I wish I could quit my job.
I'm sick. Again. And I know no one will understand except for maybe Ed and Anthony, but that's mostly because they never have to deal with it when I call off.
I am seriously unbelievably sick. I have a fever of 101.2, I'm blowing my nose almost every 30 seconds- literally. Because it just keeps running down my face. And I only have toilet paper, so my nose is all raw. My mouth and throat are just as raw as my nose- I think I taste blood. I can barely talk. I can't even sleep because it hurts so bad. And that's even on sleeping pills. I have zero energy and it feels like the room is spinning....
And I can't call in sick to work. Two reasons: I need the money. And no one will come in for me. Either they can't or they just won't. I can't even quit because I need the money, and I'm staying for a few people there. But.....I can't help it. I get sick. All the time. I have a stomach disease, asthma- I found out I may have been getting sick in the chest recently because my fucking moronic brother has been smoking cigars in our house- and a weak immune system. Sickness tends to follow me wherever I fucking go. Honestly, sometimes I even wish I just didn't exist anymore so I couldn't get sick. But....I keep on living.
And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people being angry at me at work for something that isn't my fault. It hurts, knowing that every time I call off, someone is going to talk about me at my job. Say nasty, hurtful things....that I will probably eventually wind up hearing. And just go hide in our money room and cry. I try and do the best I can, but it's never good enough for anybody. They only seem to notice I do something...is when it's not done. They don't even have to say anything, I can tell by the way they look at me. And it makes me just not want to be there anymore.
It makes me just not want to be here at all. It was like this in school, teachers just never cared that I was sick. They just cared that I wasn't there, that I wasn't reading their books or finishing the papers. They didn't care if I was hospitalized or I almost died on the operating table the day before. But those days are over, done. I don't need to think about them anymore.
The point is I'm tired of being sick. I want to quit my job but I can't. It's funny, because my job is partly what makes me sick. The stress just keeps piling up, and I never seem to get better. Mentally, if not physically.
And those petition people keep coming. A couple weeks ago these people came in with a petition to try and re-open the road behind the hospital. I told them I wasn't allowed to, but took it and said I would try on the side and would call them in a couple weeks. They said that was fine.
And then they started coming to the theatre. Everyday. Looking for me. Even when I wasn't there. Trying to hunt me down. I got so tired, I just left the petition at work and told my co-workers to just give it back to them, I was tired of being harassed. But no one has. And they keep coming. I swear, if they come tomorrow....I'm probably going to have a huge massive break down and just start crying. And make myself more sick. And have to call off even more. And then even more people will hate me.
I am seriously unbelievably sick. I have a fever of 101.2, I'm blowing my nose almost every 30 seconds- literally. Because it just keeps running down my face. And I only have toilet paper, so my nose is all raw. My mouth and throat are just as raw as my nose- I think I taste blood. I can barely talk. I can't even sleep because it hurts so bad. And that's even on sleeping pills. I have zero energy and it feels like the room is spinning....
And I can't call in sick to work. Two reasons: I need the money. And no one will come in for me. Either they can't or they just won't. I can't even quit because I need the money, and I'm staying for a few people there. But.....I can't help it. I get sick. All the time. I have a stomach disease, asthma- I found out I may have been getting sick in the chest recently because my fucking moronic brother has been smoking cigars in our house- and a weak immune system. Sickness tends to follow me wherever I fucking go. Honestly, sometimes I even wish I just didn't exist anymore so I couldn't get sick. But....I keep on living.
And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people being angry at me at work for something that isn't my fault. It hurts, knowing that every time I call off, someone is going to talk about me at my job. Say nasty, hurtful things....that I will probably eventually wind up hearing. And just go hide in our money room and cry. I try and do the best I can, but it's never good enough for anybody. They only seem to notice I do something...is when it's not done. They don't even have to say anything, I can tell by the way they look at me. And it makes me just not want to be there anymore.
It makes me just not want to be here at all. It was like this in school, teachers just never cared that I was sick. They just cared that I wasn't there, that I wasn't reading their books or finishing the papers. They didn't care if I was hospitalized or I almost died on the operating table the day before. But those days are over, done. I don't need to think about them anymore.
The point is I'm tired of being sick. I want to quit my job but I can't. It's funny, because my job is partly what makes me sick. The stress just keeps piling up, and I never seem to get better. Mentally, if not physically.
And those petition people keep coming. A couple weeks ago these people came in with a petition to try and re-open the road behind the hospital. I told them I wasn't allowed to, but took it and said I would try on the side and would call them in a couple weeks. They said that was fine.
And then they started coming to the theatre. Everyday. Looking for me. Even when I wasn't there. Trying to hunt me down. I got so tired, I just left the petition at work and told my co-workers to just give it back to them, I was tired of being harassed. But no one has. And they keep coming. I swear, if they come tomorrow....I'm probably going to have a huge massive break down and just start crying. And make myself more sick. And have to call off even more. And then even more people will hate me.