So what, really?
First of all, Oberlin is full of a bunch of pansies. You know it’s true. Everyone thinks it; I’m just putting it out in the open. I’m letting it breathe that fresh, crisp fall air.
Imagine you sorta think this one person’s cute and you’re in this same group with them and they talk to you and like spending time with you and a bunch of your friends all say that that person is probably into you, but you don’t believe them.
Wait. You don’t have to imagine. Chances are you are in that situation right now…or were two weeks ago. Please. I know. However, nothing came of it. No one did anything. So, now, instead of having all of that mad hot sex (or crazy hot handholding, whatever you’re into) you wanted to, you get to wank off to another X-rated Harry Potter fanfiction. Yes! Social life at its zenith.
I know. I know making the first move is comparable to consciously throwing oneself into a pit of mysteriously venomous, really ticked off mountain lions. It’s true. But what of the reward? Think of the awesome that could come afterward. This is college! What is it if not a place to take risks? To paraphrase David Sedaris, you are never going to be this attractive or virile ever, ever again. Even if you were, where will you find such a concentrated population of people attempting to get laid? I mean, besides the internet.
Building up the courage could be a considerable boundary to the potential bounty received. Some people use liquid courage, but it’s very expensive to buy in consensual quantities, and other folks, those people with balls and ovaries of steel, can simply just make that first move and get on with their lives. Thank goodness Oberlin is not particularly full of the latter. I would have very different things to write about, and we would all be walking around with imperturbable, extremely confident demeanors and burst-proof egos. Oh the horror.
But bravery is only having the ability to ignore the fear. Just suck it up. Be a big, strong insert-gender-here! Here, I would cite the old adage “picture them in their underwear,” but that’s really not going to work in this case. You’ve already imagined them completely naked. And, it probably doesn’t help much with the fear. Maybe the libido, but certainly not the fear. You’ve just gotta buck up, my friend. Make that sacrifice. Win your prize. (P.S. It’s probably sex.) Chances are they probably want to make out with someone, too. If you say/do something…that lucky person could very well be you. Come on down, you’re the next contestant on “My Life is Awesome Right Now ‘Cause I Made the First Move!”
Oh my goodness yes, it is entirely easier to say rather than do, that’s why I’m writing this column. To tell you what to do. It’s one of my favorite activities. More often than not, I’ll just tell you what I think without any kind of prompting whatsoever. Wouldn’t it just be a more pleasant experience if you asked me, and I told you? I think so. It will just make our relationship better, as a whole.
If you’re confused, bemused, convoluted, bedazzled, or almost any other “-ed” (I will determine this on a trial by trial basis) and it is because of your social life, oh my goodness do I want to hear about it. Then, I’ll talk about it. Oh jeez. How exciting! Okay, great, thanks, glad we had this talk. Bye.
Imagine you sorta think this one person’s cute and you’re in this same group with them and they talk to you and like spending time with you and a bunch of your friends all say that that person is probably into you, but you don’t believe them.
Wait. You don’t have to imagine. Chances are you are in that situation right now…or were two weeks ago. Please. I know. However, nothing came of it. No one did anything. So, now, instead of having all of that mad hot sex (or crazy hot handholding, whatever you’re into) you wanted to, you get to wank off to another X-rated Harry Potter fanfiction. Yes! Social life at its zenith.
I know. I know making the first move is comparable to consciously throwing oneself into a pit of mysteriously venomous, really ticked off mountain lions. It’s true. But what of the reward? Think of the awesome that could come afterward. This is college! What is it if not a place to take risks? To paraphrase David Sedaris, you are never going to be this attractive or virile ever, ever again. Even if you were, where will you find such a concentrated population of people attempting to get laid? I mean, besides the internet.
Building up the courage could be a considerable boundary to the potential bounty received. Some people use liquid courage, but it’s very expensive to buy in consensual quantities, and other folks, those people with balls and ovaries of steel, can simply just make that first move and get on with their lives. Thank goodness Oberlin is not particularly full of the latter. I would have very different things to write about, and we would all be walking around with imperturbable, extremely confident demeanors and burst-proof egos. Oh the horror.
But bravery is only having the ability to ignore the fear. Just suck it up. Be a big, strong insert-gender-here! Here, I would cite the old adage “picture them in their underwear,” but that’s really not going to work in this case. You’ve already imagined them completely naked. And, it probably doesn’t help much with the fear. Maybe the libido, but certainly not the fear. You’ve just gotta buck up, my friend. Make that sacrifice. Win your prize. (P.S. It’s probably sex.) Chances are they probably want to make out with someone, too. If you say/do something…that lucky person could very well be you. Come on down, you’re the next contestant on “My Life is Awesome Right Now ‘Cause I Made the First Move!”
Oh my goodness yes, it is entirely easier to say rather than do, that’s why I’m writing this column. To tell you what to do. It’s one of my favorite activities. More often than not, I’ll just tell you what I think without any kind of prompting whatsoever. Wouldn’t it just be a more pleasant experience if you asked me, and I told you? I think so. It will just make our relationship better, as a whole.
If you’re confused, bemused, convoluted, bedazzled, or almost any other “-ed” (I will determine this on a trial by trial basis) and it is because of your social life, oh my goodness do I want to hear about it. Then, I’ll talk about it. Oh jeez. How exciting! Okay, great, thanks, glad we had this talk. Bye.