Served Cold | Chapter 24
Title: Served Cold
Author: mercury_pheonix
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Children of Earth Fix-It.
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gray, The Eleventh Doctor, Amy Pond, Rory Williams, Alonso Frame
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Amy/Rory, Jack/Alonso, Ianto/Gray (one-sided, non-con)
Ratings/Warnings: R - sex, rape, abuse, torture.
Spoilers: All series.
Summary: When the Hub explodes, and the cryogenic chambers are flung open, one of its inhabitants manages to flee the wreckage. Seeking revenge, he decides that the best way to hurt Captain Jack Harkness is through a certain Welshman. There's one problem, however - Ianto Jones is dead…
A/N: Greetings! I hope you all had a good Christmas and a good celebration of the New Year. This chapter has been written very slowly, and with much hair pulling and distress - yes, that's how I spent my New Year. Well, actually, I worked on New Year's Eve. Seven and a half hours straight at a bar without sitting down; therefore, I ache absolutely everywhere. Which didn't make trying to get this one out any easier. Things still aren't explained - why did Ianto come back, what about Gray, what will happen? - because I felt this chapter was necessary first. After Jack's admission in Chapter 23, they needed to sit down and talk. And this was the result. God, it was hard work. They don't like talking about these things. But they'll get there. Kind of. I hope it rings true.
There is a reference in this chapter to my Christmas Fic: Fried Chicken Christmas. It's not necessary to have read it, but it might mean more if you do.
Chapter 23 | Masterlist | Chapter 25
Served Cold
Chapter 24
"No!"
The pained cry rippled through the air, seeming to vibrate every single atom of the room with the sharpness of its despair. Rory turned automatically, his hand tightening around Amy's slender fingers as he pulled her protectively behind him. He felt her fight against the movement, grasping at his shoulder and pulling him back against her in an attempt to resist. But he held firm, his protective instincts taking over - despite the annoyed retribution that Amy would no doubt exact - as he recognised the manic edge that clung to the voice.
There was a flurry of movement as a figure shot past them, falling from behind one of the curtains adorning the vast room. Rory's hold on Amy tightened as the familiar figure stumbled to the ground, his legs tangling in the sheets as his eyes glared at the two men on the bed. Amy tensed in his arms as she watched the silent showdown, her whole body coiling inwards as if prepared to spring at any moment in defence of the men she now called friends.
"No!"
Desperation thrummed through the voice as the figure spun around, his eyes glistening and a pained snarl curling at his lips. Fingers scrambled desperately at the bloodstained sheets as he struggled to right himself, his feet slipping on the floor as he thrashed on the ground. All the while, his eyes never seemed to leave Jack - pure, unadulterated hatred shot straight into the eyes of his older brother.
"He was supposed to die. Why didn't he die?"
Rory watched as Jack stared down into those wild eyes, his face blank and his arms tugging Ianto tightly into his neck. The young man's face was buried in the join between Jack's throat and shoulder blade, his whole body trembling as he recognised the voice. His arms clung to the back of Jack's shirt as if trying to hide himself away in the older man's body; perhaps he felt that if he held on tightly enough he would melt into his flesh. Perhaps he believed that if he refused to turn away from Jack's warm frame, then his tormenter really wouldn't be there - that it would all be a dream.
It was a childish vulnerability that seemed to have swamped him completely and utterly. Rory felt his heart break slightly as he watched. This man - who was older than him, who had stayed strong in the face of horrors he couldn't even imagine - seemed as innocent and terrified as a young child trying desperately to escape the monsters hiding in his wardrobe.
There was another flurry of movement as the man on the floor managed to right himself, the sheet fluttering to the floor as he untangled it from his fingers. He bolted for the door, confusion rooting the occupants of the room to the floor; unable to raise a finger to stop him as he fled the scene. Everything had happened so quickly, so suddenly, that even the Doctor stood gaping - his bow tie seemed to hang limply at has neck, the very roots of his hair losing some of their vibrant body as his eyes flicked from the open door to his companions.
It was Jack who seemed to shake himself out of the stupor first. He blinked a few times, emotion suddenly pouring from his formerly dull eyes.
"Doctor…" he spoke quietly, his pupils swimming desperately in the sea of blue as they fixed on the Doctor's ancient eyes. "Doctor…please, you have to find him…"
The Doctor looked back sadly, taking a cautious step towards the trembling bundle of limbs on the bed.
"I know," he said gently, holding out a tentative hand. "But we have to think about this. The Tardis will keep him tracked, will make sure he's okay. We have to find out what just happened. Something is very, very wrong, and we need to find out what it is."
"Wrong?" Jack's hands tightened around the figure in his arms, his hand cupping the back of Ianto's neck as his grip grew ferociously. "How can it be wrong?"
"People don't just come back, Jack. You know that."
"But why is it wrong?" Jack snarled, his voice and posture almost feral as he stared the Doctor down - forcing the Timelord to take a cautious step backwards. "Maybe, for once, something in the Universe has gone right. Do you ever think of that? Or is it always doom and gloom with you?"
"Jack, just listen…"
"Why can't you just stop trying to work everything out and listen? He's here, he's alive, and I don't care how. Not right now. All I care about is finding my brother. Why is that so difficult for you to do? Why can't you, just this once, think about what…?"
"I'll go."
Rory's voice split the air, surprise flitting onto the features of everyone into the room as they turned to face him. Amy twisted in his arms, pulling away at his grasp in order to glare at him with blazing eyes.
"You'll what?"
"I'll go," he licked his lips and nodded, summoning as much confidence as he could into his posture as he turned to lock eyes with the Doctor. "Doctor, can you…I don't know…track something?"
Those ancient eyes seemed to bore into his for a few uncomfortable moments, each second stretching out into an eternity as Rory shuffled his feet nervously on the floor. Eventually, he seemed to come to a decision; he reached into his pocket and pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver, fiddling with it for a few brief moments before placing it confidently into Rory's hand.
"Use this. You'll know what to do. I'll be at the main console," his voice was serious as clapped the young man on the shoulder, squeezing briefly before turning to face Jack. "We'll find him, and we'll find out what's happened. I promise. We'll sort this. But I have to ask: what do you want us to do? When we find him. We need to know. It's up to you. Your choice."
Jack fingers seemed to curl in Ianto's hair - the younger man's face was still buried in his shoulder, as if he were afraid to raise his gaze and see is tormentor was still there - his hand tightening as if he sought answers in the warmth of his scalp.
"I don't know," he whispered finally, his eyes moving to rest on Rory with a desperation that melted the man's heart. "Just find him."
Rory swallowed.
"I will."
There was a sudden movement behind him.
"So will I."
"Amy…"
"Shut up," she hissed, her hand reaching out and twisting painfully at his wrist. "I'm not going to stand here like a good little soon-to-be wife and watch you go. I'm not going to stand back and watch you go off into this on your own. I can't do it. Besides," she smiled suddenly, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Who's going to hold your hand in the dark, you big idiot?"
A smile spread across his own face as he nudged her affectionately, pulling in his hand so that she was nestled confidently beside him. He should never have expected her to say. They fought beside one another, just as they always had. He'd always fought with her against her demons, standing beside her to face the people who made her life a misery; sometimes dressing up as the Doctor to dull her heartache, if only for a little bit. And she'd always been there for him, standing up to the bullies who made him a target because of her.
Equals. Fighters. Just as they always should be. As they came together, Amy shot Jack what she hoped was a confident glance, her head nodding reassuringly.
"We'll find him," she said softly. "We promise."
A tiny smile spread across Jack's lips.
"I know you will."
The trust - perhaps misplaced, Rory thought nervously - which permeated his voice lingered in the air, settling a heavy responsibility on the shoulders of the two young humans. Rory could feel the weight against him, crippling down on his spine and threatening to bend him in two. But Amy's hand at his shoulder kept him steady, forcing him upright. He glanced at her, her confident smile sending a wave of reassurance right through him.
Her smile was like a drug, immediately sending a wave of endorphins shooting through his entire system. He knew that maybe that would be perceived as cheesy; or maybe, even, slightly pathetic that he needed her beside him to make him strong. But he always had needed her. It wasn't something he was ashamed of. It wasn't something he should be ashamed of it.
It was as if, when she smiled at him like that, he could do anything. And he was so, so proud of the fact that he could stand beside her.
And so, with a final nod towards the Doctor, he let her take hold of his hand and pull him from the room.
x
x
Jack's fingers gripped tightly around Ianto's protruding shoulder blade as they stumbled back to his room. The flesh around the bone had swelled considerably in the weeks since they had found him; it was more rounded, less harsh, than it had been in those first terrible days. But Jack knew it would take a while for Ianto's still considerably malnourished frame to regain that lean roundedness that it had had in his most contented times.
After Rory and Amy had left their room on the quest to find Gray - Jack's heart constricted a little at the mention of that name - it hadn't been long before Ianto had been desperate to rid himself of the blood stained sheets that were still wrapped around him. Jack, too, had been all too willing to remove them both from the crimson, bloodied reminder of the tragedy that had so very nearly overtaken them - and from which they had so inexplicably been spared.
Jack didn't want to think about what had just happened. That would come later. And every second that the blood stained sheet remained in his vision was a second more that he was forced to think about it. If he could move it and forget, for a brief moment, that Ianto had been killed, then maybe he could halt the torrent of questions that were shooting through his brain.
His fingers remained tightly gripped on Ianto's shoulder as they neared the doorway to his room, his muscles unable to relax their hold even when a slight hiss of pain was pushed from between the Welshman's lips. Jack's mouth was dry with every step they took - whatever had happened, he knew how much dying and coming back took its toll on the body. Ianto had insisted on walking back, despite the obvious uncertainty of his footsteps as he leant into the older man's torso. Jack really hadn't expected anything different from him; especially when his face had blushed a deep, ashamed crimson as he'd pulled away from Jack's neck, realisation dawning of just how vulnerable he had shown himself to be.
The effort of staying upright was so great that he had forgotten he was still naked. At least, that's how it appeared. Perhaps, Jack thought suddenly, he just didn't care anymore.
As he kicked the door and propped it open with his foot, Jack shifted his grip to Ianto's elbow; allowing him more freedom as he struggled through the open doorway, his feet stumbling as Jack steadied him with one hand. He stayed with his back pressed firmly against the door, even when the trembling, unsteady figure had made his way fully into the room.
He hoped to give Ianto as much space as he needed; to not crowd him or pressure him, and to give him some sort of independence following his intense helplessness back in Rose's room. But he threw out a worried hand as Ianto stumbled, his whole body on autopilot in its attempts to catch the swaying body.
"I can do it," Ianto batted Jack's helping hands away, twisting his body so that he could worm his way out of the fretful grasp. "I don't need your help."
The older man snatched his hand away, turning quickly to busy himself with shutting the door - anything to distract himself from Ianto's stumbling figure as he made his way to the bed. He could hear footsteps as he clicked the door firmly into place and locked it slowly; the sound of feet beating out an unsteady and distorted rhythm on the thrumming Tardis floor, followed by the gentle creaking as a weight settled onto the mattress.
He turned back, offering a weak smile at the hunched figure.
"Maybe you should…" he stopped suddenly, licking his lips as Ianto refused to meet his gaze. "I don't know. Maybe you should rest for a while."
"I don't need to."
"It's just, I know that it takes a lot out of you…that, I mean…doing what you did."
"What?" Ianto finally raised his gaze, a smile cracking his face - the kind of smile that could make blood turn to ice. "Raping you? Killing you?"
Jack felt something catch in his throat, a lump welling up and blocking his airways with a persistence that threatened to break through his mental barrier. But he swallowed it back, forcing his crumbled shields back together as he took a step towards his silent lover.
Was he his lover? Anymore? Ever? Jack didn't know. Maybe he never would. But it was the need to make sure that this man - lover or not - knew that he was not the monster he thought he was, that kept his feet moving slowly forwards despite the uncertainty.
Ianto lowered his gaze as he approached, his neck snapping to the side as he twisted to avert his face. Jack pondered for a few moments; his hand itched to reach forward and cup that face, to tilt it towards him so that he could look into those eyes and try to pour the forgiveness into him. But he held back, tucking his hand into his pocket as he stopped next to the bed.
"I meant dying," he whispered softly. "Dying and coming back. I know it's hard…"
Ianto remained silent.
Jack rocked on his heels for a few moments, his teeth sinking into the inside of his cheek until a metallic, bloody taste filled his mouth.
"How much did you hear…?" he crouched down at the corner of the bed, lowering himself so that Ianto would have to look down in order to meet his gaze. "When you were dying, I mean? Did you hear any of it…a little bit…how much did you…?"
"All of it."
Jack swallowed hard, his eyes boring into Ianto's face as he implored the young man to look at him.
"All of it?"
"Yeah," Ianto looked up briefly, his fingers tangling together in his lap before he dropped his gaze again. "Every last word."
Shuffling forward slightly, Jack remained crouched on the floor as he reached out a hand to settle lightly on Ianto's knee.
"So, what do you think?"
Ianto glanced down, his gaze fixed on Jack's hand for a few brief seconds before he shifted his knee away from the touch.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
A frown creased Jack's features as he snatched his hand back to his chest, as if Ianto's aversion had burnt him.
"Ianto, I said…"
"I know what you said," Ianto ran a hand through his hair, the strands curling tightly around his fingers as he tugged. "And this isn't a film, Jack. The world doesn't shift just because you say…that. I'm not that naïve. Everything's still the same as it was."
Jack's frown increased, his whole face contorting as he straightened his legs - righting himself and wrapping his arms around his torso confusedly.
"I meant it."
"I know you did," Ianto looked up at him, a quick flash of a smile dancing on his lips before he lowered his head again. Jack began to chew at the inside of his cheek again as Ianto broke their eye contact, his head dipping as he tried to chase Ianto's gaze.
"So what's the problem?"
A sigh rattled against Ianto's teeth, his fingers scraping through his hair as he closed his eyes.
"The problem is," he swallowed suddenly, his fingers tightening so that his scalp was pulled taut. "That night when you found Lisa, I meant it when I said I hated you. I meant it when I told you that I was going to leave you to suffer and die. I meant every word when I said it."
Comprehension began to dawn in the back of Jack's mind, his face crumpling slightly as he realised just what Ianto meant.
"Ianto…"
"You always want what you can't have, Jack. I know that about you better than you know it yourself. You always have. You can't resist. If something's suddenly off limits then that's what you want."
Jack shook his head.
"No, that's not it."
"Isn't it?" Ianto looked up again, his gaze lingering searchingly on the older man's face. "That's why you chased Gwen. It's why you love the Doctor. It's why you hired me in the first place: not because of what nearly happened that night in the warehouse, but because I walked away."
Ianto's tongue snaked out of his mouth, swiping along his lip and catching at the flakes of dry skin that lingered there.
"Jack," his tongue slid back into his mouth as he whispered softly. "We're adults. We're men. We're not naïve teenage girls who think that the world changes when someone says those words. We know better than that. I know better than that. You can be honest with me. I promise I won't break."
There was a silence which seemed to stretch for an eternity as Ianto began to play with his fingers, his gaze focused on the movements as he picked unattractively at his nails. Jack waited for a few moments, his eyes boring into the still frame and passive, emotionless face - he racked his thoughts, scraping through his disjointed mind for something to say that could refute Ianto's seeming infallible logic. Because everything he said he was true. Every conclusion he came to was logical and reasonable - but life wasn't logical and reasonable. That wasn't how things were worked. Human beings were more complicated than that.
A sudden burst of inspiration seemed to grip at the back of his mind, taking hold and shaking his thoughts violently. With the new idea forming on his lips, Jack took a step forward and sat down tentatively. His weight dipped the bed and his arm brushed gently against Ianto's elbow, instigating as much contact as he dared. The young man kept his gaze focused on the floor by his feet, his fingers now clenching tightly at the edge of the mattress as Jack edged towards him.
"Hey," Jack shifted uncomfortably, knocking his leg against Ianto's in a way that might have been accidental. "Look at me. Just for one second. Please."
It was only at the last word that Ianto finally looked up, his eyes focusing on the skin just below Jack's eyes. It was as if he wasn't quite able to catch his gaze; not quite able, or perhaps not quite willing, to let their eyes meet. Jack smiled as best he could, nudging Ianto softly with his elbow in a gesture which offered nothing more than friendship.
"D'you remember Christmas?"
Ianto frowned, his gaze still hovering evasively away from Jack's eyes.
"You know. The last one we spent together."
Recognition dawned on Ianto's face.
"Oh," a small smile crept onto his lips, a tiny laugh huffing from his throat as memories clouded his vision. "Yeah. A bit of a disaster, wasn't it?"
"I wouldn't say that," Jack glanced down at Ianto's leg, his hand twitching as he briefly contemplated resting it once more against the bony knee. It only took a few moments for him to decide against that course of action, his fingers stilling against the mattress and his eyes returning to Ianto's face.
"Someone once told me that, as long as you spend Christmas with the right person, it doesn't matter if you have nothing. Even a bucket of chicken and a bottle of cheap wine is a Christmas feast if you're in the right company."
He coughed and looked down.
"I guess…I didn't want to think about what it meant at the time…but you were the right person."
A part of him expected Ianto to look up, to meet his gaze and perhaps see the truth that was written there. But the young man remained still, his whole body tensed and his eyes carefully averted from the one place where he should be looking; as if he couldn't quite let their eyes meet, for fear of seeing something less than honest in the age-old eyes of his former lover.
"I was the right person?" his voice was little more than whisper. "Really?"
"Yup," Jack smiled. "You were the right person."
"I was the right person and you meant what you said when I was dying?"
"Yes. Ianto, you've got to believe me."
Ianto lowered his gaze, his hand coming up to rub against the back of his neck.
"I do believe you. I always have," he sighed. "The problem is…I'm not the right person now. At least, I'm not that person. Not anymore. If you couldn't say it then, but you can now…" Ianto bit his lip, teeth worrying against the flesh until a red droplet shone against the pale skin. "I'm not sure how much of me is left. Don't take this the wrong way but…I don't think… if you feel that way about the person I am now, rather than the person I was…I don't think I want it."
Ianto's voice was low and almost devoid of emotion, his hands grasped so tightly against the edge of bed that his veins stood to attention on his knuckles.
"I sound pathetic. I am pathetic. There's nothing left of me. Look at what I did to you - he's made me as bad as him, and you can feel that way about the person I am now? I don't want that. I never wanted that."
There was something shimmering in his eyes as he stared at the floor, something that made Jack inch closer and grip his wrist tightly between his fingers.
"But don't you see," he tugged on Ianto's arm, forcing him to look up. "That that's exactly the reason why I know that it's still you. You're still in there to hate the fact that you could be someone else. To hate the fact that you…well…did those things. You hate what you did, and that's exactly the reason why you are not like him. You could only do that if you were still you, don't you see that? Please tell me you see that. You're still in there."
Ianto's began to swim with moisture, his unshed tears creating a shiny film that covered his grey-blue eyes.
"I don't know that."
"I do," Jack tightened his grip on Ianto's wrist, his thumb moving across the thrumming bump of his pulse-point. "You've got to believe me. You've got to trust me."
He tugged almost pleadingly on Ianto's arm, the desperation in the movement finally encouraging the young man to meet his gaze properly.
"Tell me you trust me."
Ianto teeth sank into his lip, his eyes searching Jack's gaze nervously.
"I always have."
Jack raised an eyebrow, a forced joviality shining through the sincerity that was heavy in the room.
"Liar."
The tiniest ghost of a smile brushed across Ianto's lips as Jack winked, the rough fingers moving upwards from his wrist until they rested on his shoulder blade.
"We can get through this. I know we can. We've dealt with bad things before. We can get through this together," Jack suddenly dropped his gaze, his tongue swiping out to moisten his dry lips. "That is, if you still want to. Do this together."
The smile on Ianto's lips widened, one side quirking upwards in that unique way that Jack had missed so much. Something that felt a little bit like relief fluttered in Jack's stomach as Ianto's hand came up to cover his own, fingers squeezing down gently before a nod tipped the pale face forward.
"I do still want that."
Jack breathed out, releasing the breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding. His eyes closed briefly as he tightened his grip on Ianto's bare shoulder, a brief moment of serenity passing over him before his eyelids suddenly snapped open.
"Go on then."
Jack's eyes shone with a strange wildness as he spoke, his tone pulling a cloud of confusion over Ianto's features.
"What?"
Jack gnawed at his bottom lip, a sudden sheepishness descending over him as he dropped his gaze to where their hands rested on Ianto's shoulder.
"I think traditionally this is the point when you're supposed to say it back to me."
"Oh?" Ianto's confusion seemed to lift slightly. "Oh."
"Yeah."
Ianto's fingers clenched down hard over Jack's hand as her averted his gaze.
"You didn't."
"I was wrong," Jack licked his lips nervously, his hand slipping away from Ianto's grip to land in his lap. "You always were a better man than me."
A sudden kick caught him in the leg, a pain shooting up his ankle as Ianto's foot knocked roughly against his flesh. He turned, his mouth open in protest, only to find himself faced with a fire shining out from the blue - he took a moment to muse on the juxtaposition - of Ianto's eyes.
"Don't say that," the Welshman hissed, his eyes burning into Jack's with a fierceness that stopped him looking away. "I might be going crazy, but I still won't let you say that. I won't let you even think it. You can't. I won't let you. I…"
A little of the fire was quenched as Ianto's voice seemed to catch, the words strangled together in his throat. He swallowed a few times, closing his eyes for a few brief moments before wrapping his arms around himself to ward off the chill.
"I do. I do love you. I love you," a tiny smile spread across his face as a blush crept warmly onto his cheeks. "You won't believe how hard that was to say now that I'm not faced with imminent, permanent death. How screwed up is that?"
Jack pursed his lips and tilted his head understandingly.
"Not too screwed up. Why do you think I never say it?"
A tiny chuckle, only slightly forced, reverberated up from Ianto's chest.
"Because you're never faced with permanent death. Which is not something that normal people usually have to contend with. Your circumstances are ever so slightly screwed up. This sort of hammers home my point."
Jack seemed to think for a few moments, the silence palpable in the room as his brain ticked over. Eventually he conceded the point, nodding silently as his elbow once again nudged against Ianto's arm. The brief contact was enough to fill the awkwardness of the silence, some of the tension that had hung in the air dissipating slightly with the brush of skin on skin.
"Does this mean that we're a couple now?" he asked suddenly, immediately regretting the question as Ianto tensed; the young man seemed to curl in on himself, his whole body deflating and scrunching together as the word 'couple' fell from Jack's lips.
"I don't think I can…Jack…I'm sorry…" his eyes were dry as he spoke, his shoulders high against his chin and his voice lowered to a whisper. "I just can't. Not now. Not like this…it's not that I don't want to, it's just…"
"Hey, don't worry," Jack hooked an arm around Ianto's shoulders, rubbing a hand reassuringly against his arm; very much like his father had done to him when he was a child. "I understand. I do. Don't worry."
He waited for a few moments, letting Ianto take in his words and giving time for his shaking, tense breaths to calm down before he carried on.
"I never told you what happened when I was away that time," he said softly, keeping up the gentle rhythm of his hand on Ianto's arm. "But it was bad. I think you worked that out - you all did, I know you're not stupid. I'm not going to tell you what happened, not yet, but it was really bad. There were times when I thought I was going insane…I thought I'd never be myself again, like I'd had something stolen that I couldn't get back."
Ianto swallowed and licked his lips, his shoulders still tense beneath Jack's arm.
"I can relate to that," he tried for a laugh, but quickly held it back as it came out as something that sounded more like a whimper. Jack tightened his grip for a few seconds before loosening it, letting that brief moment of tightness reassure Ianto that it was okay - at least, as okay as it was going to be.
"You know what got me through that, though? You know what got me back from that darkness?"
Ianto shook his head, his eyes boring so deeply into the floor that his pupils seemed to cross haphazardly.
"It was you."
A smile creased the sides of Jack's mouth as Ianto looked up quizzically, his mouth falling open as the words sank in.
"Me?"
"You. Well, all of you, but you especially. When I came back I had no idea whether I'd ever find myself again in all that darkness - I didn't know whether I could ever be that person again, that person that you all expected to come back. But you helped me to get myself back. Not because we had sex - even though we did - or because we went on a few dates, or even because we were an item. I'm not even sure we were back then. I don't know. I don't think even matters, now. All that matters is that you got me back because you were there. You stayed with me, and you talked to me, and you drank with me, and you listened. Despite everything that I'd ever done to you, and through all that we were doing together, you were my friend. And I really, really needed a friend."
He dropped his arm from around Ianto's shoulders so that he could pull away, clasping his hands in his lap and looking the young man up and down.
"Now, I don't know about you…but I could really do with a friend right now."
There was a moment of silence as Ianto's eyes searched Jack's face, his eyes seeming to scrape away at every crevice to get hold of the honesty that shone from beneath. Jack held himself as still as he possibly could, his eyes remaining fixed on the young man - even when the ferocity and thoroughness of the searching gaze seemed to burn into his skin, he fought against his instincts and stopped himself from turning away.
It was uncomfortable, but necessary. Ianto had lived in a world of lies - many of them his own - for far too long. He didn't trust anyone, even himself, and that was a cycle that Jack was determined to break. He knew that he held more of Ianto's trust than most people could ever hope to own. He didn't know if he deserved it, but he'd be damned if he was going to throw it away or abuse it. He was going to earn it.
After some time, Ianto's eyes met Jack's and a small smile quirked at the corner of his mouth.
"I'd like a friend," he said quietly, that trust brimming in his eyes. "Not that I don't ever want more, but just…not right now. Right now, I think I need a friend, too."
A grin split Jack's face as he covered Ianto's hand with his own, locking their fingers together subconsciously.
"Okay, then," he stopped suddenly, suddenly realising what he'd done and pulling his hand away. "Sorry…is that too much? Where are we drawing the line here? I don't…"
He was stopped as Ianto cupped his face and drew him forward into a kiss. It wasn't passionate or romantic - it was the brushing of lips together in a way that Jack was almost tempted to call chaste. Jack closed his eyes and moved his hand, linking their fingers together on the soft mattress as he let Ianto take complete control of the direction of the kiss. The last few times they had kissed - since they had found Ianto - it had been rough and passionate and full of a desperate need that pushed all tenderness to the side. This was different. Ianto didn't open his mouth, didn't invite Jack to take it further, so Jack settled for what Ianto was giving him.
It was soft. It was gentle. It was friendly.
Eventually Ianto broke away, his hand resting on Jack's shoulder as he moved backwards and flashed the tiniest of smiles.
"There's your boundary," he said quietly, his eyes dropping to his still-naked form. "Although, I would rather like to be clothed next time."
Jack grinned.
"A friendly, clothed kiss? I like that."
"You like it?" Ianto raised an eyebrow, the sardonic gesture sending another wave of relief crashing through Jack's stomach. "If you carry on like this you'll make people think you've been domesticated."
Jack's grin widened as he squeezed down on Ianto's hand.
"Now that," he glanced down at their hands, the smile dancing wildly on his lips. "That really would be a shock now, wouldn't it?"
TBC...
Chapter 23 | Masterlist | Chapter 25
Thank you for reading!
I hope the 'talk' didn't seem out of character. I hope I managed to capture something truthful in those moments. If you have any comments at all about it, please let me know, as I am incredibly nervous about this one. Thank you!