Longing to Belong - Chapter 25
Chapter 25
Birch Creek, August 2003
“Caught ya!!!” Lou cried after four-year-old Frank Cain, squatting behind his mother’s china cabinet. The boy and Louise had been playing hide-and-seek for over an hour, and even though she was three times the boy’s age, he outdid her, and whenever it was her turn to seek, it took her longer than she had thought. Frank knew all the best hiding places, and because of his size, he could slide in the most unlikely nooks.
Louise came behind the boy and tickled his sides. “I say I got you!!!” Lou exclaimed. Frank turned round on his haunches with a wide smile, and gave her a playful push, sending her onto the floor. With a mischievous glint in his eye, the boy held up his hands with his index finger and thumb pressed together as if they were a crab’s pincers. Lou foresaw his intentions. “Oh no, Frankie! Don’t you dare!”
Frank smiled, and even though Lou could have scrambled to her feet easily and escaped, she stayed put, lying on the floor. In fact, she liked playing with Frank, even in games she was too old to enjoy. “Tickle, tickle,” The boy said as his little fingers reached for Lou’s sides. “Oh don’t Frank, don’t!” Louise was very sensitive and ticklish, and this was a favorite game for Frank, who loved seeing her surrogate cousin writhing and squirming as she laughed uncontrollably. “Please stop… st… stop,” she tried to say among peals of laughter, but the boy was on a roll.
Steps resounded nearby. “Frank, leave your poor cousin alone.” After his mother’s rebuke the boy stopped his ministrations at once, and still lying flat on the floor, she heard rather than saw Emma addressing her. “Louise, look what a surprise I have for you.”
Breathless and still chuckling, Lou sat up, and her eyes widened in joy when she saw her father. “Dad!!!” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet and running to him for a hug. Her motions, though, slowed down when she pulled back and saw Rachel. “Hello, Rachel,” she muttered, feeling self-conscious and unsure how to greet her. She had no wish to hug her if that was what was expected from her.
“Hello, sweetheart,” Rachel greeted her, patting her on the head. “It seems you’re having a good time.” When she had stepped in alongside Emma and Teaspoon, the sound of Lou’s laughter had echoed throughout the apartment. It was the first time Rachel had heard the girl laugh. In fact, it was the first time she had had a peek at Lou’s unguarded personality, the picture Teaspoon always drew of her, but so far Rachel hadn’t seen any of the ebullient, happy girl that he claimed Louise was.
Lou shrugged her shoulders, and at once Rachel could see that the mask was back on, and the girl of seconds ago was gone. “I… I thought you were coming back tomorrow.”
“Well, there was a tropical storm alarm down there, so we decided to cut our stay short. We were lucky to change our plane tickets as there were more people who had the same idea, and by then there were no available seats,” Teaspoon explained. “Aren’t you pleased to see your old man?”
“Y…yes,” Lou hedged. In reality, she was glad to see her dad, but with him came the responsibility of living with Rachel and her sons. “It’s… it’s just I was having so much fun with Cousin Frank. Can I stay here tonight, too?”
Teaspoon shook his head. “We don’t want to keep bothering Aunt Emma when there’s no need.”
“She hasn’t been a bother… she never is. She’s been as good as gold,” Emma remarked, seeing the girl’s disappointed face.
“You have your plate full as it is with a lively four-year-old and a baby, Emma. Besides, we want all the family together on our first night in the house.”
Emma nodded while Lou looked away, trying to hide her feelings of dejection and hurt from everybody. “Come on, Loulabelle. I’ll help you pack.” Louise reluctantly shuffled towards the room where she had stayed all these days and hardly registered Emma’s voice telling Rachel and Teaspoon to make themselves at home. Once in the room Louise retrieved her small suitcase and unzipped it. Emma walked in just as the girl was hurling her clothes into the case carelessly.
“Louise,” Emma tutted disapprovingly, and gently snatched a T-shirt from her hand and neatly folded it before placing it in the suitcase. Likewise she arranged the other garments that Lou had shoved in her carry-on so unceremoniously. When Emma looked up, she noticed the girl’s defensive posture, arms folded and chin up as if she were expecting some kind of verbal attack. “What’s wrong, Lou?” the woman asked, straightening up and taking a step closer to the girl.
“Nothing.”
“Aren’t you happy to go with your dad to your new house?”
Lou’s lip jutted out in an indifferent expression. “I didn’t choose to live there.”
“But it’s a beautiful place, honey!”
“But they’ll also be there!” Lou blurted out, unable to keep her tongue in check any longer.
Emma scrunched up her face in confusion. “Do you mean Rachel?” Louise kept quiet, and the woman added, “I think she’s a very nice lady, and soon you’ll realize how good it’ll be for you to have a woman at home.”
Lou couldn’t say anything against Rachel because the truth was that there was nothing to say. Beside, it was clear whose side Emma was on, and she was not so silly as to speak against an adult. “It’s not her,” she lied. “It’s her sons. They… they’re horrible.”
“Are they?” Lou nodded her head, and Emma carried on, “Teenagers are often difficult and in a few years you’ll be on yourself. It’s just a stage we people have to go through, but the good news is that it’s not permanent, and I’m sure you’ll grow fond of your new stepbrothers eventually. After all, you don’t know them that well, do you?”
“And I have no desire to get to know them better,” Lou stated stubbornly. Emma did not say another word. The girl had clearly made up her mind about her feelings, so nothing would make her budge. Emma knew, though, that with time Lou will come to like and even grow fond of the members of her new family.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sitting in the back of the car, Louise remained silent as Rachel drove her car towards their home. Teaspoon kept chattering about their honeymoon trip and how one day they could all there together as a family. Lou did not comment on his enthusiastic account, but she cringed inwardly at the idea of going on a trip or anywhere for that matter with those two stupid boys. That was what things were going to be like from now on, she thought, and she could say goodbye to any moments alone with her father. Now, it seemed, she had to share him, not only with Rachel, but with her two sons, who were nothing to him or Lou.
Rachel pulled over, and Lou climbed out of the car. Teaspoon pulled her suitcase out of the truck, and as they sauntered to the house, he said, “It seems the boys are already home.”
There was light in one of the rooms downstairs, so the conclusion was obvious. “I told them to be here before dinner, and they’ve heeded me… for once.”
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Lou felt as if her heart was in tatters. ‘This is it. Here’s my pathetic life from now on,’ she sulked in silence. Unlike the first time she had set foot inside, the house was now fully furnished. The hall and the living room was now full with an assortment of new and old furniture. The sofa, the curtains, and the cabinets were brand new, and she could also identify some pieces that had been in her old apartment like the mirror in the hall or the still-life that had hung on the wall in her former living room. Lou could not deny that the house looked cozy and welcoming, but she could not help but feel like an unwanted guest. This was not her home or her family, and will never be.
The rumble of footsteps resounded in the silence and Cody and Jimmy emerged from the corridor. They rushed to hug their mother and Teaspoon, eagerly asking them about their trip. “We had a wonderful time,” Rachel said in a sing-song voice, “but we were actually looking forward to being back home and with the family. We missed you.” Jimmy snorted derisively and Cody rolled his eyes, reactions Rachel was used to receiving from her sons when, according to them, she became corny. “And here we are finally… and Louise.”
Lou felt self-conscious all of a sudden as Rachel brought attention to her. The two brothers turned their eyes to the girl. Jimmy glanced at her indifferently but was polite enough to say, “Hey, kiddo.” His younger brother, however, had not qualms to openly stare at her with a mocking expression, smirking at her. Lou had no idea what this silly boy found so amusing or why his mother did not tell him off for his rude manners.
Lou did not say a word to either brother and turned her head to her father. “May I go upstairs and leave my things in my room?” Teaspoon nodded his permission, and taking her suitcase from him, she slowly mounted the stairs towards her new bedroom. Opening the door, she walked in, dropped the case onto the floor and heaved a sigh. This could be her dream room as it had every single detail she had told her father she liked, but she did not want it. The furniture was the set she had seen in the publicity booklet from that popular store in town, and it was arranged exactly as she liked. The bedding and the curtains were her choice too, and looked even more beautiful than when they had been bought. Her toys and books were tidily placed on the several shelves in the room, and there was even a brand new laptop that Teaspoon had bought for her as a treat. Everything was perfect, and she could not wish for anything else. Yet she did not feel happy. She couldn’t. This wasn’t the life she wanted, but it’s what she now had to put up with.
Sighing again, Lou opened her suitcase and pulled her few things out of it. The bag with her dirty laundry was left to the side, and then she started folding her clean underwear in a neat pile. Spotting a drawer in her bedside table, she thought to place her undies there. When she opened it, a loud yell escaped her lips and the pile of underwear dropped from her arms onto the floor as she jumped in fright and landed on the bed. There was something in the drawer she had seen crawl or maybe even slither, and now from where she remained frozen, she could see a leg and damp, leathery skin as the creature tried to get out.
Suddenly, laughter echoed in the room, and shifting her attention from the creepy creature, she saw Cody. He was leaning against the door jamb, laughing his head off. “You should see your face!!! As white as a ghost!!!” Then he marched inside the room towards the bedside table, and with a swift motion, he grabbed the animal that had scared Lou out of her wits just a few seconds ago. “Meet Hercules, my newt.”
Lou remained where she was. Even in Cody’s safe hands, the small amphibian gave her the creeps. “You put that… that in my room… in my drawer!!!” she exclaimed angrily.
“Just a little welcoming gift, that’s all. You know, just for a laugh.”
“I’m not laughing! You see me laughing, you moron?”
Her words made Cody crack up again. “You’re so high-strung for a child. What’s wrong with you? Just chill out, and smile a bit more. It must be pretty boring to be someone as dry as you, gosh!”
“Will you leave me alone!!!” Louise snapped, feeling more and more furious by the minute. Who did he believe he was to talk to her like that? Oh how she hated him!!!
“All right, all right. I’ll go and leave you relishing your own misery,” Cody said as he started towards the door, and before stepping out of the room, he turned and added, “Teaspoon is kind of cool, but you… of all the girls in the whole world we got the worst one!”
“Go away!!!” Lou cried and even hurled a cushion in his direction, which Cody did not even see as he was already out of the bedroom. Lou stayed there, angry but also very sad. She hated this new life she had been forced to accept. How would she be able to cope with all this? How could her father allow her life to be ruined like that? Didn’t he care for her any longer? Maybe he didn’t, and all of a sudden, Lou felt lonely… so lonely that the tears started cascading down her cheeks, mourning for the life she had loved so much and had lost.
Birch Creek, August 2003
“Caught ya!!!” Lou cried after four-year-old Frank Cain, squatting behind his mother’s china cabinet. The boy and Louise had been playing hide-and-seek for over an hour, and even though she was three times the boy’s age, he outdid her, and whenever it was her turn to seek, it took her longer than she had thought. Frank knew all the best hiding places, and because of his size, he could slide in the most unlikely nooks.
Louise came behind the boy and tickled his sides. “I say I got you!!!” Lou exclaimed. Frank turned round on his haunches with a wide smile, and gave her a playful push, sending her onto the floor. With a mischievous glint in his eye, the boy held up his hands with his index finger and thumb pressed together as if they were a crab’s pincers. Lou foresaw his intentions. “Oh no, Frankie! Don’t you dare!”
Frank smiled, and even though Lou could have scrambled to her feet easily and escaped, she stayed put, lying on the floor. In fact, she liked playing with Frank, even in games she was too old to enjoy. “Tickle, tickle,” The boy said as his little fingers reached for Lou’s sides. “Oh don’t Frank, don’t!” Louise was very sensitive and ticklish, and this was a favorite game for Frank, who loved seeing her surrogate cousin writhing and squirming as she laughed uncontrollably. “Please stop… st… stop,” she tried to say among peals of laughter, but the boy was on a roll.
Steps resounded nearby. “Frank, leave your poor cousin alone.” After his mother’s rebuke the boy stopped his ministrations at once, and still lying flat on the floor, she heard rather than saw Emma addressing her. “Louise, look what a surprise I have for you.”
Breathless and still chuckling, Lou sat up, and her eyes widened in joy when she saw her father. “Dad!!!” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet and running to him for a hug. Her motions, though, slowed down when she pulled back and saw Rachel. “Hello, Rachel,” she muttered, feeling self-conscious and unsure how to greet her. She had no wish to hug her if that was what was expected from her.
“Hello, sweetheart,” Rachel greeted her, patting her on the head. “It seems you’re having a good time.” When she had stepped in alongside Emma and Teaspoon, the sound of Lou’s laughter had echoed throughout the apartment. It was the first time Rachel had heard the girl laugh. In fact, it was the first time she had had a peek at Lou’s unguarded personality, the picture Teaspoon always drew of her, but so far Rachel hadn’t seen any of the ebullient, happy girl that he claimed Louise was.
Lou shrugged her shoulders, and at once Rachel could see that the mask was back on, and the girl of seconds ago was gone. “I… I thought you were coming back tomorrow.”
“Well, there was a tropical storm alarm down there, so we decided to cut our stay short. We were lucky to change our plane tickets as there were more people who had the same idea, and by then there were no available seats,” Teaspoon explained. “Aren’t you pleased to see your old man?”
“Y…yes,” Lou hedged. In reality, she was glad to see her dad, but with him came the responsibility of living with Rachel and her sons. “It’s… it’s just I was having so much fun with Cousin Frank. Can I stay here tonight, too?”
Teaspoon shook his head. “We don’t want to keep bothering Aunt Emma when there’s no need.”
“She hasn’t been a bother… she never is. She’s been as good as gold,” Emma remarked, seeing the girl’s disappointed face.
“You have your plate full as it is with a lively four-year-old and a baby, Emma. Besides, we want all the family together on our first night in the house.”
Emma nodded while Lou looked away, trying to hide her feelings of dejection and hurt from everybody. “Come on, Loulabelle. I’ll help you pack.” Louise reluctantly shuffled towards the room where she had stayed all these days and hardly registered Emma’s voice telling Rachel and Teaspoon to make themselves at home. Once in the room Louise retrieved her small suitcase and unzipped it. Emma walked in just as the girl was hurling her clothes into the case carelessly.
“Louise,” Emma tutted disapprovingly, and gently snatched a T-shirt from her hand and neatly folded it before placing it in the suitcase. Likewise she arranged the other garments that Lou had shoved in her carry-on so unceremoniously. When Emma looked up, she noticed the girl’s defensive posture, arms folded and chin up as if she were expecting some kind of verbal attack. “What’s wrong, Lou?” the woman asked, straightening up and taking a step closer to the girl.
“Nothing.”
“Aren’t you happy to go with your dad to your new house?”
Lou’s lip jutted out in an indifferent expression. “I didn’t choose to live there.”
“But it’s a beautiful place, honey!”
“But they’ll also be there!” Lou blurted out, unable to keep her tongue in check any longer.
Emma scrunched up her face in confusion. “Do you mean Rachel?” Louise kept quiet, and the woman added, “I think she’s a very nice lady, and soon you’ll realize how good it’ll be for you to have a woman at home.”
Lou couldn’t say anything against Rachel because the truth was that there was nothing to say. Beside, it was clear whose side Emma was on, and she was not so silly as to speak against an adult. “It’s not her,” she lied. “It’s her sons. They… they’re horrible.”
“Are they?” Lou nodded her head, and Emma carried on, “Teenagers are often difficult and in a few years you’ll be on yourself. It’s just a stage we people have to go through, but the good news is that it’s not permanent, and I’m sure you’ll grow fond of your new stepbrothers eventually. After all, you don’t know them that well, do you?”
“And I have no desire to get to know them better,” Lou stated stubbornly. Emma did not say another word. The girl had clearly made up her mind about her feelings, so nothing would make her budge. Emma knew, though, that with time Lou will come to like and even grow fond of the members of her new family.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sitting in the back of the car, Louise remained silent as Rachel drove her car towards their home. Teaspoon kept chattering about their honeymoon trip and how one day they could all there together as a family. Lou did not comment on his enthusiastic account, but she cringed inwardly at the idea of going on a trip or anywhere for that matter with those two stupid boys. That was what things were going to be like from now on, she thought, and she could say goodbye to any moments alone with her father. Now, it seemed, she had to share him, not only with Rachel, but with her two sons, who were nothing to him or Lou.
Rachel pulled over, and Lou climbed out of the car. Teaspoon pulled her suitcase out of the truck, and as they sauntered to the house, he said, “It seems the boys are already home.”
There was light in one of the rooms downstairs, so the conclusion was obvious. “I told them to be here before dinner, and they’ve heeded me… for once.”
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Lou felt as if her heart was in tatters. ‘This is it. Here’s my pathetic life from now on,’ she sulked in silence. Unlike the first time she had set foot inside, the house was now fully furnished. The hall and the living room was now full with an assortment of new and old furniture. The sofa, the curtains, and the cabinets were brand new, and she could also identify some pieces that had been in her old apartment like the mirror in the hall or the still-life that had hung on the wall in her former living room. Lou could not deny that the house looked cozy and welcoming, but she could not help but feel like an unwanted guest. This was not her home or her family, and will never be.
The rumble of footsteps resounded in the silence and Cody and Jimmy emerged from the corridor. They rushed to hug their mother and Teaspoon, eagerly asking them about their trip. “We had a wonderful time,” Rachel said in a sing-song voice, “but we were actually looking forward to being back home and with the family. We missed you.” Jimmy snorted derisively and Cody rolled his eyes, reactions Rachel was used to receiving from her sons when, according to them, she became corny. “And here we are finally… and Louise.”
Lou felt self-conscious all of a sudden as Rachel brought attention to her. The two brothers turned their eyes to the girl. Jimmy glanced at her indifferently but was polite enough to say, “Hey, kiddo.” His younger brother, however, had not qualms to openly stare at her with a mocking expression, smirking at her. Lou had no idea what this silly boy found so amusing or why his mother did not tell him off for his rude manners.
Lou did not say a word to either brother and turned her head to her father. “May I go upstairs and leave my things in my room?” Teaspoon nodded his permission, and taking her suitcase from him, she slowly mounted the stairs towards her new bedroom. Opening the door, she walked in, dropped the case onto the floor and heaved a sigh. This could be her dream room as it had every single detail she had told her father she liked, but she did not want it. The furniture was the set she had seen in the publicity booklet from that popular store in town, and it was arranged exactly as she liked. The bedding and the curtains were her choice too, and looked even more beautiful than when they had been bought. Her toys and books were tidily placed on the several shelves in the room, and there was even a brand new laptop that Teaspoon had bought for her as a treat. Everything was perfect, and she could not wish for anything else. Yet she did not feel happy. She couldn’t. This wasn’t the life she wanted, but it’s what she now had to put up with.
Sighing again, Lou opened her suitcase and pulled her few things out of it. The bag with her dirty laundry was left to the side, and then she started folding her clean underwear in a neat pile. Spotting a drawer in her bedside table, she thought to place her undies there. When she opened it, a loud yell escaped her lips and the pile of underwear dropped from her arms onto the floor as she jumped in fright and landed on the bed. There was something in the drawer she had seen crawl or maybe even slither, and now from where she remained frozen, she could see a leg and damp, leathery skin as the creature tried to get out.
Suddenly, laughter echoed in the room, and shifting her attention from the creepy creature, she saw Cody. He was leaning against the door jamb, laughing his head off. “You should see your face!!! As white as a ghost!!!” Then he marched inside the room towards the bedside table, and with a swift motion, he grabbed the animal that had scared Lou out of her wits just a few seconds ago. “Meet Hercules, my newt.”
Lou remained where she was. Even in Cody’s safe hands, the small amphibian gave her the creeps. “You put that… that in my room… in my drawer!!!” she exclaimed angrily.
“Just a little welcoming gift, that’s all. You know, just for a laugh.”
“I’m not laughing! You see me laughing, you moron?”
Her words made Cody crack up again. “You’re so high-strung for a child. What’s wrong with you? Just chill out, and smile a bit more. It must be pretty boring to be someone as dry as you, gosh!”
“Will you leave me alone!!!” Louise snapped, feeling more and more furious by the minute. Who did he believe he was to talk to her like that? Oh how she hated him!!!
“All right, all right. I’ll go and leave you relishing your own misery,” Cody said as he started towards the door, and before stepping out of the room, he turned and added, “Teaspoon is kind of cool, but you… of all the girls in the whole world we got the worst one!”
“Go away!!!” Lou cried and even hurled a cushion in his direction, which Cody did not even see as he was already out of the bedroom. Lou stayed there, angry but also very sad. She hated this new life she had been forced to accept. How would she be able to cope with all this? How could her father allow her life to be ruined like that? Didn’t he care for her any longer? Maybe he didn’t, and all of a sudden, Lou felt lonely… so lonely that the tears started cascading down her cheeks, mourning for the life she had loved so much and had lost.