SATURDAY IS EATING MY FACE!
I'm falling apart, I can feel my seems ripping, my limbs being torn from me. I feel like everyone and everything is tugging me in different directions: claiming and pulling and grappling and conquering every last inch of me until there's nothing left. Everyone wants some time, everyone wants a break. Everything is weighing down on me and I feel like I can't get up. HELP ME! WHY CAN'T THINGS JUST FUCKING GO RIGHT! WHY CAN'T THINGS JUST BE EASIER! WHY DOES E V E R Y T H I N G HAVE TO BE SO GOD DAMNED HARD? I just want a break. I just want something to go my way, but everytime it seems like it does, or i feel like I've got things under control another oppressive problem, issue, SHITTY SITUATION is added to my already towering stack of shit to do.
So, I realised one day that my audition for Oberling (my fucking #1 school) conflicts with the fucking collage concert. I find this out right after telling Mr. Dewald that I would do a duet with sarah, right after Mr. Dewald just got over bitching his fucking head at me because I couldn't attend solo and ensemble (because of ANOTHER conflicting audition- - thanks a lot mom for checking the GOD DAMNED choir schedule when making my auditions). So i kind of freak out when i find this out, but then I call oberlin, and get my time changed, so that i am the very first audition time on saturday, so that i can drive back the same day and be in the collage concert. ok, everything's great right? wrong! low and behold I had forgotten that Machtel ALSO happened to be on that same Saturday. So I asked mom to call machtel and make sure i was one of the last times that day so that i would be sure to be back from oberling in time to go to machtel and perform and then run to the collage concert. But did she call them? oh no. She forgot. ooh poor mom, so much to think about, so can I tell her that she is making my life a living hell with her disorganization and forgetfulness? of course not! because she's taking me to auditions so god forbid i complain about anything. so i get my machtel time and it's fucking 9:48 in the god damned morning. I will still be IN MY AUDITION AT OBERLIN at that time, so I call 5 different numbers for machtel and finally reach someone and ask that they change my time. a day later she got back to me, yes i have a different time: 5;20.. Perfect! i thought, then i can definately be back in time. all my time issues are gone. but oh how wrong i was. I just had my dad drive me out to donna's church to practice with my accompanist. and guess what! she can't fucking play for me at 5:20, she's going to be at mass. So I went all the way out to the church for nothing, except that she'll play for me for the second round. so i had to find a whole new accompanist to play for me THIS SATURDAY! so i call takis, and thank god, he can play for me. but the only fucking time we can practice together (because I'm so fucking busy with play practice, festival, collage practice, oberlin orientation, oberlin audition, and oberlin theory test) is tomorrow night some time around 9:30. Unfortunatley, he's going to mass then, so he has to call me when he's done. so basically my mom's gonna kill me cuz she has to drive me there. not only that, but we both have to be at his beck and call as to when takis and i can practice cuz it's such fucking late notice! So yes, those are merely my issues concerning saturday. oh wait! i forgot, i have absolutely no music to give takis. I don't drive, so i can't get to kinkos, and the school can't make double sided copies. oh yeah, and i have to have this music by TOMORROW NIGHT! and of course, i'm already stressing out about my audition, and my voice going out because of all the stress and singing i've been doing. watch me totally lose my voice just in time for saturday. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
ok, so i don't mean to bitch...actually yes i do, because at this point i feel like i have some right to bitch. so yeah, i'm going to just drop this, cuz overall, things are really good right now. I just feel so incredibly stressed and i don't know why things this weekend have to be so complicated. I just want things to stop getting so fucked up! anyways, i'm just gonna go huddle up in a corner and pass out cuz i don't even know what to do with myself right now.
So, I realised one day that my audition for Oberling (my fucking #1 school) conflicts with the fucking collage concert. I find this out right after telling Mr. Dewald that I would do a duet with sarah, right after Mr. Dewald just got over bitching his fucking head at me because I couldn't attend solo and ensemble (because of ANOTHER conflicting audition- - thanks a lot mom for checking the GOD DAMNED choir schedule when making my auditions). So i kind of freak out when i find this out, but then I call oberlin, and get my time changed, so that i am the very first audition time on saturday, so that i can drive back the same day and be in the collage concert. ok, everything's great right? wrong! low and behold I had forgotten that Machtel ALSO happened to be on that same Saturday. So I asked mom to call machtel and make sure i was one of the last times that day so that i would be sure to be back from oberling in time to go to machtel and perform and then run to the collage concert. But did she call them? oh no. She forgot. ooh poor mom, so much to think about, so can I tell her that she is making my life a living hell with her disorganization and forgetfulness? of course not! because she's taking me to auditions so god forbid i complain about anything. so i get my machtel time and it's fucking 9:48 in the god damned morning. I will still be IN MY AUDITION AT OBERLIN at that time, so I call 5 different numbers for machtel and finally reach someone and ask that they change my time. a day later she got back to me, yes i have a different time: 5;20.. Perfect! i thought, then i can definately be back in time. all my time issues are gone. but oh how wrong i was. I just had my dad drive me out to donna's church to practice with my accompanist. and guess what! she can't fucking play for me at 5:20, she's going to be at mass. So I went all the way out to the church for nothing, except that she'll play for me for the second round. so i had to find a whole new accompanist to play for me THIS SATURDAY! so i call takis, and thank god, he can play for me. but the only fucking time we can practice together (because I'm so fucking busy with play practice, festival, collage practice, oberlin orientation, oberlin audition, and oberlin theory test) is tomorrow night some time around 9:30. Unfortunatley, he's going to mass then, so he has to call me when he's done. so basically my mom's gonna kill me cuz she has to drive me there. not only that, but we both have to be at his beck and call as to when takis and i can practice cuz it's such fucking late notice! So yes, those are merely my issues concerning saturday. oh wait! i forgot, i have absolutely no music to give takis. I don't drive, so i can't get to kinkos, and the school can't make double sided copies. oh yeah, and i have to have this music by TOMORROW NIGHT! and of course, i'm already stressing out about my audition, and my voice going out because of all the stress and singing i've been doing. watch me totally lose my voice just in time for saturday. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
ok, so i don't mean to bitch...actually yes i do, because at this point i feel like i have some right to bitch. so yeah, i'm going to just drop this, cuz overall, things are really good right now. I just feel so incredibly stressed and i don't know why things this weekend have to be so complicated. I just want things to stop getting so fucked up! anyways, i'm just gonna go huddle up in a corner and pass out cuz i don't even know what to do with myself right now.