Smoking

[meredith_]

I quit smoking March 17, 2014. Then I took it up again mid-June. *slaps self*

Stupid cigarettes.

Today is the first of the month. DOING THIS AGAIN. Got my nicotine patches all ready. Honestly I'm very hesitant, but I've seen people make lists why they want to quit. I'll do that now, perhaps it'll help with motivation?

WHY MER SHOULD QUIT SMOKING:

• MONEY - because she is a broke college student.
• Health - as in the ability to breathe and exert physical activity. THIS WAS THE BEST PART OF THE SMOKE-FREE PAST TWO MONTHS.
• Long-term health, as well - imagine getting a lung cancer diagnosis or something similar whether near or far into the future - BECAUSE OF A HABIT SHE COULD HAVE KICKED.
• People are less annoying when they're not keeping you from getting your nicotine fix. (Whether they know it or not).
• Teeth - braces were just taken out, her teeth are pretty and straight now. She would also like them to be pearly white.
• Weight loss - tendency to gain weight as a smoker because of inability to exercise thanks to breathing issues - she has lost almost 30 pounds in the past six or so months, she doesn't want any of it back.
• Addition to above: Exercise - super-good for physical health, but also tremendously helps with mental health. Mer's mental health is sometimes her biggest enemy. Exercise helps her feel less depressed.
• Self-confidence - the knowledge that she has overcome something people describe as "one of the hardest things you can do" is a very nice boost to her esteem.
• College campus - normally campuses like to make you walk a lot. She would rather not be late for class because she had to stop five times to catch her breath.
• Smell - smokers usually smell. When she meets heavy smokers, they smell so strong. It's an annoying realization when she realizes she might smell just like them.
• Mer likes herself. Mer does not like herself when she smokes. Mer wants people to say, "Mer is a rad chick." Not, "Mer would be a rad chick, if she didn't smoke."
• Car - smoking while driving wreaks havoc on her car - wind from the open window makes ashes fly all over and often the backseats are covered in ashes, dropping a lit cigarette and causing the interior to have some cigarette burns (which is embarrassing), smelly car of course. Also cause Illinois law now gets you a citation for throwing it out the window, people also think you're a douchebag when they see you do that. Mer doesn't want to be a douchebag.
• Almost forgot: HEADACHES - before March I was getting daily headaches that couldn't seem to be helped with Advil. Advil always works for me. I didn't realize they were being caused by smoking until I quit and they went away. Then I smoked again, and they're back. Some days were worse than others, those were almost debilitating that I couldn't get out of bed. Definitely not a good sign, whatever it is. No more smoking so my head can feel okay.
• Self-preservation - I watched some of my grandparents die very slowly and painfully, and at the end became so frail and thin, and lost a lot of cognitive ability. It's a pretty stressful thing to see, I'm sure a lot of you have experienced something similar. I think the worst part of that was imagining being one of them with family always around talking loud and looking at you with sad eyes while you look like death and can't stay awake, feeling uncomfortable in a hospital bed with nurses coming in and out and waking you up at all weird times, being so weak and helpless that you always need help doing anything, even just going to the bathroom. Where am I going with this? Basically I want to do all I can to avoid all that. You never know what happens, of course, could happen to you in your late 80's or your mid 30's or anything in between. I JUST REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S SMART TO DO SOMETHING THAT COULD INCREASE YOUR RISK OF ENDING UP LIKE THAT IS ALL I'M SAYING.

Good for now, maybe I'll keep updating this.