(no subject)
it always seems to me that i'm running away from the obvious stuff, the obvious truths, and that the only thing that really tires me is the extension of all this hope and all these fantasies that i've hoisted up to keep myself from being in touch with who i am, and how i feel.
washing the dishes, and the warmth of the water, and realizing that the best thing to do with feelings is to feel them. to let them come and not to add to them or fight them, but let them pass through and respect them as a part of who i am.
lately, the feeling is that i can just drop all the stuff that's weighing me down and live happily. but that means the end of so many relationships, desires, projects. people push me away or simply let me slip and i don't bother to push back or to try and be recognized. something so passive has dominated my way of being but today i see how simple it might be to just decide to act upon what i know i like and don't like, what i know i want and don't want.
it's liberating, but freedom is scary and often those who go off in search of themselves will find that process has alienated so many of the people in their lives. but i have always been a curious person and have always been bad at lying. i know who i am, i know what i feel.
washing the dishes, and the warmth of the water, and realizing that the best thing to do with feelings is to feel them. to let them come and not to add to them or fight them, but let them pass through and respect them as a part of who i am.
lately, the feeling is that i can just drop all the stuff that's weighing me down and live happily. but that means the end of so many relationships, desires, projects. people push me away or simply let me slip and i don't bother to push back or to try and be recognized. something so passive has dominated my way of being but today i see how simple it might be to just decide to act upon what i know i like and don't like, what i know i want and don't want.
it's liberating, but freedom is scary and often those who go off in search of themselves will find that process has alienated so many of the people in their lives. but i have always been a curious person and have always been bad at lying. i know who i am, i know what i feel.