I request a do over...
...of the last 2 months. First, I worked myself into exhaustion and had to take 2 weeks off to recover, and then last week, a good friend and coworker died of breast cancer, after a really sudden deterioration.
It's that last one that's knocked me for a six. Several women in my circle have said to me that we've all known someone that this has happened to, and that's true, but for me this is the first person who's been really close to me who hasn't made it. Breast cancer is not in my family, and maybe I am still a bit young to have known that many people with breast cancer, and so my chance of being close with someone who died from it is smaller, I don't know. What I do know is that I have no desire to repeat this experience again. I have cried inconsolably more in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last 3 years, possibly more than in the last 3 decades. Tomorrow is the funeral, and I am speaking for a few minutes at the service. I've decided that since my friend was one of the jolliest, funniest people that I know, that I'll tell a funny story involving her so I can laugh for a while, and remember her how she'd want to be remembered.
I know things will get better. Even now, they're better than they were at the beginning of the week. It's the nature of these things, isn't it? We can't crumple into a heap for too long, because the world goes on around us in ways that force our participation. So I'll get there eventually. It might just take a little while, that's all.
Needless to say, I've done absolutely no writing recently. I feel very bad for those blog visitors who look at my Coming Soon page and constantly see sweet FA. I'm not the type of writer who can write in the face of massive emotional turmoil, I'm afraid. But maybe I'll put a few words down tonight, and a few more down tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. One foot in front of the other and all that.
(Originally posted at Wordpress August 2nd. Forgot to crosspost, whoops)
It's that last one that's knocked me for a six. Several women in my circle have said to me that we've all known someone that this has happened to, and that's true, but for me this is the first person who's been really close to me who hasn't made it. Breast cancer is not in my family, and maybe I am still a bit young to have known that many people with breast cancer, and so my chance of being close with someone who died from it is smaller, I don't know. What I do know is that I have no desire to repeat this experience again. I have cried inconsolably more in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last 3 years, possibly more than in the last 3 decades. Tomorrow is the funeral, and I am speaking for a few minutes at the service. I've decided that since my friend was one of the jolliest, funniest people that I know, that I'll tell a funny story involving her so I can laugh for a while, and remember her how she'd want to be remembered.
I know things will get better. Even now, they're better than they were at the beginning of the week. It's the nature of these things, isn't it? We can't crumple into a heap for too long, because the world goes on around us in ways that force our participation. So I'll get there eventually. It might just take a little while, that's all.
Needless to say, I've done absolutely no writing recently. I feel very bad for those blog visitors who look at my Coming Soon page and constantly see sweet FA. I'm not the type of writer who can write in the face of massive emotional turmoil, I'm afraid. But maybe I'll put a few words down tonight, and a few more down tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. One foot in front of the other and all that.
(Originally posted at Wordpress August 2nd. Forgot to crosspost, whoops)