cynical fandom mini-rant
I don't know why I have become so cynical/critical in my fandoms. I think back even just a year and a half ago, when I discovered the fun to be had for my shows on the Internet, and it seems like I was a whole different person back then. I read and enjoyed most fanfiction (as long as it was free of major grammar mistakes), I read and participated in a bunch of fun discussions on various boards, I loved watching my shows. Now I've turned into this bitter person who can't even read any fanfiction and is constantly distressed by her shows (to the extent I've even stopped watching a bunch of them).
It first started with me losing interest in discussion on boards/mailing lists. Everything just seemed so damn shallow. So, I mostly moved away from them. Then, I took a fanfic hiatus when working on my icons (except for the occasional fic when I couldn't stand to look at Photoshop a second longer). After finishing my icons for icons100, I lost all desire to do that too. I still make icons for icontests. Heck, I've won some prizes in some icontests, but it just isn't the same. I don't have the passion, the driving force anymore.
This was driven home when carrieross posted a meme about what in fanfiction made her squee and I realized I had a heck of a time coming up with anything. Adding to that was when I made my fanfic rec list and realized that pretty much everything I was rec'ing (except for Lost) was really old. So, I decided to read some fanfiction again, hoping to love my fandoms again.
I started with Danny/Martin from Without a Trace. I knew that a bunch of intelligent people were into that pairing, and I had (fairly) newly discovered slash (with Jack/Sawyer), so I decided to give it a try. I read a handful of stories and didn't like any of them. Some of them had characterization that seemed forced to me, like the author was working with different people that just happened to have the same names. I can see some chemistry between Danny and Martin, but I couldn't buy that Martin would be the aggressor in the relationship. I grew up in Martin's world. (Heck, my parents wanted to send me away to Andover, the boarding school my father (and the Bushes and other like-minded people went), a place where I could so picture Victor Fitzgerald sending Martin.) I cannot see the straight-laced, hide-his-emotions, always-in-control, WASPy Martin becoming so overcome with lust for another guy that he can't resist pushing him up against a wall of the office and kissing him passionately. I just can't. It would be different if Danny and Martin had been on Flight 815 and were trapped on a desert island in which few vestiges of normalacy remained (part of the reason I think that I like Sawyer/Jack), but in the "real" world? When he knows how much impressions matter? In a world in which he knows he is judged as a Fitzgerald first and Martin second? Even if he were secretly homosexual, I think he would be so deep in the closet due to not messing with appearances that there is no way I can buy it. I also have a problem with how Martin's relationship with Samantha was dealt with in the stories I read. I can't help it, I saw chemistry between them. In my mind, that has to be dealt with somehow (unless the story is set pre-third season), not dismissed by saying that "Martin obviously never had feelings for her." Maybe they were just physical feelings. Maybe they were just... I don't know. I just know that I didn't like what I read. And that saddens me.
Then I decided that I shouldn't be trying new stuff in the critical state I was in, so I went back to the email alerts that had been piling up (almost 400 at last count *sigh*) and started to go through them. I figured I'd begin with the Nick/Sara ones. I used to think they were a bit fluffy, but nice, which would serve two purposes... One, I wouldn't feel the need to review the stories, so I could just zip right through them. Two, I needed cheering up. Well, that didn't work. Just because I like Sara/Nick, it doesn't mean I hate Grissom; I just think that he isn't capable of having a real relationship, especially with someone as emotionally screwed up as Sara. He is not a jealous jerk, incompetant boob, or petty asshole. There is no way he'd force Sara to work a crime scene when she was obviously very, very sick. (Especially with noble Nick protesting so much about it.) Also, just because I like Sara/Nick, it doesn't mean that I want the story to be unrealistic. I am having the same problem with these stories that I did with the D/M stories. The majority of them seem to screw the story and characterization just to get the outcome that the author desires. I don't want that. I'm willing to buy a different scenario if the author can sell it to me and (most importantly) can keep the characters in character, but some of what was written... *sigh* I don't even want to go into it.
So, I went on to Martin/Samantha stories, and that was even worse! I'm sorry, but Samantha is a strong woman. She may have issues, but she's not going to be so upset over Martin breaking up with her that she'll almost punch out his new girlfriend and later cry so much while driving that she runs a red light and gets into an accident. Also, there is no freakin' way that Samantha would have agreed in Season 2 to pretend to have a romantic relationship with Martin to tease Danny, even going so far as to making out in the office. And Martin is the one that ended it! I could be made to believe that he still has feelings for Samantha, but he's not going to jump back into the screwed up, dysfunctional relationship without some major development. And don't get me started on the little details that were wrong that just added up (Martin eating Mexican food after "Viuda Negra" when he couldn't even finish a sandwich not that much before?) so I couldn't get caught up in the story.
And what is with the need of writers to frequently stick in "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" references? I don't need Sara talking about Snickers bars with Greg or Nick. I don't need Sara having a fascination with the actor George Eades (sp?) or naming her cat George. I don't need Martin watching "Now and Again". These things throw me out of what might have been a fairly well written story. (I'm not talking about their use in crack!fic, because anything goes there, and I don't expect believability with those.) And do research, people! The next time I read about someone using a cell phone in an Intensive Care Unit or in the middle of a busy ER, I swear I'm going to throw something. Also, if the author hasn't done something, could he/she either not include it or at least figure out how it's done? When playing pool, one does not win if the 8 ball goes in off the break (unless it's a house rule), and even if it is a house rule, it is pretty much impossible for it to happen four straight times! Even professionals couldn't do that on purpose, so why would a government agent be able to do that. This isn't true of all authors, of course. I've been reading an AU for LFN by nell65 and it has managed to be pretty accurate with details (at least as far as I remember my medieval history), and I read a Jack/Sawyer fic in which the author (I'm thinking uberaeryn, but I could be mistaken and don't feel like checking it out at the present moment) researched bone fractures so she could have Jack talk realistically about one. I just don't understand why all authors can't do that. I know it's not "serious" writing, but... *sigh* I know I'm being too picky. I do. That's my problem right now.
After all of that ranting, I did find a couple of stories that I liked (mostly in the world of Jack/Sawyer of Lost and for LFN, although I did also find the continuation of alethialia's Calleigh and Eric series which I liked and I've been reading demonqueen666's vampire Tony series), so I know that I'm not incapable of enjoying myself. I also know that there are some authors that I enjoy that I haven't gotten to yet. (Mostly this is because I know I'll want to review, so I want to take the time to read them, not rush through them, but also because I'm a bit worried that after all this, they won't live up to my memories/expectations, and I don't think I could take that right now.) I just want to know why I have gotten so picky and how I can go back to being happy with most anything. I want my joy back in my fandoms, damn it! I want to enjoy reading fanfiction, making icons, writing reviews ("Viuda Negra" is partially done, but it has been stuck at the same spot for days), discussing my shows, even just watching my shows. I wish I knew how to do that...
It first started with me losing interest in discussion on boards/mailing lists. Everything just seemed so damn shallow. So, I mostly moved away from them. Then, I took a fanfic hiatus when working on my icons (except for the occasional fic when I couldn't stand to look at Photoshop a second longer). After finishing my icons for icons100, I lost all desire to do that too. I still make icons for icontests. Heck, I've won some prizes in some icontests, but it just isn't the same. I don't have the passion, the driving force anymore.
This was driven home when carrieross posted a meme about what in fanfiction made her squee and I realized I had a heck of a time coming up with anything. Adding to that was when I made my fanfic rec list and realized that pretty much everything I was rec'ing (except for Lost) was really old. So, I decided to read some fanfiction again, hoping to love my fandoms again.
I started with Danny/Martin from Without a Trace. I knew that a bunch of intelligent people were into that pairing, and I had (fairly) newly discovered slash (with Jack/Sawyer), so I decided to give it a try. I read a handful of stories and didn't like any of them. Some of them had characterization that seemed forced to me, like the author was working with different people that just happened to have the same names. I can see some chemistry between Danny and Martin, but I couldn't buy that Martin would be the aggressor in the relationship. I grew up in Martin's world. (Heck, my parents wanted to send me away to Andover, the boarding school my father (and the Bushes and other like-minded people went), a place where I could so picture Victor Fitzgerald sending Martin.) I cannot see the straight-laced, hide-his-emotions, always-in-control, WASPy Martin becoming so overcome with lust for another guy that he can't resist pushing him up against a wall of the office and kissing him passionately. I just can't. It would be different if Danny and Martin had been on Flight 815 and were trapped on a desert island in which few vestiges of normalacy remained (part of the reason I think that I like Sawyer/Jack), but in the "real" world? When he knows how much impressions matter? In a world in which he knows he is judged as a Fitzgerald first and Martin second? Even if he were secretly homosexual, I think he would be so deep in the closet due to not messing with appearances that there is no way I can buy it. I also have a problem with how Martin's relationship with Samantha was dealt with in the stories I read. I can't help it, I saw chemistry between them. In my mind, that has to be dealt with somehow (unless the story is set pre-third season), not dismissed by saying that "Martin obviously never had feelings for her." Maybe they were just physical feelings. Maybe they were just... I don't know. I just know that I didn't like what I read. And that saddens me.
Then I decided that I shouldn't be trying new stuff in the critical state I was in, so I went back to the email alerts that had been piling up (almost 400 at last count *sigh*) and started to go through them. I figured I'd begin with the Nick/Sara ones. I used to think they were a bit fluffy, but nice, which would serve two purposes... One, I wouldn't feel the need to review the stories, so I could just zip right through them. Two, I needed cheering up. Well, that didn't work. Just because I like Sara/Nick, it doesn't mean I hate Grissom; I just think that he isn't capable of having a real relationship, especially with someone as emotionally screwed up as Sara. He is not a jealous jerk, incompetant boob, or petty asshole. There is no way he'd force Sara to work a crime scene when she was obviously very, very sick. (Especially with noble Nick protesting so much about it.) Also, just because I like Sara/Nick, it doesn't mean that I want the story to be unrealistic. I am having the same problem with these stories that I did with the D/M stories. The majority of them seem to screw the story and characterization just to get the outcome that the author desires. I don't want that. I'm willing to buy a different scenario if the author can sell it to me and (most importantly) can keep the characters in character, but some of what was written... *sigh* I don't even want to go into it.
So, I went on to Martin/Samantha stories, and that was even worse! I'm sorry, but Samantha is a strong woman. She may have issues, but she's not going to be so upset over Martin breaking up with her that she'll almost punch out his new girlfriend and later cry so much while driving that she runs a red light and gets into an accident. Also, there is no freakin' way that Samantha would have agreed in Season 2 to pretend to have a romantic relationship with Martin to tease Danny, even going so far as to making out in the office. And Martin is the one that ended it! I could be made to believe that he still has feelings for Samantha, but he's not going to jump back into the screwed up, dysfunctional relationship without some major development. And don't get me started on the little details that were wrong that just added up (Martin eating Mexican food after "Viuda Negra" when he couldn't even finish a sandwich not that much before?) so I couldn't get caught up in the story.
And what is with the need of writers to frequently stick in "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" references? I don't need Sara talking about Snickers bars with Greg or Nick. I don't need Sara having a fascination with the actor George Eades (sp?) or naming her cat George. I don't need Martin watching "Now and Again". These things throw me out of what might have been a fairly well written story. (I'm not talking about their use in crack!fic, because anything goes there, and I don't expect believability with those.) And do research, people! The next time I read about someone using a cell phone in an Intensive Care Unit or in the middle of a busy ER, I swear I'm going to throw something. Also, if the author hasn't done something, could he/she either not include it or at least figure out how it's done? When playing pool, one does not win if the 8 ball goes in off the break (unless it's a house rule), and even if it is a house rule, it is pretty much impossible for it to happen four straight times! Even professionals couldn't do that on purpose, so why would a government agent be able to do that. This isn't true of all authors, of course. I've been reading an AU for LFN by nell65 and it has managed to be pretty accurate with details (at least as far as I remember my medieval history), and I read a Jack/Sawyer fic in which the author (I'm thinking uberaeryn, but I could be mistaken and don't feel like checking it out at the present moment) researched bone fractures so she could have Jack talk realistically about one. I just don't understand why all authors can't do that. I know it's not "serious" writing, but... *sigh* I know I'm being too picky. I do. That's my problem right now.
After all of that ranting, I did find a couple of stories that I liked (mostly in the world of Jack/Sawyer of Lost and for LFN, although I did also find the continuation of alethialia's Calleigh and Eric series which I liked and I've been reading demonqueen666's vampire Tony series), so I know that I'm not incapable of enjoying myself. I also know that there are some authors that I enjoy that I haven't gotten to yet. (Mostly this is because I know I'll want to review, so I want to take the time to read them, not rush through them, but also because I'm a bit worried that after all this, they won't live up to my memories/expectations, and I don't think I could take that right now.) I just want to know why I have gotten so picky and how I can go back to being happy with most anything. I want my joy back in my fandoms, damn it! I want to enjoy reading fanfiction, making icons, writing reviews ("Viuda Negra" is partially done, but it has been stuck at the same spot for days), discussing my shows, even just watching my shows. I wish I knew how to do that...