[Fic: GW] A Mad, Mad Day
Title: A Mad, Mad Day
Fandom: GW
Rating: PG
Characters: Quatre, Dorothy, hints at Heero+Duo
***
Quatre gaped and pressed a hand against his heart. "They couldn't have, no, they shouldn't have! What kind of person would make you an agony aunt? It's like," his face twisted up and his looked vaguely sick. "You!"
"And I was so sure you would find me actually working for a living acceptable. Humble and all that nonsense," Dorothy said, waving a hand about. "Working for a living, imagine that," she mused.
"Why you? You tried to kill people! You did! You stabbed me! I have the scar to prove it. It hurts when it rains, for god's sake," Quatre muttered. "I'll prove it, I will."
"I'm sure Ladies' Choice will love to have a center fold of the up and coming businessman, Quatre Winner," Dorothy mused. "Sales would quadruple. Plus a sexy scar? They'll be panting at your door as well!"
He glared at her and slowly crossed his arms across his chest in a protective gesture. "You still haven't explained how you, of all people were chosen as the agony aunt of a respectable ladies magazine. Aren't they usually old maids?"
Dorothy narrowed her eyes at Quatre. "I'll have you know that the editor practically begged me to be agony aunt."
"I sense a but there," Quatre said, edging carefully away from Dorothy and eying the exits. One could never be too safe around Dorothy.
"Yes, well, I mentioned what fabulous friends we are, what bosom pals we are," Dorothy murmured. "It just came up. You know how things are. You're talking about what impeccable taste one has and the next thing you know it's all about your favourite friend."
"Did you mention how we became friends? How I guided you along a path of redemption? The whole stabbing business? Not to mention the eyebrow issue," Quatre muttered, gesturing in Dorothy's general direction. "I thought I would need therapy after figuring that out."
"Strange. That didn't come up. They seemed most interested in you. And I suggested that together, as co agony aunts, we could reign supreme!" Dorothy laughed and Quatre was proud that it only was a little bit maniacal. If only for a moment.
"I'm not an old maid," Quatre muttered. "And no! I'm already running a multi-national company, doing missions for the Preventers in my spare time as well as attending a gazillion charity events, I don't have the time for this!"
"But you love it," Dorothy pressed, eyebrow twitching at the old maid comment. "And that's why you'll say yes."
Quatre glared at her.
***
To the Agony Aunt and Uncle,
I am in love with a man. I am also a man. But that is not the problem. When he's close to me I can't talk. He shot me during the war. But I've forgiven him for that (they were lucky shots anyway and I rescued him from OZ prisons as well so we're even). I am not sure how to approach him because he means a lot to me and I would like to keep our friendship.
Love Sick
***
Quatre made a choking sound. Dorothy looked ready to cry. Or perhaps laugh. It was probably best not to ask.
"I can't answer this!" Quatre exclaimed, clutching at his heart, "I know who this is! Heero knows I'm doing this, why the hell would he write to me if he could just ask?"
"A letter is less confronting," Dorothy murmured thoughtfully, picking up the letter and re-reading it. "I think we should advise him to move forward with the relationship. It's obvious that Duo also cares for him. The two should frankly get a room and sort their issues out."
"We don't even know if Duo is gay! Or if he loves Heero in return!" Quatre protested. He ripped the letter out of her hands and stared at it desperately. "It might even be not Duo..." He mumbled.
Dorothy stared at him for a long time before shaking her head, "Men! And I thought your talent was empathy. Anyway, do you not have eyes? have you seen them together? Duo keeps on touching Heero and Heero acts grumpy but accepts it. And this is Heero we're talking about. Heero! Emotionally constipated man of the year!"
Quatre shrugged helplessly and grunted. Dorothy flung her gaze to the ceiling and counted to ten. In Arabic. Then Mandarin. When she finally reached Spanish, she returned her gaze to Quatre.
"We'll publish it," Quatre finally promised. "But only when Duo sends a letter to us." He grinned at Dorothy. She pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at him.
"Fine," Dorothy agreed, in one exhalation. "But we'll be publishing this before the year's end, mark my words!."
"I doubt that," Quatre replied, "What's the chance of that happening?"
***
To the Agony Aunt and Uncle,
I'm roommates with a friend (he's a guy, but we're not together, we just run a scrapyard together in the L2 colonies) and he's in love with this other guy (you had better be okay with it!) and I'm pretty sure that guy is in love with friend (or my gaydar is seriously fucked up) and I'm unsure what to do. They met during the war and they've had this weird friendship for a couple years now. They get each other in a way that's kind of creepy. But that suits them I guess. What do you think I should do?
Too Nosy For Her Own Good
***
"Well, well, well," Dorothy sing sang cheerfully.
"It wasn't from Duo, so it doesn't count," Quatre snapped back, pouting. "And anyway, we can't publish it, she used a swear word and we're not allowed to publish those letters."
"Sad really. Those letters are usually the most interesting," Dorothy mused. "The scandals! The crimes of passion! The illicit affairs! I should become a soap writer after all this."
"Doesn't count," Quatre muttered.
"But it looks like we have a comrade behind enemy lines, she will soon persuade young Duo to write to us for urgent advice!" Dorothy said.
"It won't happen," Quatre said gruffly.
"Care to be money on that, Quatre?" Dorothy pressed.
There was a delicate pause before Quatre shook his head. Dorothy smirked. "Gambling is, uh, morally reprehensible you know. I couldn't break my morals for a bet that I was sure to win."
"Of course," Dorothy said, in a voice that clearly said she didn't believe him.
***
To the Agony Aunt and Uncle,
I'm in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do about it. My other best friend (I'm not in love with her, we just run a scrapyard together) keeps on pressuring me to admit that I love him but when we meet I just crack stupid jokes and nothing important comes out. I don't want to be mushy. Just real.
Words of advice? They're needed, desperately. I'm meeting up with him in a couple weeks and I want to say something then, but I need advice, please.
Love Lorn
***
"We have to publish it now," Dorothy said, poking Quatre in the arm. "And I told you so."
"Why? Why doesn't any one just ask me in person?" Quatre asked the universe.
Dorothy smiled.
Fandom: GW
Rating: PG
Characters: Quatre, Dorothy, hints at Heero+Duo
***
Quatre gaped and pressed a hand against his heart. "They couldn't have, no, they shouldn't have! What kind of person would make you an agony aunt? It's like," his face twisted up and his looked vaguely sick. "You!"
"And I was so sure you would find me actually working for a living acceptable. Humble and all that nonsense," Dorothy said, waving a hand about. "Working for a living, imagine that," she mused.
"Why you? You tried to kill people! You did! You stabbed me! I have the scar to prove it. It hurts when it rains, for god's sake," Quatre muttered. "I'll prove it, I will."
"I'm sure Ladies' Choice will love to have a center fold of the up and coming businessman, Quatre Winner," Dorothy mused. "Sales would quadruple. Plus a sexy scar? They'll be panting at your door as well!"
He glared at her and slowly crossed his arms across his chest in a protective gesture. "You still haven't explained how you, of all people were chosen as the agony aunt of a respectable ladies magazine. Aren't they usually old maids?"
Dorothy narrowed her eyes at Quatre. "I'll have you know that the editor practically begged me to be agony aunt."
"I sense a but there," Quatre said, edging carefully away from Dorothy and eying the exits. One could never be too safe around Dorothy.
"Yes, well, I mentioned what fabulous friends we are, what bosom pals we are," Dorothy murmured. "It just came up. You know how things are. You're talking about what impeccable taste one has and the next thing you know it's all about your favourite friend."
"Did you mention how we became friends? How I guided you along a path of redemption? The whole stabbing business? Not to mention the eyebrow issue," Quatre muttered, gesturing in Dorothy's general direction. "I thought I would need therapy after figuring that out."
"Strange. That didn't come up. They seemed most interested in you. And I suggested that together, as co agony aunts, we could reign supreme!" Dorothy laughed and Quatre was proud that it only was a little bit maniacal. If only for a moment.
"I'm not an old maid," Quatre muttered. "And no! I'm already running a multi-national company, doing missions for the Preventers in my spare time as well as attending a gazillion charity events, I don't have the time for this!"
"But you love it," Dorothy pressed, eyebrow twitching at the old maid comment. "And that's why you'll say yes."
Quatre glared at her.
***
To the Agony Aunt and Uncle,
I am in love with a man. I am also a man. But that is not the problem. When he's close to me I can't talk. He shot me during the war. But I've forgiven him for that (they were lucky shots anyway and I rescued him from OZ prisons as well so we're even). I am not sure how to approach him because he means a lot to me and I would like to keep our friendship.
Love Sick
***
Quatre made a choking sound. Dorothy looked ready to cry. Or perhaps laugh. It was probably best not to ask.
"I can't answer this!" Quatre exclaimed, clutching at his heart, "I know who this is! Heero knows I'm doing this, why the hell would he write to me if he could just ask?"
"A letter is less confronting," Dorothy murmured thoughtfully, picking up the letter and re-reading it. "I think we should advise him to move forward with the relationship. It's obvious that Duo also cares for him. The two should frankly get a room and sort their issues out."
"We don't even know if Duo is gay! Or if he loves Heero in return!" Quatre protested. He ripped the letter out of her hands and stared at it desperately. "It might even be not Duo..." He mumbled.
Dorothy stared at him for a long time before shaking her head, "Men! And I thought your talent was empathy. Anyway, do you not have eyes? have you seen them together? Duo keeps on touching Heero and Heero acts grumpy but accepts it. And this is Heero we're talking about. Heero! Emotionally constipated man of the year!"
Quatre shrugged helplessly and grunted. Dorothy flung her gaze to the ceiling and counted to ten. In Arabic. Then Mandarin. When she finally reached Spanish, she returned her gaze to Quatre.
"We'll publish it," Quatre finally promised. "But only when Duo sends a letter to us." He grinned at Dorothy. She pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at him.
"Fine," Dorothy agreed, in one exhalation. "But we'll be publishing this before the year's end, mark my words!."
"I doubt that," Quatre replied, "What's the chance of that happening?"
***
To the Agony Aunt and Uncle,
I'm roommates with a friend (he's a guy, but we're not together, we just run a scrapyard together in the L2 colonies) and he's in love with this other guy (you had better be okay with it!) and I'm pretty sure that guy is in love with friend (or my gaydar is seriously fucked up) and I'm unsure what to do. They met during the war and they've had this weird friendship for a couple years now. They get each other in a way that's kind of creepy. But that suits them I guess. What do you think I should do?
Too Nosy For Her Own Good
***
"Well, well, well," Dorothy sing sang cheerfully.
"It wasn't from Duo, so it doesn't count," Quatre snapped back, pouting. "And anyway, we can't publish it, she used a swear word and we're not allowed to publish those letters."
"Sad really. Those letters are usually the most interesting," Dorothy mused. "The scandals! The crimes of passion! The illicit affairs! I should become a soap writer after all this."
"Doesn't count," Quatre muttered.
"But it looks like we have a comrade behind enemy lines, she will soon persuade young Duo to write to us for urgent advice!" Dorothy said.
"It won't happen," Quatre said gruffly.
"Care to be money on that, Quatre?" Dorothy pressed.
There was a delicate pause before Quatre shook his head. Dorothy smirked. "Gambling is, uh, morally reprehensible you know. I couldn't break my morals for a bet that I was sure to win."
"Of course," Dorothy said, in a voice that clearly said she didn't believe him.
***
To the Agony Aunt and Uncle,
I'm in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do about it. My other best friend (I'm not in love with her, we just run a scrapyard together) keeps on pressuring me to admit that I love him but when we meet I just crack stupid jokes and nothing important comes out. I don't want to be mushy. Just real.
Words of advice? They're needed, desperately. I'm meeting up with him in a couple weeks and I want to say something then, but I need advice, please.
Love Lorn
***
"We have to publish it now," Dorothy said, poking Quatre in the arm. "And I told you so."
"Why? Why doesn't any one just ask me in person?" Quatre asked the universe.
Dorothy smiled.