The 'V' Word

[mercury_pheonix]

You probably don’t want to hear about my love life.

But you’re probably even less keen on hearing about my lack of a love life.

Today, I was asked the question: ‘are you single?’ This seems to be a question that is perfectly normal, culturally and socially, to ask - so I answered it truthfully. What else was I to do? To discuss one’s love life is

Comments

[iantosgal]

Babe, I'm not being funny. But so what? You're 19 it's not like you're 50! My best friend didn't lose her virginity until she was almost 21. It's not weird. My other best friend lost her virginity when she was like 13 or something stupid and she wasn't ready and she's regretted it ever since. Don't be ashamed, be proud. You're not someone that's made a stupid mistake, you haven't just wandered out and found some drunk random.

Look, I know how much it sucks. Yes, I'm lucky, I'm in a stable relationship, but before I met him I was always the single one, always the one no one was interested in. I often have nightmares where he leaves me and I die alone with two huge dogs (because I don't like cats). But it will happen for you. Stop thinking so negativly about yourself. I have low self esteem so I know how hard it is, but if you don't learn to love yourself, how can anyone else see how wonderful you are? By putting a wall up all the time, you're pushing people away. People who otherwise would probably love to get to know you and would love what they found!

The two friends that I mentioned above are both single at the moment. They hate it. One of them was in a relationship for six years and being single again after so long, she didn't know how to be. Her self esteem was so low that she told me she was going to be alone forever and no one would ever love her. She may still be single, but she's been out with guys since her big break up. Maybe not for long, but people were interested. You know why? Because she came out of her shell.

My other friend is constantly depressed about why she doesn't get hit on in bars when we go out. She's very attractive, slim, tall. But sometimes, she gives this look that says "back the fuck off". So maybe it's because she's unapproachable.

I never get chatted up. My friends say it's because I'm taken and I give off that vibe. But I know, it's because my friends are so beautiful and I'm just standing there looking fat, short and ugly. I'm obviously not unlovable because I have my man, but I hate myself. If he hadn't made the first move, I'd still be alone.

I'm rambling, I know. But I just wanted you to see that you're not alone. It's not because you're unlovable, it's not because you're unattractive. It's because you haven't found someone who deserves you. The person that deserves you will take the time to get to know you, to get through your shield.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling nosense that is unhelpful but...I'm just trying to help. *hugs*

[mercury_pheonix]

The annoying thing is that deep down I know all this. I've always had to put up this wall of strength that no one can see through - so they think I'm rude or unapproachable rather than shy. I know this, but sometimes it feels like that knowledge is buried so deep that I can't reach it. And it's moments like that which produce posts like this. It's a horrible spiralling feeling that I can't control...and I was in the house on my own (not that housemate would have made it any easier) and I just wanted someone to talk to. So I talked to the keyboard, like I usually do when I'm feeling alone with something I need to get off my chest.

Just feels like there's a lot of pressure sometimes, and that pressure can sometimes get too much. It's not nice :( I don't like the fact that it feels like people's opinions of me change when they find out, or they judge me on it, or make assumptions about me, or that they think it's funny and tease me, however loving that teasing is intended...I still don't like it and I'm never bold enough to say 'I don't enjoy this'. I think I'm a bit of a pushover sometimes.

I think I have a good life with good friends and I do a lot of things. But sometimes it seems like everyone is pairing up without me - and though I'm still friends with them, they're paired off, they all have this thing that I am not a part of, and I DON'T have that. And that's not nice. Feeling like a goosebury just makes me feel even worse about the whole situation.

Gimme a few days and I'll probably be okay, y'know what I mean? But this was one of those moments where it was spiralling out of control and I couldn't just let it fester and get infected in my head.

[iantosgal]

Better to talk to a keyboard (and by extention us :P) than to try and keep it bottled up!

There is no pressure babe. If people are putting pressure on you then you need to stand up and tell them to shove off. It's got nothing to do with them and the shouldn't be allowed to make you feel like that. It's just making your own opinion of yourself worse because you start thinking other people agree with how you see yourself.

I know how you feel. I was always the one left on my own while everyone paired up. Even now, I feel like that sometimes. I don't get to see my boyfriend very much because of uni but my friends can cop of with some guy if they want. I also feel left out by them sometimes because they've become majorly close and sometimes I feel pushed out. So yeah I know that feeling. Tw's company, three's a crowd etc etc.

Definitly don't let it fester. There's always people on here for you to vent at! :D x