let's kill some time with a post
So.
this week?
Wow. Started off on a bad note. Nothing seemed like it would get better. I talked to many people about family problems (with Marisa <3) and cried on the phone with Krystal and Richie Lee.
October 21 was 3 years since my childhood (neightbor) Tosh has been dead..and still this third year of her being far from living, I'm still hurt. There's a wound inside me that won't heal, because she took her life and I never had a proper goodbye. So, since she's buried at Rose Hills I should visit her grave right? Heck I wish I had the guts to do that. I'm afraid of having a breakdown.
My parents don't see how much I miss her. Her death had a huge affect on my life. She is the reason I view life the way it is, and not once will I take it for granted.
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The slamming of car doors & bedroom doors was how the week started, along with the sarcastic and loud tones that would proceed from our lips. Words that scared and words that were meaningless we all distributed among my household. Bitterness began to crawl back into me. I'm sure everyone else felt the same way.
Wednesday happened to be the worst.. for the most part I will not tell the whole story, but the mainly, it was the worst day I've had to deal with in a long time. I cried so much on Wednesday that even after school till the night I could feel the dried up tears all over my face. I called my friend Richie and talked to him because I really needed to talk to someone and he was a huge help. Cried with me (you know you have amazing friends when they feel your pain and help you out). Then talked to Krystal and man, we we're on the phone for about 2 hours. cried a lot too.
1 AM - still couldn't sleep.
and in the middle of that night, I began crying to God for help. The depression was coming back. "God, this is more than I can bear.. I really need you here.. I need you to help me make things better between my folks and I. I'm tired of the arguments"..
5 minutes later, I fell asleep.
Next morning, the radio is playing. My parents are singing. My sisters are telling jokes and there is tons of laughter and my PARENTS are making the family breakfast. I SWEAR I WOKE UP IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE till I was sure it was my family and not some TV reality show fakes. It was WEIRD, I had my guard up for the longest time waiting for someone to hammer me with their words. not once did it happen...
Since then, there hasn't been an argument, and they are still in that happy mood.
I'm not going to complain. I like it.
let's just hope it stays that way.
The big man upstairs is a heck of a cool dude.. (and i'm not saying litterally upstairs, for you sarcastic-joking-type-of-people haha)
this week?
Wow. Started off on a bad note. Nothing seemed like it would get better. I talked to many people about family problems (with Marisa <3) and cried on the phone with Krystal and Richie Lee.
October 21 was 3 years since my childhood (neightbor) Tosh has been dead..and still this third year of her being far from living, I'm still hurt. There's a wound inside me that won't heal, because she took her life and I never had a proper goodbye. So, since she's buried at Rose Hills I should visit her grave right? Heck I wish I had the guts to do that. I'm afraid of having a breakdown.
My parents don't see how much I miss her. Her death had a huge affect on my life. She is the reason I view life the way it is, and not once will I take it for granted.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The slamming of car doors & bedroom doors was how the week started, along with the sarcastic and loud tones that would proceed from our lips. Words that scared and words that were meaningless we all distributed among my household. Bitterness began to crawl back into me. I'm sure everyone else felt the same way.
Wednesday happened to be the worst.. for the most part I will not tell the whole story, but the mainly, it was the worst day I've had to deal with in a long time. I cried so much on Wednesday that even after school till the night I could feel the dried up tears all over my face. I called my friend Richie and talked to him because I really needed to talk to someone and he was a huge help. Cried with me (you know you have amazing friends when they feel your pain and help you out). Then talked to Krystal and man, we we're on the phone for about 2 hours. cried a lot too.
1 AM - still couldn't sleep.
and in the middle of that night, I began crying to God for help. The depression was coming back. "God, this is more than I can bear.. I really need you here.. I need you to help me make things better between my folks and I. I'm tired of the arguments"..
5 minutes later, I fell asleep.
Next morning, the radio is playing. My parents are singing. My sisters are telling jokes and there is tons of laughter and my PARENTS are making the family breakfast. I SWEAR I WOKE UP IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE till I was sure it was my family and not some TV reality show fakes. It was WEIRD, I had my guard up for the longest time waiting for someone to hammer me with their words. not once did it happen...
Since then, there hasn't been an argument, and they are still in that happy mood.
I'm not going to complain. I like it.
let's just hope it stays that way.
The big man upstairs is a heck of a cool dude.. (and i'm not saying litterally upstairs, for you sarcastic-joking-type-of-people haha)