not sw

[mercat]

I am a pretty out of the loop person. I've always known it, I'm just not the sort of person you go to first with gossip, I guess. I guess. Part of it is just introvertedness, I know that. I keep myself entertained, have no problems being off reading a book or just staring out the window thinking. I don't speak up much, and I think that makes me feel like I'm just another face in the crowd. Not really in a bad way, but I am just afraid to say hi to someone I had a class with because I think they've probably forgotten me by now, or I never really hear obscene rumors (by which I mean hyperbolic) about myself, and I hate talking about myself, good or bad, so I guess sometimes I forget that I'm not really as removed as I think I am.

Which always makes it weird when I get those little jolts that remind me I'm not, because I'm paranoid and I want to know what people are saying about me behind my back (literally, not "offensively").

I'm either damned curious, or paranoid, I don't know. But it's still weird.