change is good...
so yes...i'm clinically depressed. go me...
and no i didn't go to a doctor to figure this out, but 15 years in field workking with depressed individuals among others, you kind of learn to know what depression looks like...
i have an appointment with the doctor in a couple more weeks, and he told me to wait till then before we do anything. i think he's assuming i can fight my way through this like so many other things that my history indicates i am capable of handling. thanks for the support, but i don't think i'd be calling you if i didn't think this was bigger than me...therapy is helping with certain things but not at all with this...
so we resort to changing the playing field a bit...i'm moving into the upstairs in the hopes that more sunlight will perk me up. housemates are moving in not soon enough, but soon. i am getting the downstairs cleaned up, slowly but surely, and removing all of the signs that i have been depressed down there in the process. i am determined to go out tonight, which i haven't done in over a month. i even think there's a guy that's expecting me to buy him a drink if we meet up. i have done more laundry in the past two days than i care to think about, although have to admit it was a nice suprise to see favorite shirts again that i haven't seen in a while. i have most of my furniture upstairs, and a friend coming over to help fix (again) my ailing futon in an effort to preserve what's left of my sanity and mangled fingers (yes i tried to fix it on my own).
i think the most frustrating thing is knowing exactly what's wrong with me, knowing what needs to be done to fix it, and feeling lost because i have no hope that anything i try will work. yes that sounds foolish. yes that sounds self defeatist. boy do i wish i could just snap out of it...
and no i didn't go to a doctor to figure this out, but 15 years in field workking with depressed individuals among others, you kind of learn to know what depression looks like...
i have an appointment with the doctor in a couple more weeks, and he told me to wait till then before we do anything. i think he's assuming i can fight my way through this like so many other things that my history indicates i am capable of handling. thanks for the support, but i don't think i'd be calling you if i didn't think this was bigger than me...therapy is helping with certain things but not at all with this...
so we resort to changing the playing field a bit...i'm moving into the upstairs in the hopes that more sunlight will perk me up. housemates are moving in not soon enough, but soon. i am getting the downstairs cleaned up, slowly but surely, and removing all of the signs that i have been depressed down there in the process. i am determined to go out tonight, which i haven't done in over a month. i even think there's a guy that's expecting me to buy him a drink if we meet up. i have done more laundry in the past two days than i care to think about, although have to admit it was a nice suprise to see favorite shirts again that i haven't seen in a while. i have most of my furniture upstairs, and a friend coming over to help fix (again) my ailing futon in an effort to preserve what's left of my sanity and mangled fingers (yes i tried to fix it on my own).
i think the most frustrating thing is knowing exactly what's wrong with me, knowing what needs to be done to fix it, and feeling lost because i have no hope that anything i try will work. yes that sounds foolish. yes that sounds self defeatist. boy do i wish i could just snap out of it...