Crazy ass musicians...
So last night, we had a guitarist come over and audition. Even talking to this girl on the phone I knew she was nuts, but she seemed very eager to play - she said she'd played the guitar for 7 years, and had left me a message saying she'd taken the time out to learn one of our songs, so we figured, hey she seems to have initiative and might be a decent guitar player, so we may as well try her out.
We started playing the song she said she'd learned... For one, she hadn't learned it. In and of itself wasn't really the problem, though I expected that someone playing the guitar for 7 years would be able to figure out a 5-power-chord song without much ado; more disturbing was the fact that she couldn't seem to tell that she was playing the wrong chords, despite the fact that we were playing simultaneously. So that was a bust... she then said she'd play some of "her type" of music, and proceeded play Sarah McLaughlin's "I Will Remember You", and Kansas' "Dust in the Wind". Aside from the fact that these aren't really the best choices of music to use while auditioning for a punk band, she didn't even have the songs memorized, and was reading the lyrics and chords off of a sheet of paper as she played. She wasn't quite horrible, but she wasn't anything great, either. Her playing style was very basic folk.
So after she played "her" songs, I told her that I thought that she probably wasn't going to work out as our lead, coz of our obviously different influences, her folky style of playing versus our indie punk thing, etc. And then she totally flipped out.
Crazy Guitar Lady (raising her voice): "you don't know me! how do you know what kind of music I'd write!"
Me: "well, your choice of songs show me that you listen to very different music than we do; the way you played the songs was very folky, and I don't think our styles are going to mesh."
CGL: "I just don't really know how to play alternative music. That's not what I've learned how to play. But I'm willing to learn if you'll teach me."
Me: "We're pretty serious about what we're doing muscially. For example, we played three shows last week, and we need someone who can jump into our schedule fairly quickly."
Then her eyes started tearing up. Marcia was standing mute by the microphone, looking a tad frightened; meanwhile this whole situation was starting to get to me, and I was fighting the urge to laugh. CGL turns to me, and in a really accusatory tone asks: "Well, how did you learn how to do it!?! It isn't like you just pick up the guitar and all of a sudden you can play in a style you've never tried before."
Me: "Well, actually that's exactly what I did. I just bought a guitar and started playing, and that's what came out. I have no idea in the slightest how to teach you to play an entire genre. Even if I did know how to teach you how to play alternative music, we don't have the time for it."
Then she started to really cry. Still shouting, she says: "I'm sorry if I'm getting emotional. It's just that I've I've been singing since I was 10 years old and I've been trying to find people to play with for months. What do you expect me to do?"
Me: "I understand that you're frustrated, but all you can really do is keep trying. It took us two and a half years to find a drummer, but we just stuck together and kept going till we found one."
CGL:"If you're so serious about your music why don't you move to New York or LA, coz you're not going to find anything here. Especially not by putting ads in the citipaper. You may as well start looking for a guy guitarist coz you're never going to find a female."
Me: "That's really not your problem to worry about. We've already taken two and a half years to find a drummer, we'll take another two and a half to find a guitarist if that's what it takes."
CGL: "But you don't understand. You look like you're in your twenties so you have time. I'm 34! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!"
At this point she's crying so hard her nose is dripping. In between her coherent sentences she's also muttering to herself, saying things like "I should just quit music altogether. I'm so worthless." Still not a peep from Marcia, who is now avoiding all eye contact and staring at the floor.
"Look," I said. "I don't know what you're supposed to do. That's something you really need to figure out for yourself. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the need to dissuade your frustration. You need to do what's best for you, and we need to do what's best for us, and this is not going to work out."
This sort of dialogue went on for about 15 minutes, until she finally calmed down enough to gather her things and leave. And good fucking riddance. We've already had enough crazy shit happen in our band, we don't need nutjobs like that. I would like to hope that if I hit 35 and I'm a mother of two kids that I would have enough composure and self-respect to not have a fucking breakdown in front of two complete strangers coz they don't like my musical stylings. And I really hope I never run into her kids, coz I'm sure they're fucked up.
In any event, I spent the night at AJ's house, lest the nut try and come back to kill me in my sleep.
We started playing the song she said she'd learned... For one, she hadn't learned it. In and of itself wasn't really the problem, though I expected that someone playing the guitar for 7 years would be able to figure out a 5-power-chord song without much ado; more disturbing was the fact that she couldn't seem to tell that she was playing the wrong chords, despite the fact that we were playing simultaneously. So that was a bust... she then said she'd play some of "her type" of music, and proceeded play Sarah McLaughlin's "I Will Remember You", and Kansas' "Dust in the Wind". Aside from the fact that these aren't really the best choices of music to use while auditioning for a punk band, she didn't even have the songs memorized, and was reading the lyrics and chords off of a sheet of paper as she played. She wasn't quite horrible, but she wasn't anything great, either. Her playing style was very basic folk.
So after she played "her" songs, I told her that I thought that she probably wasn't going to work out as our lead, coz of our obviously different influences, her folky style of playing versus our indie punk thing, etc. And then she totally flipped out.
Crazy Guitar Lady (raising her voice): "you don't know me! how do you know what kind of music I'd write!"
Me: "well, your choice of songs show me that you listen to very different music than we do; the way you played the songs was very folky, and I don't think our styles are going to mesh."
CGL: "I just don't really know how to play alternative music. That's not what I've learned how to play. But I'm willing to learn if you'll teach me."
Me: "We're pretty serious about what we're doing muscially. For example, we played three shows last week, and we need someone who can jump into our schedule fairly quickly."
Then her eyes started tearing up. Marcia was standing mute by the microphone, looking a tad frightened; meanwhile this whole situation was starting to get to me, and I was fighting the urge to laugh. CGL turns to me, and in a really accusatory tone asks: "Well, how did you learn how to do it!?! It isn't like you just pick up the guitar and all of a sudden you can play in a style you've never tried before."
Me: "Well, actually that's exactly what I did. I just bought a guitar and started playing, and that's what came out. I have no idea in the slightest how to teach you to play an entire genre. Even if I did know how to teach you how to play alternative music, we don't have the time for it."
Then she started to really cry. Still shouting, she says: "I'm sorry if I'm getting emotional. It's just that I've I've been singing since I was 10 years old and I've been trying to find people to play with for months. What do you expect me to do?"
Me: "I understand that you're frustrated, but all you can really do is keep trying. It took us two and a half years to find a drummer, but we just stuck together and kept going till we found one."
CGL:"If you're so serious about your music why don't you move to New York or LA, coz you're not going to find anything here. Especially not by putting ads in the citipaper. You may as well start looking for a guy guitarist coz you're never going to find a female."
Me: "That's really not your problem to worry about. We've already taken two and a half years to find a drummer, we'll take another two and a half to find a guitarist if that's what it takes."
CGL: "But you don't understand. You look like you're in your twenties so you have time. I'm 34! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!"
At this point she's crying so hard her nose is dripping. In between her coherent sentences she's also muttering to herself, saying things like "I should just quit music altogether. I'm so worthless." Still not a peep from Marcia, who is now avoiding all eye contact and staring at the floor.
"Look," I said. "I don't know what you're supposed to do. That's something you really need to figure out for yourself. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the need to dissuade your frustration. You need to do what's best for you, and we need to do what's best for us, and this is not going to work out."
This sort of dialogue went on for about 15 minutes, until she finally calmed down enough to gather her things and leave. And good fucking riddance. We've already had enough crazy shit happen in our band, we don't need nutjobs like that. I would like to hope that if I hit 35 and I'm a mother of two kids that I would have enough composure and self-respect to not have a fucking breakdown in front of two complete strangers coz they don't like my musical stylings. And I really hope I never run into her kids, coz I'm sure they're fucked up.
In any event, I spent the night at AJ's house, lest the nut try and come back to kill me in my sleep.