Team Free Will Application
The Basics
Name: Wade Wilson
Age: Well, my first appearance was in 1990, so technically I'm about twenty, but I was already all grown up when I got there, so I have no idea!
Sex: Are you a hot woman? Sure.
Occupation: Mercenary
Species: Mutant. [ooc: No he's not.] SHUT UP OOC NOTES! NO ONE ASKED YOU!
Next of kin: Let's make some.
Heaven and Hell
Do you have any previous experience with saving the world? If so, please specify I killed the messiah! Then teamed up with another messiah, but not in a gay way. And I guess I've done it a few other times too. I don't know. Maybe.
Would you be interested in saving the world? Sure! I've had no joy in life since Bea Arthur passed away. The world is a truly terrible place without her.
Have you ever ingested demon blood? Ewwwwwwwww who does that?
Would you be interested in ingesting demon blood? Maybe if you bet me I wouldn't.
Have any of your family members ever ingested demon blood? Not that I know of.
Are you currently possessed by a demon? Nah, I'm pretty sure she's human. By some definition of the word.
Have you ever been possessed by a demon? If so, when? Man, I'm appearing in so many places these days I don't even know.
Would you or have you ever had sexual relations with a demon? Maaaaaaaaaaaan I wish. I tried, but she said I was too ugly for her tastes. But some of the girls I have been with have so been a demon in the sack if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge.
Are you currently residing in or around the area of hell? Well, New Jersey is pretty close.
Have you ever sold your soul to the devil? Nope. I don't like to rely on cheap retcon gimmicks.
Would you be interested in selling your soul to the devil? No, but I hear he's dealing in marriages now anyway.
Do you believe in God? I might be Loki's son if you believe one of my very many origin stories.
Are you a nun or a priest? I'm a nun, bitch.
Are you otherwise a person of religion? TOTALLY. I'm religious as fuck.
Are you an Angel? Yes.
Have you ever invited an angel into your body? Hey, if me and an angel had sex, I'D top, got it? And it'd be a girl angel.
Do you actually believe anything that comes out of an angel's mouth? Like... spit?
THIS.IS.SPARTAAA!
Do you have any experience with killing monsters ? (World of Warcraft doesn't count) Yep! In real life AND in WOW. I killed dinosaurs with an alien symbiote on 'em once. That was fun.
Have you ever seriously injured a monster? No, I usually go for the kill.
Have you ever killed a human being? All the time!
Have you ever tortured a human being? Yeah! Once I tied this guy up and told him knock knock jokes for 37 hours straight. He was weeping by the end.
Do you have any special powers? If so, please specify I can heal really fast, I don't die, I kick lots of ass, I can sometimes teleport, and I'm good at breaking down walls.
On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your pain tolerance? NINETEEN AND A HALF.
Can you ...
shoot a gun? In the FACE!
wield a sword? Two of them in fact!
wield an ax? Oooh, sounds like fun!
handle a bow and arrows? I'll handle your bow and arrows.
work a spear? All night long.
break someone's face with your hand? Now we're talking my language!
use any other weapons in combat? GRENADES. I love grenades.
Have you ever punched a werewolf in the face? No, but I want to. Does Wolverine count? He's hairy and short!
Have you ever suffered from any serious injuries? Uhhhhhhhh yeah. I've had my head cut off a few times. That's serious, right?
Do you have any experience in jerry-rigged first aid? Who uses that anymore?
Have you died before? If so, how many times? Nooo. I keep coming back. It sucks. Death's sexy.
It's all about YOU!
Do you feel the pathological need to make everything about you no matter what? YES.
Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? ..........well, I'm kinda nutty.
Do you have anger management issues? NO! ASK ME THAT AGAIN WHERE I CAN BASH YOUR FACE IN!
Do you believe in freedom, beauty, truth, and the power of love? No, but I do believe in Harvey Dent!
Do you like 80's rock? Yeah, it's the shist.
Have you ever engaged in inter- or outercourse with an animal? If so, list species. Look, the emu came on to me, okay?
Are you currently on drugs? Nope! Believe it or not!
Do you have an alcohol problem? YEAH I do! It doesn't affect me at all! It sucks!
Do you have any prior arrests? If so, what for? Ummmmm they usually can't catch me.
Have you done any actual time? If so, what for? See the last question.
Would you consider yourself to be a loyal person? Sure, I'd never betray Bea Arthur. Everyone else is fair game. Except maybe Cable. BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY.
Is family important to you? Nope!
Would you die for your loved ones or is your own survival more important? I'd have to actually, you know, die. But nah, I'd probably let them get blasted into little teeny bits.
In order to save the world, are you okay with putting your life in serious danger, watching your friends die and/or die a horrible death yourself ? And this without being paid a single dollar for your efforts? Wait, I'm not getting PAID? Why am I even bothering?
It's time for some MULTIPLE CHOICE questions!
Real vampires should :
a) be staked and/or burned and/or beheaded.
b) get the same rights as human beings.
c) sparkle and stalk underage girls.
d) other. (please specify below)
Do you think the Apocalypse is:
a) bad
b) a really good time
c) a chance to visit old relatives in hell
d) other. (please specify below)
If a girl you don't know approaches you and offers you a deal with the devil, you... :
a) take it.
b) kill her on general principle.
c) forget the deal and fuck her, providing she is hot.
d) other. (please specify below)
Casper is haunting you. What do you need to get rid of the sucker?
a) a good therapist. GHOSTS AREN'T REAL, YOU GUYS!
b) salt and fire.
C) a bazooka.
d) other. (please specify below)
You are confronted with a monster you don't know anything about. You...
a) shoot first, ask questions later.
b) run like hell.
c) preferably postpone the fight until you know more about what you're facing.
d) other. (please specify below)
And last but not least...
If your friend was turned into a unicorn, hypothetically, what would you do to save them? SERIOUSLY CAN I HAVE A BAZOOKA?
Name: Wade Wilson
Age: Well, my first appearance was in 1990, so technically I'm about twenty, but I was already all grown up when I got there, so I have no idea!
Sex: Are you a hot woman? Sure.
Occupation: Mercenary
Species: Mutant. [ooc: No he's not.] SHUT UP OOC NOTES! NO ONE ASKED YOU!
Next of kin: Let's make some.
Heaven and Hell
Do you have any previous experience with saving the world? If so, please specify I killed the messiah! Then teamed up with another messiah, but not in a gay way. And I guess I've done it a few other times too. I don't know. Maybe.
Would you be interested in saving the world? Sure! I've had no joy in life since Bea Arthur passed away. The world is a truly terrible place without her.
Have you ever ingested demon blood? Ewwwwwwwww who does that?
Would you be interested in ingesting demon blood? Maybe if you bet me I wouldn't.
Have any of your family members ever ingested demon blood? Not that I know of.
Are you currently possessed by a demon? Nah, I'm pretty sure she's human. By some definition of the word.
Have you ever been possessed by a demon? If so, when? Man, I'm appearing in so many places these days I don't even know.
Would you or have you ever had sexual relations with a demon? Maaaaaaaaaaaan I wish. I tried, but she said I was too ugly for her tastes. But some of the girls I have been with have so been a demon in the sack if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge.
Are you currently residing in or around the area of hell? Well, New Jersey is pretty close.
Have you ever sold your soul to the devil? Nope. I don't like to rely on cheap retcon gimmicks.
Would you be interested in selling your soul to the devil? No, but I hear he's dealing in marriages now anyway.
Do you believe in God? I might be Loki's son if you believe one of my very many origin stories.
Are you a nun or a priest? I'm a nun, bitch.
Are you otherwise a person of religion? TOTALLY. I'm religious as fuck.
Are you an Angel? Yes.
Have you ever invited an angel into your body? Hey, if me and an angel had sex, I'D top, got it? And it'd be a girl angel.
Do you actually believe anything that comes out of an angel's mouth? Like... spit?
THIS.IS.SPARTAAA!
Do you have any experience with killing monsters ? (World of Warcraft doesn't count) Yep! In real life AND in WOW. I killed dinosaurs with an alien symbiote on 'em once. That was fun.
Have you ever seriously injured a monster? No, I usually go for the kill.
Have you ever killed a human being? All the time!
Have you ever tortured a human being? Yeah! Once I tied this guy up and told him knock knock jokes for 37 hours straight. He was weeping by the end.
Do you have any special powers? If so, please specify I can heal really fast, I don't die, I kick lots of ass, I can sometimes teleport, and I'm good at breaking down walls.
On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your pain tolerance? NINETEEN AND A HALF.
Can you ...
shoot a gun? In the FACE!
wield a sword? Two of them in fact!
wield an ax? Oooh, sounds like fun!
handle a bow and arrows? I'll handle your bow and arrows.
work a spear? All night long.
break someone's face with your hand? Now we're talking my language!
use any other weapons in combat? GRENADES. I love grenades.
Have you ever punched a werewolf in the face? No, but I want to. Does Wolverine count? He's hairy and short!
Have you ever suffered from any serious injuries? Uhhhhhhhh yeah. I've had my head cut off a few times. That's serious, right?
Do you have any experience in jerry-rigged first aid? Who uses that anymore?
Have you died before? If so, how many times? Nooo. I keep coming back. It sucks. Death's sexy.
It's all about YOU!
Do you feel the pathological need to make everything about you no matter what? YES.
Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? ..........well, I'm kinda nutty.
Do you have anger management issues? NO! ASK ME THAT AGAIN WHERE I CAN BASH YOUR FACE IN!
Do you believe in freedom, beauty, truth, and the power of love? No, but I do believe in Harvey Dent!
Do you like 80's rock? Yeah, it's the shist.
Have you ever engaged in inter- or outercourse with an animal? If so, list species. Look, the emu came on to me, okay?
Are you currently on drugs? Nope! Believe it or not!
Do you have an alcohol problem? YEAH I do! It doesn't affect me at all! It sucks!
Do you have any prior arrests? If so, what for? Ummmmm they usually can't catch me.
Have you done any actual time? If so, what for? See the last question.
Would you consider yourself to be a loyal person? Sure, I'd never betray Bea Arthur. Everyone else is fair game. Except maybe Cable. BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY.
Is family important to you? Nope!
Would you die for your loved ones or is your own survival more important? I'd have to actually, you know, die. But nah, I'd probably let them get blasted into little teeny bits.
In order to save the world, are you okay with putting your life in serious danger, watching your friends die and/or die a horrible death yourself ? And this without being paid a single dollar for your efforts? Wait, I'm not getting PAID? Why am I even bothering?
It's time for some MULTIPLE CHOICE questions!
Real vampires should :
a) be staked and/or burned and/or beheaded.
b) get the same rights as human beings.
c) sparkle and stalk underage girls.
d) other. (please specify below)
Do you think the Apocalypse is:
a) bad
b) a really good time
c) a chance to visit old relatives in hell
d) other. (please specify below)
If a girl you don't know approaches you and offers you a deal with the devil, you... :
a) take it.
b) kill her on general principle.
c) forget the deal and fuck her, providing she is hot.
d) other. (please specify below)
Casper is haunting you. What do you need to get rid of the sucker?
a) a good therapist. GHOSTS AREN'T REAL, YOU GUYS!
b) salt and fire.
C) a bazooka.
d) other. (please specify below)
You are confronted with a monster you don't know anything about. You...
a) shoot first, ask questions later.
b) run like hell.
c) preferably postpone the fight until you know more about what you're facing.
d) other. (please specify below)
And last but not least...
If your friend was turned into a unicorn, hypothetically, what would you do to save them? SERIOUSLY CAN I HAVE A BAZOOKA?