[FIC] Thy will be done (Gwen; G)
Author: plumora
Title: Thy will be done
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Gwen, Morgana, Arthur, Merlin
Rating: G
Summary: A stranger arrives at the abbey who urges Sister Gwen to fulfill her destiny.
Warnings (if any): None
Total word count: 4,423 words
Original prompt number: 203 - Submitted by Anonymous
Disclaimer: This story/artwork is based on characters and situations created and owned by the BBC and Shine TV. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's/artist's notes (if any): None
Beta(s): han_corrupted and nyargles - thank you both so much for all your help! ♥
Sister Jane hears the child first. She opens the door of the abbey, holding the lantern out into the night. It shines on the face of a baby, the tears on its face gleaming in the light.
"Sister Anne," she calls. Sister Jane picks up the child, and the two look down on the young girl in wonder.
---
Tom sneaks away from the abbey quietly, only daring to look back once he is far away, hidden behind trees and bushes. He can still hear his daughter crying; the sound tears at his heart.
Suddenly the sound of barking floods Tom's ears. He forces himself to look away and darts off, begging his chasers' attention. His little girl is safe; his life is already over. He must only wait for the arrows to end his suffering; he must only accept his fate. Tom gives a yell, hoping for his end to come as quickly as possible. The barking grows louder.
---
Closing the door on the dark night, Sisters Jane and Anne can hear the barking of dogs and the last cry of the man who left the girl on their doorstep.
Sister Jane pulls out a slip of paper from amongst the blankets surrounding the child.
Her name is Guinevere. Forgive me, sisters.
---
After leaving Lauds, Sister Gwen is on her way to the infirmary when she sees a number of sisters in the corridors, strangely noisy. Gwen enters the infirmary and is greeted with a sight the likes of which she has never before seen. A number of sisters flutter about, while still others sit in the corner, hanging tight to their rosaries. Gwen strides into the midst of the women as noisy and dark as blackbirds to see the small figure of a woman lying atop a bed and wrapped in a cloak of deep blue. Her skin is whiter than the pages of Gwen's bible; it shines like the moon against a dark sky.
"She's been here since before dawn," Sister Catherine says to Gwen, her face worn and pale.
"Thank you, sister," Gwen says, taking Catherine's hand for a moment in her own. Catherine smiles at her in relief and leaves the infirmary.
---
That day, Gwen only leaves the infirmary for prayers. Something about the strange woman interests her: perhaps because her origins are so mysterious. Her clothes are too beautiful and rich for a pilgrim; her bag, in contrast, is empty and torn irreparably, signifying that she has traveled some distance. All anyone really knows of her is that she collapsed after knocking on the door of the abbey and hasn't woken since.
Gwen sighs and puts out her hand to grab the woman's own cold hand. Suddenly, the woman stirs and blinks her eyes open.
"Where am I?" she asks, her voice frightful.
"In the house of the Lord," Gwen answers, giving her a small smile and squeezing her hand. She then pulls her hand away, setting it in her lap.
"I'm cold, sister," the woman says, looking around the infirmary.
Gwen goes to the linen cupboard and pulls out the thick woolen clothing they usually bring out in winter. She gives the stranger a moment to change; when she turns back around, the woman is holding out her old clothes to her. Gwen folds them neatly; the dress the woman had been wearing underneath her cloak is even more magnificent than Gwen could have imagined. She puts the clothes in the dresser near the bed.
"What's your name?" Gwen asks.
The woman climbs back into her bed slowly and looks up at her, pulling her legs in close to her. "My name is Morgana," she says.
"Morgana," Gwen says, sitting down near the bed. "That's a beautiful name. I'm Sister Gwen."
"Your name is Guinevere?" Morgana asks softly.
Gwen starts at hearing her full name. "Yes," she says.
"I've been looking for you," Morgana says. Her eyes pierce through Gwen's heart, sending a chill sliding down her spine.
Gwen can't find anything to say, but finally she asks Morgana, "How do you know who I am?" Her voice is shaking; her hands are clenched in her lap.
At that moment Sister Catherine comes into the infirmary. She halts for a moment when she sees the stranger in her new clothes. Gwen unclenches her hands and breathes out slowly, trying to hide her unease.
"Oh," Sister Catherine says, "awake, I see? How do you feel?"
"I'm a little hungry, sister," Morgana answers.
Sister Catherine smiles at her. "Supper's just about to start. Sister Gwen and I will take you."
---
Usually the infirm eat separately from the nuns, but that evening Gwen eats with Morgana. Morgana is more than a little hungry: she eats the large ration given her and, with Gwen's permission, much of Gwen's own ration. Later, as they leave the refectory, Gwen turns to Morgana.
"We have Compline now," she says. "I'll walk you back to the infirmary."
The walk is a quiet one, the corridors filled with nuns going to prayer. Once they arrive at the infirmary, Morgana crawls back into her bed.
"Will you be back tonight, sister?"
"I won't," Gwen says. "Another sister has night duties. She'll be here after our prayers."
Morgana nods. "I should go now," Gwen says.
"Of course, sister," Morgana says, bowing her head to her.
Gwen looks at Morgana for a moment before she leaves: the woman's figure remains small, her expression sad. As Sister Gwen walks out the door, Morgana's strange words echo in her mind.
---
Gwen does not see Morgana for another week. At meals, she sits with the other nuns and looks for Morgana amidst a sea of habits. At prayers, she keeps her head down, looking from underneath her eyelashes around the nave. At the same time that she wants to see Morgana again and have her own questions answered, she wouldn't know what to say. As Gwen makes her way to complete her duties in the infirmary, she feels a sense of dread coupled with a sense of interest. Answers will come today, she thinks.
Entering the infirmary, she is greeted by Sister Catherine. After she smiles at her and gives her leave, she walks over to Morgana, who looks up at her.
"Good morrow," Gwen says. "You look much better than when I last left you." Indeed she does: there is color in her cheeks and she looks like she's been eating. Yet her eyes still pierce Gwen's flesh.
Gwen sits on the chair next to the bed; it creaks. "You never got the chance to tell me how you know about me," she says, smiling gently.
Morgana looks down at her hands that lie atop the coarse bedclothes, fretting. "I see you in dreams," she says at last. She is silent after that. The air in the room is heavy, tense.
"You must've seen me in the town before," Gwen forces herself to say.
Morgana shakes her head. "I came from far away," she says. "Very far. I've been seeing you in dreams for a long time, sister."
At this she looks up. Gwen looks away. Morgana continues in a quiet voice, "I dream of things that later come to be. I always have."
"You can See?" Gwen asks. Morgana nods. Gwen has heard of those with Sight. The Bible contains many prophets, but Gwen has never thought that one may stand before her. She wonders what Morgana can See, and asks in a quiet voice just as much.
"Mostly things I don't understand. Lately I've been having dreams of this abbey… I searched for it for so long."
"What's so important about the abbey? About me?" Gwen can't help asking.
Morgana looks down at her hands again. "I haven't Seen that yet."
---
That night, Gwen sleeps restlessly. At Lauds the next day, her mouth repeats the words when she must, while her mind is occupied only with Morgana. God is sending this woman visions - but why? And what do they mean? Gwen admires Morgana her bravery to journey so far because of these visions that it seems are not even particularly clear yet. How can Morgana do such a thing when she doesn't even know the reasons behind it? Are these visions so compelling? Gwen remembers the things she's done because of her own faith and thinks Morgana must be the same. Though Gwen realizes this, she also wishes that God will reveal His will to both Morgana and Gwen soon.
Later that day, Gwen tries to occupy her mind with her duties, forcing herself to be patient. She knows she cannot rush God; He will reveal all when the time is right.
---
Days pass by, and at last Gwen finds herself by Morgana's bedside once more. Morgana is sleeping, pale as the first day Gwen saw her, skin shining with sweat. Sister Catherine looks at Gwen sadly.
"Sister Frances said she was well after Compline last night, but this morning she wouldn't wake up. I'm not sure what to do. She was looking so well before…"
"I'll take care of her, sister," Gwen says, nodding to her.
"I'll get you some fresh water and rags," Sister Catherine says.
---
Gwen dips the cloth into the bucket once more and wrings it, applying it to Morgana's forehead. She wonders what Morgana dreams of - is she having a vision? Is this what it's like? Morgana stirs, her body twisting, tangled in the bedclothes. Gwen understands Sister Catherine's worry, although for different reasons. If Morgana has been given the gift of Sight, she mustn't be woken… yet Gwen wonders if her visions can also be nightmares.
"Morgana,” she whispers. Suddenly, as if in response, Morgana's eyes flash open and she crawls away from Gwen quickly, shot through with fear. Gwen only looks at her with wide eyes, frightened. Then she says, "It's all right."
Morgana looks around her, as if checking to be sure she's in the right place. "What time is it?"
"Shortly after mid-day." Gwen picks up the cloth from where it fell onto the bedclothes. "You have a fever. We should keep this on your forehead."
"I've -" Morgana sighs shakily and looks about once more. "I Saw terrible things."
Gwen pulls the cloth back slightly. Morgana continues.
"People were dying - fields were burning - and we were just standing there. You and I, sister… and two others." She looks at Gwen with tears in her eyes. "Sister Gwen, I'm not sure what to make of it."
Gwen is silent in response.
---
Once more, Gwen lies awake at night, barely listening to Sister Frances' snores a few beds down, thinking over Morgana's words. Even after Morgana had explained her dreams in further depth, neither she nor Gwen could decipher them. Morgana didn't know the cause of the destruction or where it was even happening. Gwen could sense Morgana's feelings of helplessness as she sat next to her earlier that day, listening to her recount her nightmares. Gwen feels likewise: not only is she unable to interpret the dream or to do anything about it, but neither does she seem to be able to help Morgana forget her own misgivings. She prays silently for the Lord's guidance, thinking about Morgana's expression as she tried to forget the vision she'd just had. Gwen asks that He will end Morgana's suffering and allow Gwen to do whatever it is she must do.
---
The next day Gwen is feeding the chickens when she sees figures on the horizon. She keeps to her task, but once they come closer she looks up again and does not look down for a long while. She watches the men as they approach on their horses: they carry an air of power with them. Gwen can feel it where she stands, seeds in her hands.
The men pass her by, of course, and go toward the entrance of the abbey, but she watches them until they are around the corner of the building. As soon as they are out of sight she wipes the seeds from her warm hands and onto the ground, wondering who they are, and whether they will stop at the abbey.
---
That evening Gwen goes to supper later than usual and passes the table set aside for visitors on her way to her own. The men she saw earlier are sitting there, but Gwen doesn't let her gaze stay on them for too long. Still, something about them draws Gwen in: something in the noble look of the blond, his blood-red tunic embroidered with a golden dragon; something in the smile of the brunet, whose own clothes are made of fabrics too fine for what his station must be. Gwen wonders whence they come, and their purpose.
Settling down to her meal, Gwen chides herself her curiosity in the visitors to the abbey lately. One might think her a mere child, taken in by the beauty of these strangers. Yet the clothes they all wear make her think of those of the puppets in a show she'd seen once in the town. The children were laughing then at a story of kings and queens and jesters; Gwen wonders in what sort of show these strangers are to star.
---
When Gwen next visits Morgana in the infirmary, Morgana is retrieving her old clothes from the dresser.
"You are well," Gwen says. "Are you leaving?"
"Of course not, sister," Morgana answers, holding her cloak and her dress close to her. "I have not… been having nightmares, so Reverend Mother and the doctor are allowing me to stay in the visitors' house."
"Would you like me to walk you over there?" Gwen asks her. Morgana nods.
When they arrive at the visitors' house, the presiding nun directs them to where Morgana will be staying. After the nun shows them where the lavatories are, they walk down a narrow hallway back into the visitors' house.
"Hello, sisters," a man's voice says. Gwen looks up immediately. In front of them is one of the men she saw days before. She looks down again, slightly embarrassed.
"Sir Arthur," the presiding nun says, nodding her head to him. Gwen looks up and nods as well. Then she notices the man's gaze flit to Morgana's face; his expression is quizzical. Gwen follows his gaze. Morgana's eyes are wide, frightened: just as they are after one of her terrible visions.
"Are you all right?" Sir Arthur asks her.
"Of course," Morgana says. She smiles to dismiss the others' worries. "You look like someone I know."
"Hm," says Sir Arthur, thoughtfully. "I suppose I should be getting out of your way, then." He smiles and moves toward the wall to let them pass. Gwen glances at Morgana from under her eyelashes as they walk down the hallway. She can almost feel the other woman's heart racing; it must be just like her own.
---
Morgana goes back to where she will be sleeping and sits on her bed.
"You recognized him?" Gwen asks.
Morgana looks at her and nods. "He was one of the others from my dream," she says.
"I saw him arrive," Gwen says. "He was not alone; there was another man with him."
Morgana looks away, unsettled.
---
The next morning, Gwen is leaving the refectory when she hears Morgana calling to her. She directs Morgana to an alcove where they can talk privately.
"Sister Gwen, I had another… dream… last night."
"A vision?"
Morgana nods. "I Saw you running after Sir Arthur, crying out to him," she says. "Then I Saw him and the other man as they rode away on horses. You were crying."
"Why?" Gwen asks.
"I don't know," Morgana says. "But you weren't wearing your habit. You were wearing the finest clothes… They were beautiful."
---
The next week, Gwen is performing her duties in the infirmary when a man enters the room. He is the other visitor she saw that day. He smiles slightly and holds out a pouch.
"I thought I might share this with you. I'm quite a fan of herb lore, and Sister Rose says you don't have much chamomile here."
Gwen takes the proffered pouch. "That's very kind; thank you," she says, bowing her head. "Are you a visitor here?"
He nods. "My name's Merlin."
"Sister Gwen," she says, nodding. "Did you arrive with Sir Arthur?"
"Yes, sister," Merlin says. "He's on a diplomatic mission; we're just resting here for a while before setting off again."
Gwen smiles. "I hope you find your stay here sufficient."
"We have, sister," he says. "Thank you."
Merlin smiles and looks back at the doorway. "Well, I should probably be going. I'm helping Sister Rose in the garden today."
"How kind," Gwen says. Merlin blushes and leaves. The patient that Gwen is caring for stirs. Gwen looks down at the pouch and opens it, inhaling the scent of the chamomile.
---
After Nones, Gwen makes her way to the visitors' house and asks after Morgana. Walking along the corridors, Gwen shares the conversation she had with Sir Arthur's companion earlier that day.
"Did he say where they're going?" Morgana asks, once Gwen is finished.
"He didn't."
"I think it may be the place I Saw," Morgana says. "The burning place. It is called Camelot."
After a moment of silence, Morgana says, "Sir Arthur and Merlin have some kind of role to play in that place. And so do you." They stop walking, and Gwen looks at Morgana.
"How so?"
"I'm not sure yet," Morgana says. "I wish I could See that answer myself."
Gwen bows her head.
"All I can tell you is that I see you traveling with Sir Arthur and Merlin… I've also been getting a different feeling from these dreams. Like the future that I'm Seeing isn't mine… I won't be in it."
"What are you saying?"
"I think you must go with Sir Arthur and Merlin when they leave the abbey, and I must remain here, at least for now."
"I must leave the abbey?" Gwen asks. She looks at the stones on the walls, then looks at Morgana. "I've lived here all my life. I've taken vows."
"I know," Morgana says, her eyes sad.
---
When they return to the visitors' house, they meet the two men.
"How was it in the garden yesterday?" Gwen asks Merlin, after customary greetings.
"Excellent, thank you, sister," Merlin says.
"Good. May I ask when you two will be leaving us?" Gwen asks. "We don't want you gone, but we should probably warn the gardener and the doctor before you leave. They rarely get a visitor here who knows much about herb lore."
"In another week we'll probably be gone, sister," Sir Arthur says. "We just need to replenish our supplies."
"I'm sure we at the abbey can help you with that," Gwen says.
The blond smiles. "Thank you, sister. If you'll excuse us, we were just going…"
"Of course," Gwen says, bowing her head. The men return the gesture and each returns to his own.
"I must be gone in a week?" Gwen asks, once the men are gone.
Morgana says nothing.
"I cannot… I cannot leave my home in such a short time," Gwen says.
Morgana looks away for a moment. "I have not Seen how long you'll be in Camelot…perhaps only briefly."
"Then…then I may return to the abbey in the end?" Gwen asks. Morgana nods. "Perhaps I could ask for a pilgrimage…at least until we know?"
"Perhaps," Morgana says.
---
That night in bed, Gwen wonders what it will be like away from the abbey, and what sort of destiny she has to fulfill. How could she be of any help to two men such as Sir Arthur and Merlin, or a place in such trouble as a burning Camelot? Gwen hasn't any of the skills of the other nuns. All she can do is pray… All she can do is pray and trust in the Lord. Though impatience nags at her mind, though she fears the places her purpose takes her, she realizes that God will carry her to these places. Though she knows not what He has in store for her, she can only wait for Him to guide her to where she must go, whenever that shall be and for however long.
"Guide me," she whispers into the night. "Guide me, Lord." Before she closes her eyes, she can almost see a spark of light high in the dormitory ceiling, ready to guide her through the dark.
---
The next day, Gwen visits Morgana once more. "We should tell Merlin and Sir Arthur," she says. Morgana nods.
They find Merlin in the herb garden, and ask after Sir Arthur.
"He's in the cemetery," Merlin says, eyebrows furrowed.
"Will you fetch him?"
Merlin stands, wiping the dirt off his knees. "Certainly, sister," he says.
Many minutes later Merlin returns, followed by Sir Arthur.
"Sir," Gwen says, nodding. "Morgana and I have something very important to tell the both of you. It concerns your departure in a few days."
"Yes?"
Morgana answers him, her head bowed. "I have visions when I sleep at night. I have Seen certain parts of your future… as well as Sister Gwen's."
Gwen watches the men exchange glances. When they both return their eyes to her, she looks down. "What she says… It's true. I have faith in her, at least."
"What do you mean? What have you Seen?"
"I have Seen you arrive at a burning Camelot."
Sir Arthur takes a step back. "I don't understand," he says.
"I don't understand it, either," Morgana says. "I See things, but I don't always understand them. But I saw this city burning, and people shouting… and you, watching it. Sister Gwen was there as well. That is why I said you were familiar that first day we met… I was so surprised to see you here, when I had been Seeing Gwen in my visions as well."
"Sir," Gwen says, "she believes that whatever you must do in Camelot may become more important than a simple diplomatic mission. She says I'm to go with you when you set out again. We're not sure why. Still, I believe her; I believe that God has sent her these visions, and that we are all meeting at this time according to His wishes, whatever His purpose may be."
"Be that as it may, sister, I would never wish to endanger you. Not to mention force you to break your vows…"
Gwen smiles. "I believe He has another purpose for me," she says. "Nonetheless, I shall ask for a pilgrimage. I may be returning here after all; we will find out eventually."
The knight shifts his gaze to Morgana. "How certain are you of these… visions?"
"I have Seen some things many times over, each time clearer… Other things I'm not so certain of. I have Seen Sister Gwen with the two of you, so I believe she has importance to you and to your future, but…"
"So I could lead her to her death?"
"Yes," Morgana says, looking him in the eyes.
"I have faith," Gwen repeats. "I trust that whatever fate God is giving me in sending Morgana these visions is the right one. I trust Him."
The four stand in silence for moments; the autumn air stirs about them.
"Arthur," Merlin says, voice rough.
Sir Arthur nods at Gwen and Morgana. "I believe you," he says.
---
Reverend Mother agrees to allow Gwen to take a pilgrimage; Gwen reports back to Morgana and the men where they await her in the visitors' house. After that, all they must do is ready their supplies for an extra soul. Gwen must also steel herself for the road, and for whatever else there may be ahead of her.
The next few days are spent in such preparations. The night before they are to leave, after Vespers, Gwen takes the satchel she borrowed from Merlin and puts in it her bible, another habit, and clothes for the winter. Will she need her habits? Suddenly she remembers one of Morgana's visions, the one where Gwen had been wearing the most beautiful clothes. What can that mean? Will she someday cease to call herself a nun? Will the day come when she takes a habit out of a dresser in another place and wonder what her life used to be? Though Gwen doesn't know how long she will remain in Camelot, though she is not sure what her life will become, she is certain that her bible will always remain close to her heart. God has been such a part of her life so far, after all, and will perhaps play an even greater role in her future. Gwen slides her fingers over her own name on the first pages of the holy book, wondering what her future holds.
---
Morgana approaches Gwen after Prime the next morning and tells her of her dream the night before: she Saw herself approaching Camelot, which was in the vision a magnificent place. She Saw Merlin standing at the entrance to a castle, Sir Arthur and Sister Gwen behind him. Morgana smiles and reassures Gwen that they will meet again someday. The news is welcoming to Gwen: it comforts her and makes her forget the butterflies that flutter in her stomach at the journey ahead of her.
"I know what He wants," Gwen says, smiling gently, "but I do wish you could come with us."
"So do I, sister," Morgana says.
After breakfast Gwen takes her satchel and goes to the visitors' house. There she sees the men, ready to go, and Morgana, ready to see them all off. The four go to the stables, crisp air pervading their senses. The men retrieve their horses and Gwen takes one of the abbey's.
Before Gwen mounts her horse, she turns to Morgana and smiles. "I wish you well," she says, "and I thank you for being so brave. You have a gift. I await the day we meet again, whenever that may be."
Morgana smiles back at Gwen. "You are the brave one," she says.
The men also thank Morgana for her troubles, and the three mount their horses and leave the abbey at a slow pace. Gwen looks back at Morgana for a moment, and when she turns back around she sees the wide world ahead of her. It is breathtaking.
FIN.
Title: Thy will be done
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Gwen, Morgana, Arthur, Merlin
Rating: G
Summary: A stranger arrives at the abbey who urges Sister Gwen to fulfill her destiny.
Warnings (if any): None
Total word count: 4,423 words
Original prompt number: 203 - Submitted by Anonymous
Disclaimer: This story/artwork is based on characters and situations created and owned by the BBC and Shine TV. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's/artist's notes (if any): None
Beta(s): han_corrupted and nyargles - thank you both so much for all your help! ♥
Sister Jane hears the child first. She opens the door of the abbey, holding the lantern out into the night. It shines on the face of a baby, the tears on its face gleaming in the light.
"Sister Anne," she calls. Sister Jane picks up the child, and the two look down on the young girl in wonder.
---
Tom sneaks away from the abbey quietly, only daring to look back once he is far away, hidden behind trees and bushes. He can still hear his daughter crying; the sound tears at his heart.
Suddenly the sound of barking floods Tom's ears. He forces himself to look away and darts off, begging his chasers' attention. His little girl is safe; his life is already over. He must only wait for the arrows to end his suffering; he must only accept his fate. Tom gives a yell, hoping for his end to come as quickly as possible. The barking grows louder.
---
Closing the door on the dark night, Sisters Jane and Anne can hear the barking of dogs and the last cry of the man who left the girl on their doorstep.
Sister Jane pulls out a slip of paper from amongst the blankets surrounding the child.
Her name is Guinevere. Forgive me, sisters.
---
After leaving Lauds, Sister Gwen is on her way to the infirmary when she sees a number of sisters in the corridors, strangely noisy. Gwen enters the infirmary and is greeted with a sight the likes of which she has never before seen. A number of sisters flutter about, while still others sit in the corner, hanging tight to their rosaries. Gwen strides into the midst of the women as noisy and dark as blackbirds to see the small figure of a woman lying atop a bed and wrapped in a cloak of deep blue. Her skin is whiter than the pages of Gwen's bible; it shines like the moon against a dark sky.
"She's been here since before dawn," Sister Catherine says to Gwen, her face worn and pale.
"Thank you, sister," Gwen says, taking Catherine's hand for a moment in her own. Catherine smiles at her in relief and leaves the infirmary.
---
That day, Gwen only leaves the infirmary for prayers. Something about the strange woman interests her: perhaps because her origins are so mysterious. Her clothes are too beautiful and rich for a pilgrim; her bag, in contrast, is empty and torn irreparably, signifying that she has traveled some distance. All anyone really knows of her is that she collapsed after knocking on the door of the abbey and hasn't woken since.
Gwen sighs and puts out her hand to grab the woman's own cold hand. Suddenly, the woman stirs and blinks her eyes open.
"Where am I?" she asks, her voice frightful.
"In the house of the Lord," Gwen answers, giving her a small smile and squeezing her hand. She then pulls her hand away, setting it in her lap.
"I'm cold, sister," the woman says, looking around the infirmary.
Gwen goes to the linen cupboard and pulls out the thick woolen clothing they usually bring out in winter. She gives the stranger a moment to change; when she turns back around, the woman is holding out her old clothes to her. Gwen folds them neatly; the dress the woman had been wearing underneath her cloak is even more magnificent than Gwen could have imagined. She puts the clothes in the dresser near the bed.
"What's your name?" Gwen asks.
The woman climbs back into her bed slowly and looks up at her, pulling her legs in close to her. "My name is Morgana," she says.
"Morgana," Gwen says, sitting down near the bed. "That's a beautiful name. I'm Sister Gwen."
"Your name is Guinevere?" Morgana asks softly.
Gwen starts at hearing her full name. "Yes," she says.
"I've been looking for you," Morgana says. Her eyes pierce through Gwen's heart, sending a chill sliding down her spine.
Gwen can't find anything to say, but finally she asks Morgana, "How do you know who I am?" Her voice is shaking; her hands are clenched in her lap.
At that moment Sister Catherine comes into the infirmary. She halts for a moment when she sees the stranger in her new clothes. Gwen unclenches her hands and breathes out slowly, trying to hide her unease.
"Oh," Sister Catherine says, "awake, I see? How do you feel?"
"I'm a little hungry, sister," Morgana answers.
Sister Catherine smiles at her. "Supper's just about to start. Sister Gwen and I will take you."
---
Usually the infirm eat separately from the nuns, but that evening Gwen eats with Morgana. Morgana is more than a little hungry: she eats the large ration given her and, with Gwen's permission, much of Gwen's own ration. Later, as they leave the refectory, Gwen turns to Morgana.
"We have Compline now," she says. "I'll walk you back to the infirmary."
The walk is a quiet one, the corridors filled with nuns going to prayer. Once they arrive at the infirmary, Morgana crawls back into her bed.
"Will you be back tonight, sister?"
"I won't," Gwen says. "Another sister has night duties. She'll be here after our prayers."
Morgana nods. "I should go now," Gwen says.
"Of course, sister," Morgana says, bowing her head to her.
Gwen looks at Morgana for a moment before she leaves: the woman's figure remains small, her expression sad. As Sister Gwen walks out the door, Morgana's strange words echo in her mind.
---
Gwen does not see Morgana for another week. At meals, she sits with the other nuns and looks for Morgana amidst a sea of habits. At prayers, she keeps her head down, looking from underneath her eyelashes around the nave. At the same time that she wants to see Morgana again and have her own questions answered, she wouldn't know what to say. As Gwen makes her way to complete her duties in the infirmary, she feels a sense of dread coupled with a sense of interest. Answers will come today, she thinks.
Entering the infirmary, she is greeted by Sister Catherine. After she smiles at her and gives her leave, she walks over to Morgana, who looks up at her.
"Good morrow," Gwen says. "You look much better than when I last left you." Indeed she does: there is color in her cheeks and she looks like she's been eating. Yet her eyes still pierce Gwen's flesh.
Gwen sits on the chair next to the bed; it creaks. "You never got the chance to tell me how you know about me," she says, smiling gently.
Morgana looks down at her hands that lie atop the coarse bedclothes, fretting. "I see you in dreams," she says at last. She is silent after that. The air in the room is heavy, tense.
"You must've seen me in the town before," Gwen forces herself to say.
Morgana shakes her head. "I came from far away," she says. "Very far. I've been seeing you in dreams for a long time, sister."
At this she looks up. Gwen looks away. Morgana continues in a quiet voice, "I dream of things that later come to be. I always have."
"You can See?" Gwen asks. Morgana nods. Gwen has heard of those with Sight. The Bible contains many prophets, but Gwen has never thought that one may stand before her. She wonders what Morgana can See, and asks in a quiet voice just as much.
"Mostly things I don't understand. Lately I've been having dreams of this abbey… I searched for it for so long."
"What's so important about the abbey? About me?" Gwen can't help asking.
Morgana looks down at her hands again. "I haven't Seen that yet."
---
That night, Gwen sleeps restlessly. At Lauds the next day, her mouth repeats the words when she must, while her mind is occupied only with Morgana. God is sending this woman visions - but why? And what do they mean? Gwen admires Morgana her bravery to journey so far because of these visions that it seems are not even particularly clear yet. How can Morgana do such a thing when she doesn't even know the reasons behind it? Are these visions so compelling? Gwen remembers the things she's done because of her own faith and thinks Morgana must be the same. Though Gwen realizes this, she also wishes that God will reveal His will to both Morgana and Gwen soon.
Later that day, Gwen tries to occupy her mind with her duties, forcing herself to be patient. She knows she cannot rush God; He will reveal all when the time is right.
---
Days pass by, and at last Gwen finds herself by Morgana's bedside once more. Morgana is sleeping, pale as the first day Gwen saw her, skin shining with sweat. Sister Catherine looks at Gwen sadly.
"Sister Frances said she was well after Compline last night, but this morning she wouldn't wake up. I'm not sure what to do. She was looking so well before…"
"I'll take care of her, sister," Gwen says, nodding to her.
"I'll get you some fresh water and rags," Sister Catherine says.
---
Gwen dips the cloth into the bucket once more and wrings it, applying it to Morgana's forehead. She wonders what Morgana dreams of - is she having a vision? Is this what it's like? Morgana stirs, her body twisting, tangled in the bedclothes. Gwen understands Sister Catherine's worry, although for different reasons. If Morgana has been given the gift of Sight, she mustn't be woken… yet Gwen wonders if her visions can also be nightmares.
"Morgana,” she whispers. Suddenly, as if in response, Morgana's eyes flash open and she crawls away from Gwen quickly, shot through with fear. Gwen only looks at her with wide eyes, frightened. Then she says, "It's all right."
Morgana looks around her, as if checking to be sure she's in the right place. "What time is it?"
"Shortly after mid-day." Gwen picks up the cloth from where it fell onto the bedclothes. "You have a fever. We should keep this on your forehead."
"I've -" Morgana sighs shakily and looks about once more. "I Saw terrible things."
Gwen pulls the cloth back slightly. Morgana continues.
"People were dying - fields were burning - and we were just standing there. You and I, sister… and two others." She looks at Gwen with tears in her eyes. "Sister Gwen, I'm not sure what to make of it."
Gwen is silent in response.
---
Once more, Gwen lies awake at night, barely listening to Sister Frances' snores a few beds down, thinking over Morgana's words. Even after Morgana had explained her dreams in further depth, neither she nor Gwen could decipher them. Morgana didn't know the cause of the destruction or where it was even happening. Gwen could sense Morgana's feelings of helplessness as she sat next to her earlier that day, listening to her recount her nightmares. Gwen feels likewise: not only is she unable to interpret the dream or to do anything about it, but neither does she seem to be able to help Morgana forget her own misgivings. She prays silently for the Lord's guidance, thinking about Morgana's expression as she tried to forget the vision she'd just had. Gwen asks that He will end Morgana's suffering and allow Gwen to do whatever it is she must do.
---
The next day Gwen is feeding the chickens when she sees figures on the horizon. She keeps to her task, but once they come closer she looks up again and does not look down for a long while. She watches the men as they approach on their horses: they carry an air of power with them. Gwen can feel it where she stands, seeds in her hands.
The men pass her by, of course, and go toward the entrance of the abbey, but she watches them until they are around the corner of the building. As soon as they are out of sight she wipes the seeds from her warm hands and onto the ground, wondering who they are, and whether they will stop at the abbey.
---
That evening Gwen goes to supper later than usual and passes the table set aside for visitors on her way to her own. The men she saw earlier are sitting there, but Gwen doesn't let her gaze stay on them for too long. Still, something about them draws Gwen in: something in the noble look of the blond, his blood-red tunic embroidered with a golden dragon; something in the smile of the brunet, whose own clothes are made of fabrics too fine for what his station must be. Gwen wonders whence they come, and their purpose.
Settling down to her meal, Gwen chides herself her curiosity in the visitors to the abbey lately. One might think her a mere child, taken in by the beauty of these strangers. Yet the clothes they all wear make her think of those of the puppets in a show she'd seen once in the town. The children were laughing then at a story of kings and queens and jesters; Gwen wonders in what sort of show these strangers are to star.
---
When Gwen next visits Morgana in the infirmary, Morgana is retrieving her old clothes from the dresser.
"You are well," Gwen says. "Are you leaving?"
"Of course not, sister," Morgana answers, holding her cloak and her dress close to her. "I have not… been having nightmares, so Reverend Mother and the doctor are allowing me to stay in the visitors' house."
"Would you like me to walk you over there?" Gwen asks her. Morgana nods.
When they arrive at the visitors' house, the presiding nun directs them to where Morgana will be staying. After the nun shows them where the lavatories are, they walk down a narrow hallway back into the visitors' house.
"Hello, sisters," a man's voice says. Gwen looks up immediately. In front of them is one of the men she saw days before. She looks down again, slightly embarrassed.
"Sir Arthur," the presiding nun says, nodding her head to him. Gwen looks up and nods as well. Then she notices the man's gaze flit to Morgana's face; his expression is quizzical. Gwen follows his gaze. Morgana's eyes are wide, frightened: just as they are after one of her terrible visions.
"Are you all right?" Sir Arthur asks her.
"Of course," Morgana says. She smiles to dismiss the others' worries. "You look like someone I know."
"Hm," says Sir Arthur, thoughtfully. "I suppose I should be getting out of your way, then." He smiles and moves toward the wall to let them pass. Gwen glances at Morgana from under her eyelashes as they walk down the hallway. She can almost feel the other woman's heart racing; it must be just like her own.
---
Morgana goes back to where she will be sleeping and sits on her bed.
"You recognized him?" Gwen asks.
Morgana looks at her and nods. "He was one of the others from my dream," she says.
"I saw him arrive," Gwen says. "He was not alone; there was another man with him."
Morgana looks away, unsettled.
---
The next morning, Gwen is leaving the refectory when she hears Morgana calling to her. She directs Morgana to an alcove where they can talk privately.
"Sister Gwen, I had another… dream… last night."
"A vision?"
Morgana nods. "I Saw you running after Sir Arthur, crying out to him," she says. "Then I Saw him and the other man as they rode away on horses. You were crying."
"Why?" Gwen asks.
"I don't know," Morgana says. "But you weren't wearing your habit. You were wearing the finest clothes… They were beautiful."
---
The next week, Gwen is performing her duties in the infirmary when a man enters the room. He is the other visitor she saw that day. He smiles slightly and holds out a pouch.
"I thought I might share this with you. I'm quite a fan of herb lore, and Sister Rose says you don't have much chamomile here."
Gwen takes the proffered pouch. "That's very kind; thank you," she says, bowing her head. "Are you a visitor here?"
He nods. "My name's Merlin."
"Sister Gwen," she says, nodding. "Did you arrive with Sir Arthur?"
"Yes, sister," Merlin says. "He's on a diplomatic mission; we're just resting here for a while before setting off again."
Gwen smiles. "I hope you find your stay here sufficient."
"We have, sister," he says. "Thank you."
Merlin smiles and looks back at the doorway. "Well, I should probably be going. I'm helping Sister Rose in the garden today."
"How kind," Gwen says. Merlin blushes and leaves. The patient that Gwen is caring for stirs. Gwen looks down at the pouch and opens it, inhaling the scent of the chamomile.
---
After Nones, Gwen makes her way to the visitors' house and asks after Morgana. Walking along the corridors, Gwen shares the conversation she had with Sir Arthur's companion earlier that day.
"Did he say where they're going?" Morgana asks, once Gwen is finished.
"He didn't."
"I think it may be the place I Saw," Morgana says. "The burning place. It is called Camelot."
After a moment of silence, Morgana says, "Sir Arthur and Merlin have some kind of role to play in that place. And so do you." They stop walking, and Gwen looks at Morgana.
"How so?"
"I'm not sure yet," Morgana says. "I wish I could See that answer myself."
Gwen bows her head.
"All I can tell you is that I see you traveling with Sir Arthur and Merlin… I've also been getting a different feeling from these dreams. Like the future that I'm Seeing isn't mine… I won't be in it."
"What are you saying?"
"I think you must go with Sir Arthur and Merlin when they leave the abbey, and I must remain here, at least for now."
"I must leave the abbey?" Gwen asks. She looks at the stones on the walls, then looks at Morgana. "I've lived here all my life. I've taken vows."
"I know," Morgana says, her eyes sad.
---
When they return to the visitors' house, they meet the two men.
"How was it in the garden yesterday?" Gwen asks Merlin, after customary greetings.
"Excellent, thank you, sister," Merlin says.
"Good. May I ask when you two will be leaving us?" Gwen asks. "We don't want you gone, but we should probably warn the gardener and the doctor before you leave. They rarely get a visitor here who knows much about herb lore."
"In another week we'll probably be gone, sister," Sir Arthur says. "We just need to replenish our supplies."
"I'm sure we at the abbey can help you with that," Gwen says.
The blond smiles. "Thank you, sister. If you'll excuse us, we were just going…"
"Of course," Gwen says, bowing her head. The men return the gesture and each returns to his own.
"I must be gone in a week?" Gwen asks, once the men are gone.
Morgana says nothing.
"I cannot… I cannot leave my home in such a short time," Gwen says.
Morgana looks away for a moment. "I have not Seen how long you'll be in Camelot…perhaps only briefly."
"Then…then I may return to the abbey in the end?" Gwen asks. Morgana nods. "Perhaps I could ask for a pilgrimage…at least until we know?"
"Perhaps," Morgana says.
---
That night in bed, Gwen wonders what it will be like away from the abbey, and what sort of destiny she has to fulfill. How could she be of any help to two men such as Sir Arthur and Merlin, or a place in such trouble as a burning Camelot? Gwen hasn't any of the skills of the other nuns. All she can do is pray… All she can do is pray and trust in the Lord. Though impatience nags at her mind, though she fears the places her purpose takes her, she realizes that God will carry her to these places. Though she knows not what He has in store for her, she can only wait for Him to guide her to where she must go, whenever that shall be and for however long.
"Guide me," she whispers into the night. "Guide me, Lord." Before she closes her eyes, she can almost see a spark of light high in the dormitory ceiling, ready to guide her through the dark.
---
The next day, Gwen visits Morgana once more. "We should tell Merlin and Sir Arthur," she says. Morgana nods.
They find Merlin in the herb garden, and ask after Sir Arthur.
"He's in the cemetery," Merlin says, eyebrows furrowed.
"Will you fetch him?"
Merlin stands, wiping the dirt off his knees. "Certainly, sister," he says.
Many minutes later Merlin returns, followed by Sir Arthur.
"Sir," Gwen says, nodding. "Morgana and I have something very important to tell the both of you. It concerns your departure in a few days."
"Yes?"
Morgana answers him, her head bowed. "I have visions when I sleep at night. I have Seen certain parts of your future… as well as Sister Gwen's."
Gwen watches the men exchange glances. When they both return their eyes to her, she looks down. "What she says… It's true. I have faith in her, at least."
"What do you mean? What have you Seen?"
"I have Seen you arrive at a burning Camelot."
Sir Arthur takes a step back. "I don't understand," he says.
"I don't understand it, either," Morgana says. "I See things, but I don't always understand them. But I saw this city burning, and people shouting… and you, watching it. Sister Gwen was there as well. That is why I said you were familiar that first day we met… I was so surprised to see you here, when I had been Seeing Gwen in my visions as well."
"Sir," Gwen says, "she believes that whatever you must do in Camelot may become more important than a simple diplomatic mission. She says I'm to go with you when you set out again. We're not sure why. Still, I believe her; I believe that God has sent her these visions, and that we are all meeting at this time according to His wishes, whatever His purpose may be."
"Be that as it may, sister, I would never wish to endanger you. Not to mention force you to break your vows…"
Gwen smiles. "I believe He has another purpose for me," she says. "Nonetheless, I shall ask for a pilgrimage. I may be returning here after all; we will find out eventually."
The knight shifts his gaze to Morgana. "How certain are you of these… visions?"
"I have Seen some things many times over, each time clearer… Other things I'm not so certain of. I have Seen Sister Gwen with the two of you, so I believe she has importance to you and to your future, but…"
"So I could lead her to her death?"
"Yes," Morgana says, looking him in the eyes.
"I have faith," Gwen repeats. "I trust that whatever fate God is giving me in sending Morgana these visions is the right one. I trust Him."
The four stand in silence for moments; the autumn air stirs about them.
"Arthur," Merlin says, voice rough.
Sir Arthur nods at Gwen and Morgana. "I believe you," he says.
---
Reverend Mother agrees to allow Gwen to take a pilgrimage; Gwen reports back to Morgana and the men where they await her in the visitors' house. After that, all they must do is ready their supplies for an extra soul. Gwen must also steel herself for the road, and for whatever else there may be ahead of her.
The next few days are spent in such preparations. The night before they are to leave, after Vespers, Gwen takes the satchel she borrowed from Merlin and puts in it her bible, another habit, and clothes for the winter. Will she need her habits? Suddenly she remembers one of Morgana's visions, the one where Gwen had been wearing the most beautiful clothes. What can that mean? Will she someday cease to call herself a nun? Will the day come when she takes a habit out of a dresser in another place and wonder what her life used to be? Though Gwen doesn't know how long she will remain in Camelot, though she is not sure what her life will become, she is certain that her bible will always remain close to her heart. God has been such a part of her life so far, after all, and will perhaps play an even greater role in her future. Gwen slides her fingers over her own name on the first pages of the holy book, wondering what her future holds.
---
Morgana approaches Gwen after Prime the next morning and tells her of her dream the night before: she Saw herself approaching Camelot, which was in the vision a magnificent place. She Saw Merlin standing at the entrance to a castle, Sir Arthur and Sister Gwen behind him. Morgana smiles and reassures Gwen that they will meet again someday. The news is welcoming to Gwen: it comforts her and makes her forget the butterflies that flutter in her stomach at the journey ahead of her.
"I know what He wants," Gwen says, smiling gently, "but I do wish you could come with us."
"So do I, sister," Morgana says.
After breakfast Gwen takes her satchel and goes to the visitors' house. There she sees the men, ready to go, and Morgana, ready to see them all off. The four go to the stables, crisp air pervading their senses. The men retrieve their horses and Gwen takes one of the abbey's.
Before Gwen mounts her horse, she turns to Morgana and smiles. "I wish you well," she says, "and I thank you for being so brave. You have a gift. I await the day we meet again, whenever that may be."
Morgana smiles back at Gwen. "You are the brave one," she says.
The men also thank Morgana for her troubles, and the three mount their horses and leave the abbey at a slow pace. Gwen looks back at Morgana for a moment, and when she turns back around she sees the wide world ahead of her. It is breathtaking.
FIN.