THE HIGH END OF LOW

[merememories]

so today i woke up just wanting to die.. im not sure why i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that i was actually bettering myself doinmg well an dmy gramma the woman who basically raised me and who i appreciate so much lost aith in me completely told me that me bettering muself is a bunch of bs that im like my mother and all these mean

Comments

Re: I love you darling

[giselewannab]

That reply sounds to me like you're still hurting, I wish there was something I could do, I know this is one of the times I can't cuddle it all away. I wish I could talk to her and convince her that you're just fine, and anything that you do now, is just a beer or a good 'ol drunken time, nothing big time. You're just experiencing the average and I mean AVERAGE, like small-time in comparison to the old days, party scene of a 22 year old. Now, I think I know what you may be thinking, me calling it small time might depress or offend you in some weird way, but it's all good babe, you're still alive and there IS a reason for it, no it's not to torture you or punish you for your attempt, by fooling you into thinking that you're still failing, these are just the times when you utilize your resources more often, like every time you start to feel something creep up on you, be more aware of yourself, practice mindfullness :) and whenever you don't notice it, calm yourself as soon as you do. Soothe your 5 senses, no, not like that, that shit won't help, think happy thoughts, play distraction games with yourself (and that shouldn't be hard tee hee) coping skills dearling, coping skills!!! Also, call on people who can help you.

Me: I enjoy helping you in whatever way I can, because I remember what it's like to struggle, shit, sometimes I still do.

Alyssa: she'll be understanding, you and her go way back, and she's pretty chill, and not the type to betray you and spread your woes around like after dinner mints.

Steph: just explain to her that talking helps you and that you don't necessarily need advice every time, unless you ask for it, you pretty much just need to vent and then be comforted, which doesn't always mean a drink, sometimes just quality time, and even her kids can be therapeutic to you.

Tiff: IDK what kind of a relationship you guys have, but if she trusts you enough to employ you, then I'm pretty sure she'll listen when she has time.

We and more than just who I listed I'm sure, all care for you, and understand you're trying, if you weren't well, things would be worse. NO THEY'RE NOT WORSE, you're just perfect the way you are my dear, and if nobody's perfect then everyone is, everything is exactly as it should be my dear.

I LOVE YOU

Re: I love you darling

[giselewannab]

OH, duh, Carol, and Amelia, and shit, I'm bad at this game of remembering things...but there's more people who love you, and I for one know all about quality vs. quantity babe, I joined that club 2 years ago, we even have jackets now!! So don't worry, we're here to help you 'til the cows come home...what a silly saying...

AND you should see Wristcutters: A love story, it's a pretty good, about a world where suicides go, just like the real world only there are no smiles, and it sucks worse. It's also really a love story, and it's lovely.

Re: I love you darling

[merememories]

btw i believe i have seen that ..:) thanks babe i know that remembering game i loose at most days when i feel like this.. its one of those flaws in my charater i need to work on ..

even though most of my flaws i like to embrace lmao

xoxox

Re: I love you darling

[merememories]

going to meeting these past weeks i have come to realize that "NO THEY'RE NOT WORSE, you're just perfect the way you are my dear, and if nobody's perfect then everyone is, everything is exactly as it should be my dear."

its just like they say "everyone is here who needs to be" thats what is important in life is realizing how much u make adifference just by showing up for it .. like when i wake up everyday im showiing up for life and evertything is how it should be nad i cant change that which i dont like i just need to be mindful:) i really appreciate ur advice darling thank u for being just the way u are!!!

=^.^=

Re: I love you darling

[giselewannab]

I'm so glad you're figuring stuff out my dear. I love you so much and I'm SO PROUD OF YOU!!