ATWT fic: Stronger Than Me
Title: Stronger Than Me
Author:merepersiflage
Fandom: As the World Turns (Sorry spn readers, but they’re adorable. Go look.)
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 graphic m/m sex
Spoilers:Through canon (Thanksgiving) when I started it, but I know I’ll be screwed after December 12. And there’s nothing in my story any soap fan couldn’t predict on his or her own.
Word Count: 9500
Summary: Luke and Noah’s first time. Haven’t they been waiting long enough? They’re teenagers, you know?
Notes: See end of fic.
Luke's dad gave him the look that said walk me out. Luke was so happy he didn’t have to roll Dad out that he didn’t mind.
“I don’t have to remind you to be safe, do I?” Dad leaned in to say as he opened the door to the porch.
Luke felt the tops of his ears get hot and red. “No, Dad. We’re good.” He could have explained that if it was up to Noah there wasn’t ever going to be anything to be safe about, but that would be even worse than talking to his dad about having dropped the L-bomb.
Cautious of Luke’s newfound balance on the cane, Dad tapped his shoulder lightly and went out. Possibly on a date, or something. Mom had remembered she still had kids and had taken Ethan and Natalie for the night. Faith had refused to go, but was still out of the way, safely pouting in her room, listening to music that would have been too depressing for Luke even at the height of his Kevin misery last year.
But the highlight of life in the Snyder household that evening was that the only person currently in view happened to be a tall brown-haired guy with clear blue eyes and a smile that always kept Luke thinking that life might not possibly suck as much as he occasionally believed. The guy who was currently informing Luke that he made the best hot chocolate in the world. Luke didn’t care how good it was as long as he got to taste it on Noah’s lips, or maybe lick marshmallow crème or whipped cream off him . . . somewhere.
Noah’s hot chocolate might be good, but it was a labor-intensive project. At this rate, Dad would be back before they even drank it.
“Why don’t you bring the hot chocolate onto the porch?”
Luke started making his way to the couch as Noah came through the door with two mugs in his hands.
“You sure you don’t want to sit inside?” Noah put the mugs on the table at the end of the couch.
“Thought you were tough.” Luke smiled and sat in the middle of the couch.
Noah’s eyes did that widening thing, the one that Luke had decided consisted of 50% want to kiss you silly and 50% want to run until I hit an ocean.
“You could turn on the space heater,” he suggested, and waited until Noah had his arms along the back of the couch before scooting into the space next to him. “Or there’s body heat.”
“I thought you weren’t cold.”
“I thought you were.”
The problem with this brilliant idea was, that between the layers of Noah’s jacket and Luke’s own sweater and vest, Luke couldn’t feel much body, heat or otherwise. That was a definite disadvantage to sitting on the porch in December. But every time Luke suggested they hang out in his room, Noah’s look turned more run for the nearest ocean and less kiss you silly and found a reason they couldn’t. And the living room was too much in the path of anyone-Faith-traipsing through the house.
If his Dad came home and found them doing whatever on the porch, that he could stand. His little sister, not so much.
Noah didn’t pull his arm off the back of the couch and as Luke described an idea for the screenplay class he was taking next semester, he felt Noah’s fingers play with the ends of his hair. Luke wasn’t sure if Noah knew he was doing it. That light tingle was making it hard to concentrate on his plot, but he was afraid if he stopped talking, Noah would realize what he was doing and stop.
“So how would you shoot it?” Luke asked when he ran out of ideas that didn’t sound crazy.
“Hmm?” Noah shifted and stopped playing with Luke’s hair.
“How would you shoot my screenplay, Mr. Director?”
“Oh.” Noah’s hand moved to Luke’s shoulder, pulling him closer, so no more fingers in his hair wasn’t a total loss. “First of all, it’s brilliant, of course.
Luke settled in against Noah. “Because you were evidently listening oh so closely.” Luke let his head slide down until his ear was over Noah’s heart.
Noah started threading his fingers through Luke’s hair again. Luke had never realized that the nerve endings on his scalp were so closely wired to his cock.
“I don’t have to listen to it to know it’s brilliant.”
“Nice cover.” Luke flopped onto Noah’s lap with a dramatic sigh. “You’re already acting like a regular boyfriend. You don’t even listen.”
“And I wasn’t a regular boyfriend before?”
Luke raised one eyebrow and pursed his lips in consideration.
Noah brushed the hair from Luke’s face. “Well?”
“I’m still thinking.” Luke turned his neck by increments until he faced Noah’s fly, until his breath fell on the thick length outlined beneath Noah’s jeans. Luke’s own cock pulsed in response.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Snyder?”
“Nope. I think I did.”
“What?”
“You’re hard.”
Noah’s hand gripped the back of Luke’s head just holding, not pulling him away but not pushing him closer.
Luke stretched forward that last inch and put his mouth on the hard bulge of denim. He took a deep breath and reached up to pop button on Noah’s fly.
Noah’s breath left him in a grunt. Luke moved closer, kissing along the firm cock underneath.
“From holding hands to blowjobs?” Noah’s voice sounded deep, like it did when he was angry.
“Was I out the day they handed out step-by-step manuals?”
“No, but-”
Luke pulled on the zipper. Noah made a growling sound in his throat, but didn’t stop Luke from tugging the zipper all the way down. He put his mouth back on Noah through the cotton of his briefs, the shape easier to feel now. He worked his way up to the top where the fabric was already damp. Noah didn’t smell like Luke’s own body. He smelled better, spicier, richer. Luke’s mouth watered as he thought about pulling the cloth down enough to get the head free, or reaching in to pull Noah’s cock out where he could see it. How would his cock taste?
Noah bucked and shivered.
Was it a good shiver or a cold shiver?
“Luke.”
His name, so deep. The hand on his head pressed him closer. He wrapped his lips around the head as best he could and flicked with his tongue. The vibrations from Noah’s groan went all the way to Luke’s own cock.
Luke flicked harder. He reached up to pull Noah’s briefs out of his way.
“Shit. No. Luke.” Noah pulled Luke’s head back. “I hear a car.”
Luke lifted his head. A car door slammed, and he sat up. Footsteps were already on their way to the door; he tossed one of the throw pillows at Noah who put it on his lap.
Not that Luke was sure it would fool his dad, but it would make Noah less freaked.
“Boys,” Dad said as he came onto the porch.
“Hello, Mr. Snyder.” Noah’s voice was almost back to normal.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Everything all right?”
Luke was still sitting close enough to feel every muscle in Noah’s body go rigid.
“We’re fine, Dad.”
“Don’t sit out here too long. It’s freezing.”
“Yes, sir.” Noah said quickly.
“Good night, boys.”
Noah’s head dropped so far forward on his chest he was almost laying on the pillow. “Oh, God.”
Luke didn’t need to see Noah’s eyes to know that he was seconds from bolting. Maybe he wouldn’t even stop at an ocean, just keep right on going to the next continent. He tried joking. “You get much more flexible and you won’t even need me.”
It was definitely the wrong thing to say.
“God. He almost-I almost-oh God.” Noah stood up, wincing as he refastened his jeans.
“It’s not like he doesn’t know.”
Noah stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
“Maybe, but-“
“He even gave me a safe sex lecture already.” More a sentence than a lecture, but it was Dad’s way of saying “I know.”
At the word sex, Noah got impossibly paler.
“I’d-uh-better get going.”
“You don’t have to go.”
“Yeah, yeah I do. I’ll try to stop by tomorrow.” Noah was gone, slamming through the porch door.
Luke sat on the couch and wondered if he could carry both mugs in one trip while dealing with his cane and the door. He hoped Dad wouldn’t pick this moment for a heart-to-heart. But it wasn’t Dad’s fault he had lousy timing.
He stared at the mugs until he heard a door creak open.
“I’m sorry.” Noah stepped in a little. “I shouldn’t have taken off like that.”
Luke realized he’d never heard Noah’s truck start up.
“It’s okay.”
“No. It’s not.”
Luke waited, wondering if Noah would try to explain himself again. He knew this was hard for Noah, knew Noah didn’t have the kind of support Luke relied on from his dad, knew that everything was new and scary. Every time Luke remembered that, he swore he wouldn’t push. But when it was just them, when they were touching, it felt so good and Luke knew Noah wanted it as much as he did.
Noah crossed to the couch and pushed Luke onto his back. “We’re just going to kiss, okay?”
“Okay.” This was how it was with Noah. One minute he was so hesitant and aloof, Luke wanted to slap him, and then Noah was pushing and demanding, whether it was another leg lift or a kiss.
A kiss that that made Luke feel like he was the girl on the cover of one of those books his gram used to write. The kind who was fainting in the arms of a pirate.
Luke wrapped his arms around Noah, pinning him down against his chest as Noah kissed him. Noah’s fingers sifted through his hair and Luke opened his mouth and let their tongues tangle together.
Noah’s cock was hard against Luke’s, their hips grinding together as they kissed. Luke opened his legs around Noah’s and it didn’t matter if this was all Noah was ready for right now because kissing Noah like this felt a thousand times better than jerking off alone. Even after months of going without.
He really was getting lightheaded. He wasn’t close to fainting though. Noah shifted his hips and the friction on Luke’s cock was so good he thought he was going to come. Noah pulled away from him enough to get his hands between them. Then he was pulling up Luke’s sweater, his cold hands tickling Luke’s skin.
Luke jerked away at first, and Noah kissed him again. Was this the way Noah was with girls? Noah’s thumbs brushed over Luke’s nipples, and they both groaned. He wanted to remind Noah that he wasn’t a girl, but if Noah couldn’t figure that out from the cock pressing into his own, Luke didn’t know what would convince him.
Noah’s fingers pressed harder against Luke’s nipples, and Luke felt the charge shoot down to his balls. Oh shit. He really was going to come. And Noah would freak or think he was a loser. Luke tried to push it back, but he’d never tried to keep from coming before. Noah pulled Luke’s tongue into his mouth, hard body pressing down, and the friction burned against his cock. Luke’s balls tightened, his thighs, his stomach, everything tightened and then it just ripped through him, out through his cock. He bucked against Noah, tearing his mouth free as he panted.
He opened his eyes and saw Noah smiling at him, that happy playful look that had turned Luke’s guts inside out from the first time he’d seen it.
Noah put his hands back in Luke’s hair and started moving his hips again. Luke brought his hands to Noah’s back and slid them under his jacket and shirts, pressed against the sweat-damp skin. He hung on, just above Noah’s hips, fingers pressing, pulling him down, even though the friction on his own cock was uncomfortable now.
Luke worked his hand between their bodies and found Noah’s zipper, tugging it down. Before Noah could move, Luke slipped his hand inside, reaching through the slit in the briefs. Both of them gasped when Luke’s palm made contact with the hard skin of Noah’s cock. Luke tightened his grip.
“Luke.” It was half-plea, half-warning.
Luke pulled in short, quick strokes, his heart still slamming in his chest. His hand was on Noah’s cock and it was amazing. It was like touching his own, but it wasn’t. Not really. He thumbed the slit, found liquid warmth leaking from Noah’s cock. Noah’s whispered groan sent a new spike of sensation down Luke’s thighs. Jesus. He’d never realized what it would be like to hold someone else’s pleasure like this. Never thought about the power of knowing you were making someone feel so good, knowing you were going to make them come. Noah’s cock was alive in his hand, pulsing and slick, satin smooth skin over that hard core and for a second, Luke started thinking about how it would be to take that thick length inside his body, to take Noah’s cock inside him.
Luke shifted his grip so that he pulled hard over the head, trying to find the room to twist his wrist a little, the way he liked it.
Noah stopped kissing him and just rested his forehead on Luke’s, panting against his lips.
“God. Luke.”
Noah bucked into Luke’s fist, hard quick jerks of his hips. The muscles in Noah’s back tightened under Luke’s hand and then the skin on Noah’s cock got tight and he came. Wet warmth between them, a sticky strand right across Luke’s knuckles.
He wanted to bring his fingers to his mouth and taste it, but he was afraid that would really freak Noah out. Noah kissed him softly, open mouth, just a light brush of his tongue, but that was enough to send a bolt of electricity back to Luke’s cock. Even with the sticky wetness of his pants, his cock was going to be rock hard again if Noah kept kissing him.
“I didn’t mean-” Noah stopped and Luke was glad.
Didn’t mean to make you come? Didn’t mean to do this with you? There couldn’t be anything good at the end of that sentence.
The come sticking to their shirts and on Luke’s hand had been hot and sexy, but now it was just gross and uncomfortable.
“I’ll go get us something to clean up with.” Luke wiggled. He still didn’t control his legs well enough to get free if Noah didn’t move.
Noah nodded and lifted off Luke’s body. The wet in his jeans got even colder and more disgusting. Picking his cane up off the floor, he used it to push off the couch. His legs were as wobbly as if he were taking his first steps out of the chair.
“I’ll go.”
“Do you know where the towels are?”
“I’ll just grab some stuff from the kitchen.”
Luke looked at Noah’s shirt. Except for a blotch on the left side, most of the mess was on Luke. Noah zipped up his pants and carried the still full mugs out into the kitchen, returning with a couple of paper towels, one of them steaming in the cold air.
Luke took the paper towels and wiped off his shirt and jeans as best he could. He’d try to do his own laundry. Gram didn’t need to see that.
“So,” Noah said.
Luke jerked his head up. Was this the part where Noah ran away again? If he came back, could Luke go through the whole thing again? Maybe he should say something first.
Noah's lips twisted in that lop-sided grin and Luke realized he’d still want Noah back. No matter how many times he freaked out.
“So,” Noah said again. “Some kiss.”
Luke stepped toward him, and Noah caught his shoulders, dragged him in tight and made Luke’s brain go all fuzzy again as Noah’s tongue licked into his mouth.
“When’s your last class tomorrow?” Noah asked as he lifted his head.
Class? Couldn’t they just go back on the couch or to Luke’s room or something? Why did Noah have to leave?
“I’m done at two-twenty,” Luke said.
“I’ll meet you at the student union? Give you a ride?” Noah sounded all hesitant again. As if he thought Luke would tell him no. As if just standing there breathing in the smell of Noah’s skin wasn’t making Luke’s cock twitch in his jeans. As if Luke wanted to do anything but make out with him until he fell asleep-or came again. Or came again and then fell asleep. On Noah’s chest.
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Great.” And he got the full wattage of Noah’s smile.
* * * * *
Noah had to jerk off twice before his dick would even let him think about sleeping.
The first time he remembered Luke’s calloused hand rubbing all the right spots. The second, he imagined Luke’s full soft lips closing around his dick. Noah had almost let him-Christ, he’d almost dragged Luke onto him, was going to have Luke suck him off on the Snyders’ porch, with Luke’s dad for an audience.
Noah knew he was gay. He could even say it, sometimes. But saying it, knowing it, even wanting to be with Luke and kiss him, wasn’t the same thing as actually having sex with another guy.
He didn’t know what he’d thought it would be like. One-okay, two-mutual handjobs back in ninth grade didn’t prepare him for feeling Luke hard and strong under him even as Luke let his legs drop open so their cocks rubbed together.
Noah knew what it was like to make a girl come-at least, he thought he did. Those high little moans, the vibrations in that soft body, the way she squeezed around him. The thought of Luke’s body squeezing around him made Noah’s dick try to get revved up for another round.
He cupped himself in his hand. It was almost painful, and he tried to think about something else. Like how he was supposed to face Luke’s mom or dad or any of the Snyders after what they’d done. What he wanted to do. He hadn’t had that problem with girls. Mostly because he never met their families, but even if he had-well, it was normal. And as much as Noah tried to believe Luke when he told him feeling this way, wanting a guy this way was normal, shame still threatened to paralyze him. How was he supposed look Luke’s dad in the eye while thinking “Hey Mr. Snyder, I want to fuck your son.”
And he did.
When Luke’s eyes got big and soft, his face so open and honest, Noah wanted to kiss him, hold him, make love to him.
But when Luke flashed his dimples in that grin that promised every day was going to get better, Noah wanted to grab him and fuck him. Slam in hard and deep. Bury all his hurt and anger inside Luke’s body. Luke had the strength to stand anything Noah could give him. And that terrified Noah.
It had been easier when Luke was hurt. When the sex part of being gay-boyfriends, whatever-was kind of academic, because Luke couldn’t. And even if Luke rubbing his head along Noah’s hand, or burying his face in Noah’s shoulder when he helped him out of the truck made Noah’s blood flash hot and start running downhill, Luke couldn’t feel it and Noah had a perfectly good right hand.
He didn’t want Luke hurt. The sight of Luke walking had lifted a huge chunk of guilt from Noah’s shoulders. He didn’t want Luke back in that chair, frustrated and angry, but it had been easier when all of this . . . Noah ran his thumb around the head of his dick . . . only happened in his head.
Luke’s hand had felt so different on his cock. Stronger than a girl’s, forceful because he knew how to work his own, and the calluses on his palm from pushing his chair felt amazing. Blood flooded Noah’s dick with a painful rush. He got up and turned the shower on cold, full blast.
* * * * *
Noah turned off the road to the Snyders’ farm, down a narrow strip of asphalt he’d found that morning on Mapquest. The road seemed to end in the woods behind Snyder’s Pond.
“Where are we going?”
Luke was giving Noah that grin and no amount of threatening his dick with another ice shower was helping.
“Why? Do you have to be home for something?”
“Dinner’s at six. And my gram expects me, but I’m free until then.”
They passed a couple of big houses set well back from the road, mostly multi-storied, architecturally pretentious log cabins. Noah kept driving past the Dead End sign all the way to the point where the road ended in a bit of gravel before the trees started. Noah pulled the truck well off the road and put it in park.
“Noah.” He could hear the amusement in Luke’s voice. The tone that said I know the answer but I’m going to make you say it. “Are we parking?”
Noah looked through the windshield at the bare trees. He’d kept the engine running for heat.
“Yes?” He cleared his throat and added. “Or we could, uh, just talk.”
He heard the movement of whisper of the nylon on Luke’s vest before he felt the kiss at the corner of his mouth. Noah turned to face him.
Luke kissed him full on the mouth. “All I could do for two months was talk.” Another kiss. “Think.” Luke’s hand landed on Noah’s crotch. “Plan.”
Luke’s lips moved over his, and Noah opened his mouth. Luke had kissed him back, but so far, he hadn’t taken control of any of their kisses. Noah let Luke do what he wanted to with his mouth, hands curled into fists to keep from grabbing Luke’s head and diving into Luke’s mouth.
Luke pulled away. “What’s wrong?” Worse, he moved his hand off Noah’s dick.
“Nothing.”
“You’re not kissing me.”
Noah didn’t know how to not take the control of a kiss. He guessed just passively waiting wasn’t working. “I just thought . . .” He shrugged.
“What?” Luke’s directness was going to kill him.
I wanted you to know you could do what you wanted? I wanted to show you that I know this is different. It all sounded stupid. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Luke was giving him that you-can -tell-me-anything look
And he could. “For not knowing how to do this.”
“And you think I do? We’ll just have to try stuff out.”
“Okay.” And it was. Because Luke could just do that. Make everything easier. Noah leaned forward and kissed him like he wanted to. He could feel it now, the give and take, Luke’s tongue sliding next to his. And then Luke’s hand was back on his dick, rubbing through his jeans. Noah put his hands in that soft hair and groaned into Luke’s mouth.
He could feel Luke smile through the kiss and as Luke started to unbutton Noah’s jeans, he wondered exactly who was supposed to be the one with experience. He was still wondering that when Luke bent down and sucked the head of Noah’s dick into his mouth.
“Jesus.” He jerked, bucking a little into that warm wet pressure.
Luke was probably smiling again, but that didn’t stop his tongue from stroking across the slit. According to the other guys, that girl on the base in Texas had been an expert at this, and she had been Noah’s gold medal standard but this. Shit. His balls were already on fire.
Noah wanted to try to think about it, remember everything Luke did so he could try it on him, and for maybe thirty seconds he could catalogue the way Luke’s hand worked the shaft while his mouth sucked and bobbed on the head, tongue swirling and then flicking, Luke made the same sound he’d made last night when he’d been grinding up into Noah, that half-whimper, half-growl, and the vibration hummed along Noah’s dick. Heat rushed through him; he didn’t know how long he could stand it. Luke sucking him, groaning like he wanted him to be there, like Noah’s dick in his mouth felt as good to him as it did to Noah.
“Luke.” That last warning burning in his balls. “Coming.” But Luke didn’t move, just kept sucking, groaning, and Noah grabbed onto the seat and Luke’s head and came so hard he could feel the strain in his stomach muscles. Luke sucked him through every spurt until Noah had to push him away because it was too much.
Noah dropped his head against the headrest, every muscle in him turned liquid. His eyes were closed, but he could hear Luke straighten up. Even with the heat blasting, the air was cold on his wet dick. He made an effort to reach for his fly, but flopped back again.
Luke settled in against his side. “Are you all right?”
All right? He was fan-fucking-tastic. And then he realized Luke didn’t mean physically.
“Yeah. I’m great. That was amazing.” He let out a long breath and opened his eyes.
Luke’s smile was hesitant, eyes anxious. Noah realized he was waiting for him to freak out. So maybe he didn’t have the best track record for sticking around after things got physical. But that had been before. Things were different now. He was different now.
Noah smiled and Luke found his grin again. Noah wished he’d been able to watch him, wished he’d seen Luke’s lips around his dick, seen his eyes, but the fall of Luke’s hair had hidden everything.
The sky had gone dark, early December sunset and a cloud-filled sky. But they still had time.
Noah turned so he could angle his body over Luke’s press him back against his door.
“You don’t have to-” Luke said, a hand pushing at Noah’s shoulder.
“What?”
“You know.”
“Blow you?”
Even in the graying light, Noah could see the blush hit Luke’s cheeks.
“Yeah.”
“What if I want to?”
“I want-” Luke’s voice was soft, but Noah felt it low and deep inside him. Whatever Luke wanted, he wanted to give it to him.
“What do you want?” He looked down. Luke’s eyes were wide, the smile gone.
“I want to take this all the way. I want you inside me.”
If Noah hadn’t just been on the receiving end of a helluva blowjob, he might have come in his jeans. His dick started pulsing. Okay. They were going to do this, but-
“I don’t know if we can manage that in the truck.”
“I know. So.” Luke took a deep breath. “I think you should stay with me for Christmas break.”
In Luke’s bed. Noah really hoped there was a lock on Luke’s bedroom door. Of course then it was back to trying to do this under the watchful eyes of the whole Snyder clan.
“I’m not sure your family would go for that.”
“They like you. Mom, Dad, everyone likes you. Faith thinks you’re cute.”
“They like me at dinner maybe. But-”
“I’m old enough to do what I want. And considering what other members of my family are up to, I don’t think anyone should have anything to say.”
But there it was again. The thing with Luke’s cousins and Katie. Luke’s mom and Dusty. It might not be right, but to most people it was normal. And two guys sharing a bed wasn’t. He should never have given up that apartment. Not that he could afford it, now, with his dad . . . but it was so much easier to know what he wanted when it was just him and Luke.
“So?”
If there was someone who could say no to those soft brown eyes, he’d have to have superhuman strength. Or be blind. Or maybe not as screwed as Noah.
“Okay.”
* * * * *
Luke listened to the argument-oh sorry discussion-for about five minutes and then went into his room. He found a duffle bag and started shoving some clothes into it.
His father came in. “What’s this?”
“If Noah’s not welcome here, then I’m not.”
“Luke. You know it isn’t that. Gram has been very supportive.”
“Yeah, when I didn’t have a boyfriend.”
“She likes Noah. We all do. He’s a good man.”
“But not good enough?”
“Luke. But Gram feels that if Noah’s going to stay here . . .”
“He should sleep in the barn?”
“You’re only seventeen.”
Luke sat on the bed, but he kept looking his father in the eye. “How old were you?”
His dad didn’t answer. “You know all I want is for you to be happy.”
“And you think it makes me happy to feel like Noah’s not welcome here?”
“I’ll talk to your grandmother. But Luke,” Dad sat on the bed. “When you decide, you should be sure. It changes things. And you can’t go back.”
Like his mom was never going to come back now that she’d slept with Dusty. It wasn’t like Luke didn’t have perfect examples of how much sex with the wrong person could screw up everyone’s lives.
“I know.”
* * * * *
The dorms closed on the twenty-third. Noah brought such a small bag, Luke wondered if he expected to be tossed out before Christmas Day. Luke hadn’t told him yet how much of a fight there had been about him sleeping in Luke’s room, but he could see Noah’s anxiety in the quick shift of his eyes and the way he kept his hands close to his body, as if he was trying to take up as little room as possible. And he freed himself from Luke’s hand as quickly as possible when Luke grabbed it at the dinner table.
After dinner, he asked Noah to take a walk outside with him.
When they got to the porch door, Noah stopped. “It’s snowing. Are you sure?”
“I’m really sure.” Luke pushed open the door and went out.
“Luke.” He turned back. Noah reached up to touch his face.
Luke dropped a kiss on his palm. “Noah.”
The teasing tone got Noah smiling and he held Luke’s free hand as they walked away from the house. He led them to the stables and as they approached the tack room door, Luke could feel his pulse thick in his throat and his cock. If it weren’t so cold, he knew the hand Noah held would be all sweaty.
He pushed open the door, took a deep breath of scents of leather, saddle soap, hay and horse and waited for Noah’s reaction.
The plaid blanket was spread out just like he’d left it with the pillows piled on it. He switched on the lantern and the space heater Aaron had carried out for him.
“Forget the candles?”
“Candles in the stables? Never.”
Noah looked down at Luke’s cane. “How did you manage to set all this up?”
“I had some help.”
Noah looked panicked, so he explained.
“My brother.”
“Ethan?” Noah grinned.
“He’s a master of stealth.” Luke looked up at Noah, waiting. He wasn’t going to push him, even though it felt like his body was going to come apart just from standing this close to him. They’d both been so busy with finals they hadn’t been alone since Noah had driven him home in his truck.
“He gets it from his brother. You’re down right devious, Snyder.”
“I thought maybe you wouldn’t be comfortable doing this at the house.”
Noah’s hand slid around his waist and pulled him closer. Luke let out a deep breath. Noah held Luke’s head with his other hand, but even though he moved closer he didn’t kiss him.
“Stop thinking I don’t want this as much as you do. I do. I’m right where I want to be.”
Instead of the relief he should have felt, the tangle of nerves in Luke’s stomach just got worse. Knowing that Noah wasn’t going to freak out meant that they were actually going to do it and Luke had spent so much time worrying about Noah, he hadn’t really thought about how nervous he would be.
He defaulted to joking again. “Do you think you want to be on the blanket? Because my legs are pretty tired.”
“Yeah.”
As soon as they were sitting, Noah leaned in and kissed him and Luke wondered how he could be so turned on and freaked at the same time. Noah kissing him always seemed to get his cock hard in five seconds or less.
Noah seemed to know just how nervous Luke was because he kissed him slowly, more tentatively than he ever had before. This was stupid. If he-they-were going to do this, Luke didn’t want either of them holding back.
Luke pulled Noah with him down onto the blanket and kissed him hard. Noah groaned, fingers going to Luke’s fly. It got messy and hot then, their teeth clicking, hands rough, yanking clothes out of the way. When Noah lifted his head, they were both down to T-shirts and unbuttoned jeans. Luke’s jeans were twisted around his hips.
“Want some help with that?” Noah offered.
“For once, I don’t mind.”
He lifted his hips, and Noah pulled the jeans off, taking Luke’s briefs with them. When Luke settled back, hay pricked his ass through the blanket. Luke’s shirt was up around his neck and Noah pulled it the rest of the way off.
Holy shit. He was naked in the fucking stables with his boyfriend. Noah stood up and pulled off his shirt and jeans and briefs and now he was naked in the stables with a naked boyfriend and this was really happening.
It wasn’t one of the hundreds of fantasies he’d jerked off to over the summer. Or even the ones from this last week, when what had sent him over the edge every time was the press of his spit-wet finger down underneath his balls, pressing inside just enough to let him wonder what it would be like if it was Noah’s cock pushing into him.
Noah knelt down next to him. “God, Luke.”
Luke felt Noah’s gaze sweep his body like a touch, the low murmur in Noah’s voice making his full cock twitch.
He looked over at Noah, staring at the perfect lines of muscle on his broad chest, the rough dark hair on his stomach and thighs, and let his gaze linger on Noah’s cock. He wet his lips. Jesus. Did he really think he could-?
“We don’t have to.” Noah said. “We could just-”
“Talk?” Luke gave him a half-smile.
Noah laughed. “You don’t have to do this for me, you know. I can wait.”
“Are you kidding? Noah, I want this. I feel like I’ve already been waiting forever.”
Luke turned on his hip and reached for the backpack he’d carried out. Tipping it up, he dumped the contents onto the blanket. A couple of condoms and the bottle of lube he’d bought. Wet. That brand name had been the least embarrassing. Astroglide had been too silly and KY sounded like medicine and then there were tingling and warming and he just wanted to pull a hood over his head and hide.
Noah laughed again and reached for his jeans, pulling out a condom and a smaller purple package of lube. “I guess we both wanted to be ready.”
And now they were. Naked, alone, and with what Luke hoped were all the necessary supplies. He wished he had more to go on than some furtive internet searches. Wished one of them could say he knew what he was doing.
“If you change your mind, tell me.” Noah said.
“You too.” Because Noah seemed to be making this about Luke and it wasn’t. Luke had had more than a year to get used to the idea of what he wanted. And even though every time he was around Noah the tension felt like a hot spike in his gut, this had to be what they both wanted. He didn’t want to see that run-for-the-nearest-ocean look in Noah’s eyes again.
Noah nudged Luke’s shoulder with his head, and he sank back onto the blankets. The hay was still pricking in odd places, but even though his skin felt hyperaware, there were so many other good sensations that he didn’t mind.
Noah licked down his neck to the hollow of his throat. By the time Noah’s tongue was running down Luke’s breastbone, he was panicking over what to do with his hands. If he put them on Noah’s shoulders, it would be like he was pushing him down toward his cock. Luke grabbed a double fistful of blanket and tried not to do anything that would stop Noah leaving wet trails of tingling skin on Luke’s chest. Noah lapped at a nipple, then sucked it into his mouth.
Against his will, Luke’s hands landed on Noah’s head. Everywhere Noah’s hands and mouth went they seemed to find someplace that was hardwired to his Luke’s cock.
It was good, but “Harder,” he whispered.
Noah did. He sucked, used his teeth lightly and that was enough to send Luke bucking up around him.
Noah kissed his way across to Luke’s other nipple. Before he put his mouth on it, he looked up and smiled. Luke could only stare back.
“God, you look hot.” Noah’s breath tickled the wet spaces on Luke’s chest.
Hot? Every inch of Luke’s skin prickled with shivers. When Noah licked his nipple and then blew on it, Luke was embarrassed by the whimper in his throat and tried to hold it back.
“Can anyone hear us?” Noah lifted his head again.
“Just the horses.”
Noah grinned. “We’ll try not to scare them. But Luke, if I can’t hear you, then I don’t know . . .”
“What?”
“What you like. What feels good.”
“Oh. This does.”
Noah tongued his nipple until Luke’s shoulders lifted from the blanket as he tried to feed more of his skin into Noah’s mouth.
Noah dropped light quick kisses on Luke’s belly.
“You don’t have to.” Luke put his hands on the dark curls and pushed Noah away.
Noah caught his hands, pinning Luke’s wrists together. “I want to be here.” Noah looked up at him and his eyes burned right through Luke’s skin, a flash of heat so strong it made Luke’s heart stop for an instant. “Luke. Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Then trust me to know I want to do this. With you.”
Noah kept Luke’s wrists tight in his grip as he brought his other hand to Luke’s cock. Luke barely had time to realize that finally there was a hand on his cock that wasn’t his before Noah put his lips around the tip.
If Noah hadn’t had been holding him down with his weight, Luke didn’t know what he would have done. He was completely unprepared for the reality of Noah’s mouth on him. Wet, hot and “Oh fuck Noah.”
Noah’s mouth slid down farther, more heat, more slick pressure on his cock and if Luke hadn’t been in love with Noah before this he definitely would be now. “God.” It was all he could say, over and over. Nothing felt like this. As good as this. Noah’s tongue, the suction, the sliding grip that made him feel like Noah had swallowed him whole.
Noah groaned, and Luke felt his balls draw up tight.
He was going to come . . . and maybe Noah wasn’t ready for this. Should he warn him? Push him off?
Noah lifted his head. The edge Luke had been riding rolled back through his body with a bone-deep ache.
“Okay?” Noah was watching his face.
He would be when he got his breath back and his balls didn’t feel like they were being strangled. “Yeah.”
Noah’s lips twisted in a half-smile, lips that were shiny with spit and maybe some of Luke’s precome. His stomach tightened as he remembered the bitter-salt taste of Noah in his mouth, good because he’d make Noah come, made him shoot down his throat.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you swear.” Noah climbed back up Luke’s body, settling his weight on his chest.
But he held himself up just a little on his arms and Luke reached up to pull him all the way down, wanting that warm skin all over him, the press of his body. Noah’s cock rubbed against Luke’s hip. The rough hair on Noah’s belly scraped against Luke’s own cock as Noah stretched up to kiss him. Luke fought off the urge to grind up into that pressure. He didn’t want to come like that tonight.
Noah’s tongue slid into his mouth, bringing a trace of that bitter-salt taste, a little different finding it on Noah’s tongue and not his cock. Suddenly, the thought that he was tasting himself in Noah’s mouth made Luke’s brain get fuzzy and there wasn’t much blood going anywhere but his cock and his throbbing balls.
“Noah.” His hips were moving and he couldn’t seem to stop them and he really didn’t want to come like this.
Noah kissed him again and then leaned away. Luke lay there panting. When Noah didn’t come back, Luke looked over at him. Noah was holding the bottle and the small plastic envelope and biting his lip.
“Um, purple or Wet?”
Luke thought about Noah’s mouth on his cock. “Wet.”
Noah popped open the cap, poured some onto his fingers and started rubbing them together. Warming it, Luke realized. How did he know to do that?
He asked before he had time to think about it sounding like an accusation.
Noah’s cheeks darkened. “I watched a video online.”
Despite the sudden dryness in his mouth and the knot of nerves in his stomach, Luke felt one side of his mouth quirk in a smile. “Instructional?”
“I hope so.” Noah leaned down and his breath tickled Luke’s ear. “The guys were hot, but I thought of you when I jerked off.”
That left him so lightheaded he didn’t have time to worry about what Noah was doing until he felt a slick finger trace the crease of his ass.
Somehow he managed to force words through his tight throat. “Do you want me to roll over?”
“I want you to be comfortable. But-”
How the hell was he supposed to think when Noah was staring at him, his eyes a midnight blue, and his finger . . . there, rubbing around the opening to his body.
He tried to say what but it came out more like “Uh?”
“I want to be able to see your face.”
Luke wished he had some kind of answer for that, but Noah’s finger was pressing inside, just a little, like Luke did to himself and his cock pulsed with that remembered pleasure. Deeper then, and a little weird, but Luke let out his breath and it was good. He opened his legs wider.
Noah was lying next to him, one hand propping up his head, the other between Luke’s legs. He never looked away as he moved his finger in and out.
At first it was a little uncomfortable and then it was good. Too good. He hooked one leg over Noah’s and tried to get him to push harder, faster, but Noah pulled his finger free and rubbed along the crease again.
Luke felt like he’d been hanging on the edge of coming forever. He knew what Noah was doing, easing them into it, and it was the right thing to do, but if he didn’t get off now he was going to die.
He grabbed Noah’s head and pulled him down until his lips brushed his ear. “Fuck me.” Even the words made all that tension get tighter.
Noah kissed him and his finger-fingers slammed back into Luke’s body, a quick rhythm that burned as much as it felt good. Luke wanted to scream but he remembered the horses and put the back of his hand over his own mouth.
“Like that?” Noah whispered.
Luke groaned around his hand. Noah slowed and his fingers hit something inside him that he could feel all the way to the top of his head, a rush of pleasure that left him dizzy.
Noah’s fingers eased out, but Luke could still feel them there, feel his muscles pulsing around something that wasn’t there. Noah knelt between his legs and handed him the condom wrapper.
Luke tore it open, but he hadn’t really handled a condom outside of sex ed so Noah had to take it from him and roll it onto his cock. Luke sat up on his elbows to watch. Even through the latex, Noah’s cock was dark red. Luke thought about the way it had felt, the shape and taste of it in his mouth, the weight, the way the vein pulsed against his tongue.
Noah poured more of the lube onto his hand and slicked it over the latex. Luke reached out to help, his hand gliding over the slippery heat. Mouth opening on a moan, Noah’s head dropped back.
Noah used his free hand to pull Luke onto his thighs, and then grabbed one of the pillows and stuffed it under Luke’s hips. Luke lifted his legs and put them on Noah’s shoulders, and Noah’s dick pressed against him, against the spot where his muscle still pulsed.
Luke couldn’t breathe. He wanted this so much and at the same time he wanted to run-okay limp-back to the house and hide in his bed. Noah was looking down at him, he wasn’t smiling, didn’t say anything, but when Luke looked into Noah’s eyes, that connection that had sparked between them from that first touch flooded Luke and it was going to be all right.
He couldn’t talk, but he nodded and Noah pressed forward. Luke had been ready for it to sting, or burn, like his fingers had, but that fucking hurt. A lot. He wanted to close his eyes to hide it from Noah but Noah was already easing back.
“No.” Luke whispered, and pushed against him.
More. The sharp pain had faded to deep burn and Noah pushed in a little deeper.
“Luke. It’s. Fuck. Luke.” Noah closed his eyes and groaned that last word. Luke wanted him to say his name like that a million times. Like he needed Luke to breathe.
Luke shifted his hips, and Noah slid deeper. It still hurt, enough to make his eyes water, but it was worth it when Noah groaned again.
“So tight. God. Luke.” His eyes opened. “Oh shit. I’m sorry.” He pulled back, and that was almost worse.
“Noah. Don’t.”
Noah stopped, just barely in him, and Luke could see the sweat soaking his temples, beading his upper lip. Their bodies slipped against each other.
He remembered Noah’s fingers in him and he squeezed the words out. “Better. When. You. Move.”
Noah sank deep again, his arms tightening against Luke’s legs. This time Luke felt a flash of pleasure under the pain. A promise that it was going to be worth it if they could just get there.
Noah rocked his hips back and forth, slowly, and Luke could breathe again. The tearing stretch was fading under waves of pleasure-pain. He rocked up to meet the next push in and a shudder went through Noah.
Noah moved up farther, almost bending Luke in half and Noah’s cock hit him just right inside again, so that all he could feel was pleasure flooding out from his ass, right to the tip of his cock.
“More.”
Noah shifted and drove deeper and Luke pushed back against him again and again. Sweat stung Luke’s eyes, but he had a death grip on Noah’s arms and wasn’t going to let go to brush his hair back.
“Harder.” After what it had felt like when Noah first pressed inside him he couldn’t believe he was saying that, but he just knew if Noah pounded against that spot he’d feel better than he’d ever felt in his life.
Noah leaned down to kiss him before he drove in hard and deep and so good. The sounds rasping in Luke’s throat got louder and he covered his mouth again, afraid he really would scream. Noah reached between them and fisted Luke’s cock, quick tight strokes that made the pressure in his ass feel even better.
Noah’s hand sped up in time with his hips and there was no real warning this time; Luke was coming, longer and harder than he ever had before. Every time Noah’s hips slammed him forward again, another pulse of pleasure pumped down his cock. It should have hurt, Luke should have stopped coming by now but he couldn’t, and he couldn’t catch his breath. His body gave one last jerk and he pushed Noah’s hand away.
Noah eased back again, his head hanging between his shoulders, breaths loud and harsh. Luke propped himself up on his elbows. He still felt so good. Like he could swim a million laps around the pond, even if he had to break through the ice to do it.
“All right?” Noah said.
Luke punched his arm.
“Ow. Why’d you do that?”
“Stupid question.” He reached down for his cock and felt it still pulsing, half hard.
Noah reached for his own cock, and Luke stopped him.
“Luke?” Noah’s dick throbbed. His balls were about ready to climb up and strangle him. All he wanted was to strip off the rubber and jerk off until he sprayed his come over the sticky strands on Luke’s belly.
“Just give me a minute.”
Before Noah could snap out what for? Luke whispered, “I want you in me when you come.”
And that about finished him right there. He leaned down and kissed him, his dick rubbing against where he needed to be. How fucking long a minute did Luke need? He didn’t want to be an asshole, but he was getting pretty damned desperate. Just the thought of how hard Luke had clamped around him when he came made Noah dig his fingers into the blanket on either side of Luke’s head.
So he knew he was gay, yeah, but now. Fucking a guy was nothing like fucking a girl. Everything harder, sharper, all if it coming from somewhere so deep inside him that he knew this was right. Or maybe it was just Luke.
Luke was stroking himself again, long, slender fingers almost out of place on that thick hard dick. There was strength in those fingers. Noah wondered if he’d have bruises from where Luke had gripped his arms. He knew it had hurt him at first, could see it on Luke's face, but he’d asked-begged-and it had felt so good. Noah had known there was strength in that body too. Strength enough to take anything life gave him. Strength enough to help when Noah couldn’t find his own. He hadn’t let him lie, hadn’t let him take the easy way out. Even in sex Luke couldn’t do things the easy way. When his body fought Noah every inch, he’d pushed forward, taken him inside.
Noah reached up and brushed at the hair stuck to Luke’s forehead. Damp with sweat but still silky, shining in the lantern light. He ran his fingers through it, loving the way it tingled his skin.
Luke made a sound like a purring cat. “Keep doing that and you can have anything you want.”
Noah knew what he wanted. His dick back inside that tight perfect heat.
“Okay.” Luke smiled.
He was going to ask Luke if he was sure, but he’d told Luke to trust him to know what he wanted and he’d have to do the same.
He brushed his fingers across Luke’s hole. He was still slick, but Noah put more lube on his dick.
Luke braced his legs on either side of Noah’s hips. Next time, he’d want to fuck him from behind, grab Luke's hips and slam into him, but tonight he wanted to watch his face, to know that Luke wanted him here.
It was easier this time, though the muscles still milked every inch of his cock and Luke’s face still went rigid with that look of pain, but it was gone much more quickly, with Luke arching down onto him. There’d never been anything like this, mouth or pussy, not that there had been that many, but nothing like this pressure, so good, dragging against him as he pulled back and swallowing him into soft heat on the downstroke. He bent down to kiss Luke again because the pleasure was bubbling up inside him and he had to let some of it out.
Luke met his kiss with an open-mouthed need, hard press of lips and a strong push of his tongue, his hand on the back of Noah’s neck, holding him there while Noah’s strokes slowed to a deep grind. Luke made a loud groan and Noah could hear a whinny from one of the horses so he kissed him again, murmured against his mouth.
“So good, so tight. Jesus, Luke. I want to fuck you forever.”
“Yeah.” Luke’s hand slid up through Noah's hair, fingers stroking across his scalp and the sensation ripped down his spine all the way to his dick and he had to arch up and fuck into him, hips going steady and strong.
Luke reached for his dick and started stroking. Noah watched the pleasure play out across Luke’s face, the softness around his eyes, the way his mouth kept opening to let out those sweet groans.
He might have wanted to fuck him forever, but his body wasn’t going to let him go that much longer. He slammed deeper, his balls slapping against Luke’s ass and felt Luke’s grunt from the inside.
“Tell me. Tell me when you’re close.” Please, God, let me hang on that long.
As soon as Luke said “Now,” Noah let it go. Let his body rush right up to the edge, felt it fill his balls and then the hard clamp of Luke’s ass around his dick sent him over, hips stuttering as he pumped into the rubber, into Luke. Every clench of Luke’s muscles dragged another jolt of electric pleasure from his dick. Luke’s come landed on his belly, his ass still quivering around Noah as he slowly pulled out. He fell forward onto Luke’s body, smearing the come between them.
“I don’t suppose you remembered a towel.”
Luke looked sheepish. “No.”
Great, now they’d have to go back to the house all sticky and-oh shit. Back to the house. He was going to go back into that house after he and Luke had been “walking” for who knew how long and Mr. Snyder was going to take one look at his guilty face and feed him to-well, the horses probably weren’t carnivores but he’d find something horrible to do to him. Luke’s cousin was a cop, was Luke even legal? And Luke’s Gram and his sisters and-he didn’t even think he could face Ethan. If he bolted for the shower, it was going to be even worse. What the fuck had he been thinking?
“Hey. Slow down.”
He opened his eyes stared down into those soft warm brown ones. Luke’s body was warm and hard under him, his arms around him, pinning him down. Noah realized his muscles were tense, like he was about to run.
“Hey,” Luke said again. And smiled.
Noah relaxed, let himself fall into that warmth, into Luke’s strength.
Oh yeah. That’s what he’d been thinking.
* * * * *
That night Noah slept on the couch, but Luke didn’t complain.
Notes: I’d never seen a minute of ATWT until I watched Luke and Noah on youtube. I tried looking stuff up on wikipedia, but if I’ve screwed up horribly, I apologize to longterm fans. Wikipedia says Luke is only seventeen. And I realize that after December 12, I’m screwed as far as canon but I just had to get this out here. Do you know how long Luke has been waiting? The title is a Melissa Etheridge song, but the song isn't really related to the story.
Author:merepersiflage
Fandom: As the World Turns (Sorry spn readers, but they’re adorable. Go look.)
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 graphic m/m sex
Spoilers:Through canon (Thanksgiving) when I started it, but I know I’ll be screwed after December 12. And there’s nothing in my story any soap fan couldn’t predict on his or her own.
Word Count: 9500
Summary: Luke and Noah’s first time. Haven’t they been waiting long enough? They’re teenagers, you know?
Notes: See end of fic.
Luke's dad gave him the look that said walk me out. Luke was so happy he didn’t have to roll Dad out that he didn’t mind.
“I don’t have to remind you to be safe, do I?” Dad leaned in to say as he opened the door to the porch.
Luke felt the tops of his ears get hot and red. “No, Dad. We’re good.” He could have explained that if it was up to Noah there wasn’t ever going to be anything to be safe about, but that would be even worse than talking to his dad about having dropped the L-bomb.
Cautious of Luke’s newfound balance on the cane, Dad tapped his shoulder lightly and went out. Possibly on a date, or something. Mom had remembered she still had kids and had taken Ethan and Natalie for the night. Faith had refused to go, but was still out of the way, safely pouting in her room, listening to music that would have been too depressing for Luke even at the height of his Kevin misery last year.
But the highlight of life in the Snyder household that evening was that the only person currently in view happened to be a tall brown-haired guy with clear blue eyes and a smile that always kept Luke thinking that life might not possibly suck as much as he occasionally believed. The guy who was currently informing Luke that he made the best hot chocolate in the world. Luke didn’t care how good it was as long as he got to taste it on Noah’s lips, or maybe lick marshmallow crème or whipped cream off him . . . somewhere.
Noah’s hot chocolate might be good, but it was a labor-intensive project. At this rate, Dad would be back before they even drank it.
“Why don’t you bring the hot chocolate onto the porch?”
Luke started making his way to the couch as Noah came through the door with two mugs in his hands.
“You sure you don’t want to sit inside?” Noah put the mugs on the table at the end of the couch.
“Thought you were tough.” Luke smiled and sat in the middle of the couch.
Noah’s eyes did that widening thing, the one that Luke had decided consisted of 50% want to kiss you silly and 50% want to run until I hit an ocean.
“You could turn on the space heater,” he suggested, and waited until Noah had his arms along the back of the couch before scooting into the space next to him. “Or there’s body heat.”
“I thought you weren’t cold.”
“I thought you were.”
The problem with this brilliant idea was, that between the layers of Noah’s jacket and Luke’s own sweater and vest, Luke couldn’t feel much body, heat or otherwise. That was a definite disadvantage to sitting on the porch in December. But every time Luke suggested they hang out in his room, Noah’s look turned more run for the nearest ocean and less kiss you silly and found a reason they couldn’t. And the living room was too much in the path of anyone-Faith-traipsing through the house.
If his Dad came home and found them doing whatever on the porch, that he could stand. His little sister, not so much.
Noah didn’t pull his arm off the back of the couch and as Luke described an idea for the screenplay class he was taking next semester, he felt Noah’s fingers play with the ends of his hair. Luke wasn’t sure if Noah knew he was doing it. That light tingle was making it hard to concentrate on his plot, but he was afraid if he stopped talking, Noah would realize what he was doing and stop.
“So how would you shoot it?” Luke asked when he ran out of ideas that didn’t sound crazy.
“Hmm?” Noah shifted and stopped playing with Luke’s hair.
“How would you shoot my screenplay, Mr. Director?”
“Oh.” Noah’s hand moved to Luke’s shoulder, pulling him closer, so no more fingers in his hair wasn’t a total loss. “First of all, it’s brilliant, of course.
Luke settled in against Noah. “Because you were evidently listening oh so closely.” Luke let his head slide down until his ear was over Noah’s heart.
Noah started threading his fingers through Luke’s hair again. Luke had never realized that the nerve endings on his scalp were so closely wired to his cock.
“I don’t have to listen to it to know it’s brilliant.”
“Nice cover.” Luke flopped onto Noah’s lap with a dramatic sigh. “You’re already acting like a regular boyfriend. You don’t even listen.”
“And I wasn’t a regular boyfriend before?”
Luke raised one eyebrow and pursed his lips in consideration.
Noah brushed the hair from Luke’s face. “Well?”
“I’m still thinking.” Luke turned his neck by increments until he faced Noah’s fly, until his breath fell on the thick length outlined beneath Noah’s jeans. Luke’s own cock pulsed in response.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Snyder?”
“Nope. I think I did.”
“What?”
“You’re hard.”
Noah’s hand gripped the back of Luke’s head just holding, not pulling him away but not pushing him closer.
Luke stretched forward that last inch and put his mouth on the hard bulge of denim. He took a deep breath and reached up to pop button on Noah’s fly.
Noah’s breath left him in a grunt. Luke moved closer, kissing along the firm cock underneath.
“From holding hands to blowjobs?” Noah’s voice sounded deep, like it did when he was angry.
“Was I out the day they handed out step-by-step manuals?”
“No, but-”
Luke pulled on the zipper. Noah made a growling sound in his throat, but didn’t stop Luke from tugging the zipper all the way down. He put his mouth back on Noah through the cotton of his briefs, the shape easier to feel now. He worked his way up to the top where the fabric was already damp. Noah didn’t smell like Luke’s own body. He smelled better, spicier, richer. Luke’s mouth watered as he thought about pulling the cloth down enough to get the head free, or reaching in to pull Noah’s cock out where he could see it. How would his cock taste?
Noah bucked and shivered.
Was it a good shiver or a cold shiver?
“Luke.”
His name, so deep. The hand on his head pressed him closer. He wrapped his lips around the head as best he could and flicked with his tongue. The vibrations from Noah’s groan went all the way to Luke’s own cock.
Luke flicked harder. He reached up to pull Noah’s briefs out of his way.
“Shit. No. Luke.” Noah pulled Luke’s head back. “I hear a car.”
Luke lifted his head. A car door slammed, and he sat up. Footsteps were already on their way to the door; he tossed one of the throw pillows at Noah who put it on his lap.
Not that Luke was sure it would fool his dad, but it would make Noah less freaked.
“Boys,” Dad said as he came onto the porch.
“Hello, Mr. Snyder.” Noah’s voice was almost back to normal.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Everything all right?”
Luke was still sitting close enough to feel every muscle in Noah’s body go rigid.
“We’re fine, Dad.”
“Don’t sit out here too long. It’s freezing.”
“Yes, sir.” Noah said quickly.
“Good night, boys.”
Noah’s head dropped so far forward on his chest he was almost laying on the pillow. “Oh, God.”
Luke didn’t need to see Noah’s eyes to know that he was seconds from bolting. Maybe he wouldn’t even stop at an ocean, just keep right on going to the next continent. He tried joking. “You get much more flexible and you won’t even need me.”
It was definitely the wrong thing to say.
“God. He almost-I almost-oh God.” Noah stood up, wincing as he refastened his jeans.
“It’s not like he doesn’t know.”
Noah stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
“Maybe, but-“
“He even gave me a safe sex lecture already.” More a sentence than a lecture, but it was Dad’s way of saying “I know.”
At the word sex, Noah got impossibly paler.
“I’d-uh-better get going.”
“You don’t have to go.”
“Yeah, yeah I do. I’ll try to stop by tomorrow.” Noah was gone, slamming through the porch door.
Luke sat on the couch and wondered if he could carry both mugs in one trip while dealing with his cane and the door. He hoped Dad wouldn’t pick this moment for a heart-to-heart. But it wasn’t Dad’s fault he had lousy timing.
He stared at the mugs until he heard a door creak open.
“I’m sorry.” Noah stepped in a little. “I shouldn’t have taken off like that.”
Luke realized he’d never heard Noah’s truck start up.
“It’s okay.”
“No. It’s not.”
Luke waited, wondering if Noah would try to explain himself again. He knew this was hard for Noah, knew Noah didn’t have the kind of support Luke relied on from his dad, knew that everything was new and scary. Every time Luke remembered that, he swore he wouldn’t push. But when it was just them, when they were touching, it felt so good and Luke knew Noah wanted it as much as he did.
Noah crossed to the couch and pushed Luke onto his back. “We’re just going to kiss, okay?”
“Okay.” This was how it was with Noah. One minute he was so hesitant and aloof, Luke wanted to slap him, and then Noah was pushing and demanding, whether it was another leg lift or a kiss.
A kiss that that made Luke feel like he was the girl on the cover of one of those books his gram used to write. The kind who was fainting in the arms of a pirate.
Luke wrapped his arms around Noah, pinning him down against his chest as Noah kissed him. Noah’s fingers sifted through his hair and Luke opened his mouth and let their tongues tangle together.
Noah’s cock was hard against Luke’s, their hips grinding together as they kissed. Luke opened his legs around Noah’s and it didn’t matter if this was all Noah was ready for right now because kissing Noah like this felt a thousand times better than jerking off alone. Even after months of going without.
He really was getting lightheaded. He wasn’t close to fainting though. Noah shifted his hips and the friction on Luke’s cock was so good he thought he was going to come. Noah pulled away from him enough to get his hands between them. Then he was pulling up Luke’s sweater, his cold hands tickling Luke’s skin.
Luke jerked away at first, and Noah kissed him again. Was this the way Noah was with girls? Noah’s thumbs brushed over Luke’s nipples, and they both groaned. He wanted to remind Noah that he wasn’t a girl, but if Noah couldn’t figure that out from the cock pressing into his own, Luke didn’t know what would convince him.
Noah’s fingers pressed harder against Luke’s nipples, and Luke felt the charge shoot down to his balls. Oh shit. He really was going to come. And Noah would freak or think he was a loser. Luke tried to push it back, but he’d never tried to keep from coming before. Noah pulled Luke’s tongue into his mouth, hard body pressing down, and the friction burned against his cock. Luke’s balls tightened, his thighs, his stomach, everything tightened and then it just ripped through him, out through his cock. He bucked against Noah, tearing his mouth free as he panted.
He opened his eyes and saw Noah smiling at him, that happy playful look that had turned Luke’s guts inside out from the first time he’d seen it.
Noah put his hands back in Luke’s hair and started moving his hips again. Luke brought his hands to Noah’s back and slid them under his jacket and shirts, pressed against the sweat-damp skin. He hung on, just above Noah’s hips, fingers pressing, pulling him down, even though the friction on his own cock was uncomfortable now.
Luke worked his hand between their bodies and found Noah’s zipper, tugging it down. Before Noah could move, Luke slipped his hand inside, reaching through the slit in the briefs. Both of them gasped when Luke’s palm made contact with the hard skin of Noah’s cock. Luke tightened his grip.
“Luke.” It was half-plea, half-warning.
Luke pulled in short, quick strokes, his heart still slamming in his chest. His hand was on Noah’s cock and it was amazing. It was like touching his own, but it wasn’t. Not really. He thumbed the slit, found liquid warmth leaking from Noah’s cock. Noah’s whispered groan sent a new spike of sensation down Luke’s thighs. Jesus. He’d never realized what it would be like to hold someone else’s pleasure like this. Never thought about the power of knowing you were making someone feel so good, knowing you were going to make them come. Noah’s cock was alive in his hand, pulsing and slick, satin smooth skin over that hard core and for a second, Luke started thinking about how it would be to take that thick length inside his body, to take Noah’s cock inside him.
Luke shifted his grip so that he pulled hard over the head, trying to find the room to twist his wrist a little, the way he liked it.
Noah stopped kissing him and just rested his forehead on Luke’s, panting against his lips.
“God. Luke.”
Noah bucked into Luke’s fist, hard quick jerks of his hips. The muscles in Noah’s back tightened under Luke’s hand and then the skin on Noah’s cock got tight and he came. Wet warmth between them, a sticky strand right across Luke’s knuckles.
He wanted to bring his fingers to his mouth and taste it, but he was afraid that would really freak Noah out. Noah kissed him softly, open mouth, just a light brush of his tongue, but that was enough to send a bolt of electricity back to Luke’s cock. Even with the sticky wetness of his pants, his cock was going to be rock hard again if Noah kept kissing him.
“I didn’t mean-” Noah stopped and Luke was glad.
Didn’t mean to make you come? Didn’t mean to do this with you? There couldn’t be anything good at the end of that sentence.
The come sticking to their shirts and on Luke’s hand had been hot and sexy, but now it was just gross and uncomfortable.
“I’ll go get us something to clean up with.” Luke wiggled. He still didn’t control his legs well enough to get free if Noah didn’t move.
Noah nodded and lifted off Luke’s body. The wet in his jeans got even colder and more disgusting. Picking his cane up off the floor, he used it to push off the couch. His legs were as wobbly as if he were taking his first steps out of the chair.
“I’ll go.”
“Do you know where the towels are?”
“I’ll just grab some stuff from the kitchen.”
Luke looked at Noah’s shirt. Except for a blotch on the left side, most of the mess was on Luke. Noah zipped up his pants and carried the still full mugs out into the kitchen, returning with a couple of paper towels, one of them steaming in the cold air.
Luke took the paper towels and wiped off his shirt and jeans as best he could. He’d try to do his own laundry. Gram didn’t need to see that.
“So,” Noah said.
Luke jerked his head up. Was this the part where Noah ran away again? If he came back, could Luke go through the whole thing again? Maybe he should say something first.
Noah's lips twisted in that lop-sided grin and Luke realized he’d still want Noah back. No matter how many times he freaked out.
“So,” Noah said again. “Some kiss.”
Luke stepped toward him, and Noah caught his shoulders, dragged him in tight and made Luke’s brain go all fuzzy again as Noah’s tongue licked into his mouth.
“When’s your last class tomorrow?” Noah asked as he lifted his head.
Class? Couldn’t they just go back on the couch or to Luke’s room or something? Why did Noah have to leave?
“I’m done at two-twenty,” Luke said.
“I’ll meet you at the student union? Give you a ride?” Noah sounded all hesitant again. As if he thought Luke would tell him no. As if just standing there breathing in the smell of Noah’s skin wasn’t making Luke’s cock twitch in his jeans. As if Luke wanted to do anything but make out with him until he fell asleep-or came again. Or came again and then fell asleep. On Noah’s chest.
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Great.” And he got the full wattage of Noah’s smile.
* * * * *
Noah had to jerk off twice before his dick would even let him think about sleeping.
The first time he remembered Luke’s calloused hand rubbing all the right spots. The second, he imagined Luke’s full soft lips closing around his dick. Noah had almost let him-Christ, he’d almost dragged Luke onto him, was going to have Luke suck him off on the Snyders’ porch, with Luke’s dad for an audience.
Noah knew he was gay. He could even say it, sometimes. But saying it, knowing it, even wanting to be with Luke and kiss him, wasn’t the same thing as actually having sex with another guy.
He didn’t know what he’d thought it would be like. One-okay, two-mutual handjobs back in ninth grade didn’t prepare him for feeling Luke hard and strong under him even as Luke let his legs drop open so their cocks rubbed together.
Noah knew what it was like to make a girl come-at least, he thought he did. Those high little moans, the vibrations in that soft body, the way she squeezed around him. The thought of Luke’s body squeezing around him made Noah’s dick try to get revved up for another round.
He cupped himself in his hand. It was almost painful, and he tried to think about something else. Like how he was supposed to face Luke’s mom or dad or any of the Snyders after what they’d done. What he wanted to do. He hadn’t had that problem with girls. Mostly because he never met their families, but even if he had-well, it was normal. And as much as Noah tried to believe Luke when he told him feeling this way, wanting a guy this way was normal, shame still threatened to paralyze him. How was he supposed look Luke’s dad in the eye while thinking “Hey Mr. Snyder, I want to fuck your son.”
And he did.
When Luke’s eyes got big and soft, his face so open and honest, Noah wanted to kiss him, hold him, make love to him.
But when Luke flashed his dimples in that grin that promised every day was going to get better, Noah wanted to grab him and fuck him. Slam in hard and deep. Bury all his hurt and anger inside Luke’s body. Luke had the strength to stand anything Noah could give him. And that terrified Noah.
It had been easier when Luke was hurt. When the sex part of being gay-boyfriends, whatever-was kind of academic, because Luke couldn’t. And even if Luke rubbing his head along Noah’s hand, or burying his face in Noah’s shoulder when he helped him out of the truck made Noah’s blood flash hot and start running downhill, Luke couldn’t feel it and Noah had a perfectly good right hand.
He didn’t want Luke hurt. The sight of Luke walking had lifted a huge chunk of guilt from Noah’s shoulders. He didn’t want Luke back in that chair, frustrated and angry, but it had been easier when all of this . . . Noah ran his thumb around the head of his dick . . . only happened in his head.
Luke’s hand had felt so different on his cock. Stronger than a girl’s, forceful because he knew how to work his own, and the calluses on his palm from pushing his chair felt amazing. Blood flooded Noah’s dick with a painful rush. He got up and turned the shower on cold, full blast.
* * * * *
Noah turned off the road to the Snyders’ farm, down a narrow strip of asphalt he’d found that morning on Mapquest. The road seemed to end in the woods behind Snyder’s Pond.
“Where are we going?”
Luke was giving Noah that grin and no amount of threatening his dick with another ice shower was helping.
“Why? Do you have to be home for something?”
“Dinner’s at six. And my gram expects me, but I’m free until then.”
They passed a couple of big houses set well back from the road, mostly multi-storied, architecturally pretentious log cabins. Noah kept driving past the Dead End sign all the way to the point where the road ended in a bit of gravel before the trees started. Noah pulled the truck well off the road and put it in park.
“Noah.” He could hear the amusement in Luke’s voice. The tone that said I know the answer but I’m going to make you say it. “Are we parking?”
Noah looked through the windshield at the bare trees. He’d kept the engine running for heat.
“Yes?” He cleared his throat and added. “Or we could, uh, just talk.”
He heard the movement of whisper of the nylon on Luke’s vest before he felt the kiss at the corner of his mouth. Noah turned to face him.
Luke kissed him full on the mouth. “All I could do for two months was talk.” Another kiss. “Think.” Luke’s hand landed on Noah’s crotch. “Plan.”
Luke’s lips moved over his, and Noah opened his mouth. Luke had kissed him back, but so far, he hadn’t taken control of any of their kisses. Noah let Luke do what he wanted to with his mouth, hands curled into fists to keep from grabbing Luke’s head and diving into Luke’s mouth.
Luke pulled away. “What’s wrong?” Worse, he moved his hand off Noah’s dick.
“Nothing.”
“You’re not kissing me.”
Noah didn’t know how to not take the control of a kiss. He guessed just passively waiting wasn’t working. “I just thought . . .” He shrugged.
“What?” Luke’s directness was going to kill him.
I wanted you to know you could do what you wanted? I wanted to show you that I know this is different. It all sounded stupid. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Luke was giving him that you-can -tell-me-anything look
And he could. “For not knowing how to do this.”
“And you think I do? We’ll just have to try stuff out.”
“Okay.” And it was. Because Luke could just do that. Make everything easier. Noah leaned forward and kissed him like he wanted to. He could feel it now, the give and take, Luke’s tongue sliding next to his. And then Luke’s hand was back on his dick, rubbing through his jeans. Noah put his hands in that soft hair and groaned into Luke’s mouth.
He could feel Luke smile through the kiss and as Luke started to unbutton Noah’s jeans, he wondered exactly who was supposed to be the one with experience. He was still wondering that when Luke bent down and sucked the head of Noah’s dick into his mouth.
“Jesus.” He jerked, bucking a little into that warm wet pressure.
Luke was probably smiling again, but that didn’t stop his tongue from stroking across the slit. According to the other guys, that girl on the base in Texas had been an expert at this, and she had been Noah’s gold medal standard but this. Shit. His balls were already on fire.
Noah wanted to try to think about it, remember everything Luke did so he could try it on him, and for maybe thirty seconds he could catalogue the way Luke’s hand worked the shaft while his mouth sucked and bobbed on the head, tongue swirling and then flicking, Luke made the same sound he’d made last night when he’d been grinding up into Noah, that half-whimper, half-growl, and the vibration hummed along Noah’s dick. Heat rushed through him; he didn’t know how long he could stand it. Luke sucking him, groaning like he wanted him to be there, like Noah’s dick in his mouth felt as good to him as it did to Noah.
“Luke.” That last warning burning in his balls. “Coming.” But Luke didn’t move, just kept sucking, groaning, and Noah grabbed onto the seat and Luke’s head and came so hard he could feel the strain in his stomach muscles. Luke sucked him through every spurt until Noah had to push him away because it was too much.
Noah dropped his head against the headrest, every muscle in him turned liquid. His eyes were closed, but he could hear Luke straighten up. Even with the heat blasting, the air was cold on his wet dick. He made an effort to reach for his fly, but flopped back again.
Luke settled in against his side. “Are you all right?”
All right? He was fan-fucking-tastic. And then he realized Luke didn’t mean physically.
“Yeah. I’m great. That was amazing.” He let out a long breath and opened his eyes.
Luke’s smile was hesitant, eyes anxious. Noah realized he was waiting for him to freak out. So maybe he didn’t have the best track record for sticking around after things got physical. But that had been before. Things were different now. He was different now.
Noah smiled and Luke found his grin again. Noah wished he’d been able to watch him, wished he’d seen Luke’s lips around his dick, seen his eyes, but the fall of Luke’s hair had hidden everything.
The sky had gone dark, early December sunset and a cloud-filled sky. But they still had time.
Noah turned so he could angle his body over Luke’s press him back against his door.
“You don’t have to-” Luke said, a hand pushing at Noah’s shoulder.
“What?”
“You know.”
“Blow you?”
Even in the graying light, Noah could see the blush hit Luke’s cheeks.
“Yeah.”
“What if I want to?”
“I want-” Luke’s voice was soft, but Noah felt it low and deep inside him. Whatever Luke wanted, he wanted to give it to him.
“What do you want?” He looked down. Luke’s eyes were wide, the smile gone.
“I want to take this all the way. I want you inside me.”
If Noah hadn’t just been on the receiving end of a helluva blowjob, he might have come in his jeans. His dick started pulsing. Okay. They were going to do this, but-
“I don’t know if we can manage that in the truck.”
“I know. So.” Luke took a deep breath. “I think you should stay with me for Christmas break.”
In Luke’s bed. Noah really hoped there was a lock on Luke’s bedroom door. Of course then it was back to trying to do this under the watchful eyes of the whole Snyder clan.
“I’m not sure your family would go for that.”
“They like you. Mom, Dad, everyone likes you. Faith thinks you’re cute.”
“They like me at dinner maybe. But-”
“I’m old enough to do what I want. And considering what other members of my family are up to, I don’t think anyone should have anything to say.”
But there it was again. The thing with Luke’s cousins and Katie. Luke’s mom and Dusty. It might not be right, but to most people it was normal. And two guys sharing a bed wasn’t. He should never have given up that apartment. Not that he could afford it, now, with his dad . . . but it was so much easier to know what he wanted when it was just him and Luke.
“So?”
If there was someone who could say no to those soft brown eyes, he’d have to have superhuman strength. Or be blind. Or maybe not as screwed as Noah.
“Okay.”
* * * * *
Luke listened to the argument-oh sorry discussion-for about five minutes and then went into his room. He found a duffle bag and started shoving some clothes into it.
His father came in. “What’s this?”
“If Noah’s not welcome here, then I’m not.”
“Luke. You know it isn’t that. Gram has been very supportive.”
“Yeah, when I didn’t have a boyfriend.”
“She likes Noah. We all do. He’s a good man.”
“But not good enough?”
“Luke. But Gram feels that if Noah’s going to stay here . . .”
“He should sleep in the barn?”
“You’re only seventeen.”
Luke sat on the bed, but he kept looking his father in the eye. “How old were you?”
His dad didn’t answer. “You know all I want is for you to be happy.”
“And you think it makes me happy to feel like Noah’s not welcome here?”
“I’ll talk to your grandmother. But Luke,” Dad sat on the bed. “When you decide, you should be sure. It changes things. And you can’t go back.”
Like his mom was never going to come back now that she’d slept with Dusty. It wasn’t like Luke didn’t have perfect examples of how much sex with the wrong person could screw up everyone’s lives.
“I know.”
* * * * *
The dorms closed on the twenty-third. Noah brought such a small bag, Luke wondered if he expected to be tossed out before Christmas Day. Luke hadn’t told him yet how much of a fight there had been about him sleeping in Luke’s room, but he could see Noah’s anxiety in the quick shift of his eyes and the way he kept his hands close to his body, as if he was trying to take up as little room as possible. And he freed himself from Luke’s hand as quickly as possible when Luke grabbed it at the dinner table.
After dinner, he asked Noah to take a walk outside with him.
When they got to the porch door, Noah stopped. “It’s snowing. Are you sure?”
“I’m really sure.” Luke pushed open the door and went out.
“Luke.” He turned back. Noah reached up to touch his face.
Luke dropped a kiss on his palm. “Noah.”
The teasing tone got Noah smiling and he held Luke’s free hand as they walked away from the house. He led them to the stables and as they approached the tack room door, Luke could feel his pulse thick in his throat and his cock. If it weren’t so cold, he knew the hand Noah held would be all sweaty.
He pushed open the door, took a deep breath of scents of leather, saddle soap, hay and horse and waited for Noah’s reaction.
The plaid blanket was spread out just like he’d left it with the pillows piled on it. He switched on the lantern and the space heater Aaron had carried out for him.
“Forget the candles?”
“Candles in the stables? Never.”
Noah looked down at Luke’s cane. “How did you manage to set all this up?”
“I had some help.”
Noah looked panicked, so he explained.
“My brother.”
“Ethan?” Noah grinned.
“He’s a master of stealth.” Luke looked up at Noah, waiting. He wasn’t going to push him, even though it felt like his body was going to come apart just from standing this close to him. They’d both been so busy with finals they hadn’t been alone since Noah had driven him home in his truck.
“He gets it from his brother. You’re down right devious, Snyder.”
“I thought maybe you wouldn’t be comfortable doing this at the house.”
Noah’s hand slid around his waist and pulled him closer. Luke let out a deep breath. Noah held Luke’s head with his other hand, but even though he moved closer he didn’t kiss him.
“Stop thinking I don’t want this as much as you do. I do. I’m right where I want to be.”
Instead of the relief he should have felt, the tangle of nerves in Luke’s stomach just got worse. Knowing that Noah wasn’t going to freak out meant that they were actually going to do it and Luke had spent so much time worrying about Noah, he hadn’t really thought about how nervous he would be.
He defaulted to joking again. “Do you think you want to be on the blanket? Because my legs are pretty tired.”
“Yeah.”
As soon as they were sitting, Noah leaned in and kissed him and Luke wondered how he could be so turned on and freaked at the same time. Noah kissing him always seemed to get his cock hard in five seconds or less.
Noah seemed to know just how nervous Luke was because he kissed him slowly, more tentatively than he ever had before. This was stupid. If he-they-were going to do this, Luke didn’t want either of them holding back.
Luke pulled Noah with him down onto the blanket and kissed him hard. Noah groaned, fingers going to Luke’s fly. It got messy and hot then, their teeth clicking, hands rough, yanking clothes out of the way. When Noah lifted his head, they were both down to T-shirts and unbuttoned jeans. Luke’s jeans were twisted around his hips.
“Want some help with that?” Noah offered.
“For once, I don’t mind.”
He lifted his hips, and Noah pulled the jeans off, taking Luke’s briefs with them. When Luke settled back, hay pricked his ass through the blanket. Luke’s shirt was up around his neck and Noah pulled it the rest of the way off.
Holy shit. He was naked in the fucking stables with his boyfriend. Noah stood up and pulled off his shirt and jeans and briefs and now he was naked in the stables with a naked boyfriend and this was really happening.
It wasn’t one of the hundreds of fantasies he’d jerked off to over the summer. Or even the ones from this last week, when what had sent him over the edge every time was the press of his spit-wet finger down underneath his balls, pressing inside just enough to let him wonder what it would be like if it was Noah’s cock pushing into him.
Noah knelt down next to him. “God, Luke.”
Luke felt Noah’s gaze sweep his body like a touch, the low murmur in Noah’s voice making his full cock twitch.
He looked over at Noah, staring at the perfect lines of muscle on his broad chest, the rough dark hair on his stomach and thighs, and let his gaze linger on Noah’s cock. He wet his lips. Jesus. Did he really think he could-?
“We don’t have to.” Noah said. “We could just-”
“Talk?” Luke gave him a half-smile.
Noah laughed. “You don’t have to do this for me, you know. I can wait.”
“Are you kidding? Noah, I want this. I feel like I’ve already been waiting forever.”
Luke turned on his hip and reached for the backpack he’d carried out. Tipping it up, he dumped the contents onto the blanket. A couple of condoms and the bottle of lube he’d bought. Wet. That brand name had been the least embarrassing. Astroglide had been too silly and KY sounded like medicine and then there were tingling and warming and he just wanted to pull a hood over his head and hide.
Noah laughed again and reached for his jeans, pulling out a condom and a smaller purple package of lube. “I guess we both wanted to be ready.”
And now they were. Naked, alone, and with what Luke hoped were all the necessary supplies. He wished he had more to go on than some furtive internet searches. Wished one of them could say he knew what he was doing.
“If you change your mind, tell me.” Noah said.
“You too.” Because Noah seemed to be making this about Luke and it wasn’t. Luke had had more than a year to get used to the idea of what he wanted. And even though every time he was around Noah the tension felt like a hot spike in his gut, this had to be what they both wanted. He didn’t want to see that run-for-the-nearest-ocean look in Noah’s eyes again.
Noah nudged Luke’s shoulder with his head, and he sank back onto the blankets. The hay was still pricking in odd places, but even though his skin felt hyperaware, there were so many other good sensations that he didn’t mind.
Noah licked down his neck to the hollow of his throat. By the time Noah’s tongue was running down Luke’s breastbone, he was panicking over what to do with his hands. If he put them on Noah’s shoulders, it would be like he was pushing him down toward his cock. Luke grabbed a double fistful of blanket and tried not to do anything that would stop Noah leaving wet trails of tingling skin on Luke’s chest. Noah lapped at a nipple, then sucked it into his mouth.
Against his will, Luke’s hands landed on Noah’s head. Everywhere Noah’s hands and mouth went they seemed to find someplace that was hardwired to his Luke’s cock.
It was good, but “Harder,” he whispered.
Noah did. He sucked, used his teeth lightly and that was enough to send Luke bucking up around him.
Noah kissed his way across to Luke’s other nipple. Before he put his mouth on it, he looked up and smiled. Luke could only stare back.
“God, you look hot.” Noah’s breath tickled the wet spaces on Luke’s chest.
Hot? Every inch of Luke’s skin prickled with shivers. When Noah licked his nipple and then blew on it, Luke was embarrassed by the whimper in his throat and tried to hold it back.
“Can anyone hear us?” Noah lifted his head again.
“Just the horses.”
Noah grinned. “We’ll try not to scare them. But Luke, if I can’t hear you, then I don’t know . . .”
“What?”
“What you like. What feels good.”
“Oh. This does.”
Noah tongued his nipple until Luke’s shoulders lifted from the blanket as he tried to feed more of his skin into Noah’s mouth.
Noah dropped light quick kisses on Luke’s belly.
“You don’t have to.” Luke put his hands on the dark curls and pushed Noah away.
Noah caught his hands, pinning Luke’s wrists together. “I want to be here.” Noah looked up at him and his eyes burned right through Luke’s skin, a flash of heat so strong it made Luke’s heart stop for an instant. “Luke. Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Then trust me to know I want to do this. With you.”
Noah kept Luke’s wrists tight in his grip as he brought his other hand to Luke’s cock. Luke barely had time to realize that finally there was a hand on his cock that wasn’t his before Noah put his lips around the tip.
If Noah hadn’t had been holding him down with his weight, Luke didn’t know what he would have done. He was completely unprepared for the reality of Noah’s mouth on him. Wet, hot and “Oh fuck Noah.”
Noah’s mouth slid down farther, more heat, more slick pressure on his cock and if Luke hadn’t been in love with Noah before this he definitely would be now. “God.” It was all he could say, over and over. Nothing felt like this. As good as this. Noah’s tongue, the suction, the sliding grip that made him feel like Noah had swallowed him whole.
Noah groaned, and Luke felt his balls draw up tight.
He was going to come . . . and maybe Noah wasn’t ready for this. Should he warn him? Push him off?
Noah lifted his head. The edge Luke had been riding rolled back through his body with a bone-deep ache.
“Okay?” Noah was watching his face.
He would be when he got his breath back and his balls didn’t feel like they were being strangled. “Yeah.”
Noah’s lips twisted in a half-smile, lips that were shiny with spit and maybe some of Luke’s precome. His stomach tightened as he remembered the bitter-salt taste of Noah in his mouth, good because he’d make Noah come, made him shoot down his throat.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you swear.” Noah climbed back up Luke’s body, settling his weight on his chest.
But he held himself up just a little on his arms and Luke reached up to pull him all the way down, wanting that warm skin all over him, the press of his body. Noah’s cock rubbed against Luke’s hip. The rough hair on Noah’s belly scraped against Luke’s own cock as Noah stretched up to kiss him. Luke fought off the urge to grind up into that pressure. He didn’t want to come like that tonight.
Noah’s tongue slid into his mouth, bringing a trace of that bitter-salt taste, a little different finding it on Noah’s tongue and not his cock. Suddenly, the thought that he was tasting himself in Noah’s mouth made Luke’s brain get fuzzy and there wasn’t much blood going anywhere but his cock and his throbbing balls.
“Noah.” His hips were moving and he couldn’t seem to stop them and he really didn’t want to come like this.
Noah kissed him again and then leaned away. Luke lay there panting. When Noah didn’t come back, Luke looked over at him. Noah was holding the bottle and the small plastic envelope and biting his lip.
“Um, purple or Wet?”
Luke thought about Noah’s mouth on his cock. “Wet.”
Noah popped open the cap, poured some onto his fingers and started rubbing them together. Warming it, Luke realized. How did he know to do that?
He asked before he had time to think about it sounding like an accusation.
Noah’s cheeks darkened. “I watched a video online.”
Despite the sudden dryness in his mouth and the knot of nerves in his stomach, Luke felt one side of his mouth quirk in a smile. “Instructional?”
“I hope so.” Noah leaned down and his breath tickled Luke’s ear. “The guys were hot, but I thought of you when I jerked off.”
That left him so lightheaded he didn’t have time to worry about what Noah was doing until he felt a slick finger trace the crease of his ass.
Somehow he managed to force words through his tight throat. “Do you want me to roll over?”
“I want you to be comfortable. But-”
How the hell was he supposed to think when Noah was staring at him, his eyes a midnight blue, and his finger . . . there, rubbing around the opening to his body.
He tried to say what but it came out more like “Uh?”
“I want to be able to see your face.”
Luke wished he had some kind of answer for that, but Noah’s finger was pressing inside, just a little, like Luke did to himself and his cock pulsed with that remembered pleasure. Deeper then, and a little weird, but Luke let out his breath and it was good. He opened his legs wider.
Noah was lying next to him, one hand propping up his head, the other between Luke’s legs. He never looked away as he moved his finger in and out.
At first it was a little uncomfortable and then it was good. Too good. He hooked one leg over Noah’s and tried to get him to push harder, faster, but Noah pulled his finger free and rubbed along the crease again.
Luke felt like he’d been hanging on the edge of coming forever. He knew what Noah was doing, easing them into it, and it was the right thing to do, but if he didn’t get off now he was going to die.
He grabbed Noah’s head and pulled him down until his lips brushed his ear. “Fuck me.” Even the words made all that tension get tighter.
Noah kissed him and his finger-fingers slammed back into Luke’s body, a quick rhythm that burned as much as it felt good. Luke wanted to scream but he remembered the horses and put the back of his hand over his own mouth.
“Like that?” Noah whispered.
Luke groaned around his hand. Noah slowed and his fingers hit something inside him that he could feel all the way to the top of his head, a rush of pleasure that left him dizzy.
Noah’s fingers eased out, but Luke could still feel them there, feel his muscles pulsing around something that wasn’t there. Noah knelt between his legs and handed him the condom wrapper.
Luke tore it open, but he hadn’t really handled a condom outside of sex ed so Noah had to take it from him and roll it onto his cock. Luke sat up on his elbows to watch. Even through the latex, Noah’s cock was dark red. Luke thought about the way it had felt, the shape and taste of it in his mouth, the weight, the way the vein pulsed against his tongue.
Noah poured more of the lube onto his hand and slicked it over the latex. Luke reached out to help, his hand gliding over the slippery heat. Mouth opening on a moan, Noah’s head dropped back.
Noah used his free hand to pull Luke onto his thighs, and then grabbed one of the pillows and stuffed it under Luke’s hips. Luke lifted his legs and put them on Noah’s shoulders, and Noah’s dick pressed against him, against the spot where his muscle still pulsed.
Luke couldn’t breathe. He wanted this so much and at the same time he wanted to run-okay limp-back to the house and hide in his bed. Noah was looking down at him, he wasn’t smiling, didn’t say anything, but when Luke looked into Noah’s eyes, that connection that had sparked between them from that first touch flooded Luke and it was going to be all right.
He couldn’t talk, but he nodded and Noah pressed forward. Luke had been ready for it to sting, or burn, like his fingers had, but that fucking hurt. A lot. He wanted to close his eyes to hide it from Noah but Noah was already easing back.
“No.” Luke whispered, and pushed against him.
More. The sharp pain had faded to deep burn and Noah pushed in a little deeper.
“Luke. It’s. Fuck. Luke.” Noah closed his eyes and groaned that last word. Luke wanted him to say his name like that a million times. Like he needed Luke to breathe.
Luke shifted his hips, and Noah slid deeper. It still hurt, enough to make his eyes water, but it was worth it when Noah groaned again.
“So tight. God. Luke.” His eyes opened. “Oh shit. I’m sorry.” He pulled back, and that was almost worse.
“Noah. Don’t.”
Noah stopped, just barely in him, and Luke could see the sweat soaking his temples, beading his upper lip. Their bodies slipped against each other.
He remembered Noah’s fingers in him and he squeezed the words out. “Better. When. You. Move.”
Noah sank deep again, his arms tightening against Luke’s legs. This time Luke felt a flash of pleasure under the pain. A promise that it was going to be worth it if they could just get there.
Noah rocked his hips back and forth, slowly, and Luke could breathe again. The tearing stretch was fading under waves of pleasure-pain. He rocked up to meet the next push in and a shudder went through Noah.
Noah moved up farther, almost bending Luke in half and Noah’s cock hit him just right inside again, so that all he could feel was pleasure flooding out from his ass, right to the tip of his cock.
“More.”
Noah shifted and drove deeper and Luke pushed back against him again and again. Sweat stung Luke’s eyes, but he had a death grip on Noah’s arms and wasn’t going to let go to brush his hair back.
“Harder.” After what it had felt like when Noah first pressed inside him he couldn’t believe he was saying that, but he just knew if Noah pounded against that spot he’d feel better than he’d ever felt in his life.
Noah leaned down to kiss him before he drove in hard and deep and so good. The sounds rasping in Luke’s throat got louder and he covered his mouth again, afraid he really would scream. Noah reached between them and fisted Luke’s cock, quick tight strokes that made the pressure in his ass feel even better.
Noah’s hand sped up in time with his hips and there was no real warning this time; Luke was coming, longer and harder than he ever had before. Every time Noah’s hips slammed him forward again, another pulse of pleasure pumped down his cock. It should have hurt, Luke should have stopped coming by now but he couldn’t, and he couldn’t catch his breath. His body gave one last jerk and he pushed Noah’s hand away.
Noah eased back again, his head hanging between his shoulders, breaths loud and harsh. Luke propped himself up on his elbows. He still felt so good. Like he could swim a million laps around the pond, even if he had to break through the ice to do it.
“All right?” Noah said.
Luke punched his arm.
“Ow. Why’d you do that?”
“Stupid question.” He reached down for his cock and felt it still pulsing, half hard.
Noah reached for his own cock, and Luke stopped him.
“Luke?” Noah’s dick throbbed. His balls were about ready to climb up and strangle him. All he wanted was to strip off the rubber and jerk off until he sprayed his come over the sticky strands on Luke’s belly.
“Just give me a minute.”
Before Noah could snap out what for? Luke whispered, “I want you in me when you come.”
And that about finished him right there. He leaned down and kissed him, his dick rubbing against where he needed to be. How fucking long a minute did Luke need? He didn’t want to be an asshole, but he was getting pretty damned desperate. Just the thought of how hard Luke had clamped around him when he came made Noah dig his fingers into the blanket on either side of Luke’s head.
So he knew he was gay, yeah, but now. Fucking a guy was nothing like fucking a girl. Everything harder, sharper, all if it coming from somewhere so deep inside him that he knew this was right. Or maybe it was just Luke.
Luke was stroking himself again, long, slender fingers almost out of place on that thick hard dick. There was strength in those fingers. Noah wondered if he’d have bruises from where Luke had gripped his arms. He knew it had hurt him at first, could see it on Luke's face, but he’d asked-begged-and it had felt so good. Noah had known there was strength in that body too. Strength enough to take anything life gave him. Strength enough to help when Noah couldn’t find his own. He hadn’t let him lie, hadn’t let him take the easy way out. Even in sex Luke couldn’t do things the easy way. When his body fought Noah every inch, he’d pushed forward, taken him inside.
Noah reached up and brushed at the hair stuck to Luke’s forehead. Damp with sweat but still silky, shining in the lantern light. He ran his fingers through it, loving the way it tingled his skin.
Luke made a sound like a purring cat. “Keep doing that and you can have anything you want.”
Noah knew what he wanted. His dick back inside that tight perfect heat.
“Okay.” Luke smiled.
He was going to ask Luke if he was sure, but he’d told Luke to trust him to know what he wanted and he’d have to do the same.
He brushed his fingers across Luke’s hole. He was still slick, but Noah put more lube on his dick.
Luke braced his legs on either side of Noah’s hips. Next time, he’d want to fuck him from behind, grab Luke's hips and slam into him, but tonight he wanted to watch his face, to know that Luke wanted him here.
It was easier this time, though the muscles still milked every inch of his cock and Luke’s face still went rigid with that look of pain, but it was gone much more quickly, with Luke arching down onto him. There’d never been anything like this, mouth or pussy, not that there had been that many, but nothing like this pressure, so good, dragging against him as he pulled back and swallowing him into soft heat on the downstroke. He bent down to kiss Luke again because the pleasure was bubbling up inside him and he had to let some of it out.
Luke met his kiss with an open-mouthed need, hard press of lips and a strong push of his tongue, his hand on the back of Noah’s neck, holding him there while Noah’s strokes slowed to a deep grind. Luke made a loud groan and Noah could hear a whinny from one of the horses so he kissed him again, murmured against his mouth.
“So good, so tight. Jesus, Luke. I want to fuck you forever.”
“Yeah.” Luke’s hand slid up through Noah's hair, fingers stroking across his scalp and the sensation ripped down his spine all the way to his dick and he had to arch up and fuck into him, hips going steady and strong.
Luke reached for his dick and started stroking. Noah watched the pleasure play out across Luke’s face, the softness around his eyes, the way his mouth kept opening to let out those sweet groans.
He might have wanted to fuck him forever, but his body wasn’t going to let him go that much longer. He slammed deeper, his balls slapping against Luke’s ass and felt Luke’s grunt from the inside.
“Tell me. Tell me when you’re close.” Please, God, let me hang on that long.
As soon as Luke said “Now,” Noah let it go. Let his body rush right up to the edge, felt it fill his balls and then the hard clamp of Luke’s ass around his dick sent him over, hips stuttering as he pumped into the rubber, into Luke. Every clench of Luke’s muscles dragged another jolt of electric pleasure from his dick. Luke’s come landed on his belly, his ass still quivering around Noah as he slowly pulled out. He fell forward onto Luke’s body, smearing the come between them.
“I don’t suppose you remembered a towel.”
Luke looked sheepish. “No.”
Great, now they’d have to go back to the house all sticky and-oh shit. Back to the house. He was going to go back into that house after he and Luke had been “walking” for who knew how long and Mr. Snyder was going to take one look at his guilty face and feed him to-well, the horses probably weren’t carnivores but he’d find something horrible to do to him. Luke’s cousin was a cop, was Luke even legal? And Luke’s Gram and his sisters and-he didn’t even think he could face Ethan. If he bolted for the shower, it was going to be even worse. What the fuck had he been thinking?
“Hey. Slow down.”
He opened his eyes stared down into those soft warm brown ones. Luke’s body was warm and hard under him, his arms around him, pinning him down. Noah realized his muscles were tense, like he was about to run.
“Hey,” Luke said again. And smiled.
Noah relaxed, let himself fall into that warmth, into Luke’s strength.
Oh yeah. That’s what he’d been thinking.
* * * * *
That night Noah slept on the couch, but Luke didn’t complain.
Notes: I’d never seen a minute of ATWT until I watched Luke and Noah on youtube. I tried looking stuff up on wikipedia, but if I’ve screwed up horribly, I apologize to longterm fans. Wikipedia says Luke is only seventeen. And I realize that after December 12, I’m screwed as far as canon but I just had to get this out here. Do you know how long Luke has been waiting? The title is a Melissa Etheridge song, but the song isn't really related to the story.