My impending emigration
In four weeks I'm going to leave the country. This weekend someone came to buy my chairs and the electric kettle, and next week a friend is coming to pick up the couch. It's starting to feel official.
And I'm starting to become a bit scared. Oh, I'm still very excited and looking forward to moving to the States and going back to school, and I know it's going to be awesome. But I'm not looking forward to leaving all my friends behind.
I have lived in this city for over ten years, and I'm incredibly lucky to have a large and tight circle of friends that has been growing over the years: they are the kind of friends that make you dinner and let you sleep on their spare mattress when you're heartbroken and don't want to spend the night alone at home; that trust you enough to ask you for advice, go see trashy SciFi movies with you, and laugh with you about the silliest and naughtiest jokes. It will be very hard to give that up.
And I know that I'm not actually losing them. And I know that I'm going to find new friends where I'm going. But it took years to build what I have now, and I know it will take years to get to the point where I feel like I have people around me that I trust, and that make me feel safe, and cared for. And I really like meeting new people, but I don't think I'm very good at it: I'm not very good at small-talk, and even less so in English, and I can get awfully nervous and potentially awkward when I want someone to like me.
It's a good thing that you guys are all living in my computer, and that I can just pack you up and take you with me wherever I go!
ETA: Also, if I've been slow to reply to your comments, I'm really sorry! My lj account has been acting up for days and is still reluctant to notify me of new comments and messages.
And I'm starting to become a bit scared. Oh, I'm still very excited and looking forward to moving to the States and going back to school, and I know it's going to be awesome. But I'm not looking forward to leaving all my friends behind.
I have lived in this city for over ten years, and I'm incredibly lucky to have a large and tight circle of friends that has been growing over the years: they are the kind of friends that make you dinner and let you sleep on their spare mattress when you're heartbroken and don't want to spend the night alone at home; that trust you enough to ask you for advice, go see trashy SciFi movies with you, and laugh with you about the silliest and naughtiest jokes. It will be very hard to give that up.
And I know that I'm not actually losing them. And I know that I'm going to find new friends where I'm going. But it took years to build what I have now, and I know it will take years to get to the point where I feel like I have people around me that I trust, and that make me feel safe, and cared for. And I really like meeting new people, but I don't think I'm very good at it: I'm not very good at small-talk, and even less so in English, and I can get awfully nervous and potentially awkward when I want someone to like me.
It's a good thing that you guys are all living in my computer, and that I can just pack you up and take you with me wherever I go!
ETA: Also, if I've been slow to reply to your comments, I'm really sorry! My lj account has been acting up for days and is still reluctant to notify me of new comments and messages.