Longing to Belong - Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Birch Creek, November 2001
The summer had been the best Lou could remember. That is, except for when her mom had been alive and fine. This summer would be remembered as the one she’d had her dad all the time, and they had had so much fun. Teaspoon had been convalescent after being shot, so he devoted all his energies to his girl. Lou was now ten. Her little girl was growing up too fast, and he wanted to make the most of this sweet time her childhood was. Soon she’d stop being a child and would drift away from him, which he knew was the next logical step in life. This time would never come back again, so it was very important for him to be there for Lou and make memories which would be his consolation and company when he became a lonely old man.
The only hindrance during the summer was his slow recovery. The big scar in his stomach was still sore, which restrained his movement. So he was unable to completely relish the pleasure of those moments in which he played and spent time with Lou. Any strong physical activity was out of bounds for many weeks, and when his body gradually returned to his old shape, it was the end of the school vacation and the end of their chance to be together without worries.
When Louise went back to school at the end of the summer, Teaspoon found himself bored out of his wits. Most of his friends were busy at work or other responsibilities every day, so he spent some very dull weeks. The summer had been a joy and delight, and not once did he miss his usual daily routine, but now he couldn’t wait to finally be given a clean bill of health which would allow him to be active again.
That took place in the middle of September. However, his eagerness to return to work was dampened by the reception he got at home. Louise received the news badly, and after the initial shock, she begged and pleaded with him to stay put. Although Teaspoon reasoned with her that he couldn’t stay inactive forever as there were bills to pay and food and clothes to buy. Naturally, even though Louise listened to him and seemed to understand, she also had her own arguments. She kept insisting that he should find another job, and for her ten-year-old self, the matter was simple. She even suggested he get a job in the new McDonald’s in the neighborhood as he had seen notices at its windows. Teaspoon could have laughed, but Lou was serious, and with all the patience he managed to muster, he explained that he couldn’t see himself serving burgers. And to sever the topic there, he also told her that it was to late for him to start in a new job, and the only thing he could do well is to be a cop. Teaspoon wasn’t sure if Lou accepted his explanation, but she didn’t say anything else about the matter. In no time, Teaspoon reasoned, did she surely get used to the idea of having to put up with her daddy’s profession.
The day he returned to work, his mates welcomed him enthusiastically; they even put up a big banner in the office with a bit ‘welcome’ painted on it. The first few days were a bit demanding. The time he had been on sick leave had left him a bit rusty and out of kilter, and after those first days, he easily fell into the pace of things. Life returned to normal, and everything was smooth, or at least, that was what he thought.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Louise McCloud!”
The sharp tone startled Lou and, as she met her teacher’s intense glance, she realized all eyes were on her. “Yes, Miss Rowan?”
The teacher folded her arms. “Daydreaming again, are we, Louise?” The girl did not attempt to deny her teacher’s comment. There was no point because she would not understand. Miss Rowan had been her new teacher since September, and even though she missed Mrs. Cain, Lou also liked this new teacher. She was nice. The problem was that things hadn’t been the same for a while, and her school work had gone downhill. Although Lou tried her best, she simply couldn’t do any better.
“Let me repeat the question. What are the main mountain ranges in the American continent?”
Lou kept quiet, concentrating and willing her mind to come up with the answer. As nothing bubbled up, Lou slowly shook her head. “I’m sorry, Miss. I don’t know.”
The teacher pulled a disappointed face, and she asked another girl the question, who answered perfectly. Lou sighed and lowered her eyes to her geography book, trying to memorize the data in the page as Miss Rowan asked the class to do. Yet, Lou’s mind was unable to focus and kept drifting. A shadow then fell over the book, and when she looked up, she found Miss Rowan by her side. “Everything all right, Louise?”
“Yes, Miss.”
The woman stooped and in a soft voice, she said, “I… I’m a little worried about you, Louise.” The girl frowned, and the teacher added. “You seem distracted and tired all the time, and I don’t need to tell you that you aren’t doing very well in school. It really surprises me because all your reports in previous years are brilliant.” The woman stopped briefly, and then asked, “Are there any problems at home, Louise? Maybe I should have a word with your stepfather.”
Lou panicked at once. “There are no problems. No problems at all. But please don’t speak to my father, Miss Rowan.”
“So then what’s happening?”
“I… I don’t know. I just find it difficult to learn things this year. But I promise I’ll work harder. Just don’t tell my dad, please. I don’t want him to worry.”
The teacher opened her mouth to speak, but the bell announcing the end of the school day thwarted her intentions. In just a few minutes her pupils raucously picked up her books and were ready to leave, and before the teacher could say anything else, Louise had scurried away.
Once outside Lou stood at the gates, and strained her eyes to locate her father. However, she did not see him anywhere, and instead, she saw Mr. Cain walking towards her and waving. Suddenly, in a flash she was transported back to that horrible day when Mr. and Mrs. Cain had picked her from school and told her that Papa Teaspoon had been wounded. Not again. Please, not again. Her body started trembling even though her whole skin felt boiling. Her heart pounded strangely fast, and a terrible weight in her chest prevented her from breathing properly.
Sam Cain started to run towards when he saw the girl sobbing. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
Lou opened her mouth, but she could not speak. Her breath came out in puffs, and hiccupping sounds shook her as she kept sobbing. “Emma! Emma!” Sam called urgently, and Lou felt rather than heard her former teacher’s voice, but she could not make out the words. The light around her seemed to fade, and darkness crept into her mind. Then her senses also vanished, and Lou did not hear the panicky screams around her as the world disappeared around her as she fell.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Louise opened her eyes and for a few seconds she was dazed by light. As she was gradually able to make out the shapes around her, she realized she was lying on a bed, which was definitely not hers, in too white a room, but surrounded by familiar faces. Teaspoon was staring at her with a concerned expression, and when he noticed her open eye, he smiled and reached out for her hand. “Lou! How are you, honey?”
“Uh… fine.”
“You gave us all a good fright,” Sam Cain remarked.
“A fright? Why?” Lou asked. All she remembered was coming out of the school, and not seeing her dad, she had felt scared sick. Now she wondered if all that had been a dream because Papa Teaspoon was here with him, so nothing had happened to him as she had feared.
“You fainted, Lullabelle. Thank goodness, Sam caught you in time, or you’d have hit your pretty face against the hard tarmac.”
“I… I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Teaspoon said. “Your sugar levels were very low, and your body simply sent you a warning signal.”
“But you’ll be back into shape in no time.” A voice Lou did not recognize remarked, and as she turned her head to the right, she saw a man in a white gown looming over her. She also noticed that her arm was hooked onto an IV.
“Am I in hospital?” Teaspoon nodded, and his confirmation only triggered a negative reaction. “But I’m fine! I don’t want to stay here, dad! Please!”
“Lou, your system is a bit topsy-turvy, but as soon as things are under control again, we’ll go home.”
“Your dad’s right. We’re keeping you overnight for observation, but you’ll probably be able to leave tomorrow.”
Lou ignored the doctor’s words and focused all her attention on Teaspoon. “But you’ll stay with me, won’t you, dad?”
Teaspoon smiled. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you, honey.”
The doctor left the room, and Emma and Sam followed suit a few minutes later, promising to visit her again at the hospital or at home the next day. Once alone Teaspoon sat on the edge of the bed. “How are you really feeling, Lou?” Teaspoon asked again.
“Fine.”
Teaspoon breathed in before he asked his next question. “What happened today at school, Lou? Sam said you were very upset when she saw you. Did someone do or say anything to you?”
“No, dad.”
“Then why were you crying?”
“I… I got scared.”
“Scared? Why?”
“Because… because when I didn’t see you there, I… I thought it was like last time, and you were wounded.”
“Oh Lou!” Teaspoon exclaimed, his stomach in knots on realizing that he had indirectly brought this turn upon his girl. “You shouldn’t worry so much about me, honey.”
“I can’t help it!!!” Lou almost cried, and before she could register what she was doing, the torturous thoughts and fears that had been tormenting her for long weeks poured out of her mouth. “It’s all I can think about! I have nightmares every night, and I can’t concentrate in class because I’m scared stiff that you’re in danger all the time at work! I only stop worrying when you’re with me, dad.” Lou brought her hand to cover her mouth when she realized what she had said. She had done her best to hide her fears and concerns from her father as she did not want to worry him. If he fretted over her, he would be distracted at work and unable to do his job well, so he could be shot again.
Teaspoon stared at her in silence for a few seconds. Emma had told him that Lou’s teacher had some concerns about his girl because she was doing very poorly at school and seemed to be in the clouds most of the time. “Lou, you must worry about me. I’m perfectly safe at work.”
“That’s what you said the last time, and you were shot. What if it happened again? What if you were to die like mom? What would happen to me then?”
Lou was getting upset again, and she blinked several times to stop the tears pushing behind her eyelids. Teaspoon took her hand and squeezed it. “Nothing’s gonna happen to me, love. Nothing. I promise. I once swore that I would never lie to you… ever. Have I failed in my promises to you since then?” Lou shook her head, sniffing and rubbing her eyes. “Then believe this. Nothing’s gonna happen to me.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A couple of days later Lou was resting at home after being discharged from hospital that morning with a recommendation to stay out of school for the rest of the week. Teaspoon still had to work, so he had paid a neighbor to babysit today. As soon as he got to the station, he made his way to Sam’s office.
“Can I have a word with you?” he asked after knocking on the open glass door.
Sam noticed the seriousness of his countenance at once. “What is it? Is it Louise?” Sam asked, rising from his chair and meeting his friend halfway.
Teaspoon shook his head. “Lou’s all right, thank goodness. It’s something else I need to discuss with you.”
They took seats side by side in the chairs lined along the wall, and Sam turned to him. “What’s the matter, man?”
Teaspoon cleared his throat. “I’d like to request relocation. I’d like to work here… posted in headquarters.”
Sam arched his eyebrows in surprise. “You mean a desk job?” Teaspoon nodded ruefully. “But… but you hate paperwork.”
“I can’t deny you are right, but well, my circumstances have changed from when I first started.” He paused, folding his arms and continued, “What has happened in the last months has made me realize a few things. First, Lou is my top priority at the moment. I am all she has, and if something were to happen to me, she’d be left unprotected, and that’s something I can’t allow.”
“Teaspoon, you know the last thing I’d want is for something befalling you, but if, God forbid, for some reason we lost you, you know Emma and yours truly would step forward for your girl. Besides, what happened months ago was a rare occurrence. You know very well that our job is more boring than dangerous. Emma’s always saying that teaching children is way more risky than we do here.”
“I know, Sam, but that’s not the point. Life is a danger in itself, and even working in a cozy, safe environment can’t guarantee anything. The ceiling cold suddenly collapse and kills us right now.” He sighed and added, “You’re right… totally right. I don’t like paperwork, and I love being a cop… a real cop, not a clerk. Patrolling this town is quite safe under normal circumstances. However, I need to do this for my girl. Lou’s scared for me, and that’s sucking the life out of her. You saw for yourself how this is affecting her. And before you say it, I know she’ll eventually come round and overcome her fears. However, I can’t risk it, and I feel I need to do this for her… for us, for out little family.”
Sam nodded his head. “If that’s how you feel, there’s nothing else to say except: when would you like to start your new job?”
Birch Creek, November 2001
The summer had been the best Lou could remember. That is, except for when her mom had been alive and fine. This summer would be remembered as the one she’d had her dad all the time, and they had had so much fun. Teaspoon had been convalescent after being shot, so he devoted all his energies to his girl. Lou was now ten. Her little girl was growing up too fast, and he wanted to make the most of this sweet time her childhood was. Soon she’d stop being a child and would drift away from him, which he knew was the next logical step in life. This time would never come back again, so it was very important for him to be there for Lou and make memories which would be his consolation and company when he became a lonely old man.
The only hindrance during the summer was his slow recovery. The big scar in his stomach was still sore, which restrained his movement. So he was unable to completely relish the pleasure of those moments in which he played and spent time with Lou. Any strong physical activity was out of bounds for many weeks, and when his body gradually returned to his old shape, it was the end of the school vacation and the end of their chance to be together without worries.
When Louise went back to school at the end of the summer, Teaspoon found himself bored out of his wits. Most of his friends were busy at work or other responsibilities every day, so he spent some very dull weeks. The summer had been a joy and delight, and not once did he miss his usual daily routine, but now he couldn’t wait to finally be given a clean bill of health which would allow him to be active again.
That took place in the middle of September. However, his eagerness to return to work was dampened by the reception he got at home. Louise received the news badly, and after the initial shock, she begged and pleaded with him to stay put. Although Teaspoon reasoned with her that he couldn’t stay inactive forever as there were bills to pay and food and clothes to buy. Naturally, even though Louise listened to him and seemed to understand, she also had her own arguments. She kept insisting that he should find another job, and for her ten-year-old self, the matter was simple. She even suggested he get a job in the new McDonald’s in the neighborhood as he had seen notices at its windows. Teaspoon could have laughed, but Lou was serious, and with all the patience he managed to muster, he explained that he couldn’t see himself serving burgers. And to sever the topic there, he also told her that it was to late for him to start in a new job, and the only thing he could do well is to be a cop. Teaspoon wasn’t sure if Lou accepted his explanation, but she didn’t say anything else about the matter. In no time, Teaspoon reasoned, did she surely get used to the idea of having to put up with her daddy’s profession.
The day he returned to work, his mates welcomed him enthusiastically; they even put up a big banner in the office with a bit ‘welcome’ painted on it. The first few days were a bit demanding. The time he had been on sick leave had left him a bit rusty and out of kilter, and after those first days, he easily fell into the pace of things. Life returned to normal, and everything was smooth, or at least, that was what he thought.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Louise McCloud!”
The sharp tone startled Lou and, as she met her teacher’s intense glance, she realized all eyes were on her. “Yes, Miss Rowan?”
The teacher folded her arms. “Daydreaming again, are we, Louise?” The girl did not attempt to deny her teacher’s comment. There was no point because she would not understand. Miss Rowan had been her new teacher since September, and even though she missed Mrs. Cain, Lou also liked this new teacher. She was nice. The problem was that things hadn’t been the same for a while, and her school work had gone downhill. Although Lou tried her best, she simply couldn’t do any better.
“Let me repeat the question. What are the main mountain ranges in the American continent?”
Lou kept quiet, concentrating and willing her mind to come up with the answer. As nothing bubbled up, Lou slowly shook her head. “I’m sorry, Miss. I don’t know.”
The teacher pulled a disappointed face, and she asked another girl the question, who answered perfectly. Lou sighed and lowered her eyes to her geography book, trying to memorize the data in the page as Miss Rowan asked the class to do. Yet, Lou’s mind was unable to focus and kept drifting. A shadow then fell over the book, and when she looked up, she found Miss Rowan by her side. “Everything all right, Louise?”
“Yes, Miss.”
The woman stooped and in a soft voice, she said, “I… I’m a little worried about you, Louise.” The girl frowned, and the teacher added. “You seem distracted and tired all the time, and I don’t need to tell you that you aren’t doing very well in school. It really surprises me because all your reports in previous years are brilliant.” The woman stopped briefly, and then asked, “Are there any problems at home, Louise? Maybe I should have a word with your stepfather.”
Lou panicked at once. “There are no problems. No problems at all. But please don’t speak to my father, Miss Rowan.”
“So then what’s happening?”
“I… I don’t know. I just find it difficult to learn things this year. But I promise I’ll work harder. Just don’t tell my dad, please. I don’t want him to worry.”
The teacher opened her mouth to speak, but the bell announcing the end of the school day thwarted her intentions. In just a few minutes her pupils raucously picked up her books and were ready to leave, and before the teacher could say anything else, Louise had scurried away.
Once outside Lou stood at the gates, and strained her eyes to locate her father. However, she did not see him anywhere, and instead, she saw Mr. Cain walking towards her and waving. Suddenly, in a flash she was transported back to that horrible day when Mr. and Mrs. Cain had picked her from school and told her that Papa Teaspoon had been wounded. Not again. Please, not again. Her body started trembling even though her whole skin felt boiling. Her heart pounded strangely fast, and a terrible weight in her chest prevented her from breathing properly.
Sam Cain started to run towards when he saw the girl sobbing. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
Lou opened her mouth, but she could not speak. Her breath came out in puffs, and hiccupping sounds shook her as she kept sobbing. “Emma! Emma!” Sam called urgently, and Lou felt rather than heard her former teacher’s voice, but she could not make out the words. The light around her seemed to fade, and darkness crept into her mind. Then her senses also vanished, and Lou did not hear the panicky screams around her as the world disappeared around her as she fell.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Louise opened her eyes and for a few seconds she was dazed by light. As she was gradually able to make out the shapes around her, she realized she was lying on a bed, which was definitely not hers, in too white a room, but surrounded by familiar faces. Teaspoon was staring at her with a concerned expression, and when he noticed her open eye, he smiled and reached out for her hand. “Lou! How are you, honey?”
“Uh… fine.”
“You gave us all a good fright,” Sam Cain remarked.
“A fright? Why?” Lou asked. All she remembered was coming out of the school, and not seeing her dad, she had felt scared sick. Now she wondered if all that had been a dream because Papa Teaspoon was here with him, so nothing had happened to him as she had feared.
“You fainted, Lullabelle. Thank goodness, Sam caught you in time, or you’d have hit your pretty face against the hard tarmac.”
“I… I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Teaspoon said. “Your sugar levels were very low, and your body simply sent you a warning signal.”
“But you’ll be back into shape in no time.” A voice Lou did not recognize remarked, and as she turned her head to the right, she saw a man in a white gown looming over her. She also noticed that her arm was hooked onto an IV.
“Am I in hospital?” Teaspoon nodded, and his confirmation only triggered a negative reaction. “But I’m fine! I don’t want to stay here, dad! Please!”
“Lou, your system is a bit topsy-turvy, but as soon as things are under control again, we’ll go home.”
“Your dad’s right. We’re keeping you overnight for observation, but you’ll probably be able to leave tomorrow.”
Lou ignored the doctor’s words and focused all her attention on Teaspoon. “But you’ll stay with me, won’t you, dad?”
Teaspoon smiled. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you, honey.”
The doctor left the room, and Emma and Sam followed suit a few minutes later, promising to visit her again at the hospital or at home the next day. Once alone Teaspoon sat on the edge of the bed. “How are you really feeling, Lou?” Teaspoon asked again.
“Fine.”
Teaspoon breathed in before he asked his next question. “What happened today at school, Lou? Sam said you were very upset when she saw you. Did someone do or say anything to you?”
“No, dad.”
“Then why were you crying?”
“I… I got scared.”
“Scared? Why?”
“Because… because when I didn’t see you there, I… I thought it was like last time, and you were wounded.”
“Oh Lou!” Teaspoon exclaimed, his stomach in knots on realizing that he had indirectly brought this turn upon his girl. “You shouldn’t worry so much about me, honey.”
“I can’t help it!!!” Lou almost cried, and before she could register what she was doing, the torturous thoughts and fears that had been tormenting her for long weeks poured out of her mouth. “It’s all I can think about! I have nightmares every night, and I can’t concentrate in class because I’m scared stiff that you’re in danger all the time at work! I only stop worrying when you’re with me, dad.” Lou brought her hand to cover her mouth when she realized what she had said. She had done her best to hide her fears and concerns from her father as she did not want to worry him. If he fretted over her, he would be distracted at work and unable to do his job well, so he could be shot again.
Teaspoon stared at her in silence for a few seconds. Emma had told him that Lou’s teacher had some concerns about his girl because she was doing very poorly at school and seemed to be in the clouds most of the time. “Lou, you must worry about me. I’m perfectly safe at work.”
“That’s what you said the last time, and you were shot. What if it happened again? What if you were to die like mom? What would happen to me then?”
Lou was getting upset again, and she blinked several times to stop the tears pushing behind her eyelids. Teaspoon took her hand and squeezed it. “Nothing’s gonna happen to me, love. Nothing. I promise. I once swore that I would never lie to you… ever. Have I failed in my promises to you since then?” Lou shook her head, sniffing and rubbing her eyes. “Then believe this. Nothing’s gonna happen to me.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A couple of days later Lou was resting at home after being discharged from hospital that morning with a recommendation to stay out of school for the rest of the week. Teaspoon still had to work, so he had paid a neighbor to babysit today. As soon as he got to the station, he made his way to Sam’s office.
“Can I have a word with you?” he asked after knocking on the open glass door.
Sam noticed the seriousness of his countenance at once. “What is it? Is it Louise?” Sam asked, rising from his chair and meeting his friend halfway.
Teaspoon shook his head. “Lou’s all right, thank goodness. It’s something else I need to discuss with you.”
They took seats side by side in the chairs lined along the wall, and Sam turned to him. “What’s the matter, man?”
Teaspoon cleared his throat. “I’d like to request relocation. I’d like to work here… posted in headquarters.”
Sam arched his eyebrows in surprise. “You mean a desk job?” Teaspoon nodded ruefully. “But… but you hate paperwork.”
“I can’t deny you are right, but well, my circumstances have changed from when I first started.” He paused, folding his arms and continued, “What has happened in the last months has made me realize a few things. First, Lou is my top priority at the moment. I am all she has, and if something were to happen to me, she’d be left unprotected, and that’s something I can’t allow.”
“Teaspoon, you know the last thing I’d want is for something befalling you, but if, God forbid, for some reason we lost you, you know Emma and yours truly would step forward for your girl. Besides, what happened months ago was a rare occurrence. You know very well that our job is more boring than dangerous. Emma’s always saying that teaching children is way more risky than we do here.”
“I know, Sam, but that’s not the point. Life is a danger in itself, and even working in a cozy, safe environment can’t guarantee anything. The ceiling cold suddenly collapse and kills us right now.” He sighed and added, “You’re right… totally right. I don’t like paperwork, and I love being a cop… a real cop, not a clerk. Patrolling this town is quite safe under normal circumstances. However, I need to do this for my girl. Lou’s scared for me, and that’s sucking the life out of her. You saw for yourself how this is affecting her. And before you say it, I know she’ll eventually come round and overcome her fears. However, I can’t risk it, and I feel I need to do this for her… for us, for out little family.”
Sam nodded his head. “If that’s how you feel, there’s nothing else to say except: when would you like to start your new job?”