slowly at first, Merlin was confident he could make the best of the situation.

At least he wasn’t dead. A thought that was both reassuring and frustrating. He felt like one foot was in the world of the living and the other in the world of the dead with Euan. It was with great determination that he tried to focus on living and not on his grief that threatened to swallow him whole if he didn’t hold his resolve.

~ * ~

“I want Merlin to be my manservant,” Arthur told King Lot.

The King of Lothian looked thoughtfully at Arthur. “And you wish for my consent?”

Arthur nodded.

“I should warn you that Merlin is not well,” Lot told him, a pointed look in his eye.

“I know the snake venom has affected his leg, but Gaius, the Court Physician here, assures me that Merlin will recover.”

“I don’t mean physically unwell, though I do not deny what you say. Merlin is grieving and he’s suffering in the mind,” Lot said, putting his cup to his lips and drank from it. “Simply put, Merlin is deeply depressed though he may try to hide it.”

Arthur recalled the look of deep pain he saw in Merlin’s eyes. “What happened?”

“I’m afraid it’s a matter that I even find difficult to discuss.”

“I want to help Merlin, and to do that, I need to know what troubles him.”

The King sighed, looking hesitant in revealing the details. Then he nodded. “Very well. My eldest son, Prince Corin, died in an unusual circumstance.”

“How is that?”

“Merlin, the often troublesome slave he is, had insulted a Lord. The Lord’s sons days later gave Merlin a beating so severe that he was at death’s door. My son Corin found him barely alive, and upon learning from then physician that Merlin had little hope of surviving, my son decided to do something about that. He sacrificed his own life at a special lake in Lothian so that the slave Merlin may yet live.”

“So Merlin is feeling guilty about that?”

“Yes. And also, his friend, a fellow slave, died some days before my son’s death. One death is hard enough to take, but two in such a short time is even more difficult. Especially for a slave as slaves are more weak-minded…yet Merlin is a quite uncommon slave, I do have to admit.”

“I noticed he was different from others,” Arthur remarked.

He dared not bring up Merlin’s trick with the flame as he wasn’t sure King Lot knew about it. If he could guess, he believed the King did not. He imagined it would be a detail that Merlin would keep to himself since being a slave with magic was a combination that could land Merlin in even deeper trouble. And if he had been beaten up as King Lot told him, then certainly trouble was the last thing Merlin needed.

“If you believe you’ll be able to handle him considering his state, then you can buy him.”

“I heard that Prince Gwion was his master. Will he accept this decision?”

King Lot waved his hand. “Don’t worry about him. I shall deal with my son. He’s glad that Merlin has come to Camelot, and he will not mind if Merlin does not serve him any longer. Of course I trust you won’t treat him poorly?”

“I won’t,” said Arthur resolutely.

“Then he’s yours. I will write to my son about this news.”

“What is the price for him?”

“Two hundred fifty gold coins will suffice,” said the King.

Arthur agreed to that amount and wondered how he’d tell his father that he’d just bought a slave to be his manservant.

~ * ~

“I’m your manservant now?” Merlin asked him. “Isn’t this bad timing considering I can only walk with a cane? I won’t be very good at it.”

“The decision still stands. And Gaius said you would get better in a few weeks, remember.”

Merlin muttered something under his breath that sounded like, “-depends on what you mean by better.”

Arthur decided it might be good to broach the subject of Merlin’s depression. “Merlin, I know about…”

Yet Merlin cut him off. Sitting on the edge of his cot, he peered down pensively at his hands as if he could not bear to look Arthur in the eye. “How did you explain Knight Valiant’s death? The dragon killed him, but I don’t think anyone will believe that.”

“I handled it. I told my father that Valiant was attacking you without provocation, and I came in to defend you.”

Merlin looked at him then. “And breathed out fire at him so he was left as a pile of ash,” Merlin finished with a disbelieving eye roll.

“Yes well that bit doesn’t matter. I had a torch with me. I hadn’t meant to kill him of course, but sometimes in the heat of battle…”

“Things get heated,” Merlin quipped.

Then he chuckled to himself.

When Merlin kept on laughing, Arthur grew worried.

“Merlin, I don’t think it was that funny,” Arthur said.

Merlin’s laughter subsided. “Sorry…it’s just when I don’t eat, I find some things funnier than they should be.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

Merlin was quiet for a long moment before shrugging. “I can’t remember. Hours ago…at breakfast?”

“Merlin, it’s near suppertime. Don’t tell me you haven’t eaten since this morning,” Arthur scolded him.

“Erm…I might have eaten a little… I don’t like eating.”

“Gaius should be making sure you eat. You’ll be able to heal faster if you eat, Merlin. Don’t you want to get better?”

“It’s not Gaius’s fault. He has other duties. I don’t want him wasting his time with me. And yes, I do want to heal faster, but I can’t help it.”

“Is this because you’re depressed? King Lot told me about Prince Corin…”

Merlin’s expression darkened. “That’s none of your business. He shouldn’t have told you about that.”

“Merlin, I asked him. I want to help you in any way I can.”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” said Merlin stubbornly.

“Well you can’t keep this all inside you. I can’t begin to fathom how you feel, but I doubt Prince Corin wanted you to be miserable.”

“I know what you really want to say,” Merlin told him. “How could a prince ever do sacrifice his life for that of a slave’s? It’s not done. I should have died. And you think that too, deep down, you do. I don’t doubt King Lot wishes he could kill me, but he realizes that Prince Gwion would be against it. And when he dies, he doesn’t want his son hating him for killing me.”

“How do you know King Lot feels like that? You can’t see into his mind. Or into my mind. I don’t think you should have died, Merlin. While what the prince did was unusual, you still deserve a chance at life slave or not. You have magic, Merlin. That’s an uncommon gift that should be celebrated.”

“My magic manifested right after my friend Euan died,” Merlin said unhappily. “Every time the flame appears or other strange magical things like the dragon, it’s a reminder of his death.”

“No matter how the magic came about, you have to accept that it’s there. You have to make peace with it, embrace it. Maybe you can learn how to control your magic instead of your magic making itself known outside of your command. I know it’ll be hard, but you’re alive and--”

“-and what? I should stop acting like I’d rather die? I’m done talking with you,” Merlin shot back at him.

He stood up, grasping his cane.

“Where are you going?” Arthur demanded, irritated, as Merlin began walking away, a bit unsteadily as he used the cane.

Merlin turned around. “Don’t worry. I’ll still be alive by tomorrow morning, My Lord,” he said darkly.

“Merlin-I won’t let you leave.”

Arthur was debating grabbing Merlin’s arm to stop him or trusting his word about not doing anything foolish.

“Go ahead,” Merlin challenged him. “I can’t run from you. Restrain me if you want to. I’m your manservant now, a completely useless one, but I serve you now. So do what you must. I’ll probably hate you for the rest of my life, but what do you care? You’re the Prince and have enough people fawning over you. My opinion means nothing. Good night, My Lord.”

Then he abruptly turned away from Arthur and headed in the direction of the door.

Arthur clenched and unclenched his fists. He was itching to block Merlin’s way. He could do it. Merlin was slow with his lame leg, and Arthur could easily cut him off. But Merlin’s fierce declaration that he’d hate him forever hurt Arthur deeply. Sure, maybe Merlin didn’t truly mean it. He might have just said the words to upset Arthur, but it wouldn’t be something Merlin would carry through.

And yet. Arthur didn’t want Merlin hating him if he in fact was honest about that. He was puzzled himself why he needed Merlin to feel that Arthur was his friend. Yet this feeling was here to stay and he couldn’t vanquish it. And he couldn’t risk the tentative bond they’d formed by stopping Merlin and forcing him to obey his orders.

So Arthur decided to change tact. Before Merlin could open the door to leave, Arthur spoke up. A hint of desperation seeped into his voice. “Merlin, just don’t…be…an idiot.”

With his back still to Arthur, Merlin stopped, but he didn’t speak.

But then, Arthur heard him. “Thank you for the cane, My Lord,” he said so quietly that Arthur almost missed the words.

Barely a moment later, Merlin left the physician’s chambers without waiting for Arthur’s reply.

Arthur sat down on the now empty cot and put his hands over his face, feeling at a loss about what to do.

Now he was beginning to understand what King Lot had meant when he’d warned him about Merlin.

~ * ~

It wasn’t only that the magic was a reminder of Euan’s death. While Merlin was grateful for his magic and how it had helped him, he saw the magic as representing this new part of his life after Euan and Prince Corin’s deaths.

Merlin felt that if he embraced his magic like Arthur wanted him to, then he’d truly be leaving his old life behind in Lothian. And he wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

Yet Lothian was not the home to him it once was. Even though Prince Gwion was still there, it was different as the ache of loss permeated the halls of the castle at Lothian.

Deep into his thoughts, Merlin didn’t realize he had bumped into someone until that person exclaimed, “Watch it, boy!”

To Merlin’s dismay, of all the people he could bump into, it had to be King Uther, Arthur’s father.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty,” he said quickly.

King Uther gave him a good look as if trying to remember his name. “You’re a part of King Lot’s household? Merlin, is it?”

Merlin nodded. “Yes.”

The King stared at him discerningly, making Merlin thoroughly uncomfortable before he was dismissed to his great relief.

No one saw the fairy appearing a few feet away before the small creature vanished, a calculating look in his coal-black eyes.

~ * ~

Just before dawn the next morning, Arthur was very surprised to see Morgana’s maidservant, Guinevere, rush into his room. She was holding something in her hands.

“My Lord! I apologize for coming at such an early hour, but I think something is wrong with Merlin. I think you’re the only one who can find him.”

Arthur sat up in his bed, suddenly feeling as awake as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over his head.

“What do you mean, ‘find’ him? Merlin is missing?” Arthur asked.

If Merlin had done something stupid after all and gone and killed himself, then Arthur wasn’t sure what he’d do.

Guinevere nodded. “Yes. He isn’t in his bed and no one can tell me where he is. And there’s this too - it’s a wooden piece that was on his bed. The knight and horse are glowing red, do you see? It must be a warning… I’m worried about Merlin. I had to tell you as soon as possible, My Lord.”

He did see in fact that the knight and horse were surrounded by a glow that was bright red in colour.

Arthur started to get dressed. “Don’t worry, Guinevere. I’ll find him.”

She nodded again, biting her lip. “I think you should take this wooden carving with you. It must have magical properties if it’s glowing red. Maybe it could help you,” Guinevere said hopefully.

“Good idea,” he acknowledged.

~ * ~

He was grateful that somehow, the carving was able to guide him to where Merlin was. Guinevere was right. This knight and steed carving certainly was magical - unsurprising that Merlin should have it.

The carving made the path to Merlin clear - it was a sort of magic that didn’t feel like magic at all. Arthur compared it to travelling to a wholly familiar place where the way there was so well-memorized, it was instinctive. He didn’t have any trouble in his search for Merlin.

He eventually arrived on the shore of a lake. Arthur knew it as the Lake of Avalon.

“Merlin? Merlin!” Arthur yelled.

He took off his boots, put back the carving in his bag, and he entered the water.

Wading through the cool water, he sought out a dark head - anything that would identify Merlin.

He was both relieved to finally find Merlin yet horrified that Merlin had appeared to have drowned in the waters of Avalon.

Gritting his teeth, Arthur dived down to grab Merlin and pull him out of the water. He swam to shore with his heavy burden. A bit of hope sparked inside him when he swore he heard Merlin breathing shallowly, his chest rising and falling ever so slightly.

Did he dare to believe he had caught Merlin in time? Or was it just luck that Merlin’s magic kept him alive?

Whatever the reason was, Arthur was grateful for it.

*

He laid Merlin down on the ground, and then he applied pressure to his chest to get him breathing again.

“Come on, Merlin. Wake up,” he pleaded with him.

Merlin opened his eyes, now more stormy blue in colour, and he immediately sat up coughing out lake water as he did so.

Arthur pat his back to help him in getting that water out of his body.

“Thanks,” said Merlin. “I don’t know where my cane is…” he declared, looking rather confused.

“Never mind your cane. I haven’t seen it. You almost drowned to death, Merlin. I thought you promised me.”

“I…” Merlin paused, still with puzzlement written all over his face. “I think there was a dark fairy. It wasn’t me, My Lord. I wouldn’t try to drown myself.”

“My Father always told me to be wary around dark fairies and avoid them if you can.”

Merlin frowned at him.

“I’m not helping, am I?”

“As I have no parents, I had no one to tell me those things. And if you must know, I was caught off-guard. I think if a fairy wants something, they’ll do anything to get it.”

“What? And this fairy wanted you to die?”

Merlin shrugged. “I suppose so. Doesn’t matter. I want to know where my cane is.”

He started to stand, his eyes looking all around him in his quest to hunt down his cane.

“I can get you another cane, Merlin. It’s not a problem.”

“But I liked that cane!” Merlin shot back at him. He lost his battle with gravity, and Arthur went to his side, urging him to lean on him for support. “Blasted fairy…he could have filched it,” Merlin muttered under his breath.

“Is it because I gave you the cane?” Arthur wondered, curious, and he couldn’t help smiling at the thought that Merlin valued the cane because Arthur had gifted it to him.

“No,” said Merlin briskly, but Arthur could tell he was lying. For one, Merlin wouldn’t look him in the eye. “I just don’t like losing things…especially things I need to help me bloody walk,” he explained, glaring toward the lake in front of him.

“You know what matters more is that the fairy failed in killing you? A cane is just a piece of wood… you’ll survive without it. I’ll get you an identical one if you want. Or at least a similar cane. What about that?”

“Are you trying to be funny?” Merlin said. He eyed Arthur.

Apparently after a near-death experience, Merlin was rather grumpy.

“Forget it. I should just take you back to Camelot. You’re probably still in shock.”

Merlin pushed Arthur away from him and slowly walked the few steps to sit down and lean against a tree.

“How did you find me?”

“It was your carving. Guinevere found it. She saw it glowing red and she was concerned that you were in trouble.”

“My carving?” Merlin uttered.

Arthur went over to his bag and removed the knight and steed carving. “This. It’s yours, isn’t it?”

Merlin stared at Arthur and then at the carving.

“Here, take it,” Arthur handed the carving to him. “Did you know it had magical properties?”

Merlin shook his head, but he remained silent as he took the carving from him.

The knight and his horse glowed blue while Merlin held it in his hand.

Arthur sat down beside him.

“It was a toy,” Merlin started simply. He stared straight ahead and did not look at Arthur once. As if he could not bear to. “My friend, Euan…it was his. And before that, it was Prince Corin’s. He gave it to Euan when Euan and I were ten. The prince was too old to have this toy then, and he decided Euan should have it. Not many people liked being in the prince’s presence… Euan was one of the few who had a good relationship with him. I’m not sure what he did to manage that, but it almost seemed like a miracle. He served Prince Corin like I used to serve Prince Gwion.”

“And they’re together in death. That’s good, isn’t it?”

Arthur’s comment only seemed to make Merlin unhappier. He frowned. “Maybe yes,” Merlin conceded reluctantly. “And I’m here stuck with you. You’re the last person I’d thought to be friends with.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Arthur said, attempting to be patient with him.

Merlin snorted and he looked up at the sky.

Arthur noticed tears falling down his face.

“Merlin?”

“I don’t want to talk anymore. You return to Camelot. I want to stay here alone for a little while before returning.”

“No, I’m not leaving you now. What if the dark fairy comes back and sees you’re alive? You need someone else here to stop the fairy from taking out its wrath on you.”

“If you insist on being stubborn, I can’t stop you,” Merlin said, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” Arthur said softly. He put a finger under Merlin’s chin and coaxed Merlin to finally face him.

“I’m glad to have met you, Merlin,” he confided in him.

And then because he couldn’t stand to see the tear streaks wetting Merlin’s face, Arthur leaned in and kissed him on the mouth. He hoped that would put an end to Merlin’s melancholy - at least for the moment.

Merlin looked surprised, but then Arthur was pleased when he returned the kiss. Soon Arthur had Merlin lying on the ground beneath him and he began to leave kisses on his long neck and collarbone.

He felt raindrops on his back only a few moments later. Hadn’t it been a sunny day? There had been no rainclouds in sight.

“It’s raining,” Merlin stated the obvious. Then he let out a laugh as if he were caught in a kind of euphoria.

“Merlin, what is going on? Is this your magic at work?”

“I still can’t truly control it, but I think this is my magic. I don’t know why it decided to conjure rain. I don’t want to get wet.”

Then they soon got their answer - sort of - as to what Merlin’s magic was aiming for.

Not just raindrops fell from the sky, but baby dragons as well. The baby dragons were only about as big as Arthur’s hand. Thankfully, as soon as the dragons fell down from skies, the raindrops began to stop.

Merlin was wide-eyed, but Arthur was glad to see excitement shine through his face instead of sadness. Seeing the happy look on Merlin’s face was the best thing Arthur had ever seen. Because of this, he pushed down his feeling of alarm and dismay at this odd occurrence. If baby dragons falling from the sky pulled Merlin out of his misery, then Arthur would share his excitement.

Once he thought about it a bit, the dragons were an extraordinary sight to witness. The baby dragons were so small that they seemed harmless.

Merlin made to stand up, and Arthur was right at his side so that Merlin could keep his balance while remaining upright.

Grinning at Arthur, Merlin said, “Isn’t this amazing? We did it, I think. It must have been the kissing… it excited my magic. And then your name is Pendragon - so it all fits! We created baby dragons!” Merlin exclaimed.

The two of them watched as the growing group of baby dragons tried to breathe out little bursts of fire, but most only managed puffs of smoke since they were so young.

“That’s one accomplishment I never expected to achieve,” said Arthur dryly, but he smiled at Merlin all the same.

Merlin kissed him again.

~ * ~

It took about an hour before baby dragons stopped falling from the sky. Shortly after, all but one of the baby dragons vanished - an illusion of Merlin’s magic in the end, though an especially impressive one at that.

Merlin took the lone baby dragon in hand and started talking to him and stroking his back. Arthur could tell from the look on his face that there was no dissuading Merlin from sending the dragon away.

So Arthur decided to ask a question that would receive a more positive answer. “What will you name your dragon?”

Merlin looked at Arthur and smiled. “Kilgharrah. That’s his name.”

“I don’t want to know where you got that name from. But I guess a big name is appropriate for a dragon.”

And the two of them strategized about how to smuggle a dragon into the castle. Arthur was sure his father wouldn’t be too thrilled about a dragon living at the castle. But it would become more of a problem when Kilgharrah would grow bigger in size. Maybe they would send him to live in the forests or a nice cave… for now, Merlin wouldn’t hear of leaving a little baby dragon to fend for itself.

At least Merlin grudgingly agreed to a cage for the dragon.

~ * ~

Merlin was feeling happier than ever before after Arthur had rescued him and they had adopted Kilgharrah.

But when King Uther had asked him and Arthur to dine with him a few days later, Merlin had never expected to learn that he was not truly low-born after all.

That he should have never been a slave in the first place if the King - his father - had been thwarted in secretly giving him away.

“I realize my grave mistake now, Merlin,” the King had said. “I shouldn’t have done that to you. I shouldn’t have forced my child to pay for my unhappiness at the death of my wife. It was not your fault that she died. I have had many years to accept that death in childbirth is a possibility that cannot be eradicated. Ygraine would have been deeply disappointed in me if I even thought of sending one of her children to live as a slave.”

Merlin hadn’t known quite what to say. “I’m truly a Prince then?”

King Uther nodded. “Yes. My second-born son.”

Merlin had seriously considered that he was in some dream world.

“That means Merlin’s my younger brother?” Arthur had brought up.

Merlin had understood Arthur’s inner turmoil. That had been easy. He had been in turmoil as well trying to process the news and what this would mean for his relationship with Arthur.

He had kissed Arthur, and he still felt very un-brotherly feelings toward him. How would it work between them now? Merlin felt like the one of the few happy things he had been clinging to recently had been ripped away from him.

~ * ~

One Month Later:

Merlin thought his new more expensive outfit was all wrong. He didn’t feel like himself while wearing material meant for a Prince. A part of him just couldn’t accept this big shift in his life after so many years as a slave. Gwen was trying her best to help him out, and she was a good person to talk to about Arthur. She didn’t judge him about his feelings for Arthur in light of them being brothers. Merlin was forever grateful for Gwen.

Morgana, on the other hand, was a little too enthusiastic in deciding on what outfits Merlin should wear and which colour would look best on him. He sometimes found it hard to escape her clutches, but Merlin had to admit that the Lady Morgana had a knack for fashion.

He wondered what Prince Gwion would think of this. King Lot had been informed of Merlin’s true station in life. He had been so surprised that he’d dropped his goblet and red wine had spilled all over his lap. Merlin knew King Lot had sent Gwion a letter about the news. Merlin hoped that Gwion would come to see him during the official celebration to introduce Merlin as the previously-believed-to-be-dead second son of King Uther.

Merlin felt he’d be calmer with a familiar friendly face like Prince Gwion there to support him. He had grown closer to Arthur too, but he had known Gwion for years compared to his brief time with Arthur. Not to mention now Merlin was unsure about being around Arthur since they had to act like brothers when Merlin was still rather interested in kissing him and maybe a little more. He was still a virgin after all, and he despaired that he would never find the right person. He would have chosen Arthur if circumstances were different.

“Merlin, I want to show you something,” Arthur told him, not wasting any time before he entered Merlin’s chambers.

“What is it?” Merlin wondered. “I have plans to spend my time with Kilgharrah now. Can it wait?”

The baby dragon was in Merlin’s new chambers as Merlin was adamant on the dragon being close by.

“No, it can’t. I understand that you’re uneasy about spending time with me, but we have to get used to this new predicament. It will never change. You will always be my brother. Maybe we love each other more than brothers should, and I can’t say how we would have felt had we grown up together, but I want to spend time with you, Merlin. Just because we can’t fully act on our feelings doesn’t mean we can’t talk to one another. At least now we’re on equal footing, and you have Kilgharrah… and well…”

“What?” Merlin asked, turning away from Kilgharrah who was lighting all the candles despite the presence of daylight outside.

“As with your magic and Kilgharrah, we can keep another secret…” Arthur suggested as nonchalantly as possible.

“I think I have to get used to being a Prince before I pursue anything else,” Merlin reasoned. “But I’m not opposed to more secrets,” he hurriedly added when he saw Arthur’s face fall.

Arthur smiled, pleased. “Good. I still have to show you something.”

He almost dragged Merlin along with him as he headed in the direction of the library.

Arthur opened up a bookcase that turned out to be the entrance to a hidden passageway.

As they walked along the narrow passage, one after the other with Arthur leading the way, Merlin’s curiosity grew.

“What does this passage lead to, Arthur?” Merlin wanted to know.

“You’ll soon find out,” Arthur assured him.

After what felt like forever but was only about ten minutes, the corridor opened up into a room with shelves of books.

Merlin looked to Arthur expectantly.

Arthur spread out both his arms. “All these books are on magic. No better place to begin your magic education.”

Merlin gaped, not being able to quite believe that there were all these books that could aid him in understanding magic better.

And unlike before, he felt he was ready to embark on this journey of learning all he could about his magic. He could better look after Kilgharrah too if he tested the extent of his magical abilities.

And he could protect Arthur on the battlefield if he mastered his magic.

“Thank you, Arthur,” Merlin said.

He couldn’t resist kissing Arthur in the mouth in gratitude. For this one moment, it didn’t matter that they were brothers in blood. It didn’t feel wrong when Merlin tasted destiny and golden days ahead as his tongue ventured inside Arthur’s mouth, Arthur obliging him.

Merlin noticed a candle on a nearby desk light up with a bright flame. He was certain that it wasn’t his doing.

No.

It was an old friend greeting him. The flame was as red as Euan’s shock of red hair. Merlin wondered if Euan’s final gift to him was not just the knight on his noble steed carving, but magic too.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~