excited/scared shitless
well, paul said we never update, and i realized, i never do. plus, i'm babysitting my mom's boyfriends' kids right now, so i have lots of extra time. (they're using the tv. god, make them keeping using the tv. pleeeeeeeeeease). so yeah. my recital was yesterday. i dunno, it was fun, and all went pretty well, except i am a little sick, so during the second half, my low range just completely went. it was a little disappointing. i dunno, it was a long program, and you can't expect it to be perfect. i just wanted it to be. whatever, apart from that, i thought it went really well, so whatev. i'm kind of glad it's just over. i've been worrying about it all week cuz i've been sick. anyways, my open house was the day before. thanks so much to everyone who came! it really meant a lot. it was way more fun than i thought it would be. i just ended up sitting outside most of the time with my friends while all the adults were inside. it was sweet. lots of money, yay! i can't wait to start decorating my room. thinking about oberlin is so exciting. i just know i'm gonna love it there. life is all going to be new and fresh. after living in the same house my entire life, it's gonna be a big change, but i really feel ready for it. /scared shittless. i can't wait to be there, i'm so scared of leaving. i'm going to miss everyone so much. i don't know. i keep thinking about savo and anna and dolan and all the other people that i totally love and hang out with all the time and am not gonna see next year. it hit me a couple days ago that SOMEKO's over. i can't even believe that. i mean, it sounds stupid, it's just a lame choir, but it's been so much more than that. it's that one class that was just like hanging out with all my friends for an hour every day, doing the one thing i love most. what could be more amazing than that? i wonder if it's gonna be like taht at oberlin next year. being with everyone who shares my interests, who're all a lot like me, will it be like being with my best friends all the time? i don't know. it seems so unfair that i only go you guys for four years. i spent such a long time being friendless or knowing that i really didn't belong in my group of friends. it's been so amazing to have friends that i really love and can really relate to. most of you have been with eachother through middle school and even elementary school. how unfair that i only got you for high school. i feel like i've really missed out on the whole "we've known eachother our whole lives and we're still friends" thing. when i look back on elementary school, i just whatever. i'm being depressing and that sucks. i'm just so nervous about leaving. i miss APE. that's weird, even weirder than the someko thing, but i really do. what a great class. i just fuck, i don't want to leave. i can;t wait to leave, Daune Mahy is gonna be such a great teacher, i hope i have a good roommate. i know i'm gonna make lots of friends. shit, what if i don't make lots of friends. what if it's just like kindergarten. what if i go in expecting to make tons of friends, and then everyone thinks i'm this huge fucktard and totally doesn't want to be my friend. what if i'm the big joke at oberlin, the one everyone makes fun of behind her back. fuck, i better just not think about that.
i really don't know what's the matter with me. i sound like all i ever think about is totally depressing shit, but in fact, it's the complete obvious. my life has been totally amazing lately. summer = amazing. as awkward as open houses are, some of them have been totally fun. like heckling everyone about their love lives at lara's. or going to joanne's with ian and john last night. we played monopoly, which was totally sweet. ian and i haggled over property, i totally won ;). oh, and then we played apples to apples and yeah, best game ever! seriously, where has this game been all my life, really simple rules, totally fun. it was funny to watch how different people would choose completely different things. yeah well anyways, great night. so life right now is pretty much amazing, i'm just a little anxious for the future. uncertainty is scarry.
i really don't know what's the matter with me. i sound like all i ever think about is totally depressing shit, but in fact, it's the complete obvious. my life has been totally amazing lately. summer = amazing. as awkward as open houses are, some of them have been totally fun. like heckling everyone about their love lives at lara's. or going to joanne's with ian and john last night. we played monopoly, which was totally sweet. ian and i haggled over property, i totally won ;). oh, and then we played apples to apples and yeah, best game ever! seriously, where has this game been all my life, really simple rules, totally fun. it was funny to watch how different people would choose completely different things. yeah well anyways, great night. so life right now is pretty much amazing, i'm just a little anxious for the future. uncertainty is scarry.