another day in paradise

[merkaba123]

i've fired all my 'help.' i know the fat one is stealing my vicodin and the others can't seem to remember to put the toilet paper on the right way. just the same, i didn't need them around anymore. today is the last day of paradise i'm enjoying in this realm. tomorrow i will set out to destroy it and enter the next one. god, how long had it been? twelve hundred, thirteen hundred? when you're as old as i am you tend to forget your age, and the age before that, and the age before that. but here i am, preparing for departure and tying up loose ends, and anyone else i feel like having my way with.
timetable:
noon: eat
12:30: shave head, arms, and chest
1:30: shower
2:30: purify house, start erasure fire in south wing
3:00: close off south portion of house
3:15: shave legs, and nether-regions
3:45: shower
4:45: kill housepets
5:30: purify house, start erasure fire in east and west wings
6:30: close myself off in north wing
7:00: eat
7:30: pray
9:30: sleep

tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...i love you tomorrow. i love you all tomorrow. i love you all so much that tomorrow i'll destroy the synapses in your brain first to minimize the amount of pain signals your burning flesh will send to your headpiece. see, i'm not so bad. she had escaped this realm again before i could find her. her leap was easy to spot. (insert newspaper cover and story). i hate leaping. it's such a process. note to self: leave president alive...i want her to suffer.

sigh...what a bitch...