life lists: mega-stoked vs. not-so-stoked.*
things im not-so-stoked on:
1. sf is fucking grimey and everyone is dirty and hangs out outsie in the fucking cold until 430 am and just drinks and maybe does some drugs, too. call me boring, but thats boring! "vacationing" in general, and esp. sf, is MUCH different when you arent on a rager and hardly drinking. MUCH different.
2. my bf pulled the "your cramping my [graffiti] style" shit and made me feel bad one day and totally frustrated and had these deep feelings that im with the wrong guy because i will spend the rest of my life adoring him and catering to him and trying to make him happy and he will spend the rest of his life letting me and never be the type of guy to think of me in the same way. dont like these unpleasant thoughts that are hopefully untrue.
3. my elbow is fucking killling me from being tattooed.
4. i spent a lot of fucking money.
5. it broke my heart to see the baby kittens living in squalor.
6. i had to go to the clinics even while on vacation....and sf city free clinics are very friendly and sweet and all but pleaaaseeeee dont tell me i have PID. oh, wait, thats what you say? and yet ive never had chlamydia or gonorrheas(the major causes of it) in my life. and this leads to sterility and tubal pregnancies. tiiighttt!!
7. i recieved a letter from the school sayin ive been denied my admission to my program.
8. we had to leave wed because i was up all night tues crying and doing hellllla last-minute schoolwork and having a mini-breakdown from being totally stressed out, overworked, and exhausted.
9. sf made me break out bad and thats no good.
10. i am suuuuchhh a fan of our good old friend the equator, and the bay is not friends with it. fuck that!
things im totally stoked on:
1. the bf accompanied me to the clinic and proved, once again, to be a very sweet, kind, loving, and supportive bf in times of need (i think this is the key here- i do it allll the time and he does it in times of need....??)
2. we stayed in a hotel one night and had mad delicious sexing.
3. we put up hella stickers and the babys name is scrawled all over the city.
4. i came home with 3 dooopppe paitnings that i bought off ians good friend chuey that are suuuper sick and a remeo screenprint AND i got a jo jackson book at an art show.
5. i kind of embraced the grimeyness and didnt wash or brush my hair for 5 days and slept next to catpiss and drank beer from a can and kind of was into it. key words: KIND OF. (we all know that im a neat freak at heart who likes clean sheets and escada perfume.)
6. i got to play with the most adorably baby kittens whenever i wanted!!!!
7. the bf and i had total bonding time and got along perfectly for 97% of the trip. (the other 3% was not fighting, but rather i silent resentment on my part which has since been dealt with and is 99.999% gone.)
8. we got to chill with spencer, who is basically mega-amazing.
9. i got a sweet tattoo (ian did too) from mark again. its an hourglass with astrological and alchemical symbols floating around it. cryptic. spooky. makes it look like i cast spells. hell yeah!
10. I GOT A NEW CAR TONIGHT! dude, i havent had a "nice" car in 2 years....i mean i love my volvo and all, but it was old and had issues. i finally got a nice car and i am super stoked. its a 2002 accord special edition with tinted windows and a moonroof and 6 cd player and wood paneling and shit....a bit older than i initially wanted but only has 59k miles or something and is in perfect condition. its tight to be in an all black car with limo tint! itll be nice to roll up to a job and get out of a nice car and not a cool old volvo with a front headlight merely attached via the wonderful multi-[urpose-serving cat stickers of marlas adorable face and the other headlight just missing. im soooo happy to have a new car. its such a fucking load off.
11. the bdf was there for the mini breakdown and held me and told me not to stretch myself so thin and basically was amazing. (hes soooo good in times of need! if only we could stretch that consideration out to all the time....)
12. i think i pulled it all together at the last minute and got good grades. i even built a fucking website for my teacher stuff! PRO!
13. i am working on how to get admitted into the program and think its just a matter of paperwork. this means my plans ARENT foiled and my life WILL work out. i am thinking positive.
14. i am using the magical galvanic spa to reverse the effects of the grimey city on my face. clear is on the way.
15. oakland is the shiiiit! last night, we hung out in this weird area where the neighbors had created this little playhouse/shack over the water on this self-made bridge....there are industrial buildings everywhere and shipyards and cranes and trains and a bonfire and it was sooooo pretty and i felt so far away from anything i knew and i totally embraced it and it was great.
16. it was kind of like an anthropological study in that i hung out with sf's "cooolllest" art and graffiti kids. apparantly there are cat stickers all over barry mcgees studio. thats rad. and it was interesting to be around that element. it definitely is different and changes with geography.
17. this trip sealed the deal that la is home to me and i belong here. its fast paced. theres shit going on. people actually do things with their lives other than work as a waitress/grovery store clerk until death (not that i have anyyything against this, its just that up north this is it and i just want more and everyone is content with their whatever-jobs and going to the bar all night and im NOT putting this down in any way, but just saying its not for me because i feel like i want more with career and lifestyle and whatever....) and people are clean and cute and dont stay out in the cold until 5 am and its warm here and allll that jazzzz. so im stoked on visiting and getting a muuuch-needed change of pace, but even more stoked on the fact that i live here.
18. i think i am back on the swing of positivity. officially. sometimes its hellllaaa hard, but i can feel it returning to me.
okay i have to go read this fabulous roald dahl book (the witches) for my new book club tomorrow. life is working out.*
1. sf is fucking grimey and everyone is dirty and hangs out outsie in the fucking cold until 430 am and just drinks and maybe does some drugs, too. call me boring, but thats boring! "vacationing" in general, and esp. sf, is MUCH different when you arent on a rager and hardly drinking. MUCH different.
2. my bf pulled the "your cramping my [graffiti] style" shit and made me feel bad one day and totally frustrated and had these deep feelings that im with the wrong guy because i will spend the rest of my life adoring him and catering to him and trying to make him happy and he will spend the rest of his life letting me and never be the type of guy to think of me in the same way. dont like these unpleasant thoughts that are hopefully untrue.
3. my elbow is fucking killling me from being tattooed.
4. i spent a lot of fucking money.
5. it broke my heart to see the baby kittens living in squalor.
6. i had to go to the clinics even while on vacation....and sf city free clinics are very friendly and sweet and all but pleaaaseeeee dont tell me i have PID. oh, wait, thats what you say? and yet ive never had chlamydia or gonorrheas(the major causes of it) in my life. and this leads to sterility and tubal pregnancies. tiiighttt!!
7. i recieved a letter from the school sayin ive been denied my admission to my program.
8. we had to leave wed because i was up all night tues crying and doing hellllla last-minute schoolwork and having a mini-breakdown from being totally stressed out, overworked, and exhausted.
9. sf made me break out bad and thats no good.
10. i am suuuuchhh a fan of our good old friend the equator, and the bay is not friends with it. fuck that!
things im totally stoked on:
1. the bf accompanied me to the clinic and proved, once again, to be a very sweet, kind, loving, and supportive bf in times of need (i think this is the key here- i do it allll the time and he does it in times of need....??)
2. we stayed in a hotel one night and had mad delicious sexing.
3. we put up hella stickers and the babys name is scrawled all over the city.
4. i came home with 3 dooopppe paitnings that i bought off ians good friend chuey that are suuuper sick and a remeo screenprint AND i got a jo jackson book at an art show.
5. i kind of embraced the grimeyness and didnt wash or brush my hair for 5 days and slept next to catpiss and drank beer from a can and kind of was into it. key words: KIND OF. (we all know that im a neat freak at heart who likes clean sheets and escada perfume.)
6. i got to play with the most adorably baby kittens whenever i wanted!!!!
7. the bf and i had total bonding time and got along perfectly for 97% of the trip. (the other 3% was not fighting, but rather i silent resentment on my part which has since been dealt with and is 99.999% gone.)
8. we got to chill with spencer, who is basically mega-amazing.
9. i got a sweet tattoo (ian did too) from mark again. its an hourglass with astrological and alchemical symbols floating around it. cryptic. spooky. makes it look like i cast spells. hell yeah!
10. I GOT A NEW CAR TONIGHT! dude, i havent had a "nice" car in 2 years....i mean i love my volvo and all, but it was old and had issues. i finally got a nice car and i am super stoked. its a 2002 accord special edition with tinted windows and a moonroof and 6 cd player and wood paneling and shit....a bit older than i initially wanted but only has 59k miles or something and is in perfect condition. its tight to be in an all black car with limo tint! itll be nice to roll up to a job and get out of a nice car and not a cool old volvo with a front headlight merely attached via the wonderful multi-[urpose-serving cat stickers of marlas adorable face and the other headlight just missing. im soooo happy to have a new car. its such a fucking load off.
11. the bdf was there for the mini breakdown and held me and told me not to stretch myself so thin and basically was amazing. (hes soooo good in times of need! if only we could stretch that consideration out to all the time....)
12. i think i pulled it all together at the last minute and got good grades. i even built a fucking website for my teacher stuff! PRO!
13. i am working on how to get admitted into the program and think its just a matter of paperwork. this means my plans ARENT foiled and my life WILL work out. i am thinking positive.
14. i am using the magical galvanic spa to reverse the effects of the grimey city on my face. clear is on the way.
15. oakland is the shiiiit! last night, we hung out in this weird area where the neighbors had created this little playhouse/shack over the water on this self-made bridge....there are industrial buildings everywhere and shipyards and cranes and trains and a bonfire and it was sooooo pretty and i felt so far away from anything i knew and i totally embraced it and it was great.
16. it was kind of like an anthropological study in that i hung out with sf's "cooolllest" art and graffiti kids. apparantly there are cat stickers all over barry mcgees studio. thats rad. and it was interesting to be around that element. it definitely is different and changes with geography.
17. this trip sealed the deal that la is home to me and i belong here. its fast paced. theres shit going on. people actually do things with their lives other than work as a waitress/grovery store clerk until death (not that i have anyyything against this, its just that up north this is it and i just want more and everyone is content with their whatever-jobs and going to the bar all night and im NOT putting this down in any way, but just saying its not for me because i feel like i want more with career and lifestyle and whatever....) and people are clean and cute and dont stay out in the cold until 5 am and its warm here and allll that jazzzz. so im stoked on visiting and getting a muuuch-needed change of pace, but even more stoked on the fact that i live here.
18. i think i am back on the swing of positivity. officially. sometimes its hellllaaa hard, but i can feel it returning to me.
okay i have to go read this fabulous roald dahl book (the witches) for my new book club tomorrow. life is working out.*