Warning: Not for faint of heart, or for those who don't want too much information
Okay, maybe I'm just not going to have sex..like ever. Why else would I be so unbelievably afraid of it? Or feel terribly guilty about every aspect of it, as if I'm doing something wrong- not that I've ever had sex, mind you.
And why would I react so strongly to rape...to the point where I can't watch it in movies because it makes me physically sick? Although I think it is pretty sick for people to watch it and be entertained. Wtf is that?
I mean, as much as I'm fascinated by it, I'm terrified. So terrified. And....I react so strongly to promiscuity of friends around me. To the point where I want to throw up just thinking about it. Or go and smash someone's face in. No, seriously...just thinking about it right now I'm getting pretty angry. And very nauseous. I don't like to think about it, because I don't want it to affect any of my relationships. But still. This scares me because I'm not violent....But we all know I'm jealous and exceedingly protective.
Do I need help or what? I was going to burn some candles for some karmic help- but oh dear god...apparently the smell of my candles woke my mother up from two rooms away. With both doors closed. Somehow..that just makes no sense to me. Especially since they're unscented. Whatev'.
Time for me to go chill. I really don't want to think about these things. It's done, it's over...And I don't want to feel sick about it and I don't want things to be tainted. Sure, in my mind, it's all still unresolved to me...but it's just going to be something I'm going to have to live with.
Perhaps this week alone is going to be really good for me.
And why would I react so strongly to rape...to the point where I can't watch it in movies because it makes me physically sick? Although I think it is pretty sick for people to watch it and be entertained. Wtf is that?
I mean, as much as I'm fascinated by it, I'm terrified. So terrified. And....I react so strongly to promiscuity of friends around me. To the point where I want to throw up just thinking about it. Or go and smash someone's face in. No, seriously...just thinking about it right now I'm getting pretty angry. And very nauseous. I don't like to think about it, because I don't want it to affect any of my relationships. But still. This scares me because I'm not violent....But we all know I'm jealous and exceedingly protective.
Do I need help or what? I was going to burn some candles for some karmic help- but oh dear god...apparently the smell of my candles woke my mother up from two rooms away. With both doors closed. Somehow..that just makes no sense to me. Especially since they're unscented. Whatev'.
Time for me to go chill. I really don't want to think about these things. It's done, it's over...And I don't want to feel sick about it and I don't want things to be tainted. Sure, in my mind, it's all still unresolved to me...but it's just going to be something I'm going to have to live with.
Perhaps this week alone is going to be really good for me.