To The Grave by ras_elased
Title: To The Grave
Author: Ras Elased
Rating: PG
Category/Characters: Gen, Merlin, Gaius, Future!fic, 1.09 coda-ish.
Spoilers: 1.09
Warnings: Character death, but not one of the boys. Also, unbeta'd.
Summary: Gaius promised Uther he'd take the secret to his grave, and he will.
A/N: After watching 1.09, and knowing what we know about Arthurian legend, this idea wouldn't leave me alone. Written very quickly, just because I wanted it out of my brain. I'm thinking the boys are in their thirties in this, FYI.
***
Merlin took the pot of warm broth from the fire and ladled it into a bowl. He used to make soup for Gaius that was a bit more nutritionally sound, with chunks of meat and vegetables, but Gaius' condition had steadily deteriorated over the years and he'd lost the ability to chew. The stroke had taken Gaius' speech as well as much of his coordination.
Even though the new court physician did his best to keep Gaius comfortable, Merlin still took it upon himself to look after Gaius personally. It had been very difficult at first, seeing Gaius like this. He missed Gaius' dispensing advice in the form of sometimes preposterous old proverbs, the way Gaius could say so much with just a raised eyebrow and a scathing look, but over the years Merlin had learned to cope. Even if Gaius couldn't show it, Merlin knew Gaius' mind was still as sharp as ever, and Merlin didn't mind taking care of the one man who was close as he'd ever had to a father. If nothing else, it was a chance for Merlin to spend time with Gaius away from his busy duties as Arthur's advisor. Gaius' lack of speech had done little to keep Gaius from letting his opinions be known, and Merlin enjoyed their chats. With a faint smile, Merlin grabbed a thick rag to wrap around the hot bowl of soup and sat in the chair on the edge of Gaius' bed, spoon in hand.
"You wouldn't believe the day I've had," he started, spooning the broth past Gaius' clumsy lips. "The anniversary banquet is three days away, and you'd think I was still Arthur's manservant with the way he's been ordering me around lately," he complained good naturedly. It had been five years since Arthur's coronation, and Merlin had learned that some things, like Arthur's love for ordering Merlin to do menial tasks, would never change. "Oh, and Morgana and Urien are visiting. They brought their son, Ywain. Arthur eventually badgered Morgana into letting him hold the baby, which I was a little surprised at, you know, given what happened last time. But oh, you should have seen it, Gaius!" Merlin grinned gleefully. "The baby spewed all over Arthur's royal robes. I don't think he'll be able to get his beard clean for weeks!"
Merlin chuckled at the memory, and Gaius' lips twisted in a way Merlin had learned to interpret as a smile, along with a slightly disapproving glare for speaking of the king in such a manner. Merlin just offered a wry smile and continued, "I would have thought that would put him off this whole baby-making business for sure, but he took it rather well. He just held onto Ywain while Gwen cleaned him up, smiling like a loon the entire time. He didn't even drop him this time."
Merlin felt his smile falter a little and turn wistful, reliving the memory of that afternoon as he continued to feed Gaius spoonfuls of broth. "You know, Arthur had this look on his face the entire time, like…" Merlin trailed off, then started again, a little more hesitant this time. "I know what it looks like when he wants something, Gaius. I mean, really wants something. He gets this look in his eye, like he's already decided he's going to have it and nothing will stand in his way. I used to see that look every time I suited him up before a tournament."
Merlin's hands paused a little before offering Gaius the next spoonful, and he had to look away as he said his next words. "I've…I've been looking into that spell again. The one I told you about." Merlin looked up to see Gaius just as he'd expected, mouth a severe line and eyes gone hard. It was the same look Gaius had given him any time he'd brought up this subject.
"Oh, don't give me that look, Gaius. You and I both know it's only a matter of time before Arthur asks me to do this for him, and why should I say no? He and Gwen have been trying for years, and the kingdom needs an heir." The stony look on Gaius' face didn't budge, and Merlin sighed in frustration. He was really tired of having this same argument.
"Gaius, I know you don't approve. I remember what you taught me." At Gaius' skeptical look, Merlin said more firmly, "I do. I know the old magic is dangerous, that there's always a cost. There has to be balance." Merlin set the empty bowl down and edged closer, gripping Gaius' hand in his. "But doesn't Arthur deserve this? He's sacrificed so much for Camelot, for Albion. Surely the natural balance owes him something by now! Doesn't he deserve to be happy-to be a father?"
Gaius looked at Merlin, the disapproval there clear and mixed with something else. It almost looked like fear. Merlin couldn't tell, but the longer he looked at Gaius, the more certain he was that Gaius was wrong. Merlin's choice was the right path. Leveling his gaze, Merlin spoke with an air of finality. "I'm doing this, Gaius. I have to. Arthur's happiness is surely worth the risk."
With one last reassuring squeeze of Gaius' hand, Merlin stood and turned to leave. He chanced a look over his shoulder, expecting to see Gaius' angry glare fixed on his back. Instead, Gaius just looked terribly, terribly sad.
~*~
Merlin woke in the middle of the night with a start. He quickly muttered a spell to light the candle by his bedside, flooding the room with pale light. He squinted into the dim grey room, looking for what might have awoken him. He couldn't see anything, but he felt…strange. He'd learned to sense when magic was at work, and this felt…similar, but different. He scanned the room again, moving from one corner to the next, but still there was nothing. With a sigh, Merlin turned back around-and came face to face with Gaius.
Merlin froze, his mind numb and uncooperative as he tried to make sense of the situation. While he stood there dumbly, Gaius smiled-a real smile, warm and just like Merlin remembered-and said very clearly, "Hello, Merlin."
"Gaius?" Merlin was fairly certain his eyes were bugging out of his head, but he couldn't really be bothered with that right now. He reached out and tentatively laid a hand on Gaius' shoulder, surprised to feel warm flesh beneath the rough cloth. If anything, Merlin just became more shocked. "Gaius, how-Am I dreaming?"
Gaius' eyebrow raised in consideration, and Merlin barely restrained the vaguely hysterical laughter bubbling up in his chest at the sight. "Of a sort," Gaius replied in answer. "But we haven't much time, Merlin, and there's something I must speak to you about."
Merlin's head was still swimming. "What? Gaius, I-"
"Don't do this, Merlin," Gaius said, voice as grave as Merlin remembered from whenever he was worried. "I know what will become of you and Arthur if you go down this path. I've seen it happen once before. I've seen the rift it can cause between the king and his friend."
Slowly, through the haze of shock, Merlin's mind began to put the pieces together. "Gaius, are you saying-Arthur-That Arthur's mother was-That Uther-"
Gaius interrupted his increasingly incoherent rambling by placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder, and Merlin suddenly realized how badly he'd been missing that comforting weight. "I promised I would take this knowledge with me to my grave, and I've kept my promise. But I am sorry that I must pass this burden on to you."
Merlin felt his stomach drop as Gaius' words sunk in. "Are you saying…that I can never tell Arthur?"
"I am sorry, Merlin. I know you thought your days of keeping secrets were over." Gaius looked sad, then continued, "Now, I must ask you to promise me that you will never perform this spell. I know you never really listened to me, but this time you should." Gaius offered a wry grin that didn't match the sadness in his eyes and said, "Consider it the final wish of an old man."
Realization struck Merlin like a sledgehammer, and he suddenly felt a lump like a brick form in his throat. He tried to speak, but the words were thick and stuck to his tongue. He blinked back the burning sting of tears. Finally, he managed a weak nod, which seemed good enough for Gaius.
"You're a good man," Gaius said, his own voice sounding thick with emotion. He pulled Merlin into a tight hug and said quietly, "I'm very proud of you, my boy."
Merlin's arms tightened around Gaius for a moment, and then a sudden gust of wind blew out the candle and the room was plunged into darkness. Gaius was gone.
~*~
The next morning, Merlin was sitting by Gaius' bedside when the physician stopped by to check on him. Merlin wasn't surprised when the physician pronounced that Gaius had passed late last night in his sleep.
Merlin would keep his promise. It would hurt him a little, every time he saw Arthur, knowing that he was breaking the trust they had worked so many years to build. It would hurt even worse to tell Arthur no when he inevitably asked for a son. But it was necessary, and if there was one thing Merlin wasn't willing to risk, it was that Arthur would follow the same path as his father. Even if that meant taking this secret to the grave.
Author: Ras Elased
Rating: PG
Category/Characters: Gen, Merlin, Gaius, Future!fic, 1.09 coda-ish.
Spoilers: 1.09
Warnings: Character death, but not one of the boys. Also, unbeta'd.
Summary: Gaius promised Uther he'd take the secret to his grave, and he will.
A/N: After watching 1.09, and knowing what we know about Arthurian legend, this idea wouldn't leave me alone. Written very quickly, just because I wanted it out of my brain. I'm thinking the boys are in their thirties in this, FYI.
***
Merlin took the pot of warm broth from the fire and ladled it into a bowl. He used to make soup for Gaius that was a bit more nutritionally sound, with chunks of meat and vegetables, but Gaius' condition had steadily deteriorated over the years and he'd lost the ability to chew. The stroke had taken Gaius' speech as well as much of his coordination.
Even though the new court physician did his best to keep Gaius comfortable, Merlin still took it upon himself to look after Gaius personally. It had been very difficult at first, seeing Gaius like this. He missed Gaius' dispensing advice in the form of sometimes preposterous old proverbs, the way Gaius could say so much with just a raised eyebrow and a scathing look, but over the years Merlin had learned to cope. Even if Gaius couldn't show it, Merlin knew Gaius' mind was still as sharp as ever, and Merlin didn't mind taking care of the one man who was close as he'd ever had to a father. If nothing else, it was a chance for Merlin to spend time with Gaius away from his busy duties as Arthur's advisor. Gaius' lack of speech had done little to keep Gaius from letting his opinions be known, and Merlin enjoyed their chats. With a faint smile, Merlin grabbed a thick rag to wrap around the hot bowl of soup and sat in the chair on the edge of Gaius' bed, spoon in hand.
"You wouldn't believe the day I've had," he started, spooning the broth past Gaius' clumsy lips. "The anniversary banquet is three days away, and you'd think I was still Arthur's manservant with the way he's been ordering me around lately," he complained good naturedly. It had been five years since Arthur's coronation, and Merlin had learned that some things, like Arthur's love for ordering Merlin to do menial tasks, would never change. "Oh, and Morgana and Urien are visiting. They brought their son, Ywain. Arthur eventually badgered Morgana into letting him hold the baby, which I was a little surprised at, you know, given what happened last time. But oh, you should have seen it, Gaius!" Merlin grinned gleefully. "The baby spewed all over Arthur's royal robes. I don't think he'll be able to get his beard clean for weeks!"
Merlin chuckled at the memory, and Gaius' lips twisted in a way Merlin had learned to interpret as a smile, along with a slightly disapproving glare for speaking of the king in such a manner. Merlin just offered a wry smile and continued, "I would have thought that would put him off this whole baby-making business for sure, but he took it rather well. He just held onto Ywain while Gwen cleaned him up, smiling like a loon the entire time. He didn't even drop him this time."
Merlin felt his smile falter a little and turn wistful, reliving the memory of that afternoon as he continued to feed Gaius spoonfuls of broth. "You know, Arthur had this look on his face the entire time, like…" Merlin trailed off, then started again, a little more hesitant this time. "I know what it looks like when he wants something, Gaius. I mean, really wants something. He gets this look in his eye, like he's already decided he's going to have it and nothing will stand in his way. I used to see that look every time I suited him up before a tournament."
Merlin's hands paused a little before offering Gaius the next spoonful, and he had to look away as he said his next words. "I've…I've been looking into that spell again. The one I told you about." Merlin looked up to see Gaius just as he'd expected, mouth a severe line and eyes gone hard. It was the same look Gaius had given him any time he'd brought up this subject.
"Oh, don't give me that look, Gaius. You and I both know it's only a matter of time before Arthur asks me to do this for him, and why should I say no? He and Gwen have been trying for years, and the kingdom needs an heir." The stony look on Gaius' face didn't budge, and Merlin sighed in frustration. He was really tired of having this same argument.
"Gaius, I know you don't approve. I remember what you taught me." At Gaius' skeptical look, Merlin said more firmly, "I do. I know the old magic is dangerous, that there's always a cost. There has to be balance." Merlin set the empty bowl down and edged closer, gripping Gaius' hand in his. "But doesn't Arthur deserve this? He's sacrificed so much for Camelot, for Albion. Surely the natural balance owes him something by now! Doesn't he deserve to be happy-to be a father?"
Gaius looked at Merlin, the disapproval there clear and mixed with something else. It almost looked like fear. Merlin couldn't tell, but the longer he looked at Gaius, the more certain he was that Gaius was wrong. Merlin's choice was the right path. Leveling his gaze, Merlin spoke with an air of finality. "I'm doing this, Gaius. I have to. Arthur's happiness is surely worth the risk."
With one last reassuring squeeze of Gaius' hand, Merlin stood and turned to leave. He chanced a look over his shoulder, expecting to see Gaius' angry glare fixed on his back. Instead, Gaius just looked terribly, terribly sad.
~*~
Merlin woke in the middle of the night with a start. He quickly muttered a spell to light the candle by his bedside, flooding the room with pale light. He squinted into the dim grey room, looking for what might have awoken him. He couldn't see anything, but he felt…strange. He'd learned to sense when magic was at work, and this felt…similar, but different. He scanned the room again, moving from one corner to the next, but still there was nothing. With a sigh, Merlin turned back around-and came face to face with Gaius.
Merlin froze, his mind numb and uncooperative as he tried to make sense of the situation. While he stood there dumbly, Gaius smiled-a real smile, warm and just like Merlin remembered-and said very clearly, "Hello, Merlin."
"Gaius?" Merlin was fairly certain his eyes were bugging out of his head, but he couldn't really be bothered with that right now. He reached out and tentatively laid a hand on Gaius' shoulder, surprised to feel warm flesh beneath the rough cloth. If anything, Merlin just became more shocked. "Gaius, how-Am I dreaming?"
Gaius' eyebrow raised in consideration, and Merlin barely restrained the vaguely hysterical laughter bubbling up in his chest at the sight. "Of a sort," Gaius replied in answer. "But we haven't much time, Merlin, and there's something I must speak to you about."
Merlin's head was still swimming. "What? Gaius, I-"
"Don't do this, Merlin," Gaius said, voice as grave as Merlin remembered from whenever he was worried. "I know what will become of you and Arthur if you go down this path. I've seen it happen once before. I've seen the rift it can cause between the king and his friend."
Slowly, through the haze of shock, Merlin's mind began to put the pieces together. "Gaius, are you saying-Arthur-That Arthur's mother was-That Uther-"
Gaius interrupted his increasingly incoherent rambling by placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder, and Merlin suddenly realized how badly he'd been missing that comforting weight. "I promised I would take this knowledge with me to my grave, and I've kept my promise. But I am sorry that I must pass this burden on to you."
Merlin felt his stomach drop as Gaius' words sunk in. "Are you saying…that I can never tell Arthur?"
"I am sorry, Merlin. I know you thought your days of keeping secrets were over." Gaius looked sad, then continued, "Now, I must ask you to promise me that you will never perform this spell. I know you never really listened to me, but this time you should." Gaius offered a wry grin that didn't match the sadness in his eyes and said, "Consider it the final wish of an old man."
Realization struck Merlin like a sledgehammer, and he suddenly felt a lump like a brick form in his throat. He tried to speak, but the words were thick and stuck to his tongue. He blinked back the burning sting of tears. Finally, he managed a weak nod, which seemed good enough for Gaius.
"You're a good man," Gaius said, his own voice sounding thick with emotion. He pulled Merlin into a tight hug and said quietly, "I'm very proud of you, my boy."
Merlin's arms tightened around Gaius for a moment, and then a sudden gust of wind blew out the candle and the room was plunged into darkness. Gaius was gone.
~*~
The next morning, Merlin was sitting by Gaius' bedside when the physician stopped by to check on him. Merlin wasn't surprised when the physician pronounced that Gaius had passed late last night in his sleep.
Merlin would keep his promise. It would hurt him a little, every time he saw Arthur, knowing that he was breaking the trust they had worked so many years to build. It would hurt even worse to tell Arthur no when he inevitably asked for a son. But it was necessary, and if there was one thing Merlin wasn't willing to risk, it was that Arthur would follow the same path as his father. Even if that meant taking this secret to the grave.