"today, i am a man."
I'm in New York City, for the CCCC conference, for the writing center. I remember years of hating this place, of hating its filth and being scared of its homeless people and being scared of its violence statistics and hating the number of people and hating the way everyone talked about it as though it were amazing and... everything.
I re-read a book from my childhood while I was here. I started it some time ago, but I can only read two or three pages before bed, and then I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. So even though it's a kids' book, it was taking me a long time. It's called My Heartbeat, but Garret Freymann-Weyr. It's amazing. It's about a kid, Ellen, who's in love with her older brother's best friend. But she can't tell if her older brother and his best friend are already in love. It addresses issues of being gay as a child, issues of how parents influence their childrens' development, issues of what it means to be intelligent and/or pretentious. It's amazing. And it takes place in New York. And I realised that the indie-scene is what could make this place worth it.
Betsy and I went to a concert last night. It was The Fratellis. They were uber-loud. (My ears were still ringing until noon today.) But they were also uber-good. $12. Amazing.
So I'm starting to re-think what I might want to do with my life. I'd like to live in New York for a short time. I'm starting to think I'm too comfortable when I don't have any reason to be. I'm starting to think I'm so comfortable because it's easy to be that; it's easy to fall into habits that don't change and remain safe. But at the same time, I'm not ready to be a person for whom that is true. So. Maybe New York. Maybe. We'll see.
I re-read a book from my childhood while I was here. I started it some time ago, but I can only read two or three pages before bed, and then I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. So even though it's a kids' book, it was taking me a long time. It's called My Heartbeat, but Garret Freymann-Weyr. It's amazing. It's about a kid, Ellen, who's in love with her older brother's best friend. But she can't tell if her older brother and his best friend are already in love. It addresses issues of being gay as a child, issues of how parents influence their childrens' development, issues of what it means to be intelligent and/or pretentious. It's amazing. And it takes place in New York. And I realised that the indie-scene is what could make this place worth it.
Betsy and I went to a concert last night. It was The Fratellis. They were uber-loud. (My ears were still ringing until noon today.) But they were also uber-good. $12. Amazing.
So I'm starting to re-think what I might want to do with my life. I'd like to live in New York for a short time. I'm starting to think I'm too comfortable when I don't have any reason to be. I'm starting to think I'm so comfortable because it's easy to be that; it's easy to fall into habits that don't change and remain safe. But at the same time, I'm not ready to be a person for whom that is true. So. Maybe New York. Maybe. We'll see.