Second Life
I looked at the pile of papers in front of me and the words came spilling out. Suddenly I had so much to say. So many letters I wanted to write; filled with words that had so much feeling that I wrote down quickly as not to forget them. For my first few hours of my second life I learned how to breathe again. Sometimes I forgot to breathe in the midst of writing; the pen strokes blinding me from needing oxygen. I was scared I would regress. A breeze came through an open window that I had not noticed before. The breeze gave me chills which frightened me to remembering the cold panic I had experienced while I was dead. To feel anything at this point was a miracle so I tried not to be frightened.
My hand started to ache from moving too quickly so I laid the pen down to massage out the tension. I stood for the first time feeling the strength of my legs, an empowering feeling of control I had not felt in a very long time. I went to the window and took a deep breath taking in as much life as I could. I could not make much of the outside world yet, for outside of the window everything was white like an empty canvas. I told myself that my eyes were still adjusting. I was perfectly content writing for now, the world would have to wait on being explored. I returned to the desk in astonishment to find that the papers I had been writing on for hours were now blank.
It was then or very soon after that I learned my first lesson in the new life.
I started to shake. I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost and confused and a little angry. These pages…and their contents were all I had. There were letters and pages upon pages filled with apologies to my family and to my friends. All of the letters were explaining me to them for my actions in my first life. Now, they were all gone. Then it clicked like an idea lingering in the fog waiting for me to allow the clearing,
that none of it mattered anymore. None of it mattered in this life. I was not sure that those people even existed anymore. The second life was a re-birthing experience. The past was there, but was not present. The future was present but had not been decided by me. The pages were blank, waiting for me to decide my fate, whenever that would be, however that would be, and should it be.
My hand started to ache from moving too quickly so I laid the pen down to massage out the tension. I stood for the first time feeling the strength of my legs, an empowering feeling of control I had not felt in a very long time. I went to the window and took a deep breath taking in as much life as I could. I could not make much of the outside world yet, for outside of the window everything was white like an empty canvas. I told myself that my eyes were still adjusting. I was perfectly content writing for now, the world would have to wait on being explored. I returned to the desk in astonishment to find that the papers I had been writing on for hours were now blank.
It was then or very soon after that I learned my first lesson in the new life.
I started to shake. I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost and confused and a little angry. These pages…and their contents were all I had. There were letters and pages upon pages filled with apologies to my family and to my friends. All of the letters were explaining me to them for my actions in my first life. Now, they were all gone. Then it clicked like an idea lingering in the fog waiting for me to allow the clearing,
that none of it mattered anymore. None of it mattered in this life. I was not sure that those people even existed anymore. The second life was a re-birthing experience. The past was there, but was not present. The future was present but had not been decided by me. The pages were blank, waiting for me to decide my fate, whenever that would be, however that would be, and should it be.