(no subject)
A reason for everything, right?
So, I’ve been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks (and some). Since my previous excuse has been that I was on vacation in CA visiting relatives, with limited access to the internet, I’ll leave it at that. But, this past week… has been different. I’ve been doing a lot (read: copious) amounts of reading for distraction purposes. I was even begging friends to send me their favorite GW fanfic stories since I was running perilously close to having no more of my own favorites to read again. But, distraction only works in moments of time. The thoughts were still there, simmering.
Guess that’s rather the way I’ve always handled things I don’t want to face directly - let my mind concentrate as fully on something else and let other thoughts percolate until its ready to be faced.
May 7th was an “interesting” day. You know the old joke/Chinese proverb - May you live in interesting times. It was Amanda’s 22nd birthday, and we had plans to go out that night, her, Chris and I. It had been a great morning, even if I was running late to work. Nothing was really going on AT work, just making sure the client was doing okay, and that my analyst didn’t have any issues or questions she needed me to run interference on… and then the IM’s started.
I have a lot of friends in the IT departments here where I work. I’ve worked with many teams throughout my 18 years, have “grown up” with a few, have attended social events - weddings and funerals. So, yeah, a good many of my IT colleagues are more than just co-workers, even if I don’t see or speak with them for months on end. May 7th, the company delivered its Global Outsourcing program letters.
We’ve known it was going to happen for months….maybe even a year or more. It’s the way corporate America is going - farming out a lot of its IT or customer service needs, keeping overhead lower and increasing the bottom line. This I can understand. I don’t like it, but it seems that we are a nation who is quickly out-pricing our value - wanting everything cheaper but wanting to be paid more and more. The division between lower income and middle income is increasing, just as the division between middle income and upper income.
This Global Outsourcing thing is a phased approach. A small handful of “experts” will be retained as liaisons and advisors in their fields (about 100), a larger number (about 300) will be offered positions with the outsourcing vendor, and a large chunk (over 1,000?) will work on a ‘data transfer’ for 3-6 months, and then they’re gone.
It scares the shit out of me. Not only will we, as a company, be losing a hell of a lot of talent, our time to market and customer service is going to suck. Apparently this has been taken into consideration.
I talked with several of these colleagues last Wednesday, not sure what to offer by way of support or encouragement. Most all of those I spoke with are in the large chunk that will transition off; a couple will be moving to the new company. In speaking with other folks I work with who know other IT personnel, some of those “experts” are ones I would have chosen hands down as being the best in their field, and am glad to hear at least their talents are being recognized and will stay… if they want to stay.
I was trying to put it away, compartmentalize it so I could enjoy the evening, and enjoy Amanda’s birthday. Then mom called. She was crying, and I could barely understand her. Of course, she was trying to tell me about my cousin’s death, and what happened.
We still went out to dinner, and I couldn’t help feeling guilty for enjoying myself, for laughing at the jokes being told, about listening to music and enjoying it.
Losing Kandi was rough, but as I said before, it wasn’t completely unexpected. I honestly am not sure how she’s hung on this long. Thankful she has, but… she’d been so ill for so long. Mostly, I felt really bad for her folks, her brother and sister, and for those of us left. Mom told me over the weekend (as a side effect, mom managed to call me at least 10 times this past week. I think it’s just to assure her that we’re all well.) that she felt horribly guilty when she was first called because she was just so thankful it wasn’t one of us - one of her kids.
See, Kandi is the first. Grandma had six children (live births) born over a 12 year span. To those six, there were 21 children, and from there… lord knows. I don’t, not any more. Mom and I guessed that there’s about 100 of us now - kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and even great great grandkids… that is, if grandma was still alive. We’re all over the US, now, though most are still in CA somewhere. Several are in the military or are veterans, and a few are police or fire/rescue… most are just normal folks, like me. Of all of us - the six kids (now in their 60s and 70s), and the 21 grandkids (spanning late 20s to the 50s somewhere), Kandi is the first to go. As a family, we’ve been VERY fortunate, blessed, even. There was one great (my cousin Willie’s oldest) who was killed during a hiking accident at the age of 18, but that’s been it.
So, yeah, it’s made me think - a lot. I don’t think I’m afraid of death, not meaning I want to die… I don’t want that for a good long time. I definitely don’t want either of my kids to die before me (or even with me!)… and though she’s getting older, I’d rather mom not go either. But, that’s rather selfish. I don’t want to deal with the pain their passing will cause.
No, I think what I’m mostly afraid of about death is stuff I haven’t done that I’ve wanted to do - wanted to say - wanted to see - wanted to be. I think I’m going to have to make myself up a ‘bucket list’, and really try to accomplish each on the list - just in case.
Heh… I need to write up “instructions” for when I do go. A will is only good for simple things like money and investments (at least my basic one is). But, other than making sure everyone knows that I want my organs to be used - what can be used - I don’t have anything written down. I don’t know that I’ve thought about it much. Do I want to be buried? If so, where? Do I want to be cremated with my ashes spread over somewhere (or carried around in an urn for generations?). If I were to died in an accident on my way home from work tonight, neither one of my kids would know what the hell to do or how to go about doing - who to call. I need to rectify that. Anyone have some sort of template?
*dusts off hands*
Okay, enough of the depressing talk… I’ll work my way through it. *hugs* Thank you to those of you who have offered support, a word or two, a card. Thank you for thinking of me. :) I really appreciate it, very much.
heard the Bee Gees this morning and immediately thought of Raz. ;) I will NEVER let her forget she’s the one who drove me insane with Bee Gee songs.
as soon as I can get the info, I’ll be posting something up about the JDRF, walk to cure I’ll be joining again this year. It’s august 9th, and I’m looking forward to it.
speaking of walking, I’ve been thinking about organizing a ‘walking club’ here at work. There are several places we can walk before, during or after work, and I think putting together a group of interested parties could help us all. Even in the winter months, there’s always a place to walk. ;)
you know how there are things seen other drivers do on the road that totally make you insanely angry? I had something happen like that last week, and I swear, I was bare steps away from following that woman home to read her the riot act. But, I let it go…let karma do its job. This gal #1 was chatting on a cell phone…going slow, then speeding up. Other traffic made it impossible for me to pass her. THEN she tosses a still smoking cigarette butt out her window. That makes me insane! It’s not bad enough she’s polluting her own body with the shit, she pollutes the air I breathe, AND the ground. Also dancing with the chance of a fire. *shakes head* apparently she’s never seen a Smokey the Bear commercial.
my kitty, my Hope has been such a cute, sweet thing. Still wakes me up constantly during the early morning hours. It’s annoying, but still so cute. I sometimes get even with her by waking her up when she’s napping. She stares at me with blinking, sleepy-eyes with a ‘WTH?’ look. So I have to cuddle her, and pet her like she’s the best thing in the world. Which she normally is at that point in time. And yes, she and Kune are doing very well. Not yet snuggling up together, but they play together often. So cute!
heh… just found out this week why the ION series is called the ION series. ;) heheh… yeah. *I* won’t spoil it for anyone, if they don’t know. But, being the curious bear I am, I finally broke down and asked sunny. Just because I couldn’t figure it out.
looking forward to Eurovision this year too! It’s May 24th (for the finals), in case you were interested. I know there are semi-finals and all, but I really can’t take the days off work to play then.
I keep feeling like I should write… I want to write, but every time I open a story I’ve started (and there are SO many), or open Word, I just stare at the page, and can’t. It’s like my writing mojo has left. Wah… this too shall pass, and I will write again, I’m sure.
I still have pictures and stuff to post about my trip to CA! It’s one of those things on my list to accomplish this weekend. Along with doing laundry and having the oil changed in my car.
these family things have really invaded my subconscious. Last night/early this morning, I had another recurring dream. Not sure why it happens, what sparks it, but the same ‘neighborhood’ and house crops up. The first dream was early, before Hope woke me at about 2. Basically, I’m young(ish), living with my mom and my sister. We’re living in a shotgun shack. I just don’t know why the house is so important, or why somethings seem to stand out more than others. The early dream had mom taking my sister and I to school (separate schools) in a red hybrid car - the Honda one, I think - and we all slept in the same room on long vinyl-covered couches. Just strange. The second dream morphed into me living with Amanda, and we drove around in an old red VW bug without a backseat. We drove by another shotgun house I remember from previous dreams, only it was made out of tin, and had fallen in disrepair to the point where there were great rusty holes in it, and the one front window was broken. I’m not sure what that means.
….I guess I should be thankful it wasn’t the house that’s tall and narrow with winding stairs going up with trap doors, and hidden passages that lead to subbasement levels. That one has scary ghost types - a very evil presence.
another dream I’ve had recently is the one where I went to get my hair cut, and the gal took shear-like scissors and chopped it off to less than an inch. Not even sure what that was about.
oh! I need to take another picture of the woods from my balcony! I took one the day before I left for CA, and now you’d almost not recognize it! It’s so full and lush and green! So very beautiful. Man! I can’t wait to start taking nature walks. :)
hmmm… It’s after 12, and I have yet to eat lunch - AND take my noon walk. I should be heading out now.
Happy Thursday! And in case you didn’t know, it’s also national turn your mattress day.
♥
.
So, I’ve been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks (and some). Since my previous excuse has been that I was on vacation in CA visiting relatives, with limited access to the internet, I’ll leave it at that. But, this past week… has been different. I’ve been doing a lot (read: copious) amounts of reading for distraction purposes. I was even begging friends to send me their favorite GW fanfic stories since I was running perilously close to having no more of my own favorites to read again. But, distraction only works in moments of time. The thoughts were still there, simmering.
Guess that’s rather the way I’ve always handled things I don’t want to face directly - let my mind concentrate as fully on something else and let other thoughts percolate until its ready to be faced.
May 7th was an “interesting” day. You know the old joke/Chinese proverb - May you live in interesting times. It was Amanda’s 22nd birthday, and we had plans to go out that night, her, Chris and I. It had been a great morning, even if I was running late to work. Nothing was really going on AT work, just making sure the client was doing okay, and that my analyst didn’t have any issues or questions she needed me to run interference on… and then the IM’s started.
I have a lot of friends in the IT departments here where I work. I’ve worked with many teams throughout my 18 years, have “grown up” with a few, have attended social events - weddings and funerals. So, yeah, a good many of my IT colleagues are more than just co-workers, even if I don’t see or speak with them for months on end. May 7th, the company delivered its Global Outsourcing program letters.
We’ve known it was going to happen for months….maybe even a year or more. It’s the way corporate America is going - farming out a lot of its IT or customer service needs, keeping overhead lower and increasing the bottom line. This I can understand. I don’t like it, but it seems that we are a nation who is quickly out-pricing our value - wanting everything cheaper but wanting to be paid more and more. The division between lower income and middle income is increasing, just as the division between middle income and upper income.
This Global Outsourcing thing is a phased approach. A small handful of “experts” will be retained as liaisons and advisors in their fields (about 100), a larger number (about 300) will be offered positions with the outsourcing vendor, and a large chunk (over 1,000?) will work on a ‘data transfer’ for 3-6 months, and then they’re gone.
It scares the shit out of me. Not only will we, as a company, be losing a hell of a lot of talent, our time to market and customer service is going to suck. Apparently this has been taken into consideration.
I talked with several of these colleagues last Wednesday, not sure what to offer by way of support or encouragement. Most all of those I spoke with are in the large chunk that will transition off; a couple will be moving to the new company. In speaking with other folks I work with who know other IT personnel, some of those “experts” are ones I would have chosen hands down as being the best in their field, and am glad to hear at least their talents are being recognized and will stay… if they want to stay.
I was trying to put it away, compartmentalize it so I could enjoy the evening, and enjoy Amanda’s birthday. Then mom called. She was crying, and I could barely understand her. Of course, she was trying to tell me about my cousin’s death, and what happened.
We still went out to dinner, and I couldn’t help feeling guilty for enjoying myself, for laughing at the jokes being told, about listening to music and enjoying it.
Losing Kandi was rough, but as I said before, it wasn’t completely unexpected. I honestly am not sure how she’s hung on this long. Thankful she has, but… she’d been so ill for so long. Mostly, I felt really bad for her folks, her brother and sister, and for those of us left. Mom told me over the weekend (as a side effect, mom managed to call me at least 10 times this past week. I think it’s just to assure her that we’re all well.) that she felt horribly guilty when she was first called because she was just so thankful it wasn’t one of us - one of her kids.
See, Kandi is the first. Grandma had six children (live births) born over a 12 year span. To those six, there were 21 children, and from there… lord knows. I don’t, not any more. Mom and I guessed that there’s about 100 of us now - kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and even great great grandkids… that is, if grandma was still alive. We’re all over the US, now, though most are still in CA somewhere. Several are in the military or are veterans, and a few are police or fire/rescue… most are just normal folks, like me. Of all of us - the six kids (now in their 60s and 70s), and the 21 grandkids (spanning late 20s to the 50s somewhere), Kandi is the first to go. As a family, we’ve been VERY fortunate, blessed, even. There was one great (my cousin Willie’s oldest) who was killed during a hiking accident at the age of 18, but that’s been it.
So, yeah, it’s made me think - a lot. I don’t think I’m afraid of death, not meaning I want to die… I don’t want that for a good long time. I definitely don’t want either of my kids to die before me (or even with me!)… and though she’s getting older, I’d rather mom not go either. But, that’s rather selfish. I don’t want to deal with the pain their passing will cause.
No, I think what I’m mostly afraid of about death is stuff I haven’t done that I’ve wanted to do - wanted to say - wanted to see - wanted to be. I think I’m going to have to make myself up a ‘bucket list’, and really try to accomplish each on the list - just in case.
Heh… I need to write up “instructions” for when I do go. A will is only good for simple things like money and investments (at least my basic one is). But, other than making sure everyone knows that I want my organs to be used - what can be used - I don’t have anything written down. I don’t know that I’ve thought about it much. Do I want to be buried? If so, where? Do I want to be cremated with my ashes spread over somewhere (or carried around in an urn for generations?). If I were to died in an accident on my way home from work tonight, neither one of my kids would know what the hell to do or how to go about doing - who to call. I need to rectify that. Anyone have some sort of template?
*dusts off hands*
Okay, enough of the depressing talk… I’ll work my way through it. *hugs* Thank you to those of you who have offered support, a word or two, a card. Thank you for thinking of me. :) I really appreciate it, very much.
….I guess I should be thankful it wasn’t the house that’s tall and narrow with winding stairs going up with trap doors, and hidden passages that lead to subbasement levels. That one has scary ghost types - a very evil presence.
hmmm… It’s after 12, and I have yet to eat lunch - AND take my noon walk. I should be heading out now.
Happy Thursday! And in case you didn’t know, it’s also national turn your mattress day.
♥
.