Title: Cheeseburger
Title: Cheeseburger
Author: Merisel
Disclaimer: The Autobots belong to someone else. OC Malena Banes belongs to Caz
Warning: Smut
"Great...Fucking great..." I turned over, slamming a fist into my pillow viciously. I was finally feeling human again, and right now wanted nothing more than a nice, long, hot soak in a tub, but, nooooo. Not for another three days.
Ratchet, the eternal killjoy, insisted on giving my burns extra time to heal. He had found my tirade amusing, and even had the nerve to chuckle at my more inventive phrases.
He may be fucking adorable as a Wilson clone, but that didn't stop me from flipping him the bird when he had his back turned.
I still wasn't sure if Ratchet knew I'd made that gesture. He gave me an I-can-see-through-your-clothes look -- which was NOT a turn-on, no sirree.
On his way out he offhandedly mentioned that, according to my medical file, I was overdue for my annual physical and that he'd be back later to give me a thorough examination.
Guh! That suggestive tone brought all kinds of kinky scenarios to mind, each of which I firmly banished. I swear, he did that deliberately. Damn tease! I am not horny....I am not horny... I need a goddamned distraction!
I picked up the copy of Emily Post's Etiquette, which Jazz had brought me as a big joke, and started reading. Ten pages into it I'd had enough. Jesus fucking Christ, no normal person acts like that! I was gonna ram that book so far up Jazz's ass---
I tossed the book aside and tried to go back to sleep.
"Good morning, Malena!" greeted Bumblebee, his holoform breezing in through the door.
Someone was in a good mood today. "Hi, Bee," I mumbled, my eyes drifting to the bathroom right behind him. I wanted my soak! "What's up?"
"I'm here to examine you," he cheerfully announced.
This was one of those rare occasions when my mouth fell open and I gaped like a fish. "Say what??"
"I've come to examine you," he repeated with a broad smile. There was even a spring in his step as he walked over to my bed.
"But...but..." I spluttered, and had to kick my brain back into gear. "Ratchet said he was gonna do it!"
"He was called away to deal with Wheeljack's latest mishap." Bee made that sound like a common occurrence.
Did I even want to know? Uh...Not really. "But you don't know how!" I pointed out, pulling the blanket up to my chin. Did he know I didn't have any clothes on? Probably!
"I do know, actually. Ratchet uploaded detailed files on human anatomy in general, and yours specifically, to my central processor," Bee gleefully told me. "You will need to be naked for this."
Ohmygod, this can't be happening! "I...uhm...I think I should wait 'til Ratchet gets back.."
"That could be a long wait. I remembed one time it took the equivalent of two Earth months to clean up a Wheeljack."
Two months? Christ, the real Doc Brown has nothing on Jack! "I don't know..." I said, still resisting despite that too-damn-cute-for-his-own-good grin of Bee's.
"I promise I'll be gentle, especially during the gynelogical part of the exam. Now come out from under that blanket," he cajoled, his expression turning earnest.
My brain froze up again, and I stuttered. "Guh...gyne--"
Bee responded by breaking into song.
"Let me see your pussy, show it to me ."
Show me your pussy, show it to me
I want to see your pussy, show it to me
For the first time since seventh grade I was totally speechless. Bee singing to Lords of Acid??
"They tell me it's soft to touch and really smooth ."
I can hardly wait to feel that pussy, too
"STOP!" I yelled. Ok, this had to be another crazy dream. I would've tried pinching myself, hard, to wake myself up, but then I thought: Why the hell not? It's my dream, might as well go with it. After getting nearly blown to smithereens, I figured I deserved a little fun. It's not like this is real.
"To hide that kind of pussy is a crime," Bee finished making his case.
Rising to the challenge, I pushed the blanket aside and sang in a falsetto voice.
"She turns into a tiger when she's ready to eat."
My pussy's always hungry for a big chunk of meat
Bee's laugh sounded downright lecherous to my ears. Why did he have to use a holo that was blonde, beautiful and twenty-something, anyway?
He paused, head tilted, and wriggled his nose.
"I smell sex and candy," he chimed out.
"The hell you do!" I immediately denied. Then I remembered last night. Jazz [the king of kink, as I'd dubbed him] had come up with a cunning plan to relieve my boredom. The result was whipped cream in places it really shouldn't be. Oh, and there was also the chocolate massage oil. And Bumblebee could smell that?
"That's it! I'm taking a bath! Screw Ratchet's orders!"
Bee caught me about the waist before I'd taken five steps. "Exam first, then bath. I insist," he said in my ear.
"Oooh... Feeling masterful, are ya?" I couldn't help leaning into him a bit. The idea of a Dom Bee made me weak in the knees. I never used to have dreams this amazing, but ever since I met Jazz...
"We all know how stubborn you can get, Lena," he scolded me.
I've got a reputation? Cool! Bee picked me up and carried me back to the bed. "Well, in that case.." I lay back, arms and legs askew. "Go ahead. Have your way with me, Blondie."
For some reason he hesitated. "I could just run a simple scan on you."
Playing hard to get, huh? I pouted at him. "Ratchet always takes the hands-on approach."
"Oh. All right." Bee nodded, and began with the more mundane tests; temperature, heart rate, stuff the like. Then came the breast exam.
Damn, he's got good hands. Nice and strong. I arched up into them.
He chuckled, pressing me back down on the mattress. "Behave yourself, Lena."
"Gonna spank me if I don't?"
"I might leave that to Ironhide," Bumblebee answered in a mock-growl.
Ooooh.. The idea of a little rough play always got my blood pumping. I looked over at the door, half-expecting Mr. Cannons to come waltzing in, but no such look. Oh, well. "You've got prettier hands, Bee."
Bumblebee rolled his eyes, then peered intently at me. "You really are aroused by this?"
"What can I say? You Bots are smexy beasts." I grinned. "Scratch my itch, please."
"It would be wrong not to relieve your, ah, 'suffering'," he conceded, after a long moment's reflection.
Well, it's about time this damn dream cooperated! Bee moved to the foot of the bed. I spread my legs wider, holding my breath in anticipation. Placing one hand on my pelvis, he slowly pushed the other one inside. "Ohgod.." I moaned, toes curling as his hand filled me. His fingers weren't quite as long as Ratchet's, but he sure knew how to work 'em! Stroking, rubbing, a few light pinches. He was rapidly driving me out of my mind.
"Your reproductive system is functioning normally," he told me.
"That's...good to...kn--Guhh!" I squealed as he probed deeper, fingers curling. "Oh, fuck, yeah, right THERE!"
"Here?" Bee concentrated his efforts on that spot.
"YESSSS!" I came so hard I actually saw stars.
"Was that good for you?" There was a hint of smugness in his voice as he removed his hand.
"Yeshh," I slurred, thoroughly sated for now. Damn, Ratchet must have some pretty detailed files on me. Now I had even more reason to want a bath. "I'm...er...sticky," I managed to say without blushing like Mikaela would've.
"I noticed. I'll go prepare a bath for you." Bee gave my foot a friendly pat, then headed for the bathroom.
"Okay, thanks.." Feeling like a wet noodle, I just lay there for a few minutes until Bee called out to tell me it was ready. I hauled myself out of bed and gimped my way to the bathroom. Bee helped me climb into the tub when I wobbled a little. Mm... Strong arms. "You're a yummy dream," I smiled up at him.
He blinked at me, then smiled bashfully. "Thank you...I think."
Aww.. He's so cute! "Welcome." I sank down in the scented water with a sigh of relief. Just the right temperature, not too hot, not too cold.
"I'll have Jazz bring you something for lunch around noon."
"Double bacon cheeseburger and fries would be awesome," I murmured, eyes closing.
"All right." He left the room then, closing the door behind him so I'd have some privacy.
For the longest time I soaked in the warm water. This was sheer bliss. If Bee's this good in real life, I should have him draw a bath for me every day. Sadly, like all good things, it didn't last forever. After what seemed like hours the water started getting cold. Bah!
Mindful of the cast on my wrist, I washed off of best I could one-handed. It was weird how I was hurt in my dream. Must be from some deep sense of guilt, or some psychological shit like that.
I got the bathwater draining and used the shower to rinse off. Then, after less-than-gracefully stepping out of the tub, I dried off and went back to bed, where I used what was left of my energy to drag the blanket up over me. Clean at last! was my last coherent thought.
"Hey, Lena!"
Someone was yelling and tapping on my knee.
"Not here...leave a message..."
The tapping was repeated. "C'mon, Lena. Time for lunch."
Jazz? I poked my head out from my blanket-coccoon, bleary-eyed. "Wha' time issit?"
"Noon. So I know you must be hungry. Now sit up. Owl." Jazz was holding a covered silver platter that he presented to me with a flourish.
Now that I was more awake, I could feel empty stomach bitching at me. "Starving, actually." I eagerly pushed the blanket down, not really noticing the black and orange pattern.
Grinning, as if he knew something I didn't, Jazz set the platter down on my lap. "Just what ya asked for. Enjoy!" He winked at me before beating a hasty retreat.
Huh? Confuzzled, I lifted the lid and stared at my lunch.
A double bacon cheeseburger.