Some thoughts
Jonathan Brandis has died. There's really no reason this should upset me as much as it does.
I used to have every teenie-mag poster this guy ever made on my walls. I worshiped him. I even went to see him one time at the World Of Wheels like, 10 years ago.
He was one solid thing I could count on seeing every day. He was kind of a shelter in a really bad storm in my personal life at that age. I knew I could see him every day on my walls, and every Sunday on seaQuest on my TV. This was before the days of mass media, in which he would have thrived. Now, mass media had barely proclaimed his death.
The kind of ironic thing for me was that he hanged himself. When I worshiped him, I was not in a good state of being and I was desperately trying to kill myself. I had written out a eulogy that i wanted him to read at my funeral (I don't remember any of it now, just that it was very bitter).
He was 27. I can still rattle off most states about him - Birthday, Shoe size, Parents names, Middle name - which I think says more about me and my level of obsession. I don't know why I though he was older than 27. I guess at 13, a 4 year gap seems so much...larger.
This is the first death of one of my teen idols I've had to deal with and all I can think about is what's wrong with me? Why does this upset me so? I want to go to LA (or Danburry, Connecticut) for his funeral service. I know I can't, but I really would like to.
How do you deal with the death of someone you didn't actually know, but put so much stock in? My mom thinks I'm crazy to worry so much about it, he was just a person to her. I asked ehr how she would have felt if David Cassidy or Donny Osmond would have died so young. That put it into perspective for her.
I don't know. I know that shit happens in this life and it's best to move on. So thank you, Jonathan Brandis, for the stability and refuge you unknowingly provided me with all those years ago. you were a friendly face where and when I needed one the most, at home. Thank you. Rest in peace.
In other news, BF is in Montreal. I was invited to go, but I can't afford it (he was paying for it all, but a) left at 11am yesterday, and b) I do't know when I get a cheque from my new job).
Oh, the new job. I finally get to put my edumacation to work. Two years ago, I applied to be a CSI, while I was still in school. I have had to take time off of school to get the money to go back. Last week I had an interview with the CPS and tada! I'm now a CSI (on Monday). This is super cool for me.
I think that's all for now. Take care.
I used to have every teenie-mag poster this guy ever made on my walls. I worshiped him. I even went to see him one time at the World Of Wheels like, 10 years ago.
He was one solid thing I could count on seeing every day. He was kind of a shelter in a really bad storm in my personal life at that age. I knew I could see him every day on my walls, and every Sunday on seaQuest on my TV. This was before the days of mass media, in which he would have thrived. Now, mass media had barely proclaimed his death.
The kind of ironic thing for me was that he hanged himself. When I worshiped him, I was not in a good state of being and I was desperately trying to kill myself. I had written out a eulogy that i wanted him to read at my funeral (I don't remember any of it now, just that it was very bitter).
He was 27. I can still rattle off most states about him - Birthday, Shoe size, Parents names, Middle name - which I think says more about me and my level of obsession. I don't know why I though he was older than 27. I guess at 13, a 4 year gap seems so much...larger.
This is the first death of one of my teen idols I've had to deal with and all I can think about is what's wrong with me? Why does this upset me so? I want to go to LA (or Danburry, Connecticut) for his funeral service. I know I can't, but I really would like to.
How do you deal with the death of someone you didn't actually know, but put so much stock in? My mom thinks I'm crazy to worry so much about it, he was just a person to her. I asked ehr how she would have felt if David Cassidy or Donny Osmond would have died so young. That put it into perspective for her.
I don't know. I know that shit happens in this life and it's best to move on. So thank you, Jonathan Brandis, for the stability and refuge you unknowingly provided me with all those years ago. you were a friendly face where and when I needed one the most, at home. Thank you. Rest in peace.
In other news, BF is in Montreal. I was invited to go, but I can't afford it (he was paying for it all, but a) left at 11am yesterday, and b) I do't know when I get a cheque from my new job).
Oh, the new job. I finally get to put my edumacation to work. Two years ago, I applied to be a CSI, while I was still in school. I have had to take time off of school to get the money to go back. Last week I had an interview with the CPS and tada! I'm now a CSI (on Monday). This is super cool for me.
I think that's all for now. Take care.