(no subject)
work was yucky today. it just felt weird. we were swamped at the mall and i was working the bar by myself (yes, i'm schlepping coffee and pouring lattes at starbucks these days), two of my coworkers were making it very difficult to do anything productive, since one was writing drink orders wrong and the other was getting in between me and my milks, till finally the milk idiot bumped into me and i knocked over two drinks that i had just finished making. of course the entire store went silent, and then i began the cycle in my head of thinking that i was bad at my job and that everything that i was being asked to do was simply to get me away from the bar the rest of the night. several points in the evening i felt overwhelmed and close to tears or simply walking out because i felt like i wasn't wanted there anyway. yes, this is my self-defeatist perfectionist mode in which i eventually end up turning one small simple meaningless thing into the beginning of complete self destruction.
three more days till i get on a plane and go to rhode island. yes, i think i can manage to maintain until then and not completely screw it all up.
oh, and by the way, since i know this is one of the only things that i know to do to keep myself in check, i think i'm going to actually be writing in my journal a lot more again.
till the next crisis (start counting the minutes)...
three more days till i get on a plane and go to rhode island. yes, i think i can manage to maintain until then and not completely screw it all up.
oh, and by the way, since i know this is one of the only things that i know to do to keep myself in check, i think i'm going to actually be writing in my journal a lot more again.
till the next crisis (start counting the minutes)...