Ficlet: A Night To Remember....Or Not
Title: A Night To Remember....Or Not
Author: Merisel
Summary: Mikaela has a little adventure with The Twins
Characters: Mikaela, Skids, Mudflap, mention of Wheelie
Author's Note: This does contain brief [non-con] smut.
"Happy Birthday to you," Mikaela told her reflection in the bathroom mirror, a trace of bitterness in her voice.
A month and a half had passed since the big battle in Egypt. After being cleared by the Autobots' medic, Sam returned to the university, this time with the government paying for it. Leo's tuition was covered now, too, and who knows what other perks he and Sam were given. Mikaela, on the other hand, ended up right back where she'd been. The repair shop. That was when her resentment began. Didn't she risk her life and almost get blown up, too? She had a pretty good idea why it'd turned out this way. Damn sexist bastards.
The Autobots were almost as bad, in their own way. When everyone was returning to U.S. by ship, the physical exam Ratchet gave her had been cursory compared to Sam's. Since coming back to L.A., she'd only seen Bumblebee twice. The other Autobots hadn't deigned to visit. They'd decided to stay on the East Coast, where Sam was. After all, it was Sam who the All Spark had shared knowledge with. Sam was special.
There I go again. Mikaela made a face at herself. She knew she shouldn't be jealous -- Sam didn't ask to for any of this - but sometimes she just couldn't help it. Taking a deep breath, she tried to think positive thoughts.
Bumblebee was genuinely happy to see her when he came by, and gave her detailed accounts of Sam's activities. She was grateful for those.
Sam had quickly got caught up in dorm life. Thanks to the Fallen's 'hoax' broadcast, he was famous. Making new friends was easy for him now. Her once-nightly web chats with him tapered off to two or three times a week. They'd had one scheduled for last night, but he called to tell her that he wouldn't be able to make it.
Maybe all long-distance relationships are doomed. Mikaela left the bathroom, walking past the classic white Dodge Challenger she'd spent half the night working on. It was a present from her dad, who'd had to go to L.A. earlier today. Supposedly it was to answer questions about a rash of car thefts, but she knew it was more government agents trying to find Wheelie. No way was she going to let them get their hands on the little guy. His head was not going to end up in a jar, like Frenzy's. As long as he kept quiet in her bedroom, he should be safe enough. She'd left a window open, though, just in case he might need to make a quick getaway.
She made sure the back door and all the windows were locked, then headed toward the front of the shop.
"YO! MIKAELA!"
Holy crap! Mikaela almost jumped right out of her boots at that shout. Who the hell--waitaminute. "Skids?!?" Recognizing the voice, she ran over to the door and threw it open. Sure enough there were two Chevy Beats, red and green, parked in front.
"That's me! One of a kind!" Skids proudly announced.
"Hey! Twins, remember?" complained Mudflap.
"Wish I didn't sometimes!"
"Oh, yeah?" Both twins transformed and faced off.
"Shh! Be quiet!" Mikaela hissed at them; she did not need those two brawling with each other and making a ruckus. Thank God it was so late that there was nobody hanging around this part of town. "What are you doing here?"
"Sam asked us to help you celebrate your birthday."
"Really?" Mikaela raised a skeptical eyebrow. No way would Sam send these two. They were about as mature as the South Park kids.
"Really!"
"Well, no," Mudflap contradicted Skids. "Was more like he mentioned today was your birthday. But he would've asked! We just thought of it before he did, that's all."
"Sam did say he wanted you to have some fun," added Skids. "Heard him talking to Bumblebee."
Jesus.. She raked her fingers through her hair. These guys only came here because they were bored, but knowing that Sam rembered her birthday lifted her spirits. "How about you just take me home? I'm really beat." All she wanted to do right now was polish off some leftover chicken and then crash.
"I got a cure for that." Skids fumbled around under his chest armor, pulling out a dark-colored bottle that he presented to her. "This'll juice you up."
Why she assumed it was some kind of energy drink, Mikaela would always wonder. "Ok. Thanks." She took the bottle, opened it, and took a long swig. On an empty stomach, the liquer went straight to her head. "Ge-uhh!" she wheezed, her eyes watering like crazy. "What is this?!"
Skids beamed. "Good, isn't it?"
"It's aged whiskey. I picked it out," Mudflap answered her question, proud of his choice.
"It's...um...strong," she offered, thinking it was a good thing she didn't have to drive herself home.
"Drink up!" encouraged Skids. "It's your special day."
"Well...maybe a little bit more." Mikaela drank slowly this time. He did have a point there, and whiskey was her favorite alcoholic drink. She was feeling more relaxed already. A bit light-headed, too "---why did he have to pick a college on the other side of the country?"
Mudflap peered down at her. "You mean Sam?"
"Yeah.. I miss him." Depressed, she raised the bottle to her lips.
"Oh. You're feeling lonely. Well..." Skids' optics lit up as a brilliant idea occured to him. "Hey, if you want, we could poke your pussy. Think that'd cheer you up?"
What the fuck?!? Mikaela choked in mid-swallow, and Mudflap helpfully tapped her on the back, lightly. "What did...glk...you just say?"
"We could poke your pussy," Skids repeated with a toothy grin. "Stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey."
He would have gone on with more anologies if she hadn't interrupted. "Hold it right there!" She fought back the urge to throw the whiskey bottle at his head. "Not only am I totally not interested, but you're a giant robot! How could you---I mean... Hello! Different species!"
"Yeah, how would we sex her up, Skids?" a curious Mudflap asked.
"Uh..." Skids looked stumped. "No idea.."
Mudflap scratched the side of his head. "Let's ask Ratchet. He'd know a way."
"Don't you dare!" Mikaela yelled. "You are not asking him how to fuck a human!!"
"She's right." Skids nodded sagely. "If anyone knows how, it's Bumblebee. He and Sam are real tight."
Sam and Bee? No way! Mikaela shook her head in denial. That was impossible! And yet.... The next swallow of whiskey almost went down the wrong way when it dawned on her. Back in Egypt, when Sam finallly admitted that he loved her, he teased her about saying it first, but it actually had been him. Right before leaving for college, Sam did say those words....to Bumblebee!
At the time she thought it was to make Bee feel better, but maybe there was more to it than that. Bee did say that Sam was the one he cared about the most, that he'd do anything for him. And he saw a lot more of Sam than she did these days. Sam and Bee? Sam and Bee?! Mikaela couldn't quite wrap her mind around it.
She clutched the bottle tighter and took another big swallow of whiskey. "--would you please just take me home?"
"Now look what you've done!" Mudflap gave his twin a shove. "You made her mad!"
"I did not!"
"Cut it out!" Mikaela smacked one greenish leg with her free hand. "I'm not angry. I just -- I don't know what to think about Sam..and Bumblebee. Everything!"
"Yeah..It is kinda confusing," Skids had to admit. "But, hey, just think of us as one big happy family."
If he suggests an orgy... She took another swig, counting to ten at the same time. "Home, guys. Now."
"Ok, ok.. Don't get your undies in a twist," Skids muttered, and transformed.
Mikaela bit back a retort and marched over to Mudflap, the less-offensive twin.
"Ha. Told ya you got her mad," he gloated, his driver's side door swinging open for her.
Mikaela ignored their bickering and got in. The whiskey gave her a very nice buzz, and she found herself wondering: Where does the gear stick go when Bee changes back to robot form? I should ask him...or Sam. Just imagining the look on Sam's face made her grin. It was cute how easily flustered he can be. Mikaela told another swig from the bottle. Damn, it tasted good! "Where'd you guys get this whiskey, Mudflap?"
"Some delivery truck at some fancy restaurant," he told her. "We were in ninja stealth mode, so no one saw us."
"That's...great..." She could see the headline now: 'Giant robots steal booze!'. The absurdity of it made her chuckle out loud.
"Got three more bottles, if you want them," Mudflap said, encouraged by her laughter.
"I think one's enough, thanks." Mikaela noticed with some surprise that the bottle was half-empty already, and it was still a few more miles to go to her house. "Ok, so maybe two, but no more," she amended. Another stray thought came to her. "Hey, has anyone told you guys that you look kinda like goblins?"
"We do? Thanks!" There was a slight pause, then Mudflap asked, "Uh...Goblins are tough, aren't they, Skids?"
"Better believe it!" he staunchly declared. "Nobody messes with goblins!"
Wait a sec... They think goblins are real? Mikaela put the bottle in a cup holder and covered her face with both hands. How can any Autobot be so naive?
"Yo! Head's up! We got ourselves a tail!" Mudflap suddenly announced, excited.
"Huh?!" For a moment Mikaela thought he meant that literally, then she looked in the rearview mirror, but didn't see anything. "Let me guess: A black SUV, with no license plates?"
"Yup," Mudflap confirmed her suspicions. "With their llghts off, too. Friends of yours?"
"Hardly!" she scoffed. "But I've seen 'em around before. They're after Wheelie."
"The midget?" Skids piped in. "What'd they want with him, Mikaela?"
"Nothing good. Dissect him, probably." Dammit. Why can't they just give up?
Mudflap made an angry noise. "Now that just mean: Wheelie can't hardly fight back with that pea-shooter cannon he's got. I say we pop some caps in their asses!"
"Only if you wanna get banished from Earth," Mikaela replied, exasperated. What was with their obsession with gangster talk? Actually, Wheelie acted like that, too. Pretending to be tougher than he really was, so other Cons would leave him alone. It didn't work too good, from what he'd told her. Poor little guy.
"But we like Earth!" Skids whined shrilly while his twin muttered something in their own language.
"What'd you say, Mudflap?" she asked, curious about Cybertronian swear words.
"I said...uh... What should we do about these M.I.B.s?"
"I kow what I'd like to do J---the creeps." Mikaela almost called the government agents J and K, and chugged down more whiskey.
"Tell us!" Skids urged her.
"Swipe their car and ditch it in the middle of some lake."
Mudflap enthusiastically embraced the idea. "Sounds fun! Let's do it!"
Mikaela rolled her eyes. "No thanks. I'd rather not get arrested for it."
"No worries there. We'd make sure they can't prove it's you," Skids told her.
"Yeah? How?"
"Don't know... but we'll think of something." Mudflap revved his engine. "Whaddya say?"
Damn, it was tempting, even though she was pretty sure whatever the twins come up with will end badly. And the bottle was empty now. "I say I'm drunk."
"That's not good. We don't want ya in the lake with the car."
"I know! We'll dunk the M.I.B.'s car for ya!" proposed Skids.
"But not with them in it!" Mikaela was quick to remind them of that little detail.
"I have A Plan," Mudflap grandly announced.
"You're kidding me!"
"Shut it, Skids! It's a great Plan!"
"Great my aft!"
"Quit it!" Mikaela raised her voice to head off an imminent fight. "What is your plan, Mudflap?"
"We lure them M.I.B.s out with a phony Wheelie!"
"A phony Wheelie?" she repeated. "Where are we supposed to find that?"
"Me and Skids spotted one in some fancy store when we were cruisin' L.A. A life-size toy robot from that Wallie movie."
"Hmm. That might actually work." It sounded expensive, and was bound to be a remote-control toy, Mikaela decided. She'd never stolen a car herself before, but learned how to do it from watching her dad. The whiskey put her in an impulsive, reckless mood. "Could you go get it and meets us back at my house, Skids, if you don't mind?"
"Don't mind at all. I love secret missions." Skids sped up and turned left at the next corner.
"The M.I.B.'s are still following us, right?" Mikaela asked, hoping they'd seen which Chevy she'd gotten into. M.I.B.s? Great, now I'm doing it. These guys are contagious!
"Yup. So far so good."
"Ok." The rest of the drive to her house was spent planning out the 'attack on the enemy'.
"Wait here while I fill Wheelie in on what's going on," Mikaela told Mudflap once he was parked in front of her house.
"You got it, Boss." Mudflap scooted forward a little so he wasn't blocking the M.I.B.s view of Mikaela's front yard, then waited for Skids to show up and put The Plan in motion.
"Skids here. FakeWheelie's in position," Skids told Mudflap, calling Mikaela on her cell phone to let her know, too.
Mikaela went into action, slamming the second-floor bedroom window open all the way. "That's it!" she loudly announced. "I want you out of here, you little creep!" A backpack weighted down with books was tossed out the window and landed in a bush. With it being so dark out, they all knew the M.I.B.s wouldn't be able to tell what the object was.
There was a rustling noise as FakeWheelie emerged from the other side of the bush and took off down the sidewalk.
'There it is!' Mudlfap heard one of the M.I.B.s say to his partner. The SUV doors opened and the two agents jumped out to pursue the runaway FakeWheelie. Both were carrying one of those nasty, nitrogen-spraying cannisters. "Now's our chance, Mikaela! Hurry!" he told her, also tapped into her phone for the duration of the mission.
She was out the front door in seconds, dressed all in black with gloves on, as Mudflap suggested. The M.I.B.'s hadn't forgotten to lock the doors, so Skids pulled up next to it and let out some kind of barely audible EMP burst to unlock the driver's side for her.
"Thanks." Mikaela got in and plugged her cell phone into the recharge slot. Skids said they could use that to control the car for her; after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey, she wasn't about to risk driving.
Just as promised, the engine started up all by itself. The SUV made a tight u-turn, then sped off, flanked by the twins. That's so cool! Mikaela wondered what other tricks the Autobots can do. She rolled the window down, laughing as the wind whipped through her hair.
"We're having fun now, aren't we?" Mudflap crowed.
"Yes!" She grinned. "I just wish I could see the looks on their faces when they catch 'Wheelie'."
"There is the shrimp, anyway?" asked Skids.
"My closet. The second I mentioned being followed he hid in there."
"He should stay with us."
"I've already asked him, Mudflap, but Wheelie doesn't much like Autobots. Sorry."
"He don't know what he's missing," Mudflap grumped, then he and Skids fell silent. Mikaela really hoped they weren't planning to kidnap Wheelie now.
It took just half an hour to reach the lake they'd picked for the dunking. A secluded place, and conveniently deserted, since it was almost ont in the morning.
"You wanna do the honors, Mikaela?"
"Absolutely." With a wicked grin she found a nice, thick branch to rig the gas pedal, then stood back and watched it drive into the lake.
"That'll teach them M.I.B.s!" The twins gave each other a high-five.
"It'd better." Still giddy from the escapade, Mikaela was feeling a bit overheated, too, despite the cool night air. "We'd better hang out here a little while before going back to my house."
Skids agreed with the plan. "Yeah. Smart thinking. Give 'em another hour to slink off with their tails between their legs."
"Exactly." She looked longingly at the inviting lake. "I think I'll go take a little swim in the meantime."
"Go for it. We'll guard the perimeter for you," Mudflap offered.
"Thanks, guys." For a moment she considered going in fully dressed, but shrugged it off as being silly. Skids and Mudflap were far more interested in the Godfather movies than human females. No need to worry about leering or cat calls from those two. Modesty was shed along with her clothes, and she dove in. Ahh... It did wonders in cooling her off. Mikaela swam a few circles around the sinking SUV, then headed back to shore where Mudflap offered her the second bottle of whiskey. Her birthday drink, as Mikaela christened it.
Mikaela looked off into the distance as she sipped slowly, her thoughts drifting back to Sam and Bee. She recalled the looks Bumblebee had sometimes given Sam. There was also Sam's habit of stroking the steering wheel whenever he 'drove' the Camaro. Now convinced that Sam and Bumblebee were more than just best friends -- a lot more -- she honestly couldn't blame Sam. Bee was just so damned cute! For an Autobot, that is.
"Yo. What's on your mind?" Skids asked, noticing her serious expression.
"Gear shifts."
"Huh?" He exchanged puzzled looks with his twin. "What about 'em?"
Any other time Mikaela would have immediately changed the subject, but that lovely whiskey negated any embarrassment she would have felt. "His gear shift. I think that must be how Sam and Bumblebee...." she trailed off. The whole idea was so kinky!
"What, do the nasty?" provided a guileless Mudflap.
Skids thought it over, looking down at his hands. "Makes sense. Fingers are too big."
Mikaela eyed the Autobot's fingers and blanched. That would hurt like hell, not to mention it'd seriously injure or even kill a human. "So just where does the gear shift go when you guys transform?" she had to ask.
"Mine's right here." Mudflap tapped on a wedge of armor right above his knee joint, nudging it to the left, and out popped the gear stick.
"So's mine. I think everyone's is in the same spot, pretty much," Skids conjectured.
"Hey, you wanna try it out, Mikaela?"
Whiskey sprayed the air. "Wh--the hell?!?" she choked out. "Are you crazy?"
Mudlfap gave Mikaela a wounded look. "I'm just askin'. You sure looked interested."
She just knew her face had was bright red. Why did he have to pick now to become astute? "I...uh...geez..."
"Hah! You are! I knew it!" Another high-five was exchanged.
"Ok, fine. I admit I'm curious--" She didn't get to finish her sentence.
"Me, too!" Mudflap picked Mikaela up with both hands and lowered her onto the gear stick.
"Hey! Ahh!" she cried out at the sudden intrusion, dropping the whiskey bottle and grabbing hold of the cable in his leg. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?!" That was a rhetorical question, of course. His little stunt went a long way in sobering her up!
"This is kinda weird..." Mudflap said, head cocked, his hands holding her in place. How could humans be dry on the outside and so, well, damp inside? He knew about the claim that their bodies were made mostly of water, but he'd dismissed that as false data. Maybe it was true after all. Ew. Mikaela had a squinty-eyed look on her face now. "--how do you like it?"
"I don't!" Mikaela smacked her palm against his hip in frustrated outrage. Of all the moronic, thoughtless... "It's cold, and rough! Take it out!" she demanded, trying her best not to squirm from the discomfort.
"You're doin' it all wrong!" Skids accused, reaching out to snatch Mikaela away.
"Am not!" Mudflap turned this way and that, but ultimately lost the battle.
"Oh!" She almost ripped the cable out before letting go of it.
"Sorry about my twin. His processor's always been slow." Skids sat on the ground and set Mikaela down on his own gear stick.
"Is not!" objected a sulking Mudflap.
Mikaela felt like tearing her hair out. The Clueless Wonders would turn this into a stupid competition! Then she gasped when Skids started moving her up and down on the stick, too fast. It smarted. "Would you knock it off, Skids!"
Skids stopped bouncing her, abashed by the glare she was giving him. "--that's not making you hot n' bothered?" he timidly asked.
"No!" And Mikaela wasn't about to give it a chance to. "Look, if I wanted a leather dildo, I'd go to a store and buy one!"
"What about rubber?" Mudflap asked, recovering his gear stick. "We can go scan different cars."
"No, thank you," she said through gritted teeth. Honestly, these two had the social skills of warthogs! And if Sam ever finds out about this... "Right now I want to go home and sleep, and if you ever tell anyone about tonight---"
"We won't say a word. We promise, Mikaela!" They both solemnly vowed.
"Good!" She gathered her clothes and quickly dressed. At least their aim wasn't off, or I'd have taken it up the ass. God, that was a scary thought!
There was, mercifully, not another peep from the twins during the drive back to her house. The passengers side door, where she was sitting this time, swung open before Mudflap had completely stopped. "Ok..bye.." Mikaela couldn't make herself say 'see you later' or anything like that; she really hoped it'll be a long time before meeting those two dumbasses again. She did wave to them, a small wave, before hurrying inside.
"I feel kinda funky," Mudflap told his twin as they sped off, heading to the highway leading East.
"Me, too. We'd better let Bumblebee take care of her on her birthdays. He's good with humans," Skids replied, then added, "And we'd better hit the washracks as soon as we get back to our base."
The End
.
Author: Merisel
Summary: Mikaela has a little adventure with The Twins
Characters: Mikaela, Skids, Mudflap, mention of Wheelie
Author's Note: This does contain brief [non-con] smut.
"Happy Birthday to you," Mikaela told her reflection in the bathroom mirror, a trace of bitterness in her voice.
A month and a half had passed since the big battle in Egypt. After being cleared by the Autobots' medic, Sam returned to the university, this time with the government paying for it. Leo's tuition was covered now, too, and who knows what other perks he and Sam were given. Mikaela, on the other hand, ended up right back where she'd been. The repair shop. That was when her resentment began. Didn't she risk her life and almost get blown up, too? She had a pretty good idea why it'd turned out this way. Damn sexist bastards.
The Autobots were almost as bad, in their own way. When everyone was returning to U.S. by ship, the physical exam Ratchet gave her had been cursory compared to Sam's. Since coming back to L.A., she'd only seen Bumblebee twice. The other Autobots hadn't deigned to visit. They'd decided to stay on the East Coast, where Sam was. After all, it was Sam who the All Spark had shared knowledge with. Sam was special.
There I go again. Mikaela made a face at herself. She knew she shouldn't be jealous -- Sam didn't ask to for any of this - but sometimes she just couldn't help it. Taking a deep breath, she tried to think positive thoughts.
Bumblebee was genuinely happy to see her when he came by, and gave her detailed accounts of Sam's activities. She was grateful for those.
Sam had quickly got caught up in dorm life. Thanks to the Fallen's 'hoax' broadcast, he was famous. Making new friends was easy for him now. Her once-nightly web chats with him tapered off to two or three times a week. They'd had one scheduled for last night, but he called to tell her that he wouldn't be able to make it.
Maybe all long-distance relationships are doomed. Mikaela left the bathroom, walking past the classic white Dodge Challenger she'd spent half the night working on. It was a present from her dad, who'd had to go to L.A. earlier today. Supposedly it was to answer questions about a rash of car thefts, but she knew it was more government agents trying to find Wheelie. No way was she going to let them get their hands on the little guy. His head was not going to end up in a jar, like Frenzy's. As long as he kept quiet in her bedroom, he should be safe enough. She'd left a window open, though, just in case he might need to make a quick getaway.
She made sure the back door and all the windows were locked, then headed toward the front of the shop.
"YO! MIKAELA!"
Holy crap! Mikaela almost jumped right out of her boots at that shout. Who the hell--waitaminute. "Skids?!?" Recognizing the voice, she ran over to the door and threw it open. Sure enough there were two Chevy Beats, red and green, parked in front.
"That's me! One of a kind!" Skids proudly announced.
"Hey! Twins, remember?" complained Mudflap.
"Wish I didn't sometimes!"
"Oh, yeah?" Both twins transformed and faced off.
"Shh! Be quiet!" Mikaela hissed at them; she did not need those two brawling with each other and making a ruckus. Thank God it was so late that there was nobody hanging around this part of town. "What are you doing here?"
"Sam asked us to help you celebrate your birthday."
"Really?" Mikaela raised a skeptical eyebrow. No way would Sam send these two. They were about as mature as the South Park kids.
"Really!"
"Well, no," Mudflap contradicted Skids. "Was more like he mentioned today was your birthday. But he would've asked! We just thought of it before he did, that's all."
"Sam did say he wanted you to have some fun," added Skids. "Heard him talking to Bumblebee."
Jesus.. She raked her fingers through her hair. These guys only came here because they were bored, but knowing that Sam rembered her birthday lifted her spirits. "How about you just take me home? I'm really beat." All she wanted to do right now was polish off some leftover chicken and then crash.
"I got a cure for that." Skids fumbled around under his chest armor, pulling out a dark-colored bottle that he presented to her. "This'll juice you up."
Why she assumed it was some kind of energy drink, Mikaela would always wonder. "Ok. Thanks." She took the bottle, opened it, and took a long swig. On an empty stomach, the liquer went straight to her head. "Ge-uhh!" she wheezed, her eyes watering like crazy. "What is this?!"
Skids beamed. "Good, isn't it?"
"It's aged whiskey. I picked it out," Mudflap answered her question, proud of his choice.
"It's...um...strong," she offered, thinking it was a good thing she didn't have to drive herself home.
"Drink up!" encouraged Skids. "It's your special day."
"Well...maybe a little bit more." Mikaela drank slowly this time. He did have a point there, and whiskey was her favorite alcoholic drink. She was feeling more relaxed already. A bit light-headed, too "---why did he have to pick a college on the other side of the country?"
Mudflap peered down at her. "You mean Sam?"
"Yeah.. I miss him." Depressed, she raised the bottle to her lips.
"Oh. You're feeling lonely. Well..." Skids' optics lit up as a brilliant idea occured to him. "Hey, if you want, we could poke your pussy. Think that'd cheer you up?"
What the fuck?!? Mikaela choked in mid-swallow, and Mudflap helpfully tapped her on the back, lightly. "What did...glk...you just say?"
"We could poke your pussy," Skids repeated with a toothy grin. "Stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey."
He would have gone on with more anologies if she hadn't interrupted. "Hold it right there!" She fought back the urge to throw the whiskey bottle at his head. "Not only am I totally not interested, but you're a giant robot! How could you---I mean... Hello! Different species!"
"Yeah, how would we sex her up, Skids?" a curious Mudflap asked.
"Uh..." Skids looked stumped. "No idea.."
Mudflap scratched the side of his head. "Let's ask Ratchet. He'd know a way."
"Don't you dare!" Mikaela yelled. "You are not asking him how to fuck a human!!"
"She's right." Skids nodded sagely. "If anyone knows how, it's Bumblebee. He and Sam are real tight."
Sam and Bee? No way! Mikaela shook her head in denial. That was impossible! And yet.... The next swallow of whiskey almost went down the wrong way when it dawned on her. Back in Egypt, when Sam finallly admitted that he loved her, he teased her about saying it first, but it actually had been him. Right before leaving for college, Sam did say those words....to Bumblebee!
At the time she thought it was to make Bee feel better, but maybe there was more to it than that. Bee did say that Sam was the one he cared about the most, that he'd do anything for him. And he saw a lot more of Sam than she did these days. Sam and Bee? Sam and Bee?! Mikaela couldn't quite wrap her mind around it.
She clutched the bottle tighter and took another big swallow of whiskey. "--would you please just take me home?"
"Now look what you've done!" Mudflap gave his twin a shove. "You made her mad!"
"I did not!"
"Cut it out!" Mikaela smacked one greenish leg with her free hand. "I'm not angry. I just -- I don't know what to think about Sam..and Bumblebee. Everything!"
"Yeah..It is kinda confusing," Skids had to admit. "But, hey, just think of us as one big happy family."
If he suggests an orgy... She took another swig, counting to ten at the same time. "Home, guys. Now."
"Ok, ok.. Don't get your undies in a twist," Skids muttered, and transformed.
Mikaela bit back a retort and marched over to Mudflap, the less-offensive twin.
"Ha. Told ya you got her mad," he gloated, his driver's side door swinging open for her.
Mikaela ignored their bickering and got in. The whiskey gave her a very nice buzz, and she found herself wondering: Where does the gear stick go when Bee changes back to robot form? I should ask him...or Sam. Just imagining the look on Sam's face made her grin. It was cute how easily flustered he can be. Mikaela told another swig from the bottle. Damn, it tasted good! "Where'd you guys get this whiskey, Mudflap?"
"Some delivery truck at some fancy restaurant," he told her. "We were in ninja stealth mode, so no one saw us."
"That's...great..." She could see the headline now: 'Giant robots steal booze!'. The absurdity of it made her chuckle out loud.
"Got three more bottles, if you want them," Mudflap said, encouraged by her laughter.
"I think one's enough, thanks." Mikaela noticed with some surprise that the bottle was half-empty already, and it was still a few more miles to go to her house. "Ok, so maybe two, but no more," she amended. Another stray thought came to her. "Hey, has anyone told you guys that you look kinda like goblins?"
"We do? Thanks!" There was a slight pause, then Mudflap asked, "Uh...Goblins are tough, aren't they, Skids?"
"Better believe it!" he staunchly declared. "Nobody messes with goblins!"
Wait a sec... They think goblins are real? Mikaela put the bottle in a cup holder and covered her face with both hands. How can any Autobot be so naive?
"Yo! Head's up! We got ourselves a tail!" Mudflap suddenly announced, excited.
"Huh?!" For a moment Mikaela thought he meant that literally, then she looked in the rearview mirror, but didn't see anything. "Let me guess: A black SUV, with no license plates?"
"Yup," Mudflap confirmed her suspicions. "With their llghts off, too. Friends of yours?"
"Hardly!" she scoffed. "But I've seen 'em around before. They're after Wheelie."
"The midget?" Skids piped in. "What'd they want with him, Mikaela?"
"Nothing good. Dissect him, probably." Dammit. Why can't they just give up?
Mudflap made an angry noise. "Now that just mean: Wheelie can't hardly fight back with that pea-shooter cannon he's got. I say we pop some caps in their asses!"
"Only if you wanna get banished from Earth," Mikaela replied, exasperated. What was with their obsession with gangster talk? Actually, Wheelie acted like that, too. Pretending to be tougher than he really was, so other Cons would leave him alone. It didn't work too good, from what he'd told her. Poor little guy.
"But we like Earth!" Skids whined shrilly while his twin muttered something in their own language.
"What'd you say, Mudflap?" she asked, curious about Cybertronian swear words.
"I said...uh... What should we do about these M.I.B.s?"
"I kow what I'd like to do J---the creeps." Mikaela almost called the government agents J and K, and chugged down more whiskey.
"Tell us!" Skids urged her.
"Swipe their car and ditch it in the middle of some lake."
Mudflap enthusiastically embraced the idea. "Sounds fun! Let's do it!"
Mikaela rolled her eyes. "No thanks. I'd rather not get arrested for it."
"No worries there. We'd make sure they can't prove it's you," Skids told her.
"Yeah? How?"
"Don't know... but we'll think of something." Mudflap revved his engine. "Whaddya say?"
Damn, it was tempting, even though she was pretty sure whatever the twins come up with will end badly. And the bottle was empty now. "I say I'm drunk."
"That's not good. We don't want ya in the lake with the car."
"I know! We'll dunk the M.I.B.'s car for ya!" proposed Skids.
"But not with them in it!" Mikaela was quick to remind them of that little detail.
"I have A Plan," Mudflap grandly announced.
"You're kidding me!"
"Shut it, Skids! It's a great Plan!"
"Great my aft!"
"Quit it!" Mikaela raised her voice to head off an imminent fight. "What is your plan, Mudflap?"
"We lure them M.I.B.s out with a phony Wheelie!"
"A phony Wheelie?" she repeated. "Where are we supposed to find that?"
"Me and Skids spotted one in some fancy store when we were cruisin' L.A. A life-size toy robot from that Wallie movie."
"Hmm. That might actually work." It sounded expensive, and was bound to be a remote-control toy, Mikaela decided. She'd never stolen a car herself before, but learned how to do it from watching her dad. The whiskey put her in an impulsive, reckless mood. "Could you go get it and meets us back at my house, Skids, if you don't mind?"
"Don't mind at all. I love secret missions." Skids sped up and turned left at the next corner.
"The M.I.B.'s are still following us, right?" Mikaela asked, hoping they'd seen which Chevy she'd gotten into. M.I.B.s? Great, now I'm doing it. These guys are contagious!
"Yup. So far so good."
"Ok." The rest of the drive to her house was spent planning out the 'attack on the enemy'.
"Wait here while I fill Wheelie in on what's going on," Mikaela told Mudflap once he was parked in front of her house.
"You got it, Boss." Mudflap scooted forward a little so he wasn't blocking the M.I.B.s view of Mikaela's front yard, then waited for Skids to show up and put The Plan in motion.
"Skids here. FakeWheelie's in position," Skids told Mudflap, calling Mikaela on her cell phone to let her know, too.
Mikaela went into action, slamming the second-floor bedroom window open all the way. "That's it!" she loudly announced. "I want you out of here, you little creep!" A backpack weighted down with books was tossed out the window and landed in a bush. With it being so dark out, they all knew the M.I.B.s wouldn't be able to tell what the object was.
There was a rustling noise as FakeWheelie emerged from the other side of the bush and took off down the sidewalk.
'There it is!' Mudlfap heard one of the M.I.B.s say to his partner. The SUV doors opened and the two agents jumped out to pursue the runaway FakeWheelie. Both were carrying one of those nasty, nitrogen-spraying cannisters. "Now's our chance, Mikaela! Hurry!" he told her, also tapped into her phone for the duration of the mission.
She was out the front door in seconds, dressed all in black with gloves on, as Mudflap suggested. The M.I.B.'s hadn't forgotten to lock the doors, so Skids pulled up next to it and let out some kind of barely audible EMP burst to unlock the driver's side for her.
"Thanks." Mikaela got in and plugged her cell phone into the recharge slot. Skids said they could use that to control the car for her; after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey, she wasn't about to risk driving.
Just as promised, the engine started up all by itself. The SUV made a tight u-turn, then sped off, flanked by the twins. That's so cool! Mikaela wondered what other tricks the Autobots can do. She rolled the window down, laughing as the wind whipped through her hair.
"We're having fun now, aren't we?" Mudflap crowed.
"Yes!" She grinned. "I just wish I could see the looks on their faces when they catch 'Wheelie'."
"There is the shrimp, anyway?" asked Skids.
"My closet. The second I mentioned being followed he hid in there."
"He should stay with us."
"I've already asked him, Mudflap, but Wheelie doesn't much like Autobots. Sorry."
"He don't know what he's missing," Mudflap grumped, then he and Skids fell silent. Mikaela really hoped they weren't planning to kidnap Wheelie now.
It took just half an hour to reach the lake they'd picked for the dunking. A secluded place, and conveniently deserted, since it was almost ont in the morning.
"You wanna do the honors, Mikaela?"
"Absolutely." With a wicked grin she found a nice, thick branch to rig the gas pedal, then stood back and watched it drive into the lake.
"That'll teach them M.I.B.s!" The twins gave each other a high-five.
"It'd better." Still giddy from the escapade, Mikaela was feeling a bit overheated, too, despite the cool night air. "We'd better hang out here a little while before going back to my house."
Skids agreed with the plan. "Yeah. Smart thinking. Give 'em another hour to slink off with their tails between their legs."
"Exactly." She looked longingly at the inviting lake. "I think I'll go take a little swim in the meantime."
"Go for it. We'll guard the perimeter for you," Mudflap offered.
"Thanks, guys." For a moment she considered going in fully dressed, but shrugged it off as being silly. Skids and Mudflap were far more interested in the Godfather movies than human females. No need to worry about leering or cat calls from those two. Modesty was shed along with her clothes, and she dove in. Ahh... It did wonders in cooling her off. Mikaela swam a few circles around the sinking SUV, then headed back to shore where Mudflap offered her the second bottle of whiskey. Her birthday drink, as Mikaela christened it.
Mikaela looked off into the distance as she sipped slowly, her thoughts drifting back to Sam and Bee. She recalled the looks Bumblebee had sometimes given Sam. There was also Sam's habit of stroking the steering wheel whenever he 'drove' the Camaro. Now convinced that Sam and Bumblebee were more than just best friends -- a lot more -- she honestly couldn't blame Sam. Bee was just so damned cute! For an Autobot, that is.
"Yo. What's on your mind?" Skids asked, noticing her serious expression.
"Gear shifts."
"Huh?" He exchanged puzzled looks with his twin. "What about 'em?"
Any other time Mikaela would have immediately changed the subject, but that lovely whiskey negated any embarrassment she would have felt. "His gear shift. I think that must be how Sam and Bumblebee...." she trailed off. The whole idea was so kinky!
"What, do the nasty?" provided a guileless Mudflap.
Skids thought it over, looking down at his hands. "Makes sense. Fingers are too big."
Mikaela eyed the Autobot's fingers and blanched. That would hurt like hell, not to mention it'd seriously injure or even kill a human. "So just where does the gear shift go when you guys transform?" she had to ask.
"Mine's right here." Mudflap tapped on a wedge of armor right above his knee joint, nudging it to the left, and out popped the gear stick.
"So's mine. I think everyone's is in the same spot, pretty much," Skids conjectured.
"Hey, you wanna try it out, Mikaela?"
Whiskey sprayed the air. "Wh--the hell?!?" she choked out. "Are you crazy?"
Mudlfap gave Mikaela a wounded look. "I'm just askin'. You sure looked interested."
She just knew her face had was bright red. Why did he have to pick now to become astute? "I...uh...geez..."
"Hah! You are! I knew it!" Another high-five was exchanged.
"Ok, fine. I admit I'm curious--" She didn't get to finish her sentence.
"Me, too!" Mudflap picked Mikaela up with both hands and lowered her onto the gear stick.
"Hey! Ahh!" she cried out at the sudden intrusion, dropping the whiskey bottle and grabbing hold of the cable in his leg. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?!" That was a rhetorical question, of course. His little stunt went a long way in sobering her up!
"This is kinda weird..." Mudflap said, head cocked, his hands holding her in place. How could humans be dry on the outside and so, well, damp inside? He knew about the claim that their bodies were made mostly of water, but he'd dismissed that as false data. Maybe it was true after all. Ew. Mikaela had a squinty-eyed look on her face now. "--how do you like it?"
"I don't!" Mikaela smacked her palm against his hip in frustrated outrage. Of all the moronic, thoughtless... "It's cold, and rough! Take it out!" she demanded, trying her best not to squirm from the discomfort.
"You're doin' it all wrong!" Skids accused, reaching out to snatch Mikaela away.
"Am not!" Mudflap turned this way and that, but ultimately lost the battle.
"Oh!" She almost ripped the cable out before letting go of it.
"Sorry about my twin. His processor's always been slow." Skids sat on the ground and set Mikaela down on his own gear stick.
"Is not!" objected a sulking Mudflap.
Mikaela felt like tearing her hair out. The Clueless Wonders would turn this into a stupid competition! Then she gasped when Skids started moving her up and down on the stick, too fast. It smarted. "Would you knock it off, Skids!"
Skids stopped bouncing her, abashed by the glare she was giving him. "--that's not making you hot n' bothered?" he timidly asked.
"No!" And Mikaela wasn't about to give it a chance to. "Look, if I wanted a leather dildo, I'd go to a store and buy one!"
"What about rubber?" Mudflap asked, recovering his gear stick. "We can go scan different cars."
"No, thank you," she said through gritted teeth. Honestly, these two had the social skills of warthogs! And if Sam ever finds out about this... "Right now I want to go home and sleep, and if you ever tell anyone about tonight---"
"We won't say a word. We promise, Mikaela!" They both solemnly vowed.
"Good!" She gathered her clothes and quickly dressed. At least their aim wasn't off, or I'd have taken it up the ass. God, that was a scary thought!
There was, mercifully, not another peep from the twins during the drive back to her house. The passengers side door, where she was sitting this time, swung open before Mudflap had completely stopped. "Ok..bye.." Mikaela couldn't make herself say 'see you later' or anything like that; she really hoped it'll be a long time before meeting those two dumbasses again. She did wave to them, a small wave, before hurrying inside.
"I feel kinda funky," Mudflap told his twin as they sped off, heading to the highway leading East.
"Me, too. We'd better let Bumblebee take care of her on her birthdays. He's good with humans," Skids replied, then added, "And we'd better hit the washracks as soon as we get back to our base."
The End
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