Longing to Belong - Chapter 11
Chapter 11
Los Angeles, June 1999
Lou heard the bell announcing lunch, and immediately it was followed by the drumming of steps stampeding towards the dining hall. However, she remained unmoving and sat on the bed she’d been sleeping in for the last couple of nights. Misery filled her heart. She hated it here. It wasn’t she had been ill-treated in this place. Actually, the staff had been very kind to her… ore than she could say about her own father, and a few of the girls had tried to befriend her. Yet, Lou had spurned their approach; she simply didn’t want to be here because it wasn’t her home.
Two nights… two whole nights with their mornings, afternoons, and evenings she had to spend in this place. Papa Teaspoon had told her she’d see him very soon, so where was he? At night she hardly slept and during the day she refused to eat or talk to anybody. All she did was to think about her daddy. Sometimes she feared something might have happened to him. Maybe while he was on his way, he had an accident, so now he could be injured in hospital or worse. Yet, if that had happened, someone would have told her, wouldn’t they? Other times she thought that he might not come at all and had left her here for good. After all, he had sent her with her father. Lou tried to fight this niggling idea as it made her very sad. Papa Teaspoon couldn’t do that to her; he had said he loved her, and she had believed him when he’d told her he’d be with her very soon. Papa Teaspoon wouldn’t lie to her, but still… he already had. Two days had passed, and that was hardly soon, so where was he?
And if he never came and she didn’t see him again, what would she do? Would she be happy staying here for good? No, she wouldn’t. She’d have to find a way to escape, and then she’d try to get home and ask Papa Teaspoon why he’d abandoned her.
Louise wiped the tears that had been trickling down her face. The sound of steps got her on guard, and as she looked up, she saw the kind, tall woman who had been the first one to welcome her to this place. Even though she wore plain clothes, Lou knew she was a nun and everyone called her Sister Amelia. The woman strode straight to her and said, “Louise, I’ve been looking for you. Why aren’t you in the dining hall having lunch like a good girl?”
Lou shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not hungry.”
Sister Amelia sighed, sank onto the bed next to the girl, and took her hand. Lou looked up, and the nun asked, “Have you been crying, Louise?”
“A… a little,” Lou replied in a tiny voice.
“Can I know why, love?”
“Because… because I want to go home.”
The woman nodded her head. “Well, do you know I was looking for you?” Lou shook her head, and Sister Amelia’s mouth curved into a bright smile as she added, “Because I have a lovely surprise for you.”
Lou wasn’t interested in any surprises. Yesterday and the day before the nun had tried to entice her out of her miserable isolation with all kinds of antics, and Lou just wasn’t interested. When Lou didn’t answer, Sister Amelia said, “Your father’s come for you.”
At her words fear gripped her heart, loathing the idea of returning to her father. No, no, no. She wouldn’t go back to him. All she wanted was to be back home and with Papa Teaspoon. That’s the way things should be.
When Lou kept quiet, the nun said, “And here he is.” Lou followed the direction of the woman’s gaze with apprehension, but at once her heart danced in joy as she saw who was in the doorway.
“Daddy!!!” she cried as she jumped to her feet and ran to Teaspoon’s open arms.
“Oh my girl!!! My lovely, sweet girl!!! I missed you so much… so much!” he said, hugging the little girl tightly. It had been such a hard couple of days, not knowing how Lou was coping or even where she was. Thankfully, early that morning Ben Taylor had managed to be received by the judge, and at long last, the man had sighed the document that would get Lou back. Now that he had finally managed to get to her, he was still in disbelief. During these scary days, he had dreaded the worst, losing her forever, and therefore, he would fail to keep his promise to his late wife. Promise or no promise, what he wouldn’t have been able to bear was losing Louise because she was the most important thing in his life. That would have killed him, if not literally, in all other senses.
Lou lifted her eyes to Teaspoon and asked, “Are we going home, Daddy?”
“Right away, my love.” Those simple words gained him a beaming smile from the girl, and Teaspoon thought he had never seen such a beautiful image before.
While Teaspoon sorted out everything in the children’s home with Sister Amelia and the social worker, Ben Taylor booked their tickets back home. The next flight was till hours from then, so the two men and the eight-year-old girl had some lunch. Teaspoon noticed that after her initial enthusiastic response, Louise was subdued and quiet but when he asked her, the girl simply said she was tired. And indeed, once they had boarded their plane, Lou fell asleep and dozed all through the flight.
“Thank you for everything, Ben. I don’t know what I’d have if you hadn’t come with me. I’m only sorry I spoiled your weekend,” Teaspoon said, shaking the lawyer’s hand as they were about to part way at the airport.
“I’m glad that your little girl is finally where she should. That’s worth my spoiled weekend,” Ben replied sincerely.
“I’ll drop by your office tomorrow to settle your retainer.” Teaspoon paused and added, “Besides, there’s another legal matter I want you to see to.” The attorney raised an eyebrow questioningly, and Teaspoon elaborated, “I want to adopt Louise, and I’d like you to start the process right away. I don’t wish for a repeat of this weekend’s mess.”
Ben nodded. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” The lawyer gave Teaspoon a final handshake, and smiled at the girl, who was distracted looking at the throngs of people walking around the airport. “Goodbye, Louise,” Ben said and then walked away.
“Let’s go home, sweetheart,” Teaspoon announced, which was received by the same apathetic flat response Lou had displayed most of the day, which was starting to worry him. However, he didn’t say anything, and they silently wend their way out of the airport towards the place Teaspoon had left his car.
As he drove, he kept babbling on, trying to snap Louise out of this strange morose mood, but the girl simply looked out of the window. For a moment Teaspoon felt scared that while she had been with her father, John Boggs had done something terrible to Lou, which could explain her strange low spirits. Yet, he brushed the thought away. The social workers would have made sure nothing unseemly had taken place, and in that case, he would have been told.
“Here we are. Home at last!” Teaspoon announced as he parked his clapped-out car in his usual space. Lou didn’t speak, and Teaspoon got out of the car and opened the back door. Stooping to her eye level, he asked, “What’s wrong, honey? Please tell your papa Teaspoon. You know you can tell me anything.” Louise shifted her eyes from him and kept staring at the leather back of the seat in front of her. “What is it, Lou? Are you mad at me? Is that it, sweetheart?”
At his question Lou burst out crying, and big, racking sobs shook her completely. “Lou…” Teaspoon breathed, and then the girl bawled, “You… you said we’d always be together! Always! And then I had to go with … with him, and we weren’t together anymore, and it was horrible!”
Teaspoon drew the girl to him and hugged her while she kept howling. “I’m really sorry, Lou. You have every right to be angry with me.” His voice faltered. He was also very angry with himself, and even though the matter with Lou’s father had been off his hands, he still blamed himself because he had failed to protect his little girl, and he had let everybody down: Mary, Lou, and even himself. In the last days he’d been thinking hard, and even though it was painful to admit it, he had reached the conclusion that, despite his good intentions, he wasn’t cut out to be a father. “I’m really sorry, my love. I’m so sorry I’m not a very good father to you.”
Louise pulled away and wiped the tears that still coursed down her face. “You’re the best, daddy!” she hiccupped. “That’s why I want to be with you. Always!!!”
Teaspoon smiled. “That’s because you’re the best daughter a flawed man like myself can have.” He paused and added, “Lou, you’re a clever, sweet girl, and this time I won’t promise anything. But hear this. I’ll do everything I can to make sure that what happened last weekend never takes place again. Do you believe me?” Lou nodded with slow bobbing motions, and Teaspoon smiled, ruffling her hair. “And now let’s go home.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Birch Creek
The following days brought some well-needed comfort and ease after the nerve-wrecking weekend they had both gone through. Louise gradually returned to her usual content self, but Teaspoon could still perceive some wariness that hadn’t been there before. What had happened at her father’s had obviously shaken her to the core. Lou wouldn’t talk about what that weekend, and Teaspoon wouldn’t press her. What was clear was that whatever happened was bound to leave a lasting effect on a young girl like Louise. Teaspoon hoped that the therapist they still visited weekly could her with this matter as well. Also, Teaspoon knew that he had a big responsibility to re-build her trust. Even though the whole thing hadn’t been his fault, Lou didn’t see it that way, and Teaspoon felt guilty too. So now he had to do everything he could do to prove to her that he wouldn’t let her down again. Otherwise, it would be a very lonely and sad world for Lou if she couldn’t trust the person she was supposed to lean to.
A few days ago there was some news about Lou’s father in the papers. It was all a big scandal as a bunch of politicians had been accused of using funds coming from dubious and unclear sources. Some newspapers mentioned drugs, and even there were a few who went as far as claiming that prostitution and child trafficking were part of this seedy plot. Lou’s father was one of the big names in this matter, and there was talk that he was bound to spend a handful of years in jail.
“Where are we going, Daddy?”
Teaspoon stopped before the door and turned to the girl. She was wearing a mauve skirt and a white top, both presents Teaspoon had bought for her after that memorable weekend. Once Lou was safely at home, he had gone over the top, buying a whole pile of stuff, from clothes to toys, trying to make up to her for that horrible weekend.
“We’ll go for a nice walk in the park as I promised, but first, I need to drop by Mr. Taylor’s office, you know, the lawyer.”
Lou’s face scrunched up in worry at the mention of the attorney. Although Ben Taylor had saved the day, so to speak, naturally couldn’t help but link him to some very uncomfortable time in her life like her mother’s death or the reappearance of her father.
Teaspoon took a step closer and placed a hand on her shoulder. “This time it’ll be for something really good.” He paused and then added, “I’ve decided that I want to adopt you as my daughter. That means, I’ll be not just your guardian but your dad for real.” As Lou kept quiet and serious, Teaspoon added, “Would you like that, honey?”
Louise gave him a tiny smile. “Does that mean I’ll be called Louise Hunter now?”
“You can keep your mom’s family name, and maybe adding mine you an have one of those double-barreled posh names.”
Lou giggled, beaming happily. “And will that happen today?”
“I… I don’t think so, but Mr. Taylor told me he’d call me about the matter as soon as there was something to tell me. And his secretary just phoned to ask me to go to the office. So I imagine this will mean we’re close to people calling you Miss McCloud-Hunter.”
Louise grabbed his hand, urging hi to hurry. It was the best thing that could happen to her. The girls at school wouldn’t then have reason to look down on her because she’d have a real father like everyone else.
Once they were in the office, the lawyer came to greet them. When Ben noticed Lou, he said, “Hello, Louise. How are you?”
“Very well, sir.”
“That’s good,” the lawyer smiled. “Why don’t you ask Mrs. Sullivan for some blank paper to draw on while your old man and I discuss our very boring matters?”
Louise lifted her eyes to Teaspoon, hoping he’d contradict the attorney’s word and let her go with them. However, her face fell as he said, “Do that, Lou. I’ll be back in just a little while, all right?”
While Lou reluctantly stayed with the stern-looking secretary, Teaspoon followed Ben into his office. No sooner had he sat down than the lawyer came down straight to the point. “I’m afraid I have good news for you.” He breathed out and pressed on, “In a case of adoption where one of the child’s parents is alive, one of the conditions for the thumbs-u is to have the all-clear from the existing parent…”
“And Boggs has refused to give his,” Teaspoon filled in for the lawyer.
“I’m afraid so,” Ben Taylor nodded morosely.
Teaspoon heaved a sigh and shook his head. “I just don’t understand. He doesn’t care a whit about his daughter… never has!!!”
“I guess he’s the kind of man who enjoys having some kind of power over those they can.”
“Ben, he’s now in prison, but what about when he’s released? He won’t be jailed forever, and I won’t allow Lou to go near him again. I’d rather break the law and face anything than leave my girl with that man again.”
“Hold your horses, Teaspoon. We’ll keep working on him although I don’t see much hope there. So what we’ll do is to make sure the judge knows about his attempt to kidnap Louise, and I assure you that no judge will grant him access to her again.”
Teaspoon nodded gravelly. His hopes had crashed devastatingly, and on top of it all, he’d have to tell Lou. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut until he had known for sure? Once again he was going to break her little heart, and now there was no mistake about it. This time it was his fault for sure.
Los Angeles, June 1999
Lou heard the bell announcing lunch, and immediately it was followed by the drumming of steps stampeding towards the dining hall. However, she remained unmoving and sat on the bed she’d been sleeping in for the last couple of nights. Misery filled her heart. She hated it here. It wasn’t she had been ill-treated in this place. Actually, the staff had been very kind to her… ore than she could say about her own father, and a few of the girls had tried to befriend her. Yet, Lou had spurned their approach; she simply didn’t want to be here because it wasn’t her home.
Two nights… two whole nights with their mornings, afternoons, and evenings she had to spend in this place. Papa Teaspoon had told her she’d see him very soon, so where was he? At night she hardly slept and during the day she refused to eat or talk to anybody. All she did was to think about her daddy. Sometimes she feared something might have happened to him. Maybe while he was on his way, he had an accident, so now he could be injured in hospital or worse. Yet, if that had happened, someone would have told her, wouldn’t they? Other times she thought that he might not come at all and had left her here for good. After all, he had sent her with her father. Lou tried to fight this niggling idea as it made her very sad. Papa Teaspoon couldn’t do that to her; he had said he loved her, and she had believed him when he’d told her he’d be with her very soon. Papa Teaspoon wouldn’t lie to her, but still… he already had. Two days had passed, and that was hardly soon, so where was he?
And if he never came and she didn’t see him again, what would she do? Would she be happy staying here for good? No, she wouldn’t. She’d have to find a way to escape, and then she’d try to get home and ask Papa Teaspoon why he’d abandoned her.
Louise wiped the tears that had been trickling down her face. The sound of steps got her on guard, and as she looked up, she saw the kind, tall woman who had been the first one to welcome her to this place. Even though she wore plain clothes, Lou knew she was a nun and everyone called her Sister Amelia. The woman strode straight to her and said, “Louise, I’ve been looking for you. Why aren’t you in the dining hall having lunch like a good girl?”
Lou shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not hungry.”
Sister Amelia sighed, sank onto the bed next to the girl, and took her hand. Lou looked up, and the nun asked, “Have you been crying, Louise?”
“A… a little,” Lou replied in a tiny voice.
“Can I know why, love?”
“Because… because I want to go home.”
The woman nodded her head. “Well, do you know I was looking for you?” Lou shook her head, and Sister Amelia’s mouth curved into a bright smile as she added, “Because I have a lovely surprise for you.”
Lou wasn’t interested in any surprises. Yesterday and the day before the nun had tried to entice her out of her miserable isolation with all kinds of antics, and Lou just wasn’t interested. When Lou didn’t answer, Sister Amelia said, “Your father’s come for you.”
At her words fear gripped her heart, loathing the idea of returning to her father. No, no, no. She wouldn’t go back to him. All she wanted was to be back home and with Papa Teaspoon. That’s the way things should be.
When Lou kept quiet, the nun said, “And here he is.” Lou followed the direction of the woman’s gaze with apprehension, but at once her heart danced in joy as she saw who was in the doorway.
“Daddy!!!” she cried as she jumped to her feet and ran to Teaspoon’s open arms.
“Oh my girl!!! My lovely, sweet girl!!! I missed you so much… so much!” he said, hugging the little girl tightly. It had been such a hard couple of days, not knowing how Lou was coping or even where she was. Thankfully, early that morning Ben Taylor had managed to be received by the judge, and at long last, the man had sighed the document that would get Lou back. Now that he had finally managed to get to her, he was still in disbelief. During these scary days, he had dreaded the worst, losing her forever, and therefore, he would fail to keep his promise to his late wife. Promise or no promise, what he wouldn’t have been able to bear was losing Louise because she was the most important thing in his life. That would have killed him, if not literally, in all other senses.
Lou lifted her eyes to Teaspoon and asked, “Are we going home, Daddy?”
“Right away, my love.” Those simple words gained him a beaming smile from the girl, and Teaspoon thought he had never seen such a beautiful image before.
While Teaspoon sorted out everything in the children’s home with Sister Amelia and the social worker, Ben Taylor booked their tickets back home. The next flight was till hours from then, so the two men and the eight-year-old girl had some lunch. Teaspoon noticed that after her initial enthusiastic response, Louise was subdued and quiet but when he asked her, the girl simply said she was tired. And indeed, once they had boarded their plane, Lou fell asleep and dozed all through the flight.
“Thank you for everything, Ben. I don’t know what I’d have if you hadn’t come with me. I’m only sorry I spoiled your weekend,” Teaspoon said, shaking the lawyer’s hand as they were about to part way at the airport.
“I’m glad that your little girl is finally where she should. That’s worth my spoiled weekend,” Ben replied sincerely.
“I’ll drop by your office tomorrow to settle your retainer.” Teaspoon paused and added, “Besides, there’s another legal matter I want you to see to.” The attorney raised an eyebrow questioningly, and Teaspoon elaborated, “I want to adopt Louise, and I’d like you to start the process right away. I don’t wish for a repeat of this weekend’s mess.”
Ben nodded. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” The lawyer gave Teaspoon a final handshake, and smiled at the girl, who was distracted looking at the throngs of people walking around the airport. “Goodbye, Louise,” Ben said and then walked away.
“Let’s go home, sweetheart,” Teaspoon announced, which was received by the same apathetic flat response Lou had displayed most of the day, which was starting to worry him. However, he didn’t say anything, and they silently wend their way out of the airport towards the place Teaspoon had left his car.
As he drove, he kept babbling on, trying to snap Louise out of this strange morose mood, but the girl simply looked out of the window. For a moment Teaspoon felt scared that while she had been with her father, John Boggs had done something terrible to Lou, which could explain her strange low spirits. Yet, he brushed the thought away. The social workers would have made sure nothing unseemly had taken place, and in that case, he would have been told.
“Here we are. Home at last!” Teaspoon announced as he parked his clapped-out car in his usual space. Lou didn’t speak, and Teaspoon got out of the car and opened the back door. Stooping to her eye level, he asked, “What’s wrong, honey? Please tell your papa Teaspoon. You know you can tell me anything.” Louise shifted her eyes from him and kept staring at the leather back of the seat in front of her. “What is it, Lou? Are you mad at me? Is that it, sweetheart?”
At his question Lou burst out crying, and big, racking sobs shook her completely. “Lou…” Teaspoon breathed, and then the girl bawled, “You… you said we’d always be together! Always! And then I had to go with … with him, and we weren’t together anymore, and it was horrible!”
Teaspoon drew the girl to him and hugged her while she kept howling. “I’m really sorry, Lou. You have every right to be angry with me.” His voice faltered. He was also very angry with himself, and even though the matter with Lou’s father had been off his hands, he still blamed himself because he had failed to protect his little girl, and he had let everybody down: Mary, Lou, and even himself. In the last days he’d been thinking hard, and even though it was painful to admit it, he had reached the conclusion that, despite his good intentions, he wasn’t cut out to be a father. “I’m really sorry, my love. I’m so sorry I’m not a very good father to you.”
Louise pulled away and wiped the tears that still coursed down her face. “You’re the best, daddy!” she hiccupped. “That’s why I want to be with you. Always!!!”
Teaspoon smiled. “That’s because you’re the best daughter a flawed man like myself can have.” He paused and added, “Lou, you’re a clever, sweet girl, and this time I won’t promise anything. But hear this. I’ll do everything I can to make sure that what happened last weekend never takes place again. Do you believe me?” Lou nodded with slow bobbing motions, and Teaspoon smiled, ruffling her hair. “And now let’s go home.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Birch Creek
The following days brought some well-needed comfort and ease after the nerve-wrecking weekend they had both gone through. Louise gradually returned to her usual content self, but Teaspoon could still perceive some wariness that hadn’t been there before. What had happened at her father’s had obviously shaken her to the core. Lou wouldn’t talk about what that weekend, and Teaspoon wouldn’t press her. What was clear was that whatever happened was bound to leave a lasting effect on a young girl like Louise. Teaspoon hoped that the therapist they still visited weekly could her with this matter as well. Also, Teaspoon knew that he had a big responsibility to re-build her trust. Even though the whole thing hadn’t been his fault, Lou didn’t see it that way, and Teaspoon felt guilty too. So now he had to do everything he could do to prove to her that he wouldn’t let her down again. Otherwise, it would be a very lonely and sad world for Lou if she couldn’t trust the person she was supposed to lean to.
A few days ago there was some news about Lou’s father in the papers. It was all a big scandal as a bunch of politicians had been accused of using funds coming from dubious and unclear sources. Some newspapers mentioned drugs, and even there were a few who went as far as claiming that prostitution and child trafficking were part of this seedy plot. Lou’s father was one of the big names in this matter, and there was talk that he was bound to spend a handful of years in jail.
“Where are we going, Daddy?”
Teaspoon stopped before the door and turned to the girl. She was wearing a mauve skirt and a white top, both presents Teaspoon had bought for her after that memorable weekend. Once Lou was safely at home, he had gone over the top, buying a whole pile of stuff, from clothes to toys, trying to make up to her for that horrible weekend.
“We’ll go for a nice walk in the park as I promised, but first, I need to drop by Mr. Taylor’s office, you know, the lawyer.”
Lou’s face scrunched up in worry at the mention of the attorney. Although Ben Taylor had saved the day, so to speak, naturally couldn’t help but link him to some very uncomfortable time in her life like her mother’s death or the reappearance of her father.
Teaspoon took a step closer and placed a hand on her shoulder. “This time it’ll be for something really good.” He paused and then added, “I’ve decided that I want to adopt you as my daughter. That means, I’ll be not just your guardian but your dad for real.” As Lou kept quiet and serious, Teaspoon added, “Would you like that, honey?”
Louise gave him a tiny smile. “Does that mean I’ll be called Louise Hunter now?”
“You can keep your mom’s family name, and maybe adding mine you an have one of those double-barreled posh names.”
Lou giggled, beaming happily. “And will that happen today?”
“I… I don’t think so, but Mr. Taylor told me he’d call me about the matter as soon as there was something to tell me. And his secretary just phoned to ask me to go to the office. So I imagine this will mean we’re close to people calling you Miss McCloud-Hunter.”
Louise grabbed his hand, urging hi to hurry. It was the best thing that could happen to her. The girls at school wouldn’t then have reason to look down on her because she’d have a real father like everyone else.
Once they were in the office, the lawyer came to greet them. When Ben noticed Lou, he said, “Hello, Louise. How are you?”
“Very well, sir.”
“That’s good,” the lawyer smiled. “Why don’t you ask Mrs. Sullivan for some blank paper to draw on while your old man and I discuss our very boring matters?”
Louise lifted her eyes to Teaspoon, hoping he’d contradict the attorney’s word and let her go with them. However, her face fell as he said, “Do that, Lou. I’ll be back in just a little while, all right?”
While Lou reluctantly stayed with the stern-looking secretary, Teaspoon followed Ben into his office. No sooner had he sat down than the lawyer came down straight to the point. “I’m afraid I have good news for you.” He breathed out and pressed on, “In a case of adoption where one of the child’s parents is alive, one of the conditions for the thumbs-u is to have the all-clear from the existing parent…”
“And Boggs has refused to give his,” Teaspoon filled in for the lawyer.
“I’m afraid so,” Ben Taylor nodded morosely.
Teaspoon heaved a sigh and shook his head. “I just don’t understand. He doesn’t care a whit about his daughter… never has!!!”
“I guess he’s the kind of man who enjoys having some kind of power over those they can.”
“Ben, he’s now in prison, but what about when he’s released? He won’t be jailed forever, and I won’t allow Lou to go near him again. I’d rather break the law and face anything than leave my girl with that man again.”
“Hold your horses, Teaspoon. We’ll keep working on him although I don’t see much hope there. So what we’ll do is to make sure the judge knows about his attempt to kidnap Louise, and I assure you that no judge will grant him access to her again.”
Teaspoon nodded gravelly. His hopes had crashed devastatingly, and on top of it all, he’d have to tell Lou. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut until he had known for sure? Once again he was going to break her little heart, and now there was no mistake about it. This time it was his fault for sure.