(no subject)
So yeah. I love how a moment of self-loathing makes you feel like you have to get every little bottled up issue off your chest. And we all know how I like to talk about things. or, rather, how I DON'T like to talk about things.
For instance, how I am a terrible friend. I am the absolute worst person at keeping in touch. I hate the telephone. I hate writing letters. I hate people. Really? I just think I'm full of all sorts of hate atm. Which is SO not a good thing. But at the same time? I hate being alone. I hate that people don't call ME. I hate that it always seems like I'm an afterthought. I hate that I feel like an outcast. But what's even worse, is that I know I do all of this to myself. If I'd just pick up the damn phone...
Part of me likes to think that if I moved to South Bend, things would be easier. Closer to people I know, would actually be able to go out and hang out with people without thinking about the 30 minute drive back home, and the 30 minute drive back into the city in the morning. But then I have to wonder, would I be lonelier living by myself? Could I stand having roommates at this point? I have this horrid feeling that I'm just destined to be alone for the rest of my life. And it's not a good feeling, let me tell you.
For instance, how I am a terrible friend. I am the absolute worst person at keeping in touch. I hate the telephone. I hate writing letters. I hate people. Really? I just think I'm full of all sorts of hate atm. Which is SO not a good thing. But at the same time? I hate being alone. I hate that people don't call ME. I hate that it always seems like I'm an afterthought. I hate that I feel like an outcast. But what's even worse, is that I know I do all of this to myself. If I'd just pick up the damn phone...
Part of me likes to think that if I moved to South Bend, things would be easier. Closer to people I know, would actually be able to go out and hang out with people without thinking about the 30 minute drive back home, and the 30 minute drive back into the city in the morning. But then I have to wonder, would I be lonelier living by myself? Could I stand having roommates at this point? I have this horrid feeling that I'm just destined to be alone for the rest of my life. And it's not a good feeling, let me tell you.