(no subject)
I haven't written for a long time. I think it's because I haven't been really good in those last past weeks and I didn't want to complain or write about my problems here, where everyone could read it.
Now things are better, I'm not as happy as I was but I can definitely tell that the worst is passed.
Friday I skipped third and fourth period with Rebecca. Grayson and Scott (Rebecca's friends) picked us up at school and we went to Seattle.
Yesterday was "prom day". I was a little stressed the whole day but then it was really fun. I spent the night at Jen's. I'm glad I got to hang out with her a little more during the last period. I'm glad also I spent more time with Rebecca, it made me realize how much I missed her.
Here I'm, going home in three weeks, to be sincere a little worried. I'm conscious that a lot has changed since I left and that I changed too. I'm worry I won't fit anymore there. I know It will require an other effort. I'm not saying that I don't want to go home, actually I think I'm ready for that. I'll miss people from here a lot, it's hard knowing I can't have both. However I'd like to go back to my old easy life but I know that this won't happen. When you are little you have parents or other people who take care of you. You have less responsibilities, life is easier even if limited. Then you find yourself living with strangers. You have to pay attention to everything you do, you are a guess. You learn how to take care of yourself because nobody else is doing that for you, you learn how to behave in relationships with people, to be sensible to every little thing that might bother them. You try to read people and put yourself into their shoes to better understand them. Then you discover their weaknesses and you want to help them because they aren't stranger anymore, you love them. So now you aren't taking care only of yourself but also of others (that's not good because to often you can't and you feel bad). Anyway, you are grown up. You think about the effects of your actions, you are responsible. You make decisions, you aren't as unsure as you were. People don't have to choose for you anymore, you don't want them to because you are conscious that this is your life. It's about you, about what you want to accomplish in it not about what others want you to do even if they want that for your best. You are more free, life is less limited than how it was but also harder because you realize you have to carry the effects of you decisions without discharging them on others. So, this is the point where I'm now. I'm going back in my family but I know it will be different. Probably I won't let my parents taking care of me but I know that unconsciously I'll try to take care of them. Finally I know my old easy life it's gone, it won't come back.
I'll be hard to fit there, I don't know if people will accept me for what I'm know, I don't know if they want to discover me again. I hope they won't be shocked that the picture of me that they had in their minds changed colors. This scares me. I'm aware I'll go back in a different place than the one I left but i don't know if people are aware that I changed too. I mean, I'm always Vale, Meri, Meveri..but different.
This is all really confusing, I'm not surprise if you are lost. I realized thought that writing helped me a lot clearing my mind. I should do this more often.
Yesterday the moon was full. Some clouds stopped by, said hi to the moon and fly away. I was looking at them.
Now things are better, I'm not as happy as I was but I can definitely tell that the worst is passed.
Friday I skipped third and fourth period with Rebecca. Grayson and Scott (Rebecca's friends) picked us up at school and we went to Seattle.
Yesterday was "prom day". I was a little stressed the whole day but then it was really fun. I spent the night at Jen's. I'm glad I got to hang out with her a little more during the last period. I'm glad also I spent more time with Rebecca, it made me realize how much I missed her.
Here I'm, going home in three weeks, to be sincere a little worried. I'm conscious that a lot has changed since I left and that I changed too. I'm worry I won't fit anymore there. I know It will require an other effort. I'm not saying that I don't want to go home, actually I think I'm ready for that. I'll miss people from here a lot, it's hard knowing I can't have both. However I'd like to go back to my old easy life but I know that this won't happen. When you are little you have parents or other people who take care of you. You have less responsibilities, life is easier even if limited. Then you find yourself living with strangers. You have to pay attention to everything you do, you are a guess. You learn how to take care of yourself because nobody else is doing that for you, you learn how to behave in relationships with people, to be sensible to every little thing that might bother them. You try to read people and put yourself into their shoes to better understand them. Then you discover their weaknesses and you want to help them because they aren't stranger anymore, you love them. So now you aren't taking care only of yourself but also of others (that's not good because to often you can't and you feel bad). Anyway, you are grown up. You think about the effects of your actions, you are responsible. You make decisions, you aren't as unsure as you were. People don't have to choose for you anymore, you don't want them to because you are conscious that this is your life. It's about you, about what you want to accomplish in it not about what others want you to do even if they want that for your best. You are more free, life is less limited than how it was but also harder because you realize you have to carry the effects of you decisions without discharging them on others. So, this is the point where I'm now. I'm going back in my family but I know it will be different. Probably I won't let my parents taking care of me but I know that unconsciously I'll try to take care of them. Finally I know my old easy life it's gone, it won't come back.
I'll be hard to fit there, I don't know if people will accept me for what I'm know, I don't know if they want to discover me again. I hope they won't be shocked that the picture of me that they had in their minds changed colors. This scares me. I'm aware I'll go back in a different place than the one I left but i don't know if people are aware that I changed too. I mean, I'm always Vale, Meri, Meveri..but different.
This is all really confusing, I'm not surprise if you are lost. I realized thought that writing helped me a lot clearing my mind. I should do this more often.
Yesterday the moon was full. Some clouds stopped by, said hi to the moon and fly away. I was looking at them.