Things I would tell my mother
I'm doing good. I have a bunch of papers, but I am slowly but surely getting them done. I have a singing quiz monday in music theory, but i was able to sight sing them in my head when I wrote them down, I just hope it comes out the way I imagine it. I watched a really good movie in docmetary film about a innocent man being put on death row, but everything turned alright in the end. I hung the sign you bought me that says The witch wih the turnable is in/is out on my door. Dezi thought it was hilarious and I have already eaten half of the jumbo bag of reese's pieces Granny bought me.
What I wouldn't tell my mom:
I only have 50 dollars for rent and bills and spending money. I do nothing but go to class 50% of the time and spend the rest in my room asleep or staring at the wall trying to write papers. I'm going to fail documentary film and brit lit, and i hope for a C in amer lit. The only reason I'll get an a in music is because that class is for idiots. I want to be a musician but I'm not allowed to play guitar, or sing, or go try to get shows, or practice my new songs, even we I sneak to play i end up spending hours on music instead of my homework.
What do I want to be? A student/worker/good citizen or a head-in-the-clouds pretend musician. It seems while trying to be both I have done neither, maybe I should just focus on one. I want to play shows, i want to sell songs, but is my music that worth while or is it just self-loathing bullshit impressions of tunes. My Mom wants me to graduate and get straight A's and then she says she'll support my music but I cannot do both. Plus she is always talking about how I should write cards for Hallmark, like that is just somehing I could fall into. I hate all of my classes. I hate college, it is a waste of time and money and quite frankly i dont deserve to be here. Shouldn't college be for people who want to further their education? I haven't taken a single class that will help me be who I want to be. And now whenever I do graduate I wont have job experience to get a real job and all I'll have is a bullshit degree. I'll be working the same job that I would if I were to go get a job today, and on top of it all I will be over 60,000 dollars in debt. Some neccessity. 60,000 dollars is goin to be a lot for a cashier job.
Why am I stuck? Surely I am a smart and talented able person, but I can't find it in me to get out of bed. I don't even have a vice like alcohol or heroin to blame my problems on just me. I guess my problem is is that I am not reliable, and I can't expect anyone else to be. Fuck it I guess. I'll just be a gypsy.
What I wouldn't tell my mom:
I only have 50 dollars for rent and bills and spending money. I do nothing but go to class 50% of the time and spend the rest in my room asleep or staring at the wall trying to write papers. I'm going to fail documentary film and brit lit, and i hope for a C in amer lit. The only reason I'll get an a in music is because that class is for idiots. I want to be a musician but I'm not allowed to play guitar, or sing, or go try to get shows, or practice my new songs, even we I sneak to play i end up spending hours on music instead of my homework.
What do I want to be? A student/worker/good citizen or a head-in-the-clouds pretend musician. It seems while trying to be both I have done neither, maybe I should just focus on one. I want to play shows, i want to sell songs, but is my music that worth while or is it just self-loathing bullshit impressions of tunes. My Mom wants me to graduate and get straight A's and then she says she'll support my music but I cannot do both. Plus she is always talking about how I should write cards for Hallmark, like that is just somehing I could fall into. I hate all of my classes. I hate college, it is a waste of time and money and quite frankly i dont deserve to be here. Shouldn't college be for people who want to further their education? I haven't taken a single class that will help me be who I want to be. And now whenever I do graduate I wont have job experience to get a real job and all I'll have is a bullshit degree. I'll be working the same job that I would if I were to go get a job today, and on top of it all I will be over 60,000 dollars in debt. Some neccessity. 60,000 dollars is goin to be a lot for a cashier job.
Why am I stuck? Surely I am a smart and talented able person, but I can't find it in me to get out of bed. I don't even have a vice like alcohol or heroin to blame my problems on just me. I guess my problem is is that I am not reliable, and I can't expect anyone else to be. Fuck it I guess. I'll just be a gypsy.