Are you there God? It's me, Kathleen. Why do I have do deal with this?
What else can possible go wrong this year?! First my grandma passed away...and today...today....I don't even want to type the words out. Because then they are recorded for all posterity and it absolutely can't be nightmare.
Today, my sisters and I had to say goodbye to our mom. She went into cardiac arrest yesterday afternoon, and by the time they were able to get her heart started again, her brain had been without oxygen for at least 25 minutes. There was absolutely no neurological function. This morning, the doctor told us that along with the severe brain damage, several of her major organs had started failing. Her chances of recovering from this were so remote, it was pretty much 0%. So, Jennifer, Kelly and I made the awful, irreversible decision of turning off her ventilator. She passed away, surrounded by family and loved ones at 1:05pm.
I will never again have a Banks with my mom in Barbados. She will not see me graduate from university in June. I will never again hear her say, "Kathleen, I love you."
As executor of my mom's estate, I now have to be strong and make decisions that nobody ever wants to make about their parent. And I'll be honest, I don't want to be strong. I want to break down, and scream and cry and curse whatever God decided to take both of my parents away from me by the time I was 31. My friend told me today that God never gives anybody more than they can handle....and I want to know what makes Him think I can handle all this?
I bought 3 bottles of wine today. I have opened the first one...and I'll be honest, I want to drown my sorrows in the bottom of those bottles.
I don't have the slightest idea how I am going to put the pieces of my life back together right now.
Today, my sisters and I had to say goodbye to our mom. She went into cardiac arrest yesterday afternoon, and by the time they were able to get her heart started again, her brain had been without oxygen for at least 25 minutes. There was absolutely no neurological function. This morning, the doctor told us that along with the severe brain damage, several of her major organs had started failing. Her chances of recovering from this were so remote, it was pretty much 0%. So, Jennifer, Kelly and I made the awful, irreversible decision of turning off her ventilator. She passed away, surrounded by family and loved ones at 1:05pm.
I will never again have a Banks with my mom in Barbados. She will not see me graduate from university in June. I will never again hear her say, "Kathleen, I love you."
As executor of my mom's estate, I now have to be strong and make decisions that nobody ever wants to make about their parent. And I'll be honest, I don't want to be strong. I want to break down, and scream and cry and curse whatever God decided to take both of my parents away from me by the time I was 31. My friend told me today that God never gives anybody more than they can handle....and I want to know what makes Him think I can handle all this?
I bought 3 bottles of wine today. I have opened the first one...and I'll be honest, I want to drown my sorrows in the bottom of those bottles.
I don't have the slightest idea how I am going to put the pieces of my life back together right now.